Jonathan Swift

The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. — Volume 09 Contributions to The Tatler, The Examiner, The Spectator, and The Intelligencer
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"Would every one of our clergymen be thus careful to recommend truth and
virtue in their proper figures, and show so much concern for them as to
give them all the additional force they were able, it is not possible
that nonsense should have so many hearers as you find it has in
dissenting congregations, for no reason in the world but because it is
spoken _extempore_: For ordinary minds are wholly governed by their eyes
and ears, and there is no way to come at their hearts but by power over
their imagination. There is my friend and merry companion Daniel[4]: he
knows a great deal better than he speaks, and can form a proper discourse
as well as any orthodox neighbour. But he knows very well, that to bawl
out, 'My beloved;' and the words 'grace! regeneration! sanctification! a
new light! the day! The day! aye, my beloved, the day!' or rather, 'the
night! The night is coming! and judgment will come, when we least think
of it!'--and so forth--He knows, to be vehement is the only way to come
at his audience; and Daniel, when he sees my friend Greenhat come in, can
give him a good hint, and cry out, 'This is only for the saints! the
regenerated!' By this force of action, though mixed with all the
incoherence and ribaldry imaginable, Daniel can laugh at his diocesan,
and grow fat by voluntary subscription, while the parson of the parish
goes to law for half his dues. Daniel will tell you, 'It is not the
shepherd, but the sheep with the bell, which the flock follows.' Another
thing, very wonderful this learned body should omit, is, learning to
read; which is a most necessary part of eloquence in one who is to serve
at the altar: for there is no man but must be sensible, that the lazy
tone, and inarticulate sound of our common readers, depreciates the most
proper form of words that were ever extant in any nation or language, to
speak our own wants, or His power from whom we ask relief.

"There cannot be a greater instance of the power of action than in little
parson Dapper,[5] who is the common relief to all the lazy pulpits in
town. This smart youth has a very good memory, a quick eye, and a clean
handkerchief. Thus equipped, he opens his text, shuts his book fairly,
shows he has no notes in his Bible, opens both palms, and shows all is
fair there too. Thus, with a decisive air, my young man goes on without
hesitation; and though from the beginning to the end of his pretty
discourse, he has not used one proper gesture, yet at the conclusion, the
churchwarden pulls his gloves from off his head; 'Pray, who is this
extraordinary young man?' Thus the force of action is such, that it is
more prevalent (even when improper) than all the reason and argument in
the world without it." This gentleman concluded his discourse by saying,
"I do not doubt but if our preachers would learn to speak, and our
readers to read, within six months' time we should not have a dissenter
within a mile of a church in Great Britain."

[Footnote 1: In his original preface to the fourth volume, Steele
explains that "the amiable character of the Dean in the sixty-sixth
'Tatler,' was drawn for Dr. Atterbury." Steele cites this as a proof of
his impartiality. Scott thinks that it must have cost him "some effort to
permit insertion of a passage so favourable to a Tory divine." At the
time the character was published Atterbury was Dean of Carlisle and one
of the Queen's chaplains. He was later created Bishop of Rochester. There
is no doubt that Atterbury was deeply implicated in the various Jacobite
plots for the bringing in of the Pretender. Under a bill of pains and
penalties he was condemned and deprived of all his ecclesiastical
offices. In 1723 he left England and died in exile in 1732. His body,
however, was privately buried in Westminster Abbey. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: "De Sublimitate," viii. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 3: For twenty years Atterbury was preacher at the chapel of
Bridewell Hospital. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 4: Daniel Burgess (1645-1713), the son of a Wiltshire
clergyman, was a schoolmaster in Ireland before he became minister to the
Presbyterian meeting-house people in Brydges Street, Covent Garden. A
chapel was built for him in New Court, Carey Street, Lincoln's Inn, and
this was destroyed during the Sacheverell riots in 1710. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 5: Dr. Joseph Trapp (1679-1747), professor of poetry at Oxford,
where he published his "Praelectiones Poeticae" (1711-15), He assisted
Sacheverell and became a strong partisan of the High Church party.
Swift thought very little of him. To Stella he writes, he is "a sort of
pretender to wit, a second-rate pamphleteer for the cause, whom they
pay by sending him to Ireland" (January 7th, 1710/1, see vol. ii., p.
96). This sending to Ireland refers to his chaplaincy to Sir Constantine
Phipps, Lord Chancellor of Ireland (1710-12). On July 17th, 1712,
Swift again speaks of him to Stella: "I have made Trap chaplain to
Lord Bolingbroke, and he is mighty happy and thankful for it" (_ibid_.,
p. 379). Trapp afterwards held several preferments in and near
London. [T.S.]]


THE TATLER, NUMB. 67.

FROM SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 10. TO TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 13. 1709.

_From my own Apartment, September_ 12.

No man can conceive, till he comes to try it, how great a pain it is to
be a public-spirited person. I am sure I am unable to express to the
world, how much anxiety I have suffered, to see of how little benefit my
Lucubrations have been to my fellow-subjects. Men will go on in their
own way in spite of all my labour. I gave Mr. Didapper a private
reprimand for wearing red-heeled shoes, and at the same time was so
indulgent as to connive at him for fourteen days, because I would give
him the wearing of them out; but after all this I am informed, he
appeared yesterday with a new pair of the same sort. I have no better
success with Mr. Whatdee'call[1] as to his buttons: Stentor[2] still
roars; and box and dice rattle as loud as they did before I writ
against them. Partridge[3] walks about at noon-day, and Aesculapius[4]
thinks of adding a new lace to his livery. However, I must still go on in
laying these enormities before men's eyes, and let them answer for going
on in their practice.[5] My province is much larger than at first sight
men would imagine, and I shall lose no part of my jurisdiction, which
extends not only to futurity, but also is retrospect to things past; and
the behaviour of persons who have long ago acted their parts, is as much
liable to my examination, as that of my own contemporaries.

In order to put the whole race of mankind in their proper distinctions,
according to the opinion their cohabitants conceived of them, I have with
very much care, and depth of meditation, thought fit to erect a Chamber
of Fame, and established certain rules, which are to be observed in
admitting members into this illustrious society. In this Chamber of Fame
there are to be three tables, but of different lengths; the first is to
contain exactly twelve persons; the second, twenty; the third, an
hundred. This is reckoned to be the full number of those who have any
competent share of fame. At the first of these tables are to be placed
in their order the twelve most famous persons in the world, not with
regard to the things they are famous for, but according to the degree of
their fame, whether in valour, wit, or learning. Thus if a scholar be
more famous than a soldier, he is to sit above him. Neither must any
preference be given to virtue, if the person be not equally famous. When
the first table is filled, the next in renown must be seated at the
second, and so on in like manner to the number of twenty; as also in the
same order at the third, which is to hold an hundred. At these tables no
regard is to be had to seniority: for if Julius Caesar shall be judged
more famous than Romulus and Scipio, he must have the precedence. No
person who has not been dead an hundred years, must be offered to a place
at any of these tables: and because this is altogether a lay society, and
that sacred persons move upon greater motives than that of fame, no
persons celebrated in Holy Writ, or any ecclesiastical men whatsoever,
are to be introduced here.

At the lower end of the room is to be a side-table for persons of great
fame, but dubious existence, such as Hercules, Theseus, Aeneas, Achilles,
Hector, and others. But because it is apprehended, that there may be
great contention about precedence, the proposer humbly desires the
opinion of the learned towards his assistance in placing every person
according to his rank, that none may have just occasion of offence.

The merits of the cause shall be judged by plurality of voices.

For the more impartial execution of this important affair, it is desired,
that no man will offer his favourite hero, scholar, or poet; and that the
learned will be pleased to send to Mr. Bickerstaff, at Mr. Morphew's near
Stationers' Hall, their several lists for the first table only, and in
the order they would have them placed; after which, the composer will
compare the several lists, and make another for the public, wherein every
name shall be ranked according to the voices it has had. Under this
chamber is to be a dark vault for the same number of persons of evil
fame.

It is humbly submitted to consideration, whether the project would not be
better, if the persons of true fame meet in a middle room, those of
dubious existence in an upper room, and those of evil fame in a lower
dark room.

It is to be noted, that no historians are to be admitted at any of these
tables, because they are appointed to conduct the several persons to
their seats, and are to be made use of as ushers to the assemblies.

I call upon the learned world to send me their assistance towards this
design, it being a matter of too great moment for any one person to
determine. But I do assure them, their lists shall be examined with great
fidelity, and those that are exposed to the public, made with all the
caution imaginable.

[Footnote 1: "N.B. Mr. How'd'call is desired to leave off those
buttons."--No. 21. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: Dr. William Stanley (1647-1731), master of Corpus Christi
College, Cambridge, was Dean of St. Asaph in 1706-31. In No. 54 of "The
Tatler," he is described as a person "accustomed to roar and bellow so
terribly loud in the responses that . . . one of our petty canons, a
punning Cambridge scholar, calls his way of worship a _Bull-offering._"
In the sixty-first number a further reference is made to him: "A person
of eminent wit and piety [Dr. R. South] wrote to Stentor: 'Brother
Stentor,' said he, 'for the repose of the Church, hearken to Bickerstaff;
and consider that, while you are so devout at St. Paul's, we cannot
sleep for you at St. Peter's.'" [T.S.]]

[Footnote 3: John Partridge (1644-1715) cobbler, philomath, and quack,
was the author of "Merlinus Liberatus," first issued in 1680. He libelled
his master, John Gadbury, in his "Nebulo Anglicanus" (1693), and
quarrelled with George Parker, a fellow-quack and astrologer. It is of
him that Swift wrote his famous "Predictions" (see vol. i. of this
edition, p. 298), and issued his broadside, concluding with the lines:

  "Here, five feet deep, lies on his back,
  A cobler, starmonger, and quack,
  Who to the stars in pure good will
  Does to his best look upward still:
  Weep, all you customers that use
  His pills, his almanacks, or shoes."

In No. 59 of "The Tatler," his death is referred to in harmony with
the tone of Swift's fun: "The late Partridge, who still denies his
death. I am informed indeed by several that he walks." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 4: The famous Dr. John Radcliffe (1650-1714) who refused the
appointment of physician to King William III., and offended Anne by his
churlish disregard of her requests to attend on her. He fell in love
with a Miss Tempest, one of Queen Anne's maids of honour. In the 44th
number of "The Tatler" Steele ridicules this attachment by making him
address his mistress in the following words: "O fair! for thee I sit
amidst a crowd of painted deities on my chariot, buttoned in gold,
clasped in gold, without having any value for that beloved metal, but as
it adorns the person and laces the hat of thy dying lover." Radcliffe
attended Swift for his dizziness, but that did not prevent the latter
from referring to him as "that puppy," in writing to Stella, for
neglecting to attend to Harley's wound. He seems to have had a high
standing for skill as a physician, and probably on that account gave
himself airs. It is told of him that "during a long attendance in the
family of a particular friend, he regularly refused the fee pressed upon
him at each visit. At length, when the cure was performed, and the
doctor about to give up attendance, the convalescent patient again
proffered him a purse containing the fees for every day's visit. The
doctor eyed it some time in silence, and at length extended his hand,
exclaiming, 'Singly, I could have refused them for ever; but altogether
they are irresistible.'" Radcliffe died at Carshalton in 1714. From his
bequests were founded the Radcliffe Infirmary and Observatory at Oxford.
[T.S.]]

[Footnote 5: Scott omits, from his edition, the whole of this paragraph
up to this point. [T.S.]]



THE TATLER, NUMB. 68.

FROM TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 13. TO THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 15. 1709.

_From my own Apartment, September_ 14.

The progress of our endeavours will of necessity be very much
interrupted, except the learned world will please to send their lists to
the Chamber of Fame with all expedition. There is nothing can so much
contribute to create a noble emulation in our youth, as the honourable
mention of such whose actions have outlived the injuries of time, and
recommended themselves so far to the world, that it is become learning to
know the least circumstance of their affairs. It is a great incentive to
see, that some men have raised themselves so highly above their
fellow-creatures; that the lives of ordinary men are spent in inquiries
after the particular actions of the most illustrious. True it is, that
without this impulse to fame and reputation, our industry would stagnate,
and that lively desire of pleasing each other die away. This opinion was
so established in the heathen world, that their sense of living appeared
insipid, except their being was enlivened with a consciousness, that they
were esteemed by the rest of the world.

Upon examining the proportion of men's fame for my table of twelve, I
thought it no ill way, since I had laid it down for a rule, that they
were to be ranked simply as they were famous, without regard to their
virtue, to ask my sister Jenny's advice, and particularly mentioned to
her the name of Aristotle. She immediately told me, he was a very great
scholar, and that she had read him at the boarding-school. She certainly
means a trifle sold by the hawkers, called, "Aristotle's Problems." [1]
But this raised a great scruple in me, whether a fame increased by
imposition of others is to be added to his account, or that these
excrescencies, which grow out of his real reputation, and give
encouragement to others to pass things under the covert of his name,
should be considered in giving him his seat in the Chamber? This
punctilio is referred to the learned. In the mean time, so ill-natured
are mankind, that I believe I have names already sent me sufficient to
fill up my lists for the dark room, and every one is apt enough to send
in their accounts of ill deservers. This malevolence does not proceed
from a real dislike of virtue, but a diabolical prejudice against it,
which makes men willing to destroy what they care not to imitate. Thus
you see the greatest characters among your acquaintance, and those you
live with, are traduced by all below them in virtue, who never mention
them but with an exception. However, I believe I shall not give the world
much trouble about filling my tables for those of evil fame, for I have
some thoughts of clapping up the sharpers there as fast as I can lay hold
of them.

At present, I am employed in looking over the several notices which I
have received of their manner of dexterity, and the way at dice of making
all _rugg_, as the cant is. The whole art of securing a die has lately
been sent me by a person who was of the fraternity, but is disabled by
the loss of a finger, by which means he cannot, as he used to do, secure
a die. But I am very much at a loss how to call some of the fair sex, who
are accomplices with the Knights of Industry; for my metaphorical dogs[2]
are easily enough understood; but the feminine gender of dogs has so
harsh a sound, that we know not how to name it. But I am credibly
informed, that there are female dogs as voracious as the males,
and make advances to young fellows, without any other design but coming
to a familiarity with their purses. I have also long lists of persons of
condition, who are certainly of the same regiment with these banditti,
and instrumental to their cheats upon undiscerning men of their own rank.
These add their good reputation to carry on the impostures of those,
whose very names would otherwise be defence enough against falling into
their hands. But for the honour of our nation, these shall be
unmentioned, provided we hear no more of such practices, and that they
shall not from henceforward suffer the society of such, as they know to
be the common enemies of order, discipline, and virtue. If it prove that
they go on in encouraging them, they must be proceeded against according
to severest rules of history, where all is to be laid before the world
with impartiality, and without respect to persons.

"So let the stricken deer go weep."[3]

[Footnote 1: This was not a translation of Aristotle's "Problemata," but
an indecent pamphlet with that title. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: In the 62nd number of "The Tatler" Steele wrote a paper
comparing some of the pests of society, such as the gamblers, to dogs,
and said: "It is humbly proposed that they may be all together
transported to America, where the dogs are few, and the wild beasts
many." Scott notes that when one of the fraternity referred to threatened
Steele with personal vengeance, Lord Forbes silenced him with these
words: "You will find it safer, sir, in this country, to cut a purse than
to cut a throat." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 3: "Why, let the stricken deer go weep."--_Hamlet_, iii. 2.
[T.S.]]



THE TATLER, NUMB. 70.

FROM SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 17. TO TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 20. 1709.

"SIR,[1]

"I read with great pleasure in the _Tatler_[2] of Saturday last the
conversation upon eloquence; permit me to hint to you one thing the great
Roman orator observes upon this subject, _Caput enim arbitrabatur
oratoris_, (he quotes Menedemus[3] an Athenian) _ut ipsis apud quos
ageret talis qualem ipse optaret videretur, id fieri vitae dignitate_.[4]
It is the first rule, in oratory, that a man must appear such as he would
persuade others to be, and that can be accomplished only by the force of
his life. I believe it might be of great service to let our public
orators know, that an unnatural gravity, or an unbecoming levity in their
behaviour out of the pulpit, will take very much from the force of their
eloquence in it. Excuse another scrap of Latin; it is from one of the
Fathers: I think it will appear a just observation to all, as it may have
authority with some; _Qui autem docent tantum, nec faciunt, ipsi
praeceptis suis detrahunt pondus; Quis enim obtemperet, cum ipsi
praeceptores doceant non obtemperare?_[5] I am,

"SIR,

"Your humble servant,

"JONATHAN ROSEHAT.

"P.S. You were complaining in that paper, that the clergy of
Great-Britain had not yet learned to speak; a very great defect indeed;
and therefore I shall think myself a well-deserver of the church in
recommending all the dumb clergy to the famous speaking doctor[6] at
Kensington. This ingenious gentleman, out of compassion to those of a bad
utterance, has placed his whole study in the new-modelling the organs of
voice; which art he has so far advanced, as to be able even to make a
good orator of a pair of bellows. He lately exhibited a specimen of his
skill in this way, of which I was informed by the worthy gentlemen then
present, who were at once delighted and amazed to hear an instrument of
so simple an organization use an exact articulation of words, a just
cadency in its sentences, and a wonderful pathos in its pronunciation;
not that he designs to expatiate in this practice, because he cannot (as
he says) apprehend what use it may be of to mankind, whose benefit he
aims at in a more particular manner: and for the same reason, he will
never more instruct the feathered kind, the parrot having been his last
scholar in that way. He has a wonderful faculty in making and mending
echoes, and this he will perform at any time for the use of the solitary
in the country, being a man born for universal good, and for that reason
recommended to your patronage by, Sir, yours,

"PHILALETHES."

[Footnote 1: This letter appears under the heading: "From my own
Apartment, September 19." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: See "The Tatler," No. 66, _ante_. [T. S,]]

[Footnote 3: An Athenian rhetorician who died in Rome about 100 B.C. [T.
S.]]

[Footnote 4: The quotation is not quite correctly given. It is taken from
Cicero, _De Oratore_, i. 19 (87). [T.S.]]

[Footnote 5: "But those who teach, and do not live in accordance with
their own instructions, take away all the weight from their teaching; for
who will comply with their precepts, when the teachers themselves teach
us not to obey them?" [T.S.]]

[Footnote 6: James Ford proposed to cure stammerers and even restore
speech to mutes. In the second volume of "The British Apollo" he is
referred to as having "not only recovered several who stammered to
a regular speech, but also brought the deaf and dumb to speak." [T.S.]]



THE TATLER, NUMB. 71.

FROM TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 20. TO THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 22. 1709.

"'SQUIRE BICKERSTAFF,[1]

"Finding your advice and censure to have a good effect, I desire your
admonition to our vicar and schoolmaster, who in his preaching to his
auditors, stretches his jaws so wide, that instead of instructing youth,
it rather frightens them: likewise in reading prayers, he has such a
careless loll, that people are justly offended at his irreverent posture;
besides the extraordinary charge they are put to in sending their
children to dance, to bring them off of those ill gestures. Another evil
faculty he has, in making the bowling-green his daily residence, instead
of his church, where his curate reads prayers every day. If the weather
is fair, his time is spent in visiting; if cold or wet, in bed, or at
least at home, though within 100 yards of the church. These, out of many
such irregular practices, I write for his reclamation: but two or three
things more before I conclude; to wit, that generally when his curate
preaches in the afternoon, he sleeps sotting in the desk on a hassock.
With all this, he is so extremely proud, that he will go but once to the
sick, except they return his visit."

[Footnote 1: This letter is dated as from Will's Coffee-house, September
20. [T.S.]]



THE TATLER, NUMB. 230.

FROM TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 26. TO THURSDAY SEPTEMBER
28. 1710.

_From my own Apartment, September 27._[1]

The following letter has laid before me many great and manifest evils in
the world of letters[2] which I had overlooked; but they open to me a
very busy scene, and it will require no small care and application to
amend errors which are become so universal. The affectation of politeness
is exposed in this epistle with a great deal of wit and discernment; so
that whatever discourses I may fall into hereafter upon the subjects the
writer treats of, I shall at present lay the matter before the World
without the least alteration from the words of my correspondent.


"TO ISAAC BICKERSTAFF ESQ;

"SIR,

"There are some abuses among us of great consequence, the reformation of
which is properly your province, though, as far as I have been conversant
in your papers, you have not yet considered them. These are, the
deplorable ignorance that for some years hath reigned among our English
writers, the great depravity of our taste, and the continual corruption
of our style. I say nothing here of those who handle particular sciences,
divinity, law, physic, and the like; I mean, the traders in history and
politics, and the _belles lettres;_ together with those by whom books
are not translated, but (as the common expressions are) 'done out of
French, Latin,' or other language, and 'made English.' I cannot but
observe to you, that till of late years a Grub-Street book was always
bound in sheepskin, with suitable print and paper, the price never above
a shilling, and taken off wholly by common tradesmen, or country pedlars,
but now they appear in all sizes and shapes, and in all places. They are
handed about from lapfuls in every coffeehouse to persons of quality, are
shewn in Westminster-Hall and the Court of Requests. You may see them
gilt, and in royal paper, of five or six hundred pages, and rated
accordingly. I would engage to furnish you with a catalogue of English
books published within the compass of seven years past, which at the
first hand would cost you a hundred pounds, wherein you shall not be able
to find ten lines together of common grammar or common sense.

"These two evils, ignorance and want of taste, have produced a third; I
mean, the continual corruption of our English tongue, which, without some
timely remedy, will suffer more by the false refinements of twenty years
past, than it hath been improved in the foregoing hundred: And this is
what I design chiefly to enlarge upon, leaving the former evils to your
animadversion.

"But instead of giving you a list of the late refinements crept into our
language, I here send you the copy of a letter I received some time ago
from a most accomplished person in this way of writing, upon which I
shall make some remarks. It is in these terms.

"'SIR,

"'I _couldn't_ get the things you sent for all _about Town._--I _thôt_ to
_ha'_ come down myself, and then _I'd ha' brôut 'umn;_ but I _han't
don't,_ and I believe I _can't do't,_ that's _pozz.--Tom[3]_ begins to
_gi'mself_ airs_ because _he's_ going with the _plenipo's._--'Tis said,
the _French_ King will _bamboozl us agen,_ which _causes many
speculations_. The _Jacks,_ and others of that _kidney_, are very
_uppish_, and _alert upon't_, as you may see by their _phizz's_.--_Will
Hazzard_ has got the _hipps_, having lost _to the tune of_ five hundr'd
pound, _thô_ he understands play very well, _nobody better_. He has
promis't me upon _rep_, to leave off play; but you know 'tis a weakness
_he's_ too apt to _give into, thô_ he has as much wit as any man,
_nobody more._ He has lain _incog_ ever since.--The _mobb's_ very quiet
with us now.--I believe you _thôt I bantered_ you in my last like a
_country put._--I _sha'n't_ leave Town this month, _&c_.'

"This letter is in every point an admirable pattern of the present polite
way of writing; nor is it of less authority for being an epistle. You may
gather every flower in it, with a thousand more of equal sweetness, from
the books, pamphlets, and single papers, offered us every day in the
coffeehouses: And these are the beauties introduced to supply the want
of wit, sense, humour, and learning, which formerly were looked upon as
qualifications for a writer. If a man of wit, who died forty years ago,
were to rise from the grave on purpose, how would he be able to read this
letter? And after he had gone through that difficulty, how would he be
able to understand it? The first thing that strikes your eye is the
_breaks_ at the end of almost every sentence; of which I know not the
use, only that it is a refinement, and very frequently practised. Then
you will observe the abbreviations and elisions, by which consonants of
most obdurate sound are joined together, without one softening vowel to
intervene; and all this only to make one syllable of two, directly
contrary to the example of the Greeks and Romans; altogether of the
Gothic strain, and a natural tendency towards relapsing into barbarity,
which delights in monosyllables, and uniting of mute consonants; as it is
observable in all the Northern languages. And this is still more visible
in the next refinement, which consists in pronouncing the first syllable
in a word that has many, and dismissing the rest; such as _phizz, hipps,
mobb,[4] poz., rep._ and many more; when we are already overloaded with
monosyllables, which are the disgrace of our language. Thus we cram one
syllable, and cut off the rest; as the owl fattened her mice, after she
had bit off their legs to prevent their running away; and if ours be the
same reason for maiming words, it will certainly answer the end; for I am
sure no other Nation will desire to borrow them. Some words are hitherto
but fairly split, and therefore only in their way to perfection, as
_incog_ and _plenipo_: But in a short time it is to be hoped they will be
further docked to _inc_ and _plen_. This reflection has made me of late
years very impatient for a peace, which I believe would save the lives of
many brave words, as well as men. The war has introduced abundance of
polysyllables, which will never be able to live many more campaigns;
_Speculations, operations, preliminaries, ambassadors, palisadoes,
communication, circumvallation, battalions_, as numerous as they are, if
they attack us too frequently in our coffeehouses, we shall certainly put
them to flight, and cut off the rear.

"The third refinement observable in the letter I send you, consists in
the choice of certain words invented by some _pretty fellows_; such as
_banter, bamboozle, country put_, and _kidney_, as it is there applied;
some of which are now struggling for the vogue, and others are in
possession of it. I have done my utmost for some years past to stop the
progress of _mobb_ and _banter_, but have been plainly borne down
by numbers, and betrayed by those who promised to assist me.

"In the last place, you are to take notice of certain choice phrases
scattered through the letter; some of them tolerable enough, till they
were worn to rags by servile imitators. You might easily find them,
though they were not in a different print, and therefore I need not
disturb them.

"These are the false refinements in our style which you ought to correct:
First, by argument and fair means; but if those fail, I think you are to
make use of your authority as Censor, and by an annual _index
expurgatorius_ expunge all words and phrases that are offensive to good
sense, and condemn those barbarous mutilations of vowels and syllables.
In this last point the usual pretence is, that they spell as they speak;
a noble standard for language! to depend upon the caprice of every
coxcomb, who, because words are the clothing of our thoughts, cuts them
out, and shapes them as he pleases, and changes them oftener than his
dress. I believe, all reasonable people would be content that such
refiners were more sparing in their words, and liberal in their syllables:
And upon this head I should be glad you would bestow some advice upon
several young readers in our churches, who coming up from the University,
full fraught with admiration of our Town politeness, will needs correct
the style of their Prayer-Books. In reading the absolution, they are very
careful to say "_Pardons and absolves;"_ and in the Prayer for the Royal
Family, it must be, _endue'um, enrich'um, prosper'um,_ and _bring'um_.[5]
Then in their sermons they use all the modern terms of art, _sham,
banter, mob, bubble, bully, cutting shuffling,_ and _palming_, all which,
and many more of the like stamp, as I have heard them often in the pulpit
from such young sophisters, so I have read them in some of those sermons
that have made most noise of late. The design, it seems, is to avoid the
dreadful imputation of pedantry, to shew us, that they know the Town,
understand men and manners, and have not been poring upon old
unfashionable books in the University.

"I should be glad to see you the instrument of introducing into our style
that simplicity which is the best and truest ornament of most things in
life, which the politer ages always aimed at in their building and dress,
_(simplex munditiis)_ as well as their productions of wit. It is
manifest, that all new, affected modes of speech, whether borrowed from
the Court, the Town, or the theatre, are the first perishing parts in any
language, and, as I could prove by many hundred instances, have been so
in ours. The writings of Hooker,[6] who was a country clergyman, and of
Parsons[7] the Jesuit, both in the reign of Queen Elizabeth, are in a
style that, with very few allowances, would not offend any present
reader; much more clear and intelligible than those of Sir H.
Wotton,[8]Sir Robert Naunton,[9] Osborn,[10] Daniel[11] the historian,
and several others who writ later; but being men of the Court, and
affecting the phrases then in fashion, they are often either not to be
understood, or appear perfectly ridiculous.

"What remedies are to be applied to these evils I have not room to
consider, having, I fear, already taken up most of your paper. Besides, I
think it is our office only to represent abuses, and yours to redress
them.

"I am, with great respect,
Sir,

"Your, &c."


[Footnote 1: In his "Journal to Stella," Swift writes, under date,
September 18th, 1710: "Came to town; got home early, and began a letter
to 'The Tatler' about the corruptions of style and writing, &c." On
September 23rd, he writes again: "I have sent a long letter to
Bickerstaff; let the Bp. of Clogher smoke if he can." Again on September
29th: "I made a 'Tatler' since I came; guess which it is, and whether the
Bp. Of Clogher smokes it." On October 1st, he asks Stella: "Have you
smoked the 'Tatler' that I writ? It is much liked here, and I think
it a pure one." On the 14th of the same month he refers still again to
the paper which had evidently pleased him: "The Bp. of Clogher has
smoked my 'Tatler' about shortening of words," etc. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: Compare Swift's "Proposal for Correcting the English
Tongue." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 3: Thomas Harley, cousin of the first Earl of Oxford. He was
Secretary of the Treasury, and afterwards minister at Hanover. He
died in 1737. (T.S.)]

[Footnote 4: It is interesting to note that Swift, who insisted that the
word "mob" should never be used for "rabble," wrote "mob" in the 15th
number of "The Examiner," and in Faulkner's reprint of 1741 the
word was changed to "rabble." Scott notes: "The Dean carried on
the war against the word 'mob' to the very last. A lady who died in
1788, and was well known to Swift, used to say that the greatest scrape
into which she got with him was by using the word 'mob.' 'Why do
you say that?' said he, in a passion; 'never let me hear you say that
word again.' 'Why, sir,' said she, 'what am I to say?' 'The "rabble,"
to be sure,' answered he." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 5.] See Swift's Letter to the Earl of Pembroke (Scott's
edition, vol. xv., p. 350) where a little more fun is poked at the Bishop
of Clogher, in the same strain. [T.S.]

[Footnote 6: The great Richard Hooker (1554-1600) author of the
"Ecclesiastical Polity." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 7: Robert Parsons (1546-1610) the famous Jesuit missionary, and
the author of a large number of works including the "Conference about the
next Succession" (1594). Several of his books were privately printed
by him at a secret printing press, which he set up in East Ham with
the assistance of the poet Campion. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 8: Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639) author of "Reliquiae
Wottonianae," and the friend of John Donne. He was Provost of Eton from
1624 until his death, and distinguished himself as a diplomatist. To him
is ascribed the saying: "An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie
abroad for the good of his country." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 9: Sir Robert Naunton (1563-1635), Secretary of State in 1618,
and author of "Fragmenta Regalia" published in 1641. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 10: Francis Osborne (1593-1659) wrote "Advice to a Son"
(1656-58), a work that gave him a great reputation. This work was issued
with his other writings in a collected form in 1673. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 11: Samuel Daniel (1562-1619) is said to have succeeded Spenser
as poet-laureate. In addition to his plays and poems (including a history
of the Civil Wars in eight books, 1595-1609) he wrote a History of
England, in two parts (1612-1617). [T.S.]]



THE TATLER, NUMB. 258.

FROM THURSDAY NOVEMBER 30. TO SATURDAY DECEMBER 2. 1710.

To ISAAC BICKERSTAFF ESQ;

Nov. 22. 1710.[1]

SIR,

Dining yesterday with Mr. _South-British,_ and Mr. _William North-Briton_
two gentlemen, who, before you ordered it otherwise,[2] were known by the
names of Mr. _English_ and Mr. _William Scott_. Among other things, the
maid of the house (who in her time I believe may have been a
_North-British_ warming-pan) brought us up a dish of _North-British_
collops. We liked our entertainment very well, only we observed the
table-cloth, being not so fine as we could have wished, was
_North-British_ cloth: But the worst of it was, we were disturbed all
dinner-time by the noise of the children, who were playing in the paved
court at _North-British_ hoppers; so we paid our _North-Briton_[3] sooner
than we designed, and took coach to _North-Britain_ yard, about which
place most of us live. We had indeed gone a-foot, only we were under some
apprehensions lest a _North-British_ mist should wet a _South-British_
man to the skin.

We think this matter properly expressed, according to the accuracy of the
new style settled by you in one of your late papers. You will please to
give your opinion upon it to,

Sir,
Your most humble servants,

J.S.
M.P.
N.R.

[Footnote 1: This letter appeared originally under the heading: "From my
own Apartment, December I." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: In his "Journal to Stella" (December 2, 1710) Swift
writes: "Steele, the rogue, has done the impudentest thing in the world.
He said something in a 'Tatler,' that we ought to use the word Great
Britain, and not England, in common conversation, as, the finest lady
in Great Britain, &c. Upon this Rowe, Prior, and I, sent him a letter,
turning this into ridicule. He has to-day printed the letter, and signed
it J.S., M.P. and N.R. the first letters of our names. Congreve
told me to-day, he smoked it immediately." The passage referred to
by Swift, was a letter, signed Scoto-Britannus, printed in No. 241 of
"The Tatler," in which it was objected that a gentleman ended every
sentence with the words, "the best of any man in England," and called
upon him to "mend his phrase, and be hereafter the wisest of any man
in Great Britain." Writing to Alderman Barber, under date August
8, 1738, Swift remarks: "The modern phrase 'Great Britain' is
only to distinguish it from Little Britain where old clothes and old
books are to be bought and sold." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 3: We paid our _scot; i.e.,_ our share of the reckoning.
[T.S.]]


NOTE.

With No. 271 Steele brought his venture to a close. It was issued
on January 2nd, 1710. "I am now," he wrote, "come to the end of my
ambition in this matter, and have nothing further to say to the world
under the character of Isaac Bickerstaff." His ostensible reason for
thus terminating so successful an undertaking he put down to the fact
that Bickerstaff was no longer a disguise, and that he could not hope to
have the same influence when it was known who it was that led the
movement. Another reason, however, suggests itself in Steele's
recognition of Harley's kindness in not depriving him of his
Commissionership of Stamps, as well as of his Gazetteership for the
satires Steele permitted to appear against Harley in "The Tatler." That
Steele did have something further to say to the world may be gathered
from the fact that two months after "The Tatler's" decease he started
"The Spectator."

But "The Tatler" was too good a thing for the publishers to permit to
die. Two days after the issue of No. 271, appeared a No. 272, with the
imprint of John Baker, of "the Black Boy at Paternoster Row." It extolled
the "Character of Richard Steele, alias Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq.," and
promised to continue in his footsteps, and be delivered regularly to its
subscribers "at 5 in the morning." On January 6th, 1710, No. 273 was
published by "Isaac Bickerstaff, Jr." John Baker, however, was not to
have it all his own way, for on January 6th, 1710, Morphew brought out a
number--not a double number, although called "Numbers 272, 273"--and
continued it without intermission on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays,
until May 19th, when the final number, No. 330, was issued. The date 1711
was first used on March 31st. Meanwhile, on January 13th, A. Baldwin
issued a No. 1 of a "Tatler," in which the public were informed that
Isaac Bickerstaff had had no intention to discontinue the paper, but
would continue to publish it every Tuesday and Saturday. This was the new
"Tatler" in which Swift was interesting himself on behalf of William
Harrison. Writing to Stella, under date January 11th, he says: "I am
setting up a new 'Tatler,' little Harrison, whom I have mentioned to you.
Others have put him on it, and I encourage him; and he was with me this
morning and evening, showing me his first, which comes out on Saturday. I
doubt he will not succeed, for I do not much approve his manner; but the
scheme is Mr. Secretary St. John's and mine, and would have done well
enough in good hands." When the paper came out he wrote again: "There is
not much in it, but I hope he will mend. You must understand that, upon
Steele's leaving off, there were two or three scrub Tatlers came out, and
one of them holds on still, and to-day it advertised against Harrison's;
and so there must be disputes which are genuine, like the strops for
razors. I am afraid the little toad has not the true vein for it."
Apparently, he hadn't, for later, referring to another number, Swift
writes: "The jackanapes wants a right taste: I doubt he won't do."

With all Swift's assistance, Harrison did not hold out. He quarrelled
with Baldwin, and went to Morphew and Lillie, the publishers of the
original "Tatler." Only six numbers bear Baldwin's imprint, namely, Nos.
1-6, dated respectively, January 13th, January 16th, January 20th,
January 23rd, January 27th, and February 1st. Harrison's first number,
under Morphew, was called No. 285 (February 3rd). For a very exhaustive
and careful research into the publications of "The Tatler" and its
imitators the reader is referred to Aitken's "Life of Sir Richard
Steele" (2 vols., 1889).

William Harrison (1685-1713) was educated at Winchester College and New
College, Oxford. He obtained Addison's favour by his acquaintance with
"polite literature," and was introduced by him to Swift. Swift took to
him very kindly, spoke of the young fellow "we are all fond of," thought
him "a pretty little fellow, with a great deal of wit, good sense, and
good nature," and interested himself in him to the extent that through
him St. John got Lord Raby to take him to The Hague as his secretary. He
returned with the Barrier Treaty, but without a penny. He had not been
paid any of his salary. Swift heard of this, and immediately went about
collecting a sum of money for his assistance. When, however, he called
with the money, at Harrison's lodgings in Knightsbridge, he found the
poor fellow had died an hour before.

These contributions to the new "Tatler" are printed from the original
periodical issue with the exception of No. 5, which is taken from the
second edition of the reprint (1720), as no copy of the original issue
has been met with.

[T.S.]


THE TATLER, NUMB. I.

_Quis ego sum saltem, si non sum Sosia? Te interrogo._
PLAUT. AMPHITR.[1]

SATURDAY, JANUARY 13. 1711.[2]

It is impossible, perhaps, for the best and wisest amongst us, to keep so
constant a guard upon our temper, but that we may at one time or other
lie open to the strokes of Fortune, and such incidents as we cannot
foresee. With sentiments of this kind I came home to my lodgings last
night, much fatigued with a long and sudden journey from the country, and
full of the ungrateful occasion of it. It was natural for me to have
immediate recourse to my pen and ink; but before I would offer to make
use of them, I resolved deliberately to tell over a hundred, and when I
came to the end of that sum, I found it more advisable to defer drawing
up my intended remonstrance, till I had slept soundly on my resentments.
Without any other preface than this, I shall give the world a fair
account of the treatment I have lately met with, and leave them to judge,
whether the uneasiness I have suffered be inconsistent with the character
I have generally pretended to. About three weeks since, I received an
invitation from a kinsman in Staffordshire, to spend my Christmas in
those parts. Upon taking leave of Mr. Morphew, I put as many papers into
his hands as would serve till my return, and charged him at parting to be
very punctual with the town. In what manner he and Mr. Lillie have been
tampered with since, I cannot say; they have given me my revenge, if I
desired any, by allowing their names to an idle paper, that in all human
probability cannot live a fortnight to an end. Myself, and the family I
was with, were in the midst of gaiety, and a plentiful entertainment,
when I received a letter from my sister Jenny, who, after mentioning some
little affairs I had intrusted to her, goes on thus:--"The inclosed,[2] I
believe, will give you some surprise, as it has already astonished every
body here: Who Mr. Steele is, that subscribes it, I do not know, any more
than I can comprehend what could induce him to it. Morphew and Lillie, I
am told, are both in the secret. I shall not presume to instruct you,
but hope you will use some means to disappoint the ill nature of those
who are taking pains to deprive the world of one of its most reasonable
entertainments. I am, &c."

I am to thank my sister for her compliment; but be that as it will, I
shall not easily be discouraged from my former undertaking. In pursuance
of it, I was obliged upon this notice to take places in the coach for
myself and my maid with the utmost expedition, lest I should, in a short
time, be rallied out of my existence, as some people will needs fancy Mr.
Partridge has been, and the real Isaac Bickerstaff have passed for a
creature of Mr. Steele's imagination. This illusion might have hoped for
some tolerable success, if I had not more than once produced my person in
a crowded theatre; and such a person as Mr. Steele, if I am not
misinformed in the gentleman, would hardly think it an advantage to own,
though I should throw him in all the little honour I have gained by my
"Lucubrations." I may be allowed, perhaps, to understand pleasantry as
well as other men, and can (in the usual phrase) take a jest without
being angry; but I appeal to the world, whether the gentleman has not
carried it too far, and whether he ought not to make a public
recantation, if the credulity of some unthinking people should force me
to insist upon it. The following letter is just come to hand, and I think
it not improper to be inserted in this paper.

"TO ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, ESQ;

"Sir,

"I am extremely glad to hear you are come to town, for in your absence we
were all mightily surprised with an unaccountable paper, signed 'Richard
Steele,' who is esteemed by those that know him, to be a man of wit and
honour; and therefore we took it either to be a counterfeit, or a perfect
Christmas frolic of that ingenious gentleman. But then, your paper
ceasing immediately after, we were at a loss what to think: If you were
weary of the work you had so long carried on, and had given this Mr.
Steele orders to signify so to the public, he should have said it in
plain terms; but as that paper is worded, one would be apt to judge, that
he had a mind to persuade the town that there was some analogy between
Isaac Bickerstaff and him. Possibly there may be a secret in this which I
cannot enter into; but I flatter my self that you never had any thoughts
of giving over your labours for the benefit of mankind, when you cannot
but know how many subjects are yet unexhausted, and how many others, as
being less obvious, are wholly untouched. I dare promise, not only for my
self, but many other abler friends, that we shall still continue to
furnish you with hints on all proper occasions, which is all your genius
requires. I think, by the way, you cannot in honour have any more to do
with Morphew and Lillie, who have gone beyond the ordinary pitch of
assurance, and transgressed the very letter of the proverb, by
endeavouring to cheat you of your Christian and surname too. Wishing you,
Sir, long to live for our instruction and diversion, and to the defeating
of all impostors, I remain,

"Your most obedient humble servant,

"and affectionate kinsman,

"HUMPHRY WAGSTAFF."

[Footnote 1: _Amphitryon_, I. i 282. "Who am I, at all events, if I am
not Sosia? I ask you _that_."--H.T. RILEY. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: _I.e._ 1710-11. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 3: This, no doubt, was Steele's last "Tatler," No. 271. [T.
S.]]


THE TATLER, No. 2.

_Alios viri reverentia, vultusque ad continendum populum mire formatus,
alios etiam, quibus ipse interesse non potuit, vis scribendi tamen,
et magni nominis autoritas pervicere._--TULL. EPIST.[1]

FROM SATURD. JAN. 13. TO TUESDAY JAN, l6. 1710.[2]


I remember Ménage,[3] tells a story of Monsieur Racan, who had appointed
a day and hour to meet a certain lady of great wit whom he had never
seen, in order to make an acquaintance between them. "Two of Racan's
friends, who had heard of the appointment, resolved to play him a trick.
The first went to the lady two hours before the time, said his name was
Racan, and talked with her an hour; they were both mightily pleased,
began a great friendship, and parted with much satisfaction. A few
minutes after comes the second, and sends up the same name; the lady
wonders at the meaning, and tells him, Mr. Racan had just left her. The
gentleman says it was some rascally impostor, and that he had been
frequently used in that manner. The lady is convinced, and they laugh at
the oddness of the adventure. She now calls to mind several passages,
which confirm her that the former was a cheat. He appoints a second
meeting, and takes his leave. He was no sooner gone, but the true Racan
comes to the door, and desires, under that name, to see the lady. She was
out of all patience, sends for him up, rates him for an impostor, and,
after a thousand injuries, flings a slipper at his head. It was
impossible to pacify or disabuse her; he was forced to retire, and it was
not without some time, and the intervention of friends, that they could
come to an _éclaircissement_." This, as I take it, is exactly the case
with Mr. S[tee]le, the pretended "TATLER" from Morphew, and myself, only
(I presume) the world will be sooner undeceived than the lady in Ménage.
The very day my last paper came out, my printer brought me another of the
same date, called "The Tatler," by Isaac Bickerstaff Esq; and, which was
still more pleasant, with an advertisement[4] at the end, calling me the
"_Female_ TATLER": it is not enough to rob me of my name, but now they
must impose a sex on me, when my years have long since determined me to
be of none at all. There is only one thing wanting in the operation, that
they would renew my age, and then I will heartily forgive them all the
rest. In the mean time, whatever uneasiness I have suffered from the
little malice of these men, and my retirement in the country, the
pleasures I have received from the same occasion, will fairly balance the
account. On the one hand, I have been highly delighted to see my name and
character assumed by the scribblers of the age, in order to recommend
themselves to it; and on the other, to observe the good taste of the
town, in distinguishing and exploding them through every disguise, and
sacrificing their trifles to the supposed _manes_ of Isaac Bickerstaff
Esquire. But the greatest merit of my journey into Staffordshire, is,
that it has opened to me a new fund of unreproved follies and errors that
have hitherto lain out of my view, and, by their situation, escaped my
censure. For, as I have lived generally in town, the images I had of the
country were such only as my senses received very early, and my memory
has since preserved with all the advantages they first appeared in.
                
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