I will now apply what I have said to you, my brethren and
fellow-citizens. Count upon it, as a truth next to your creed, that no
one person in office, of which he is not master for life, whether born
here or in England, will ever hazard that office for the good of this
country. One of your candidates is of this kind, and I believe him to be
an honest gentleman, as the word honest is generally understood. But he
loves his employment better than he doth you, or his country, or all the
countries upon earth. Will you contribute and give him city security to
pay him the value of his employment, if it should be taken from him,
during his life, for voting on all occasions with the honest country
party in the House?--although I must question, whether he would do it
even upon that condition.

Wherefore, since there are but two candidates, I entreat you will fix on
the present Lord Mayor. He hath shewn more virtue, more activity, more
skill, in one year's government of the city, than a hundred years can
equal. He hath endeavoured, with great success, to banish frauds,
corruptions, and all other abuses from amongst you.

A dozen such men in power would be able to reform a kingdom. He hath no
employment under the Crown; nor is likely to get or solicit for any: his
education having not turned him that way. I will assure for no man's
future conduct; but he who hath hitherto practised the rules of virtue
with so much difficulty in so great and busy a station, deserves your
thanks, and the best return you can make him; and you, my brethren, have
no other to give him, than that of representing you in Parliament. Tell
me not of your engagements and promises to another: your promises were
sins of inconsideration, at best; and you are bound to repent and annul
them. That gentleman, although with good reputation, is already engaged
on the other side. He hath four hundred pounds a year under the Crown,
which he is too wise to part with, by sacrificing so good an
establishment to the empty names of virtue, and love of his country. I
can assure you, the DRAPIER is in the interest of the present
Lord Mayor, whatever you may be told to the contrary. I have lately
heard him declare so in public company, and offer some of these very
reasons in defence of his opinion; although he hath a regard and esteem
for the other gentleman, but would not hazard the good of the city and
the kingdom for a compliment.

The Lord Mayor's severity to some unfair dealers, should not turn the
honest men among them against him. Whatever he did, was for the
advantage of those very traders, whose dishonest members he punished. He
hath hitherto been above temptation to act wrong; and therefore, as
mankind goes, he is the most likely to act right as a representative of
your city, as he constantly did in the government of it.




SOME

CONSIDERATIONS

HUMBLY OFFERED TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE THE LORD MAYOR, THE COURT OF
ALDERMEN, AND COMMON-COUNCIL OF THE HONOURABLE CITY OF DUBLIN,

IN THE

CHOICE OF A RECORDER.

1733.




SOME CONSIDERATIONS IN THE CHOICE OF A RECORDER.


The office of Recorder to this city being vacant by the death of a very
worthy gentleman,[188] it is said, that five or six persons are
soliciting to succeed him in the employment. I am a stranger to all
their persons, and to most of their characters; which latter, I hope,
will at this time be canvassed with more decency than it sometimes
happeneth upon the like occasions. Therefore, as I am wholly impartial,
I can with more freedom deliver my thoughts how the several persons and
parties concerned ought to proceed in electing a Recorder for this great
and ancient city.

And first, as it is a very natural, so I can by no means think it an
unreasonable opinion, that the sons or near relations of Aldermen, and
other deserving citizens, should be duly regarded as proper competitors
for an employment in the city's disposal, provided they be equally
qualified with other candidates; and provided that such employments
require no more than common abilities, and common honesty. But in the
choice of a Recorder, the case is entirely different. He ought to be a
person of good abilities in his calling; of an unspotted character; an
able practitioner; one who hath occasionally merited of this city
before; he ought to be of some maturity in years; a member of
Parliament, and likely to continue so; regular in his life; firm in his
loyalty to the Hanover succession; indulgent to tender consciences; but,
at the same time, a firm adherer to the established church. If he be
such a one who hath already sat in Parliament, it ought to be inquired
of what weight he was there; whether he voted on all occasions for the
good of his country; and particularly for advancing the trade and
freedom of this city; whether he be engaged in any faction, either
national or religious; and, lastly, whether he be a man of courage, not
to be drawn from his duty by the frown or menaces of power, nor capable
to be corrupted by allurements or bribes.--These, and many other
particulars, are of infinitely more consequence, than that single
circumstance of being descended by a direct or collateral line from any
Alderman, or distinguished citizen, dead or alive.

There is not a dealer or shopkeeper in this city, of any substance,
whose thriving, less or more, may not depend upon the good or ill
conduct of a Recorder. He is to watch every motion in Parliament that
may the least affect the freedom, trade, or welfare of it.

In this approaching election, the commons, as they are a numerous body,
so they seem to be most concerned in point of interest; and their
interest ought to be most regarded, because it altogether dependeth upon
the true interest of the city. They have no private views; and giving
their votes, as I am informed, by balloting, they lie under no awe, or
fear of disobliging competitors. It is therefore hoped that they will
duly consider, which of the candidates is most likely to advance the
trade of themselves and their brother-citizens; to defend their
liberties, both in and out of Parliament, against all attempts of
encroachment or oppression. And so God direct them in the choice of a
Recorder, who may for many years supply that important office with
skill, diligence, courage, and fidelity. And let all the people say,
Amen.




A PROPOSAL

FOR GIVING

BADGES TO THE BEGGARS IN ALL THE PARISHES OF DUBLIN.




     NOTE.


     The "badging" of beggars was a favourite scheme of Swift's for the
     better regulation of the many who infested the city of Dublin as
     tramps and idlers. While many of these were really deserving
     persons, there were a great many also who made the business of
     begging a profession. Eleven years before this tract was printed
     Swift wrote to Archbishop King on the same subject, as will be seen
     from the letter quoted in the note on pages 326-327.

       *       *       *       *       *

     The present text is based on the original edition of 1737 collated
     with that given by Sir Walter Scott.

     [T. S.]




A

PROPOSAL

FOR GIVING

BADGES

TO THE

BEGGARS

IN ALL THE

PARISHES of _DUBLIN_.

BY THE

DEAN of St. _PATRICK's_

       *       *       *       *       *

_LONDON_,

Printed for T. COOPER at the _Globe_ in _Pater Noster Row_.

MDCCXXXVII.

Price Six Pence.




It hath been a general complaint, that the poor-house, especially since
the new Constitution by Act of Parliament, hath been of no benefit to
this city, for the ease of which it was wholly intended. I had the
honour to be a member of it many years before it was new modelled by the
legislature, not from any personal regard, but merely as one of the two
deans, who are of course put into most commissions that relate to the
city; and I have likewise the honour to have been left out of several
commissions upon the score of party, in which my predecessors, time out
of mind, have always been members.

The first commission was made up of about fifty persons, which were the
Lord Mayor, Aldermen, and Sheriffs, and some few other citizens; the
Judges, the two Archbishops, the two Deans of the city, and one or two
more gentlemen. And I must confess my opinion, that the dissolving the
old commission, and establishing a new one of nearly three times the
number, have been the great cause of rendering so good a design not only
useless, but a grievance instead of a benefit to the city. In the
present commission all the city clergy are included, besides a great
number of 'squires, not only those who reside in Dublin, and the
neighbourhood, but several who live at a great distance, and cannot
possibly have the least concern for the advantage of the city.

At the few general meetings that I have attended since the new
Establishment, I observed very little was done, except one or two Acts
of extreme justice, which I then thought might as well have been
spared: and I have found the Court of Assistants usually taken up in
little brangles about coachmen, or adjusting accounts of meal and small
beer; which, however necessary, might sometimes have given place to
matters of much greater moment, I mean some schemes recommended to the
General Board, for answering the chief ends in erecting and establishing
such a poor-house, and endowing it with so considerable a revenue: and
the principal end I take to have been that of maintaining the poor and
orphans of the city, where the parishes are not able to do it; and
clearing the streets from all strollers, foreigners, and sturdy beggars,
with which, to the universal complaint and admiration, Dublin is more
infested since the Establishment of the poor-house, than it was ever
known to be since its first erection.

As the whole fund for supporting this hospital is raised only from the
inhabitants of the city, so there can be hardly any thing more absurd,
than to see it mis-employed in maintaining foreign beggars and bastards,
or orphans, whose country landlords never contributed one shilling
towards their support. I would engage, that half this revenue, if
employed with common care, and no very great degree of common honesty,
would maintain all the real objects of charity in this city, except a
small number of original poor in every parish, who might, without being
burthensome to the parishioners, find a tolerable support.

I have for some years past applied myself to several Lord Mayors, and to
the late Archbishop of Dublin[189], for a remedy to this evil of foreign
beggars; and they all appeared ready to receive a very plain proposal, I
mean, that of badging the original poor of every parish, who begged in
the streets;[190] that the said beggars should be confined to their own
parishes; that, they should wear their badges well sewn upon one of
their shoulders, always visible, on pain of being whipped and turned out
of town; or whatever legal punishment may be thought proper and
effectual. But, by the wrong way of thinking in some clergymen, and the
indifference of others, this method was perpetually defeated, to their
own continual disquiet, which they do not ill deserve; and if the
grievance affected only them, it would be of less consequence, because
the remedy is in their own power. But all street-walkers, and
shopkeepers bear an equal share in this hourly vexation.

I never heard more than one objection against this expedient of badging
the poor, and confining their walks to their several parishes. The
objection was this: What shall we do with the foreign beggars? Must they
be left to starve? I answered, No; but they must be driven or whipped
out of town; and let the next country parish do as they please; or
rather after the practice in England, send them from one parish to
another, until they reach their own homes. By the old laws of England
still in force, and I presume by those of Ireland, every parish is bound
to maintain its own poor; and the matter is of no such consequence in
this point as some would make it, whether a country parish be rich or
poor. In the remoter and poorer parishes of the kingdom, all necessaries
for life proper for poor people are comparatively cheaper; I mean
butter-milk, oatmeal, potatoes, and other vegetables; and every farmer
or cottager, who is not himself a beggar, can sometimes spare a sup or a
morsel, not worth the fourth part of a farthing, to an indigent
neighbour of his own parish, who is disabled from work. A beggar native
of the parish is known to the 'squire, to the church minister, to the
popish priest, or the conventicle teachers, as well as to every farmer:
he hath generally some relations able to live, and contribute something
to his maintenance. None of which advantages can be reasonably expected
on a removal to places where he is altogether unknown. If he be not
quite maimed, he and his trull, and litter of brats (if he hath any) may
get half their support by doing some kind of work in their power, and
thereby be less burthensome to the people. In short, all necessaries of
life grow in the country, and not in cities, and are cheaper where they
grow; nor is it equal, that beggars should put us to the charge of
giving them victuals, and the carriage too.

But, when the spirit of wandering takes him, attended by his female, and
their equipage of children, he becomes a nuisance to the whole country:
he and his female are thieves, and teach the trade of stealing to their
brood at four years old; and if his infirmities be counterfeit, it is
dangerous for a single person unarmed to meet him on the road. He
wanders from one county to another, but still with a view to this town,
whither he arrives at last, and enjoys all the privileges of a Dublin
beggar.

I do not wonder that the country 'squires should be very willing to send
up their colonies; but why the city should be content to receive them,
is beyond my imagination.

If the city were obliged by their charter to maintain a thousand
beggars, they could do it cheaper by eighty _per cent._ a hundred miles
off, than in this town, or any of its suburbs.

There is no village in Connaught, that in proportion shares so deeply in
the daily increasing miseries of Ireland, as its capital city; to which
miseries there hardly remained any addition, except the perpetual swarms
of foreign beggars, who might be banished in a month without expense,
and with very little trouble.

As I am personally acquainted with a great number of street beggars, I
find some weak attempts to have been made in one or two parishes to
promote the wearing of badges; and my first question to those who ask an
alms, is, _Where is your badge?_ I have in several years met with about
a dozen who were ready to produce them, some out of their pockets,
others from under their coat, and two or three on their shoulders, only
covered with a sort of capes which they could lift up or let down upon
occasion. They are too lazy to work, they are not afraid to steal, nor
ashamed to beg; and yet are too proud to be seen with a badge, as many
of them have confessed to me, and not a few in very injurious terms,
particularly the females. They all look upon such an obligation as a
high indignity done to their office. I appeal to all indifferent people,
whether such wretches deserve to be relieved. As to myself, I must
confess, this absurd insolence hath so affected me, that for several
years past, I have not disposed of one single farthing to a street
beggar, nor intend to do so, until I see a better regulation; and I have
endeavoured to persuade all my brother-walkers to follow my example,
which most of them assure me they do. For, if beggary be not able to
beat out pride, it cannot deserve charity. However, as to persons in
coaches and chairs, they bear but little of the persecution we suffer,
and are willing to leave it entirely upon us.

To say the truth, there is not a more undeserving vicious race of human
kind than the bulk of those who are reduced to beggary, even in this
beggarly country. For, as a great part of our publick miseries is
originally owing to our own faults (but, what those faults are I am
grown by experience too wary to mention) so I am confident, that among
the meaner people, nineteen in twenty of those who are reduced to a
starving condition, did not become so by what lawyers call the work of
GOD, either upon their bodies or goods; but merely from their
own idleness, attended with all manner of vices, particularly
drunkenness, thievery, and cheating.

Whoever enquires, as I have frequently done, from those who have asked
me an alms; what was their former course of life, will find them to have
been servants in good families, broken tradesmen, labourers, cottagers,
and what they call decayed house-keepers; but (to use their own cant)
reduced by losses and crosses, by which nothing can be understood but
idleness and vice.

As this is the only Christian country where people contrary to the old
maxim, are the poverty and not the riches of the nation, so, the
blessing of increase and multiply is by us converted into a curse; and,
as marriage hath been ever countenanced in all free countries, so we
should be less miserable if it were discouraged in ours, as far as can
be consistent with Christianity. It is seldom known in England, that the
labourer, the lower mechanick, the servant, or the cottager thinks of
marrying until he hath saved up a stock of money sufficient to carry on
his business; nor takes a wife without a suitable portion; and as seldom
fails of making a yearly addition to that stock, with a view of
providing for his children. But, in this kingdom, the case is directly
contrary, where many thousand couples are yearly married, whose whole
united fortunes, bating the rags on their backs, would not be sufficient
to purchase a pint of butter-milk for their wedding supper, nor have any
prospect of supporting their _honourable state_, but by service, or
labour, or thievery. Nay, their _happiness_ is often deferred until they
find credit to borrow, or cunning to steal a shilling to pay their
Popish priest, or infamous couple-beggar. Surely no miraculous portion
of wisdom would be required to find some kind of remedy against this
destructive evil, or at least, not to draw the consequences of it upon
our decaying city; the greatest part whereof must of course in a few
years become desolate, or in ruins.

In all other nations, that are not absolutely barbarous, parents think
themselves bound by the law of nature and reason to make some provision
for their children; but the reasons offered by the inhabitants of
Ireland for marrying is, that they may have children to maintain them
when they grow old and unable to work.

I am informed that we have been for some time past extremely obliged to
England for one very beneficial branch of commerce: for, it seems they
are grown so gracious as to transmit us continually colonies of beggars,
in return of a million of money they receive yearly from hence. That I
may give no offence, I profess to mean real English beggars in the
literal meaning of the word, as it is usually understood by protestants.
It seems, the Justices of the Peace and parish officers in the western
coasts of England, have a good while followed the trade of exporting
hither their supernumerary beggars, in order to advance the English
Protestant interest among us; and, these they are so kind to send over
_gratis_, and duty free. I have had the honour more than once to attend
large cargoes of them from Chester to Dublin: and I was then so ignorant
as to give my opinion, that our city should receive them into
_bridewell_, and after a month's residence, having been well whipped
twice a day, fed with bran and water, and put to hard labour, they
should be returned honestly back with thanks as cheap as they came: or,
if that were not approved of, I proposed, that whereas one English man
is allowed to be of equal intrinsic value with twelve born in Ireland,
we should in justice return them a dozen for one, to dispose of as they
pleased. But to return.

As to the native poor of this city, there would be little or no damage
in confining them to their several parishes. For instance; a beggar of
the parish of St. Warborough's,[191] or any other parish here, if he be
an object of compassion, hath an equal chance to receive his proportion
of alms from every charitable hand; because the inhabitants, one or
other, walk through every street in town, and give their alms, without
considering the place, wherever they think it may be well disposed of:
and these helps, added to what they get in eatables by going from house
to house among the gentry and citizens, will, without being very
burthensome, be sufficient to keep them alive.

It is true, the poor of the suburb parishes will not have altogether the
same advantage, because they are not equally in the road of business and
passengers: but here it is to be considered, that the beggars there have
not so good a title to publick charity, because most of them are
strollers from the country, and compose a principal part of that great
nuisance, which we ought to remove.

I should be apt to think, that few things can be more irksome to a city
minister, than a number of beggars which do not belong to his district,
whom he hath no obligation to take care of, who are no part of his
flock, and who take the bread out of the mouths of those, to whom it
properly belongs. When I mention this abuse to any minister of a
city-parish, he usually lays the fault upon the beadles, who he says are
bribed by the foreign beggars; and, as those beadles often keep
ale-houses, they find their account in such customers. This evil might
easily be remedied, if the parishes would make some small addition to
the salaries of a beadle, and be more careful in the choice of those
officers. But, I conceive there is one effectual method, in the power of
every minister to put in practice; I mean, by making it the interest of
all his own original poor, to drive out intruders: for, if the
parish-beggars were absolutely forbidden by the minister and
church-officers, to suffer strollers to come into the parish, upon pain
of themselves not being permitted to beg alms at the church-doors, or at
the houses and shops of the inhabitants; they would prevent interlopers
more effectually than twenty beadles.

And, here I cannot but take notice of the great indiscretion in our
city-shopkeepers, who suffer their doors to be daily besieged by crowds
of beggars, (as the gates of a lord are by duns,) to the great disgust
and vexation of many customers, whom I have frequently observed to go to
other shops, rather than suffer such a persecution; which might easily
be avoided, if no foreign beggars were allowed to infest them.

Wherefore, I do assert, that the shopkeepers, who are the greatest
complainers of this grievance, lamenting that for every customer, they
are worried by fifty beggars, do very well deserve what they suffer,
when a 'prentice with a horse-whip is able to lash every beggar from the
shop, who is not of the parish, and does not wear the badge of that
parish on his shoulder, well fastened and fairly visible; and if this
practice were universal in every house to all the sturdy vagrants, we
should in a few weeks clear the town of all mendicants, except those who
have a proper title to our charity: as for the aged and infirm, it would
be sufficient to give them nothing, and then they must starve or follow
their brethren.

It was the city that first endowed this hospital, and those who
afterwards contributed, as they were such who generally inhabited here;
so they intended what they gave to be for the use of the city's poor.
The revenues which have since been raised by parliament, are wholly paid
by the city, without the least charge upon any other part of the
kingdom; and therefore nothing could more defeat the original design,
than to misapply those revenues on strolling beggars, or bastards from
the country, which bear no share in the charges we are at.

If some of the out-parishes be overburthened with poor, the reason must
be, that the greatest part of those poor are strollers from the country,
who nestle themselves where they can find the cheapest lodgings, and
from thence infest every part of the town, out of which they ought to be
whipped as a most insufferable nuisance, being nothing else but a
profligate clan of thieves, drunkards, heathens, and whore-mongers,
fitter to be rooted out of the face of the earth, than suffered to levy
a vast annual tax upon the city, which shares too deep in the public
miseries, brought on us by the oppressions we lye under from our
neighbours, our brethren, our countrymen, our fellow protestants, and
fellow subjects.

Some time ago I was appointed one of a committee to inquire into the
state of the workhouse; where we found that a charity was bestowed by a
great person for a certain time, which in its consequences operated
very much to the detriment of the house: for, when the time was elapsed,
all those who were supported by that charity, continued on the same foot
with the rest of the foundation; and being generally a pack of
profligate vagabond wretches from several parts of the kingdom,
corrupted all the rest; so partial, or treacherous, or interested, or
ignorant, or mistaken are generally all recommenders, not only to
employments, but even to charity itself.

I know it is complained, that the difficulty of driving foreign beggars
out of the city is charged upon the _bellowers_ (as they are called) who
find their accounts best in suffering those vagrants to follow their
trade through every part of the town. But this abuse might easily be
remedied, and very much to the advantage of the whole city, if better
salaries were given to those who execute that office in the several
parishes, and would make it their interest to clear the town of those
caterpillars, rather than hazard the loss of an employment that would
give them an honest livelyhood. But, if that would fail, yet a general
resolution of never giving charity to a street beggar out of his own
parish, or without a visible badge, would infallibly force all vagrants
to depart.

There is generally a vagabond spirit in beggars, which ought to be
discouraged and severely punished. It is owing to the same causes that
drove them into poverty; I mean, idleness, drunkenness, and rash
marriages without the least prospect of supporting a family by honest
endeavours, which never came into their thoughts. It is observed, that
hardly one beggar in twenty looks upon himself to be relieved by
receiving bread or other food; and they have in this town been
frequently seen to pour out of their pitcher good broth that hath been
given them, into the kennel; neither do they much regard clothes, unless
to sell them; for their rags are part of their tools with which they
work: they want only ale, brandy, and other strong liquors, which cannot
be had without money; and, money as they conceive, always abounds in the
metropolis.

I had some other thoughts to offer upon this subject. But, as I am a
desponder in my nature, and have tolerably well discovered the
disposition of our people, who never will move a step towards easing
themselves from any one single grievance; it will be thought, that I
have already said too much, and to little or no purpose; which hath
often been the fate, or fortune of the writer,

                                                      J. SWIFT.

  April 22,
   1737.




CONSIDERATIONS

ABOUT MAINTAINING THE POOR.




     NOTE.


     The text of this short paper is taken from Deane Swift's edition,
     which was followed by Sir Walter Scott.

     [T. S.]




CONSIDERATIONS ABOUT MAINTAINING THE POOR.


We have been amused, for at least thirty years past, with numberless
schemes, in writing and discourse, both in and out of Parliament, for
maintaining the poor, and setting them to work, especially in this city:
most of which were idle, indigested, or visionary; and all of them
ineffectual, as it has plainly appeared by the consequences. Many of
those projectors were so stupid, that they drew a parallel from Holland
to England, to be settled in Ireland; that is to say, from two countries
with full freedom and encouragement for trade, to a third where all kind
of trade is cramped, and the most beneficial parts are entirely taken
away. But the perpetual infelicity of false and foolish reasoning, as
well as proceeding and acting upon it, seems to be fatal to this
country.

For my own part, who have much conversed with those folks who call
themselves merchants, I do not remember to have met with a more ignorant
and wrong-thinking race of people in the very first rudiments of trade;
which, however, was not so much owing to their want of capacity, as to
the crazy constitution of this kingdom, where pedlars are better
qualified to thrive than the wisest merchants. I could fill a volume
with only setting down a list of the public absurdities, by which this
kingdom has suffered within the compass of my own memory, such as could
not be believed of any nation, among whom folly was not established as a
law. I cannot forbear instancing a few of these, because it may be of
some use to those who shall have it in their power to be more cautious
for the future.

The first was, the building of the barracks; whereof I have seen above
one-half, and have heard enough of the rest, to affirm that the public
has been cheated of at least two-thirds of the money raised for that
use, by the plain fraud of the undertakers.

Another was the management of the money raised for the Palatines; when,
instead of employing that great sum in purchasing lands in some remote
and cheap part of the kingdom, and there planting those people as a
colony, the whole end was utterly defeated.

A third is, the insurance office against fire, by which several thousand
pounds are yearly remitted to England, (a trifle, it seems, we can
easily spare,) and will gradually increase until it comes to a good
national tax: for the society-marks upon our houses (under which might
properly be written, "The Lord have mercy upon us!") spread faster and
farther than the colony of frogs.[192] I have, for above twenty years
past, given warning several thousand times to many substantial people,
and to such who are acquainted with lords and squires, and the like
great folks, to any of whom I have not the honour to be known: I
mentioned my daily fears, lest our watchful friends in England might
take this business out of our hands; and how easy it would be to prevent
that evil, by erecting a society of persons who had good estates, such,
for instance, as that noble knot of bankers, under the style of "Swift
and Company." But now we are become tributary to England, not only for
materials to light our own fires, but for engines to put them out; to
which, if hearth-money be added, (repealed in England as a grievance,)
we have the honour to pay three taxes for fire.

A fourth was the knavery of those merchants, or linen-manufacturers, or
both, when, upon occasion of the plague at Marseilles, we had a fair
opportunity of getting into our hands the whole linen-trade of Spain;
but the commodity was so bad, and held at so high a rate, that almost
the whole cargo was returned, and the small remainder sold below the
prime cost.

So many other particulars of the same nature crowd into my thoughts,
that I am forced to stop; and the rather because they are not very
proper for my subject, to which I shall now return.

Among all the schemes for maintaining the poor of the city, and setting
them to work, the least weight has been laid upon that single point
which is of the greatest importance; I mean, that of keeping foreign
beggars from swarming hither out of every part of the country; for,
until this be brought to pass effectually, all our wise reasonings and
proceedings upon them will be vain and ridiculous.

The prodigious number of beggars throughout this kingdom, in proportion
to so small a number of people, is owing to many reasons: to the
laziness of the natives; the want of work to employ them; the enormous
rents paid by cottagers for their miserable cabins and potatoe-plots;
their early marriages, without the least prospect of establishment; the
ruin of agriculture, whereby such vast numbers are hindered from
providing their own bread, and have no money to purchase it; the mortal
damp upon all kinds of trade, and many other circumstances, too tedious
or invidious to mention.

And to the same causes we owe the perpetual concourse of foreign beggars
to this town, the country landlords giving all assistance, except money
and victuals, to drive from their estates those miserable creatures they
have undone.

It was a general complaint against the poor-house, under its former
governors, "That the number of poor in this city did not lessen by
taking three hundred into the house, and all of them recommended under
the minister's and churchwardens' hands of the several parishes": and
this complaint must still continue, although the poor-house should be
enlarged to contain three thousand, or even double that number.

The revenues of the poor-house, as it is now established, amount to
about two thousand pounds a-year; whereof two hundred allowed for
officers, and one hundred for repairs, the remaining seventeen hundred,
at four pounds a-head, will support four hundred and twenty-five
persons. This is a favourable allowance, considering that I subtract
nothing for the diet of those officers, and for wear and tear of
furniture; and if every one of these collegiates should be set to work,
it is agreed they will not be able to gain by their labour above
one-fourth part of their maintenance.

At the same time, the oratorial part of these gentlemen seldom vouchsafe
to mention fewer than fifteen hundred or two thousand people, to be
maintained in this hospital, without troubling their heads about the
fund. * * * *




ON BARBAROUS DENOMINATIONS

IN IRELAND.


 SIR,

I have been lately looking over the advertisements in some of your
Dublin newspapers, which are sent me to the country, and was much
entertained with a large list of denominations of lands, to be sold or
let. I am confident they must be genuine; for it is impossible that
either chance or modern invention could sort the alphabet in such a
manner as to make those abominable sounds; whether first invented to
invoke or fright away the devil, I must leave among the curious.

If I could wonder at anything barbarous, ridiculous, or absurd, among
us, this should be one of the first. I have often lamented that
Agricola, the father-in-law of Tacitus, was not prevailed on by that
petty king from Ireland, who followed his camp, to come over and
civilize us with a conquest, as his countrymen did Britain, where
several Roman appellations remain to this day, and so would the rest
have done, if that inundation of Angles, Saxons, and other northern
people, had not changed them so much for the worse, although in no
comparison with ours. In one of the advertisements just mentioned, I
encountered near a hundred words together, which I defy any creature in
human shape, except an Irishman of the savage kind, to pronounce;
neither would I undertake such a task, to be owner of the lands, unless
I had liberty to humanize the syllables twenty miles round. The
legislature may think what they please, and that they are above copying
the Romans in all their conquests of barbarous nations; but I am
deceived, if anything has more contributed to prevent the Irish from
being tamed, than this encouragement of their language, which might be
easily abolished, and become a dead one in half an age, with little
expense, and less trouble.

How is it possible that a gentleman who lives in those parts where the
_town-lands_ (as they call them) of his estate produce such odious
sounds from the mouth, the throat, and the nose, can be able to repeat
the words without dislocating every muscle that is used in speaking, and
without applying the same tone to all other words, in every language he
understands; as it is plainly to be observed not only in those people of
the better sort who live in Galway and the Western parts, but in most
counties of Ireland?

It is true, that, in the city parts of London, the trading people have
an affected manner of pronouncing; and so, in my time, had many ladies
and coxcombs at Court. It is likewise true, that there is an odd
provincial cant in most counties in England, sometimes not very pleasing
to the ear; and the Scotch cadence, as well as expression, are offensive
enough. But none of these defects derive contempt to the speaker:
whereas, what we call the _Irish brogue_ is no sooner discovered, than
it makes the deliverer in the last degree ridiculous and despised; and,
from such a mouth, an Englishman expects nothing but bulls, blunders,
and follies. Neither does it avail whether the censure be reasonable or
not, since the fact is always so. And, what is yet worse, it is too well
known, that the bad consequence of this opinion affects those among us
who are not the least liable to such reproaches, farther than the
misfortune of being born in Ireland, although of English parents, and
whose education has been chiefly in that kingdom.

I have heard many gentlemen among us talk much of the great convenience
to those who live in the country, that they should speak Irish. It may
possibly be so; but I think they should be such who never intend to
visit England, upon pain of being ridiculous; for I do not remember to
have heard of any one man that spoke Irish, who had not the accent upon
his tongue easily discernible to any English ear.

But I have wandered a little from my subject, which was only to propose
a wish that these execrable denominations were a little better suited to
an English mouth, if it were only for the sake of the English lawyers;
who, in trials upon appeals to the House of Lords, find so much
difficulty in repeating the names, that, if the plaintiff or defendant
were by, they would never be able to discover which were their own
lands. But, besides this, I would desire, not only that the appellations
of what they call _town-lands_ were changed, but likewise of larger
districts, and several towns, and some counties; and particularly the
seats of country-gentlemen, leaving an _alias_ to solve all difficulties
in point of law. But I would by no means trust these alterations to the
owners themselves; who, as they are generally no great clerks, so they
seem to have no large vocabulary about them, nor to be well skilled in
prosody. The utmost extent of their genius lies in naming their country
habitation by a hill, a mount, a brook, a burrow, a castle, a bawn, a
ford, and the like ingenious conceits. Yet these are exceeded by others,
whereof some have contrived anagramatical appellations, from half their
own and their wives' names joined together: others only from the lady;
as, for instance, a person whose wife's name was Elizabeth, calls his
seat by the name of _Bess-borow_. There is likewise a famous town, where
the worst iron in the kingdom is made, and it is called _Swandlingbar_:
the original of which name I shall explain, lest the antiquaries of
future ages might be at a loss to derive it. It was a most witty conceit
of four gentlemen, who ruined themselves with this iron project. _Sw._
stands for _Swift_,[193] _And_, for _Sanders_, _Ling_ for _Davling_ and
_Bar._ for _Barry_. Methinks I see the four loggerheads sitting in
consult, like _Smectymnuus_, each gravely contributing a part of his own
name, to make up one for their place in the ironwork; and could wish
they had been hanged, as well as undone, for their wit. But I was most
pleased with the denomination of a town-land, which I lately saw in an
advertisement of Pue's paper: "This is to give notice, that the lands of
_Douras, alias_ WHIG-_borough_," &c. Now, this zealous proprietor,
having a mind to record his principles in religion or loyalty to future
ages, within five miles round him, for want of other merit, thought fit
to make use of this expedient: wherein he seems to mistake his account;
for this distinguishing term, whig, had a most infamous original,
denoting a man who favoured the fanatic sect, and an enemy to kings, and
so continued till this idea was a little softened, some years after the
Revolution, and during a part of her late Majesty's reign. After which
it was in disgrace until the Queen's death, since which time it hath
indeed flourished with a witness: But how long will it continue so, in
our variable scene, or what kind of mortal it may describe, is a
question which this courtly landlord is not able to answer; and
therefore he should have set a date on the title of his borough, to let
us know what kind of a creature a whig was in that year of our Lord. I
would readily assist nomenclators of this costive imagination, and
therefore I propose to others of the same size in thinking, that, when
they are at a loss about christening a country-seat, instead of
straining their invention, they would call it _Booby-borough_,
_Fool-brook_, _Puppy-ford_, _Coxcomb-hall_, _Mount-loggerhead_,
_Dunce-hill_; which are innocent appellations, proper to express the
talents of the owners. But I cannot reconcile myself to the prudence
of this lord of WHIG-_borough_, because I have not yet heard, among the
Presbyterian squires, how much soever their persons and principles are
in vogue, that any of them have distinguished their country abode by the
name of _Mount-regicide_, _Covenant-hall_, _Fanatic-hill_,
_Roundhead-bawn_, _Canting-brook_, or _Mont-rebel_, and the like; because
there may probably come a time when those kind of sounds may not be so
grateful to the ears of the kingdom. For I do not conceive it would be a
mark of discretion, upon supposing a gentleman, in allusion to his name,
or the merit of his ancestors, to call his house _Tyburn-hall_.

But the scheme I would propose for changing the denominations of land
into legible and audible syllables, is by employing some gentlemen in
the University; who, by the knowledge of the Latin tongue, and their
judgment in sounds, might imitate the Roman way, by translating those
hideous words into their English meanings, and altering the termination
where a bare translation will not form a good cadence to the ear, or be
easily delivered from the mouth. And, when both those means happen to
fail, then to name the parcels of land from the nature of the soil, or
some peculiar circumstance belonging to it; as, in England, _Farn-ham_,
_Oat-lands_, _Black-heath_, _Corn-bury_, _Rye-gate_, _Ash-burnham_,
_Barn-elms_, _Cole-orton_, _Sand-wich_, and many others.

I am likewise apt to quarrel with some titles of lords among us, that
have a very ungracious sound, which are apt to communicate mean ideas to
those who have not the honour to be acquainted with their persons or
their virtues, of whom I have the misfortune to be one. But I cannot
pardon those gentlemen who have gotten titles since the judicature of
the peers among us has been taken away, to which they all submitted with
a resignation that became good Christians, as undoubtedly they are.
However, since that time, I look upon a graceful harmonious title to be
at least forty _per cent._ in the value intrinsic of an Irish peerage;
and, since it is as cheap as the worst, for any Irish law hitherto
enacted in England to the contrary, I would advise the next set, before
they pass their patents, to call a consultation of scholars and musical
gentlemen, to adjust this most important and essential circumstance. The
Scotch noblemen, though born almost under the north pole, have much more
tunable appellations, except some very few, which I suppose were given
them by the Irish along with their language, at the time when that
kingdom was conquered and planted from hence; and to this day retain the
denominations of places, and surnames of families, as all historians
agree.[194]

I should likewise not be sorry, if the names of some bishops' sees were
so much obliged to the alphabet, that upon pronouncing them we might
contract some veneration for the order and persons of those reverend
peers, which the gross ideas sometimes joined to their titles are very
unjustly apt to diminish.




SPEECH DELIVERED BY DEAN SWIFT

TO AN ASSEMBLY OF MERCHANTS MET AT THE GUILDHALL,

TO DRAW UP A PETITION TO THE LORD LIEUTENANT

ON THE LOWERING OF COIN,

APRIL 24TH, 1736.




     NOTE.


     Writing to Sheridan, under date April 24th, 1736, in a letter
     written partly by herself and partly by Swift, Mrs. Whiteway,
     Swift's housekeeper, refers to the occasion of this speech in the
     following words:

     "The Drapier went this day to the Tholsel[195] as a merchant, to
     sign a petition to the government against lowering the gold, where
     we hear he made a long speech, for which he will be reckoned a
     Jacobite. God send hanging does not go round." (Scott's edition,
     vol. xviii., p. 470. 1824.)

     The occasion for this agitation against the lowering of the gold
     arose thus. Archbishop Boulter had, for a long time, been much
     concerned about the want of small silver in Ireland. The subject
     seemed to weigh on him greatly, since he refers to it again and
     again in his correspondence with Carteret, Newcastle, Dorset, and
     Walpole. On May 25th, 1736, he wrote to Walpole to inform him that
     the Lord Lieutenant had taken with him to England "an application
     from the government for lowering the gold made current here, by
     proclamation, and raising the foreign silver." Silver, being
     scarce, bankers and tradesmen were accustomed to charge a premium
     for the changing of gold, as much as sixpence and sevenpence in the
     pound sterling being obtained. (See Boulter's "Letters," vol. ii.,
     p. 122. Dublin, 1770.)

     There was no question about the benefit of Boulter's scheme in the
     minds of the two Houses of Commons and Lords: Swift, however,
     opposed it vehemently, because he thought the advantage to be
     obtained by this lowering of the gold would accrue to the
     absentees. In 1687 James had issued a proclamation by which an
     English shilling was made the equivalent of thirteen pence in
     Ireland, and an English guinea to twenty-four shillings. Primate
     Boulter's object (gained by the proclamation of the order on
     September 29th, 1737) was to reduce the value of the guinea from
     twenty-three shillings (at which it then stood) to _ВЈ1 2s. 9d._
     Swift, thinks Monck Mason, considered the absentees would benefit
     by this "from the circumstances of the reserved rents, being
     expressed in the imaginary coin, called a pound, but actually paid
     in guineas, when the value of guineas was lowered, it required a
     proportionately greater number to make up a specific sum" ("History
     of St. Patrick's," p. 401, note c.)

     Swift, as he wrote to Sheridan, "battled in vain with the duke and
     his clan." He thought it "just a kind of settlement upon England of
     ВЈ25,000 a year for ever; yet some of my friends," he goes on to
     say, "differ from me, though all agree that the absentees will be
     just so much gainers." (Letter of date May 22nd, 1737.)

     In a note to Boulter's letter to the Duke of Newcastle (September
     29th, 1737) the editor of those letters (Ambrose Phillips) remarks:
     "Such a spirit of opposition had been raised on this occasion by
     Dean Swift and the bankers, that it was thought proper to lodge at
     the Primate's house, an extraordinary guard of soldiers." This,
     probably, was after the open exchange of words between Boulter and
     Swift. The Primate had accused Swift of inflaming the minds of the
     people, and hinted broadly that he might incur the displeasure of
     the government. "I inflame them!" retorted Swift, "had I but lifted
     my finger, they would have torn you to pieces." The day of the
     proclaiming of the order for the lowering of the gold was marked by
     Swift with the display of a black flag from the steeple of St.
     Patrick's, and the tolling of muffled bells, a piece of conduct
     which Boulter called an insult to the government.

     It is _Г  propos_ to record here the revenge Swift took on Boulter
     for the accusation of inflaming the people. The incident was put by
     him into the following verse:

       "At Dublin's high feast sat primate and dean,
       Both dressed like divines, with hand and face clean:
       Quoth Hugh of Armagh, 'the mob is grown bold.'
       'Ay, ay,' quoth the Dean, 'the cause is old gold.'
       'No, no,' quoth the primate, 'if causes we sift,
       The mischief arises from witty Dean Swift.'
       The smart one replies, 'There's no wit in the case;
       And nothing of that ever troubled your grace.
       Though with your state sieve your own motions you s--t,
       A Boulter by name is no bolter of wit.
       It's matter of weight, and a mere money job;
       But the lower the coin, the higher the mob.
       Go to tell your friend Bob and the other great folk,
       That sinking the coin is a dangerous joke.
       The Irish dear joys have enough common sense,
       To treat gold reduced like Wood's copper pence.
       It's pity a prelate should die without law;
       But if I say the word--take care of Armagh!"

     With the lowering of the gold the Primate imported ВЈ2,000 worth of
     copper money for Irish consumption. Swift was most indignant at
     this, and his protest, printed by Faulkner, brought that publisher
     before the Council, and gave Swift a fit of "nerves." (MS. Letter,
     March 31st, 1737, to Lord Orrery, quoted by Craik in Swift's
     "Life," vol. ii., p. 160.) Swift's objection against the copper was
     due to the fact that it was not minted in Ireland. "I quarrel not
     with the coin, but with the indignity of its not being coined
     here." (Same MS. Letter.)