I would not in this scheme recommend the method of promissory notes,
after Mr. M'Culla's manner; but, as I have seen in old Irish coins, the
words CIVITAS DVBLIN, on one side, with the year of our Lord
and the Irish harp on the reverse.




A PROPOSAL

THAT

ALL THE LADIES AND WOMEN OF IRELAND

SHOULD APPEAR CONSTANTLY IN

IRISH MANUFACTURES.




     NOTE.


     The arguments advanced in this tract are practically repetitions of
     those already given in previous pieces. Swift laid much stress on
     the people buying and wearing goods made in Ireland, since in that
     way the money would remain in the country. In this little tract he
     winds up with a special appeal to the women of Ireland.

       *       *       *       *       *

     The present text is based on that of the quarto edition (vol.
     viii.) of 1765, and compared with Faulkner's of 1772.

     [T. S.]




A PROPOSAL THAT ALL THE LADIES AND WOMEN OF IRELAND SHOULD APPEAR
CONSTANTLY IN IRISH MANUFACTURES.


There was a treatise written about nine years ago, to persuade the
people of Ireland to wear their own manufactures.[119] This treatise was
allowed to have not one syllable in it of party or disaffection; but was
wholly founded upon the growing poverty of the nation, occasioned by the
utter want of trade in every branch, except that ruinous importation of
all foreign extravagancies from other countries. This treatise was
presented, by the grand jury of the city and county of Dublin, as a
scandalous, seditious, and factious pamphlet. I forget who was the
foreman of the city grand jury; but the foreman for the county was one
Doctor Seal, register to the Archbishop of Dublin, wherein he differed
much from the sentiments of his lord.[120] The printer[121] was tried
before the late Mr. Whitshed, that famous Lord chief-justice; who, on
the bench, laying his hand on his heart, declared, upon his salvation,
that the author was a Jacobite, and had a design to beget a quarrel
between the two nations.[122] In the midst of this prosecution, about
fifteen hundred weavers were forced to beg their bread, and had a
general contribution made for their relief, which just served to make
them drunk for a week; and then they were forced to turn rogues, or
strolling beggars, or to leave the kingdom.

The Duke of Grafton,[123] who was then Lieutenant, being perfectly
ashamed of so infamous and unpopular a proceeding, obtained from England
a _noli prosequi_ for the printer. Yet the grand jury had solemn thanks
given them from the Secretary of State.

I mention this passage (perhaps too much forgotten,) to shew how
dangerous it hath been for the best meaning person to write one syllable
in the defence of his country, or discover the miserable condition it is
in.

And to prove this truth, I will produce one instance more; wholly
omitting the famous case of the Drapier, and the proclamation against
him, as well as the perverseness of another jury against the same Mr.
Whitshed, who was violently bent to act the second part in another
scene.[124]

About two years ago, there was a small paper printed, which was called,
"A Short View of the State of Ireland," relating the several causes
whereby any country may grow rich, and applying them to Ireland.[125]
Whitshed was dead, and consequently the printer was not troubled. Mist,
the famous journalist, happened to reprint this paper in London, for
which his press-folks were prosecuted for almost a twelve-month; and,
for aught I know, are not yet discharged.[126]

This is our case; insomuch, that although I am often without money in my
pocket, I dare not own it in some company, for fear of being thought
disaffected.

But, since I am determined to take care that the author of this paper
shall not be discovered (following herein the most prudent practice of
the Drapier,) I will venture to affirm, that the three seasons wherein
our corn hath miscarried, did no more contribute to our present misery,
than one spoonful of water thrown upon a rat already drowned would
contribute to his death; and that the present plentiful harvest,
although it should be followed by a dozen ensuing, would no more restore
us, than it would the rat aforesaid to put him near the fire, which
might indeed warm his fur coat, but never bring him back to life.

The short of the matter is this: The distresses of the kingdom are
operating more and more every day, by very large degrees, and so have
been doing for above a dozen years past.

If you demand from whence these distresses have arisen, I desire to ask
the following question:

If two-thirds of any kingdom's revenue be exported to another country,
without one farthing of value in return; and if the said kingdom be
forbidden the most profitable branches of trade wherein to employ the
other third, and only allowed to traffic in importing those commodities
which are most ruinous to itself[127]; how shall that kingdom stand?

If this question were formed into the first proposition of an
hypothetical syllogism, I defy the man born in Ireland, who is now in
the fairest way of getting a collectorship, or a cornet's post, to give
a good reason for denying it.

Let me put another case. Suppose a gentleman's estate of two hundred
pounds a year should sink to one hundred, by some accident, whether by
an earthquake, or inundation, it matters not: and suppose the said
gentleman utterly hopeless and unqualified ever to retrieve the loss;
how is he otherwise to proceed in his future economy, than by reducing
it on every article to one half less, unless he will be content to fly
his country, or rot in jail? This is a representation of Ireland's
condition; only with one fault, that it is a little too favourable.
Neither am I able to propose a full remedy for this, that shall ever be
granted, but only a small prolongation of life, until God shall
miraculously dispose the hearts of our neighbours, our kinsmen, our
fellow-protestants, fellow-subjects, and fellow rational creatures, to
permit us to starve without running further in debt. I am informed that
our national debt (and God knows how we wretches came by that
fashionable thing a national debt) is about two hundred and fifty
thousand pounds; which is at least one-third of the whole kingdom's
rents, after our absentees and other foreign drains are paid, and about
fifty thousand pounds more than all the cash.

It seems there are several schemes for raising a fund to pay the
interest of this formidable sum (not the principal, for this is allowed
impossible). The necessity of raising such a fund, is strongly and
regularly pleaded, from the late deficiencies in the duties and customs.
And is it the fault of Ireland that these funds are deficient? If they
depend on trade, can it possibly be otherwise, while we have neither
liberty to trade, nor money to trade with; neither hands to work, nor
business to employ them, if we had? Our diseases are visible enough both
in their causes and effects; and the cures are well known, but
impossible to be applied.

If my steward comes and tells me, that my rents are sunk so low, that
they are very little more than sufficient to pay my servants their
wages; have I any other course left than to cashier four in six of my
rascally footmen, and a number of other varlets in my family, of whose
insolence the whole neighbourhood complains? And I should think it
extremely severe in any law, to force me to maintain a household of
fifty servants, and fix their wages, before I had offered my rent-roll
upon oath to the legislators.

To return from digressing: I am told one scheme for raising a fund to
pay the interest of our national debt, is, by a further duty of forty
shillings a tun upon wine. Some gentlemen would carry this matter much
further, by raising it to twelve pounds; which, in a manner, would
amount to a prohibition: thus weakly arguing from the practice of
England.

I have often taken notice, both in print and in discourse, that there is
no topic so fallacious, either in talk or in writing, as to argue how we
ought to act in Ireland, from the example of England, Holland, France,
or any other country, whose inhabitants are allowed the common rights
and liberties of humankind. I could undertake to name six or seven of
the most uncontrolled maxims in government, which are utterly false in
this kingdom.

As to the additional duty on wine, I think any person may deliver his
opinion upon it, until it shall have passed into a law; and till then, I
declare mine to be positively against it.

First, Because there is no nation yet known, in either hemisphere, where
the people of all conditions are more in want of some cordial to keep up
their spirits, than in this of ours. I am not in jest; and if the fact
will not be allowed me, I shall not argue it.

Secondly, It is too well and generally known, that this tax of forty
shillings additional on every tun of wine, (which will be double, at
least, to the home consumer) will increase equally every new session of
Parliament, until, perhaps, it comes to twelve pounds.

Thirdly, Because, as the merchants inform me, and as I have known many
the like instances in England, this additional tax will more probably
lessen this branch of the revenue, than increase it. And therefore Sir
John Stanley, a commissioner of the customs in England, used to say,
that the House of Commons were generally mistaken in matters of trade,
by an erroneous opinion that two and two make four. Thus, if you should
lay an additional duty of one penny a pound on raisins or sugar, the
revenue, instead of rising, would certainly sink; and the consequence
would only be, to lessen the number of plum-puddings, and ruin the
confectioner.

Fourthly, I am likewise assured by merchants, that upon this additional
forty shillings, the French will at least equally raise their duties
upon all commodities we export thither.

Fifthly, If an original extract of the exports and imports be true, we
have been gainers, upon the balance, by our trade with France, for
several years past; and, although our gain amounts to no great sum, we
ought to be satisfied, since we are no losers, with the only consolation
we are capable of receiving.

Lastly, The worst consequence is behind. If we raise the duty on wine to
a considerable height, we lose the only hold we have of keeping among us
the few gentlemen of any tolerable estates. I am confident there is
hardly a gentleman of eight hundred pounds a year and upwards, in this
kingdom, who would balance half an hour to consider whether he should
live here or in England, if a family could be as cheaply maintained in
the one as the other. As to eatables, they are as cheap in many fine
counties of England, as in some very indifferent ones here; or, if there
be any difference, that vein of thrift and prudence in economy, which
passes there without reproach, (and chiefly in London itself,) would
amply make up the difference. But the article of French wine is hardly
tolerable, in any degree of plenty, to a middling fortune; and this is
it, which, by growing habitual, wholly turns the scale with those few
landed men, disengaged from employments, who content themselves to live
hospitably with plenty of good wine in their own country, rather than in
penury and obscurity in another, with bad, or with none at all.

Having, therefore, as far as in me lies, abolished this additional duty
upon wine; for I am not under the least concern about paying the
interest of the national debt, but leave it, as in loyalty bound, wholly
to the wisdom of the honourable House of Commons; I come now to consider
by what methods we may be able to put off and delay our utter undoing as
long as it is possible.

I never have discoursed with any reasonable man upon this subject, who
did not allow that there was no remedy left us, but to lessen the
importation of all unnecessary commodities as much as it was possible;
and likewise either to persuade our absentees to spend their money at
home, which is impossible; or tax them at five shillings in the pound
during their absence, with such allowances, upon necessary occasions, as
it shall be thought convenient: or, by permitting us a free trade, which
is denied to no other nation upon earth. The three last methods are
treated by Mr. Prior, in his most useful treatise, added to his list of
absentees.[128]

It is to gratify the vanity, and pride, and luxury of the women, and of
the young fops who admire them, that we owe this insupportable
grievance, of bringing in the instruments of our ruin. There is annually
brought over to this kingdom near ninety thousand pounds worth of silk,
whereof the greater part is manufactured. Thirty thousand pounds more is
expended in muslin, holland, cambric, and calico. What the price of lace
amounts to, is not easy to be collected from the custom-house book,
being a kind of goods that takes up little room, and is easily run; but,
considering the prodigious price of a woman's head-dress, at ten,
twelve, twenty pounds a yard, must be very great. The tea, rated at
seven shillings per pound, comes to near twelve thousand pounds; but,
considering it as the common luxury of every chambermaid, sempstress,
and tradesman's wife, both in town and country, however they come by it,
must needs cost the kingdom double that sum. Coffee is somewhere above
seven thousand pounds. I have seen no account of the chocolate, and some
other Indian or American goods. The drapery imported is about
four-and-twenty thousand pounds. The whole amounts (with one or two
other particulars) to one hundred and fifty thousand pounds. The
lavishing of all which money is just as prudent and necessary, as to see
a man in an embroidered coat, begging out of Newgate in an old shoe.

I allow that the thrown and raw silk is less pernicious, because we have
some share in the manufacture: but we are not now in circumstances to
trifle. It costs us above forty thousand pounds a-year; and if the
ladies, till better times, will not be content to go in their own
country shifts, I wish they may go in rags.

Let them vie with each other in the fineness of their native linen:
their beauty and gentleness will as well appear, as if they were covered
over with diamonds and brocade.

I believe no man is so weak, as to hope or expect that such a
reformation can be brought about by a law. But a thorough hearty,
unanimous vote, in both houses of Parliament, might perhaps answer as
well: every senator, noble or plebeian, giving his honour, that neither
himself, nor any of his family, would, in their dress, or furniture of
their houses, make use of anything except what was of the growth and
manufacture of this kingdom; and that they would use the utmost of their
power, influence, and credit, to prevail on their tenants, dependants,
and friends, to follow their example.




A

MODEST PROPOSAL

FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE

FROM BEING A BURTHEN TO THEIR PARENTS

OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL

TO THE PUBLIC.




     NOTE.


     Perhaps in no literature is there to be found a piece of writing in
     any sense comparable to this "Modest Proposal." Written,
     apparently, in a light and comic vein, it might deceive the casual
     reader into the belief that Swift had achieved a joke. It has the
     air of a smiling and indifferent _raconteur_ amusing an
     after-dinner table. In truth, however, this piece of writing is a
     terrible indictment made by an advocate speaking against the result
     of a tyranny of power which, through wicked stupidity or complacent
     indifference, had afflicted a people almost to extinction. The
     restraint of the writer evinced in this tract, is the more
     remarkable, when we remember that he was Ireland's foremost
     patriot, that he had been her champion for liberty and
     independence, and that an indignation filled him at all times,
     lacerating his heart, against the cruelty and oppression and
     wretchedness of humanity generally. Here, he sits down and writes
     as calmly as if composing an ordinary sermon, and proposes, in cold
     blood, to alleviate the poverty of the Irish people by the sale of
     their children as table food for the rich. He even goes into
     calculations as to cost of breeding, and shows how a mother might
     earn eight shillings a year on each child, by disposing of its
     carcass for ten shillings. Of the million and a half people who
     inhabit the country, he assumes that there are 200,000 who beget
     children; of these about 30,000 are able to provide for their
     offspring, but the balance of 170,000 must inevitably become a
     burden. What is to become of them? Many schemes have been proposed
     to meet their case, but not one of them has answered. Trade and
     agriculture gave them no opportunity, since the trade of the
     country was almost at a standstill, and land was now either too
     dear to keep or too poor to cultivate. At the time of Swift's
     writing Ireland had passed through three frightful years of famine.
     Corn had become so dear that riots occurred at the ports where what
     corn remained was being exported. The land, as Swift wrote to Pope
     (August 11th, 1729) was in every place strewn with beggars. The
     poor labourer, had work been found for him, was too weak in body to
     undertake it. Thousands had already died of starvation and the
     diseases consequent on hunger. Those that managed to exist did so
     in filth, and dying every day, as Swift wrote on another occasion,
     "and rotting, by cold and famine, and filth and vermin."

     No, there was only one way out of the difficulty, and that was to
     have these poor people breed children, which they could profitably
     dispose of for food. Let them fatten their offspring as best they
     could and sell them dead or alive for cooking. The irony of the
     proposition may sound appalling to us in this century, but Swift
     was not exaggerating the distress of his day. Even Primate Boulter,
     who was certainly the last man to overstate an Irish case, sent
     such reports as gave the English Government anxiety. To Swift it
     was no time for polite speeches and calm proposals. He had already
     given them in abundance. Now was the time for something merry and
     with laughter:

       "I may storm and rage in vain;
       It but stupifies your brain.
       But with raillery to nettle,
       Set your thoughts upon their mettle."

     It was in this spirit that the "Modest Proposal" was written. Swift
     concludes with a final touch by telling us that he has nothing to
     gain personally by his suggestion, since his "youngest child is
     nine and his wife past child-bearing."

       *       *       *       *       *

     The text of the present edition is that of the original issue
     collated with that given by Faulkner.

     [T. S.]




A MODEST

PROPOSAL

For preventing the

CHILDREN

OF

POOR PEOPLE

From ~being a Burthen~ to

Their Parents or Country,

AND

For making them Beneficial to the

PUBLICK.

       *       *       *       *       *

By Dr. Swift.

       *       *       *       *       *

_Dublin_, Printed by _S. Harding_:

_London_, Reprinted; and sold by _J. Roberts_ in _Warwick-lane_, and
the Pamphlet-Shops.

M.DCC.XXIX.




A MODEST PROPOSAL

FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE FROM BEING A BURTHEN TO THEIR
PARENTS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL TO THE PUBLIC.


It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great town, or
travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and
cabin-doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three,
four, or six children, _all in rags_, and importuning every passenger
for an alms. These mothers instead of being able to work for their
honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling, to
beg sustenance for their helpless infants, who, as they grow up, either
turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear Native Country to
fight for the Pretender in Spain,[129] or sell themselves to the
Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of
children, in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their
mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable
state of the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and therefore
whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these
children sound useful members of the commonwealth would deserve so well
of the public, as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the
nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for
the children of professed beggars, it is of a much greater extent, and
shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are born
of parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demand
our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts, for many years, upon this
important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other
projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their
computation. It is true a child, just dropped from its dam, may be
supported by her milk for a solar year with little other nourishment, at
most not above the value of two shillings, which the mother may
certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of
begging, and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for
them, in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their
parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of
their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding and
partly to the clothing of many thousands.

There as likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will
prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women
murdering their bastard children, alas, too frequent among us,
sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expense,
than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and
inhuman breast.

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million
and a half,[130] of these I calculate there may be about two hundred
thousand couple whose wives are breeders, from which number I subtract
thirty thousand couples, who are able to maintain their own children,
although I apprehend there cannot be so many under the present
distresses of the kingdom, but this being granted, there will remain an
hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand
for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident, or
disease within the year. There only remain an hundred and twenty
thousand children of poor parents annually born: The question therefore
is, how this number shall be reared, and provided for, which, as I have
already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed, for we can neither
employ them in handicraft, or agriculture; we neither build houses, (I
mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a
livelihood by stealing till they arrive at six years old, except where
they are of towardly parts, although, I confess they learn the rudiments
much earlier, during which time, they can however be properly looked
upon only as _probationers_, as I have been informed by a principal
gentleman in the County of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never
knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of
the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.

I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl, before twelve years
old, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to this age, they
will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown at
most on the Exchange, which cannot turn to account either to the parents
or the kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having been at least
four times that value.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will
not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in
London,[131] that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a
most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted,
baked, or boiled, and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a
fricassee, or a ragout.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration, that of the
hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousand
may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males,
which is more than we allow to sheep, black-cattle, or swine, and my
reason is that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a
circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will
be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand
may at a year old be offered in sale to the persons of quality, and
fortune, through the kingdom, always advising the mother to let them
suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fat
for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for
friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will
make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will
be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12
pounds, and in a solar year if tolerably nursed increaseth to 28 pounds.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for
landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem
to have the best title to the children.

Infants' flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful
in March, and a little before and after, for we are told by a grave
author an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet,
there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine
months after Lent, than at any other season; therefore reckoning a year
after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the
number of Popish infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom, and
therefore it will have one other collateral advantage by lessening the
number of Papists among us.

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which
list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of the farmers)
to be about two shillings _per annum_, rags included, and I believe no
gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good
fat child, which, as I have said will make four dishes of excellent
nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or his own
family to dine with him. Thus the Squire will learn to be a good
landlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the mother will have eight
shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces another
child.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may
flay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make
admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose, in
the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not
be wanting, although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and
dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I
highly esteem, was lately pleased, in discoursing on this matter, to
offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that many gentlemen of this
kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want
of venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and
maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age, nor under twelve, so great
a number of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve, for
want of work and service: and these to be disposed of by their parents
if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due
deference to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I cannot
be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American
acquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that their flesh was
generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys, by continual
exercise, and their taste disagreeable, and to fatten them would not
answer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think with humble
submission, be a loss to the public, because they soon would become
breeders themselves: And besides, it is not improbable that some
scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice, (although
indeed very unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty, which, I
confess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against any
project, however so well intended.

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient was
put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar,[132] a native of the
island Formosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty years ago,
and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young
person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to
persons of quality, as a prime dainty, and that, in his time, the body
of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison
the emperor, was sold to his Imperial Majesty's Prime Minister of State,
and other great Mandarins of the Court, in joints from the gibbet, at
four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use
were made of several plump young girls in this town, who, without one
single groat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a chair, and
appear at the playhouse, and assemblies in foreign fineries, which they
never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast
number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have
been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken, to ease the
nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain
upon that matter, because it is very well known, that they are every day
dying, and rotting, by cold, and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast
as can be reasonably expected. And as to the younger labourers they are
now in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and
consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree, that if at
any time they are accidentally hired to common labour, they have not
strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily
delivered from the evils to come.

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I
think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and
many, as well as of the highest importance.

For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the
number of Papists, with whom we are yearly over-run, being the principal
breeders of the nation, as well as our most dangerous enemies, and who
stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the
Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good
Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country, than stay at
home, and pay tithes against their conscience, to an Episcopal
curate.[133]

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own,
which by law may be made liable to distress, and help to pay their
landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and _money
a thing unknown_.

Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from
two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less than ten
shillings a piece _per annum_, the nation's stock will be thereby
increased fifty thousand pounds _per annum_, besides the profit of a new
dish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the
kingdom, who have any refinement in taste, and the money will circulate
among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and
manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight shillings
sterling _per annum_, by the sale of their children, will be rid of the
charge of maintaining them after the first year.

Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns, where
the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best
receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their
houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves
upon their knowledge in good eating; and a skilful cook, who understands
how to oblige his guests will contrive to make it as expensive as they
please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise
nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and
penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward
their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life, to the
poor babes, provided in some sort by the public to their annual profit
instead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the married
women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market, men
would become as fond of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy,
as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, or sows when
they are ready to farrow, nor offer to beat or kick them (as it is too
frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be enumerated: For instance, the addition of
some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrelled beef; the
propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good
bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too
frequent at our tables, which are no way comparable in taste, or
magnificence to a well-grown, fat yearling child, which roasted whole
will make a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor's feast, or any other
public entertainment. But this, and many others I omit being studious of
brevity.

Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constant
customers for infants' flesh, besides others who might have it at
merry-meetings, particularly weddings and christenings, I compute that
Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses, and the
rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper)
the remaining eighty thousand.

I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against
this proposal, unless it should be urged that the number of people will
be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and was
indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the
reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy _for this one
individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or,
I think, ever can be upon earth_. Therefore let no man talk to me of
other expedients: _Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of
using neither clothes, nor household furniture, except what is of our
own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and
instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of
pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein
of parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our Country,
wherein we differ even from_ LAPLANDERS, _and the inhabitants
of_ TOPINAMBOO:[134] _Of quitting our animosities and factions,
nor act any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the
very moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell
our country and consciences for nothing:[135] Of teaching landlords to
have at least one degree of mercy toward their tenants. Lastly of
putting a spirit of honesty, industry and skill into our shopkeepers,
who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods,
would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the
measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one
fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to
it_.[136]

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like
expedients, till he hath at least some glimpse of hope, that there will
ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them in practice.

But as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering
vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of
success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which as it is wholly
new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and little
trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in
_disobliging_ ENGLAND. For this kind of commodity will not
bear exportation,[137] the flesh being of too tender a consistence, to
admit a long continuance in salt, _although perhaps I could name a
country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it_.

After all I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to reject
any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent,
cheap, easy and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be
advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire
the author, or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points.
First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and
raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly,
there being a round million of creatures in human figure, throughout
this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock, would
leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling adding those, who are
beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and labourers
with their wives and children, who are beggars in effect. I desire those
politicians, who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold to
attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these
mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness
to have been sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and
thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they have
since gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of
paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with
neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the
weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like, or
greater miseries upon their breed for ever.

I profess in the sincerity of my heart that I have not the least
personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having
no other motive than the _public good of my country, by advancing our
trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some
pleasure to the rich_. I have no children, by which I can propose to get
a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife past
child-bearing.




ANSWER TO THE CRAFTSMAN.




     NOTE.


     This "Answer" forms an excellent continuation of the "Modest
     Proposal." It is in an entirely different vein, but is, in its own
     way, an admirable example of Swift's strength in handling a public
     question. The English government had been offering every facility
     to French officers for recruiting their army from Ireland. The
     "Craftsman" made some strong remarks on this, and Primate Boulter,
     in his letter to the Duke of Newcastle, under date October 14th,
     1730, told his Grace, "that after consulting with the Lords
     Justices on the subject he found that they apprehend there will be
     greater difficulties in this affair than at first offered." He
     enters into the difficulties to be overcome in order to act in
     consonance with the wishes of his Majesty, and promises that
     "effectual care shall be taken that none of the officers who are
     come hither, suffer on this account" (Letter, pp. 26-27, vol. ii.,
     Dublin, edit. 1770). Swift uses the matter for his own purposes and
     ironically welcomes this chance for the depopulation of Ireland.
     "When our island is a desert, we will send all our raw material to
     England, and receive from her all our manufactured articles. A
     leather coinage will be all we want, separated, as we shall then
     be, from all human kind. We shall have lost all; but we may be left
     in peace, and we shall have no more to tempt the plunderer." Scott
     styles this "Answer" a masterpiece.

       *       *       *       *       *

     The text of this edition is based on that given by Faulkner in the
     ninth volume of his edition of Swift issued in 1772.

     [T. S.]




ANSWER TO THE CRAFTSMAN.[138]


 SIR,

I detest reading your papers, because I am not of your principles, and
because I cannot endure to be convinced. Yet I was prevailed on to
peruse your Craftsman of December the 12th, wherein I discover you to be
as great an enemy of this country, as you are of your own. You are
pleased to reflect on a project I proposed, of making the children of
Irish parents to be useful to the public instead of being
burdensome;[139] and you venture to assert, that your own scheme is more
charitable, of not permitting our Popish natives to be listed in the
service of any foreign prince.

Perhaps, sir, you may not have heard of any kingdom so unhappy as this,
both in their imports and exports. We import a sort of goods, of no
intrinsic value, which costeth us above forty thousand pounds a year to
dress, and scour, and polish them, which altogether do not yield one
penny advantage;[140] and we annually export above seven hundred
thousand pounds a year in another kind of goods, for which we receive
not one single farthing in return; even the money paid for the letters
sent in transacting this commerce being all returned to England. But
now, when there is a most lucky opportunity offered to begin a trade,
whereby this nation will save many thousand pounds a year, and England
be a prodigious gainer, you are pleased, without a call, officiously and
maliciously to interpose with very frivolous arguments.

It is well known, that about sixty years ago the exportation of live
cattle from hence to England was a great benefit to both kingdoms, until
that branch of traffic was stopped by an act of Parliament on your side,
whereof you have had sufficient reason to repent.[141] Upon which
account, when another act passed your Parliament, forbidding the
exportation of live men to any foreign country, you were so wise to put
in a clause, allowing it to be done by his Majesty's permission, under
his sign manual,[142] for which, among other great benefits granted to
Ireland, we are infinitely obliged to the British legislature. Yet this
very grace and favour you, Mr. D'Anvers, whom we never disobliged, are
endeavouring to prevent; which, I will take upon me to say, is a
manifest mark of your disaffection to his Majesty, a want of duty to the
ministry, and a wicked design of oppressing this kingdom, and a
traitorous attempt to lessen the trade and manufacture of England.

Our truest and best ally, the Most Christian King,[143] hath obtained
his Majesty's licence, pursuant to law, to export from hence some
thousand bodies of healthy, young, living men, to supply his Irish
regiments. The King of Spain, as you assert yourself, hath desired the
same civility, and seemeth to have at least as good a claim. Supposing
then that these two potentates will only desire leave to carry off six
thousand men between them to France and Spain; then, by computing the
maintenance of a tall, hungry Irishman, in food and clothes, to be only
at five pounds a head, here will be thirty thousand pounds per annum
saved clear to the nation; for they can find no other employment at
home, beside begging, robbing, or stealing. But, if thirty, forty, or
fifty thousand (which we could gladly spare) were sent on the same
errand, what an immense benefit must it be to us! And if the two
princes, in whose service they were, should happen to be at war with
each other, how soon would those recruits be destroyed! Then what a
number of friends would the Pretender lose, and what a number of Popish
enemies all true Protestants get rid of! Add to this, that then, by such
a practice, the lands of Ireland, that want hands for tillage, must be
employed in grazing, which would sink the price of wool, raw hides,
butter, and tallow, so that the English might have them at their own
rates, and in return send us wheat to make our bread, barley to brew our
drink, and oats for our houses, without any labour of our own.

Upon this occasion, I desire humbly to offer a scheme, which, in my
opinion, would best answer the true interests of both kingdoms: For
although I bear a most tender filial affection to England, my dear
native country, yet I cannot deny but this noble island hath a great
share in my love and esteem; nor can I express how much I desire to see
it flourish in trade and opulence, even beyond its present happy
condition.

The profitable land of this kingdom is, I think, usually computed at
seventeen millions of acres, all which I propose to be wholly turned to
grazing. Now, it is found by experience, that one grazier and his family
can manage two thousand acres. Thus sixteen millions eight hundred
thousand acres may be managed by eight thousand four hundred families;
and the fraction of two hundred thousand acres will be more than
sufficient for cabins, out-houses, and potatoe-gardens; because it is to
be understood that corn of all sorts must be sent to us from England.

These eight thousand four hundred families may be divided among the four
provinces, according to the number of houses in each province; and
making the equal allowance of eight to a family, the number of
inhabitants will amount to sixty-seven thousand two hundred souls. To
these we are to add a standing army of twenty thousand English; which,
together with their trulls, their bastards, and their horse-boys, will,
by a gross computation, very near double the count, and be very
sufficient for the defence and grazing of the kingdom, as well as to
enrich our neighbours, expel popery, and keep out the Pretender. And,
lest the army should be at a loss for business, I think it would be very
prudent to employ them in collecting the public taxes for paying
themselves and the civil list.

I advise, that all the owners of these lands should live constantly in
England, in order to learn politeness, and qualify themselves for
employments; but, for fear of increasing the natives in this island,
that an annual draught, according to the number born every year, be
exported to whatever prince will bear the carriage, or transplanted to
the English dominions on the American continent, as a screen between his
Majesty's English subjects and the savage Indians.

I advise likewise, that no commodity whatsoever, of this nation's
growth, should be sent to any other country except England, under the
penalty of high treason; and that all the said commodities shall be sent
in their natural state; the hides raw, the wool uncombed, the flax in
the stub; excepting only fish, butter, tallow, and whatever else will be
spoiled in the carriage. On the contrary, that no goods whatsoever shall
be exported hither, except from England, under the same penalty: that
England should be forced, at their own rates, to send us over clothes
ready made, as well as shirts and smocks to the soldiers and their
trulls; all iron, wooden, and earthen ware, and whatever furniture may
be necessary for the cabins of graziers; with a sufficient quantity of
gin, and other spirits, for those who, can afford to be drunk on
holidays.

As to the civil and ecclesiastical administration, which I have not yet
fully considered, I can say little; only, with regard to the latter, it
is plain, that the article of paying tithe for supporting speculative
opinions in religion, which is so insupportable a burden to all true
Protestants, and to most churchmen, will be very much lessened by this
expedient; because dry cattle pay nothing to the spiritual hireling,
any more than imported corn; so that the industrious shepherd and
cowherd may sit every man under his own blackberry-bush, and on his own
potato-bed, whereby this happy island will become a new Arcadia.

I do likewise propose, that no money shall be used in Ireland except
what is made of leather, which likewise shall be coined in England, and
imported; and that the taxes shall be levied out of the commodities we
export to England, and there turned into money for his Majesty's use;
and the rents to landlords discharged in the same manner. This will be
no manner of grievance, for we already see it very practicable to live
without money, and shall be more convinced of it every day. But whether
paper shall still continue to supply that defect, or whether we shall
hang up all those who profess the trade of bankers, (which latter I am
rather inclined to,) must be left to the consideration of wiser
politicians.

That which maketh me more zealously bent upon this scheme, is my desire
of living in amity with our neighbouring brethren; for we have already
tried all other means without effect, to that blessed end: and, by the
course of measures taken for some years past, it should seem that we are
all agreed in the point.

This expedient will be of great advantage to both kingdoms, upon several
accounts: for, as to England, they have a just claim to the balance of
trade on their side with the whole world: and therefore our ancestors
and we, who conquered this kingdom for them, ought, in duty and
gratitude, to let them have the whole benefit of that conquest to
themselves; especially when the conquest was amicably made without
bloodshed, by a stipulation between the Irish princes and Henry II.; by
which they paid him, indeed, not equal homage with what the electors of
Germany do to the emperor, but very near the same that he did to the
King of France for his French dominions.

In consequence of this claim from England, that kingdom may very
reasonably demand the benefit of all our commodities in their natural
growth, to be manufactured by their people, and a sufficient quantity of
them for our use to be returned hither fully manufactured.