William Shakespear

As You Like It
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Cel. West of this place, down in the neighbor bottom
The ranke of Oziers, by the murmuring streame
Left on your right hand, brings you to the place:
But at this howre, the house doth keepe it selfe,
There's none within

   Oli. If that an eye may profit by a tongue,
Then should I know you by description,
Such garments, and such yeeres: the boy is faire,
Of femall fauour, and bestowes himselfe
Like a ripe sister: the woman low
And browner then her brother: are not you
The owner of the house I did enquire for?
  Cel. It is no boast, being ask'd, to say we are

   Oli. Orlando doth commend him to you both,
And to that youth hee calls his Rosalind,
He sends this bloudy napkin; are you he?
  Ros. I am: what must we vnderstand by this?
  Oli. Some of my shame, if you will know of me
What man I am, and how, and why, and where
This handkercher was stain'd

   Cel. I pray you tell it

   Oli. When last the yong Orlando parted from you,
He left a promise to returne againe
Within an houre, and pacing through the Forrest,
Chewing the food of sweet and bitter fancie,
Loe what befell: he threw his eye aside,
And marke what obiect did present it selfe
Vnder an old Oake, whose bows were moss'd with age
And high top, bald with drie antiquitie:
A wretched ragged man, ore-growne with haire
Lay sleeping on his back; about his necke
A greene and guilded snake had wreath'd it selfe,
Who with her head, nimble in threats approach'd
The opening of his mouth: but sodainly
Seeing Orlando, it vnlink'd it selfe,
And with indented glides, did slip away
Into a bush, vnder which bushes shade
A Lyonnesse, with vdders all drawne drie,
Lay cowching head on ground, with catlike watch
When that the sleeping man should stirre; for 'tis
The royall disposition of that beast
To prey on nothing, that doth seeme as dead:
This seene, Orlando did approach the man,
And found it was his brother, his elder brother

   Cel. O I haue heard him speake of that same brother,
And he did render him the most vnnaturall
That liu'd amongst men

   Oli. And well he might so doe,
For well I know he was vnnaturall

   Ros. But to Orlando: did he leaue him there
Food to the suck'd and hungry Lyonnesse?
  Oli. Twice did he turne his backe, and purpos'd so:
But kindnesse, nobler euer then reuenge,
And Nature stronger then his iust occasion,
Made him giue battell to the Lyonnesse:
Who quickly fell before him, in which hurtling
From miserable slumber I awaked

   Cel. Are you his brother?
  Ros. Was't you he rescu'd?
  Cel. Was't you that did so oft contriue to kill him?
  Oli. 'Twas I: but 'tis not I: I doe not shame
To tell you what I was, since my conuersion
So sweetly tastes, being the thing I am

   Ros. But for the bloody napkin?
  Oli. By and by:
When from the first to last betwixt vs two,
Teares our recountments had most kindely bath'd,
As how I came into that Desert place.
In briefe, he led me to the gentle Duke,
Who gaue me fresh aray, and entertainment,
Committing me vnto my brothers loue,
Who led me instantly vnto his Caue,
There stript himselfe, and heere vpon his arme
The Lyonnesse had torne some flesh away,
Which all this while had bled; and now he fainted,
And cride in fainting vpon Rosalinde.
Briefe, I recouer'd him, bound vp his wound,
And after some small space, being strong at heart,
He sent me hither, stranger as I am
To tell this story, that you might excuse
His broken promise, and to giue this napkin
Died in this bloud, vnto the Shepheard youth,
That he in sport doth call his Rosalind

   Cel. Why how now Ganimed, sweet Ganimed

   Oli. Many will swoon when they do look on bloud

   Cel. There is more in it; Cosen Ganimed

   Oli. Looke, he recouers

   Ros. I would I were at home

   Cel. Wee'll lead you thither:
I pray you will you take him by the arme

   Oli. Be of good cheere youth: you a man?
You lacke a mans heart

   Ros. I doe so, I confesse it:
Ah, sirra, a body would thinke this was well counterfeited,
I pray you tell your brother how well I counterfeited:
heigh-ho

   Oli. This was not counterfeit, there is too great testimony
in your complexion, that it was a passion of earnest

   Ros. Counterfeit, I assure you

   Oli. Well then, take a good heart, and counterfeit to
be a man

   Ros. So I doe: but yfaith, I should haue beene a woman
by right

   Cel. Come, you looke paler and paler: pray you draw
homewards: good sir, goe with vs

   Oli. That will I: for I must beare answere backe
How you excuse my brother, Rosalind

   Ros. I shall deuise something: but I pray you commend
my counterfeiting to him: will you goe?

Exeunt.


Actus Quintus. Scena Prima.


Enter Clowne and Awdrie.

  Clow. We shall finde a time Awdrie, patience gentle
Awdrie

   Awd. Faith the Priest was good enough, for all the
olde gentlemans saying

   Clow. A most wicked Sir Oliuer, Awdrie, a most vile
Mar-text. But Awdrie, there is a youth heere in the
Forrest layes claime to you

   Awd. I, I know who 'tis: he hath no interest in mee
in the world: here comes the man you meane.
Enter William.

  Clo. It is meat and drinke to me to see a Clowne, by
my troth, we that haue good wits, haue much to answer
for: we shall be flouting: we cannot hold

   Will. Good eu'n Audrey

   Aud. God ye good eu'n William

   Will. And good eu'n to you Sir

   Clo. Good eu'n gentle friend. Couer thy head, couer
thy head: Nay prethee bee couer'd. How olde are you
Friend?
  Will. Fiue and twentie Sir

   Clo. A ripe age: Is thy name William?
  Will. William, sir

   Clo. A faire name. Was't borne i'th Forrest heere?
  Will. I sir, I thanke God

   Clo. Thanke God: A good answer:
Art rich?
  Will. 'Faith sir, so, so

   Cle. So, so, is good, very good, very excellent good:
and yet it is not, it is but so, so:
Art thou wise?
  Will. I sir, I haue a prettie wit

   Clo. Why, thou saist well. I do now remember a saying:
The Foole doth thinke he is wise, but the wiseman
knowes himselfe to be a Foole. The Heathen Philosopher,
when he had a desire to eate a Grape, would open
his lips when he put it into his mouth, meaning thereby,
that Grapes were made to eate, and lippes to open.
You do loue this maid?
  Will. I do sir

   Clo. Giue me your hand: Art thou Learned?
  Will. No sir

   Clo. Then learne this of me, To haue, is to haue. For
it is a figure in Rhetoricke, that drink being powr'd out
of a cup into a glasse, by filling the one, doth empty the
other. For all your Writers do consent, that ipse is hee:
now you are not ipse, for I am he

   Will. Which he sir?
  Clo. He sir, that must marrie this woman: Therefore
you Clowne, abandon: which is in the vulgar, leaue the
societie: which in the boorish, is companie, of this female:
which in the common, is woman: which together,
is, abandon the society of this Female, or Clowne
thou perishest: or to thy better vnderstanding, dyest; or
(to wit) I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into
death, thy libertie into bondage: I will deale in poyson
with thee, or in bastinado, or in steele: I will bandy
with thee in faction, I will ore-run thee with policie: I
will kill thee a hundred and fifty wayes, therefore tremble
and depart

   Aud. Do good William

   Will. God rest you merry sir.

Exit

Enter Corin.

  Cor. Our Master and Mistresse seekes you: come away,
away

   Clo. Trip Audry, trip Audry, I attend,
I attend.

Exeunt.

Scoena Secunda.

Enter Orlando & Oliuer.

  Orl. Is't possible, that on so little acquaintance you
should like her? that, but seeing, you should loue her?
And louing woo? and wooing, she should graunt? And
will you perseuer to enioy her?
  Ol. Neither call the giddinesse of it in question; the
pouertie of her, the small acquaintance, my sodaine woing,
nor sodaine consenting: but say with mee, I loue
Aliena: say with her, that she loues mee; consent with
both, that we may enioy each other: it shall be to your
good: for my fathers house, and all the reuennew, that
was old Sir Rowlands will I estate vpon you, and heere
liue and die a Shepherd.
Enter Rosalind.

  Orl. You haue my consent.
Let your Wedding be to morrow: thither will I
Inuite the Duke, and all's contented followers:
Go you, and prepare Aliena; for looke you,
Heere comes my Rosalinde

   Ros. God saue you brother

   Ol. And you faire sister

   Ros. Oh my deere Orlando, how it greeues me to see
thee weare thy heart in a scarfe

   Orl. It is my arme

   Ros. I thought thy heart had beene wounded with
the clawes of a Lion

   Orl. Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a Lady

   Ros. Did your brother tell you how I counterfeyted
to sound, when he shew'd me your handkercher?
  Orl. I, and greater wonders then that

   Ros. O, I know where you are: nay, tis true: there
was neuer any thing so sodaine, but the sight of two
Rammes, and Cesars Thrasonicall bragge of I came, saw,
and ouercome. For your brother, and my sister, no sooner
met, but they look'd: no sooner look'd, but they
lou'd; no sooner lou'd, but they sigh'd: no sooner sigh'd
but they ask'd one another the reason: no sooner knew
the reason, but they sought the remedie: and in these
degrees, haue they made a paire of staires to marriage,
which they will climbe incontinent, or else bee incontinent
before marriage; they are in the verie wrath of
loue, and they will together. Clubbes cannot part
them

   Orl. They shall be married to morrow: and I will
bid the Duke to the Nuptiall. But O, how bitter a thing
it is, to looke into happines through another mans eies:
by so much the more shall I to morrow be at the height
of heart heauinesse, by how much I shal thinke my brother
happie, in hauing what he wishes for

   Ros. Why then to morrow, I cannot serue your turne
for Rosalind?
  Orl. I can liue no longer by thinking

   Ros. I will wearie you then no longer with idle talking.
Know of me then (for now I speake to some purpose)
that I know you are a Gentleman of good conceit:
I speake not this, that you should beare a good opinion
of my knowledge: insomuch (I say) I know you are: neither
do I labor for a greater esteeme then may in some
little measure draw a beleefe from you, to do your selfe
good, and not to grace me. Beleeue then, if you please,
that I can do strange things: I haue since I was three
yeare old conuerst with a Magitian, most profound in
his Art, and yet not damnable. If you do loue Rosalinde
so neere the hart, as your gesture cries it out: when your
brother marries Aliena, shall you marrie her. I know into
what straights of Fortune she is driuen, and it is not
impossible to me, if it appeare not inconuenient to you,
to set her before your eyes to morrow, humane as she is,
and without any danger

   Orl. Speak'st thou in sober meanings?
  Ros. By my life I do, which I tender deerly, though
I say I am a Magitian: Therefore put you in your best aray,
bid your friends: for if you will be married to morrow,
you shall: and to Rosalind if you will.
Enter Siluius & Phebe.

Looke, here comes a Louer of mine, and a louer of hers

   Phe. Youth, you haue done me much vngentlenesse,
To shew the letter that I writ to you

   Ros. I care not if I haue: it is my studie
To seeme despightfull and vngentle to you:
you are there followed by a faithful shepheard,
Looke vpon him, loue him: he worships you

   Phe. Good shepheard, tell this youth what 'tis to loue
  Sil. It is to be all made of sighes and teares,
And so am I for Phebe

   Phe. And I for Ganimed

   Orl. And I for Rosalind

   Ros. And I for no woman

   Sil. It is to be all made of faith and seruice,
And so am I for Phebe

   Phe. And I for Ganimed

   Orl. And I for Rosalind

   Ros. And I for no woman

   Sil. It is to be all made of fantasie,
All made of passion, and all made of wishes,
All adoration, dutie, and obseruance,
All humblenesse, all patience, and impatience,
All puritie, all triall, all obseruance:
And so am I for Phebe

   Phe. And so am I for Ganimed

   Orl. And so am I for Rosalind

   Ros. And so am I for no woman

   Phe. If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?
  Sil. If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?
  Orl. If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?
  Ros. Why do you speake too, Why blame you mee
to loue you

   Orl. To her, that is not heere, nor doth not heare

   Ros. Pray you no more of this, 'tis like the howling
of Irish Wolues against the Moone: I will helpe you
if I can: I would loue you if I could: To morrow meet
me altogether: I wil marrie you, if euer I marrie Woman,
and Ile be married to morrow: I will satisfie you,
if euer I satisfi'd man, and you shall bee married to morrow.
I wil content you, if what pleases you contents
you, and you shal be married to morrow: As you loue
Rosalind meet, as you loue Phebe meet, and as I loue no
woman, Ile meet: so fare you wel: I haue left you commands

   Sil. Ile not faile, if I liue

   Phe. Nor I

   Orl. Nor I.

Exeunt.


Scoena Tertia.

Enter Clowne and Audrey.

  Clo. To morrow is the ioyfull day Audrey, to morow
will we be married

   Aud. I do desire it with all my heart: and I hope it is
no dishonest desire, to desire to be a woman of y world?
Heere come two of the banish'd Dukes Pages.
Enter two Pages.

  1.Pa. Wel met honest Gentleman

   Clo. By my troth well met: come, sit, sit, and a song

   2.Pa. We are for you, sit i'th middle

   1.Pa. Shal we clap into't roundly, without hauking,
or spitting, or saying we are hoarse, which are the onely
prologues to a bad voice

   2.Pa. I faith, y'faith, and both in a tune like two
gipsies on a horse.

Song.

It was a Louer, and his lasse,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
That o're the greene corne feild did passe,
In the spring time, the onely pretty rang time.
When Birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.
Sweet Louers loue the spring,
And therefore take the present time.
With a hey, & a ho, and a hey nonino,
For loue is crowned with the prime.
In spring time, &c.
Betweene the acres of the Rie,
With a hey, and a ho, & a hey nonino:
These prettie Country folks would lie.
In spring time, &c.
This Carroll they began that houre,
With a hey and a ho, & a hey nonino:
How that a life was but a Flower,
In spring time, &c

   Clo. Truly yong Gentlemen, though there was no
great matter in the dittie, yet y note was very vntunable
  1.Pa. you are deceiu'd Sir, we kept time, we lost not
our time

   Clo. By my troth yes: I count it but time lost to heare
such a foolish song. God buy you, and God mend your
voices. Come Audrie.

Exeunt.


Scena Quarta.

Enter Duke Senior, Amyens, Iaques, Orlando, Oliuer, Celia.

  Du.Sen. Dost thou beleeue Orlando, that the boy
Can do all this that he hath promised?
  Orl. I sometimes do beleeue, and somtimes do not,
As those that feare they hope, and know they feare.
Enter Rosalinde, Siluius, & Phebe.

  Ros. Patience once more, whiles our co[m]pact is vrg'd:
You say, if I bring in your Rosalinde,
You wil bestow her on Orlando heere?
  Du.Se. That would I, had I kingdoms to giue with hir

   Ros. And you say you wil haue her, when I bring hir?
  Orl. That would I, were I of all kingdomes King

   Ros. You say, you'l marrie me, if I be willing

   Phe. That will I, should I die the houre after

   Ros. But if you do refuse to marrie me,
You'l giue your selfe to this most faithfull Shepheard

   Phe. So is the bargaine

   Ros. You say that you'l haue Phebe if she will

   Sil. Though to haue her and death, were both one
thing

   Ros. I haue promis'd to make all this matter euen:
Keepe you your word, O Duke, to giue your daughter,
You yours Orlando, to receiue his daughter:
Keepe you your word Phebe, that you'l marrie me,
Or else refusing me to wed this shepheard:
Keepe your word Siluius, that you'l marrie her
If she refuse me, and from hence I go
To make these doubts all euen.

Exit Ros. and Celia.

  Du.Sen. I do remember in this shepheard boy,
Some liuely touches of my daughters fauour

   Orl. My Lord, the first time that I euer saw him,
Me thought he was a brother to your daughter:
But my good Lord, this Boy is Forrest borne,
And hath bin tutor'd in the rudiments
Of many desperate studies, by his vnckle,
Whom he reports to be a great Magitian.
Enter Clowne and Audrey.

Obscured in the circle of this Forrest

   Iaq. There is sure another flood toward, and these
couples are comming to the Arke. Here comes a payre
of verie strange beasts, which in all tongues, are call'd
Fooles

   Clo. Salutation and greeting to you all

   Iaq. Good my Lord, bid him welcome: This is the
Motley-minded Gentleman, that I haue so often met in
the Forrest: he hath bin a Courtier he sweares

   Clo. If any man doubt that, let him put mee to my
purgation, I haue trod a measure, I haue flattred a Lady,
I haue bin politicke with my friend, smooth with mine
enemie, I haue vndone three Tailors, I haue had foure
quarrels, and like to haue fought one

   Iaq. And how was that tane vp?
  Clo. 'Faith we met, and found the quarrel was vpon
the seuenth cause

   Iaq. How seuenth cause? Good my Lord, like this
fellow

   Du.Se. I like him very well

   Clo. God'ild you sir, I desire you of the like: I presse
in heere sir, amongst the rest of the Country copulatiues
to sweare, and to forsweare, according as mariage binds
and blood breakes: a poore virgin sir, an il-fauor'd thing
sir, but mine owne, a poore humour of mine sir, to take
that that no man else will: rich honestie dwels like a miser
sir, in a poore house, as your Pearle in your foule oyster

   Du.Se. By my faith, he is very swift, and sententious
  Clo. According to the fooles bolt sir, and such dulcet
diseases

   Iaq. But for the seuenth cause. How did you finde
the quarrell on the seuenth cause?
  Clo. Vpon a lye, seuen times remoued: (beare your
bodie more seeming Audry) as thus sir: I did dislike the
cut of a certaine Courtiers beard: he sent me word, if I
said his beard was not cut well, hee was in the minde it
was: this is call'd the retort courteous. If I sent him
word againe, it was not well cut, he wold send me word
he cut it to please himselfe: this is call'd the quip modest.
If againe, it was not well cut, he disabled my iudgment:
this is called, the reply churlish. If againe it was not well
cut, he would answer I spake not true: this is call'd the
reproofe valiant. If againe, it was not well cut, he wold
say, I lie: this is call'd the counter-checke quarrelsome:
and so to lye circumstantiall, and the lye direct

   Iaq. And how oft did you say his beard was not well
cut?
  Clo. I durst go no further then the lye circumstantial:
nor he durst not giue me the lye direct: and so wee measur'd
swords, and parted

   Iaq. Can you nominate in order now, the degrees of
the lye

   Clo. O sir, we quarrel in print, by the booke: as you
haue bookes for good manners: I will name you the degrees.
The first, the Retort courteous: the second, the
Quip-modest: the third, the reply Churlish: the fourth,
the Reproofe valiant: the fift, the Counterchecke quarrelsome:
the sixt, the Lye with circumstance: the seauenth,
the Lye direct: all these you may auoyd, but the
Lye direct: and you may auoide that too, with an If. I
knew when seuen Iustices could not take vp a Quarrell,
but when the parties were met themselues, one of them
thought but of an If; as if you saide so, then I saide so:
and they shooke hands, and swore brothers. Your If, is
the onely peace-maker: much vertue in if

   Iaq. Is not this a rare fellow my Lord? He's as good
at any thing, and yet a foole

   Du.Se. He vses his folly like a stalking-horse, and vnder
the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
Enter Hymen, Rosalind, and Celia.

Still Musicke.

  Hymen. Then is there mirth in heauen,
When earthly things made eauen
attone together.
Good Duke receiue thy daughter,
Hymen from Heauen brought her,
Yea brought her hether.
That thou mightst ioyne his hand with his,
Whose heart within his bosome is

   Ros. To you I giue my selfe, for I am yours.
To you I giue my selfe, for I am yours

   Du.Se. If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter

   Orl. If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind

   Phe. If sight & shape be true, why then my loue adieu
  Ros. Ile haue no Father, if you be not he:
Ile haue no Husband, if you be not he:
Nor ne're wed woman, if you be not shee

   Hy. Peace hoa: I barre confusion,
'Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange euents:
Here's eight that must take hands,
To ioyne in Hymens bands,
If truth holds true contents.
You and you, no crosse shall part;
You and you, are hart in hart:
You, to his loue must accord,
Or haue a Woman to your Lord.
You and you, are sure together,
As the Winter to fowle Weather:
Whiles a Wedlocke Hymne we sing,
Feede your selues with questioning:
That reason, wonder may diminish
How thus we met, and these things finish.

Song.

Wedding is great Iunos crowne,
O blessed bond of boord and bed:
'Tis Hymen peoples euerie towne,
High wedlock then be honored:
Honor, high honor and renowne
To Hymen, God of euerie Towne

   Du.Se. O my deere Neece, welcome thou art to me,
Euen daughter welcome, in no lesse degree

   Phe. I wil not eate my word, now thou art mine,
Thy faith, my fancie to thee doth combine.
Enter Second Brother.

  2.Bro. Let me haue audience for a word or two:
I am the second sonne of old Sir Rowland,
That bring these tidings to this faire assembly.
Duke Frederick hearing how that euerie day
Men of great worth resorted to this forrest,
Addrest a mightie power, which were on foote
In his owne conduct, purposely to take
His brother heere, and put him to the sword:
And to the skirts of this wilde Wood he came;
Where, meeting with an old Religious man,
After some question with him, was conuerted
Both from his enterprize, and from the world:
His crowne bequeathing to his banish'd Brother,
And all their Lands restor'd to him againe
That were with him exil'd. This to be true,
I do engage my life

   Du.Se. Welcome yong man:
Thou offer'st fairely to thy brothers wedding:
To one his lands with-held, and to the other
A land it selfe at large, a potent Dukedome.
First, in this Forrest, let vs do those ends
That heere were well begun, and wel begot:
And after, euery of this happie number
That haue endur'd shrew'd daies, and nights with vs,
Shal share the good of our returned fortune,
According to the measure of their states.
Meane time, forget this new-falne dignitie,
And fall into our Rusticke Reuelrie:
Play Musicke, and you Brides and Bride-groomes all,
With measure heap'd in ioy, to'th Measures fall

   Iaq. Sir, by your patience: if I heard you rightly,
The Duke hath put on a Religious life,
And throwne into neglect the pompous Court

   2.Bro. He hath

   Iaq. To him will I: out of these conuertites,
There is much matter to be heard, and learn'd:
you to your former Honor, I bequeath
your patience, and your vertue, well deserues it.
you to a loue, that your true faith doth merit:
you to your land, and loue, and great allies:
you to a long, and well-deserued bed:
And you to wrangling, for thy louing voyage
Is but for two moneths victuall'd: So to your pleasures,
I am for other, then for dancing meazures

   Du.Se. Stay, Iaques, stay

   Iaq. To see no pastime, I: what you would haue,
Ile stay to know, at your abandon'd caue.
Enter.

  Du.Se. Proceed, proceed: wee'l begin these rights,
As we do trust, they'l end in true delights.

Exit

  Ros. It is not the fashion to see the Ladie the Epilogue:
but it is no more vnhandsome, then to see the
Lord the Prologue. If it be true, that good wine needs
no bush, 'tis true, that a good play needes no Epilogue.
Yet to good wine they do vse good bushes: and good
playes proue the better by the helpe of good Epilogues:
What a case am I in then, that am neither a good Epilogue,
nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalfe of a
good play? I am not furnish'd like a Begger, therefore
to begge will not become mee. My way is to coniure
you, and Ile begin with the Women. I charge you (O
women) for the loue you beare to men, to like as much
of this Play, as please you: And I charge you (O men)
for the loue you beare to women (as I perceiue by your
simpring, none of you hates them) that betweene you,
and the women, the play may please. If I were a Woman,
I would kisse as many of you as had beards that
pleas'd me, complexions that lik'd me, and breaths that
I defi'de not: And I am sure, as many as haue good
beards, or good faces, or sweet breaths, will for my kind
offer, when I make curt'sie, bid me farewell.
Enter.

FINIS. As you Like it.
                
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