To. Shall this fellow liue?
Fa. Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars,
yet peace
Mal. I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my
familiar smile with an austere regard of controll
To. And do's not Toby take you a blow o'the lippes,
then?
Mal. Saying, Cosine Toby, my Fortunes hauing cast
me on your Neece, giue me this prerogatiue of speech
To. What, what?
Mal. You must amend your drunkennesse
To. Out scab
Fab. Nay patience, or we breake the sinewes of our
plot?
Mal. Besides you waste the treasure of your time,
with a foolish knight
And. That's mee I warrant you
Mal. One sir Andrew
And. I knew 'twas I, for many do call mee foole
Mal. What employment haue we heere?
Fa. Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin
To. Oh peace, and the spirit of humors intimate reading
aloud to him
Mal. By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her
very C's, her V's, and her T's, and thus makes shee her
great P's. It is in contempt of question her hand
An. Her C's, her V's, and her T's: why that?
Mal. To the vnknowne belou'd, this, and my good Wishes:
Her very Phrases: By your leaue wax. Soft, and the impressure
her Lucrece, with which she vses to seale: tis my
Lady: To whom should this be?
Fab. This winnes him, Liuer and all
Mal. Ioue knowes I loue, but who, Lips do not mooue, no
man must know. No man must know. What followes?
The numbers alter'd: No man must know,
If this should be thee Maluolio?
To. Marrie hang thee brocke
Mal. I may command where I adore, but silence like a Lucresse
knife:
With bloodlesse stroke my heart doth gore, M.O.A.I. doth
sway my life
Fa. A fustian riddle
To. Excellent Wench, say I
Mal. M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first
let me see, let me see, let me see
Fab. What dish a poyson has she drest him?
To. And with what wing the stallion checkes at it?
Mal. I may command, where I adore: Why shee may
command me: I serue her, she is my Ladie. Why this is
euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction
in this, and the end: What should that Alphabeticall position
portend, if I could make that resemble something
in me? Softly, M.O.A.I
To. O I, make vp that, he is now at a cold sent
Fab. Sowter will cry vpon't for all this, though it bee
as ranke as a Fox
Mal. M. Maluolio, M. why that begins my name
Fab. Did not I say he would worke it out, the Curre
is excellent at faults
Mal. M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell
that suffers vnder probation: A. should follow, but O.
does
Fa. And O shall end, I hope
To. I, or Ile cudgell him, and make him cry O
Mal. And then I. comes behind
Fa. I, and you had any eye behinde you, you might
see more detraction at your heeles, then Fortunes before
you
Mal. M,O,A,I. This simulation is not as the former:
and yet to crush this a little, it would bow to mee, for euery
one of these Letters are in my name. Soft, here followes
prose: If this fall into thy hand, reuolue. In my stars
I am aboue thee, but be not affraid of greatnesse: Some
are become great, some atcheeues greatnesse, and some
haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr
hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace them, and to invre
thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble
slough, and appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman,
surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of
state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee
thus aduises thee, that sighes for thee. Remember who
commended thy yellow stockings, and wish'd to see thee
euer crosse garter'd: I say remember, goe too, thou art
made if thou desir'st to be so: If not, let me see thee a steward
still, the fellow of seruants, and not woorthie to
touch Fortunes fingers Farewell, Shee that would alter
seruices with thee, the fortunate vnhappy daylight and
champian discouers not more: This is open, I will bee
proud, I will reade politicke Authours, I will baffle Sir
Toby, I will wash off grosse acquaintance, I will be point
deuise, the very man. I do not now foole my selfe, to let
imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this,
that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow
stockings of late, shee did praise my legge being crosse-garter'd,
and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue, &
with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of
her liking. I thanke my starres, I am happy: I will bee
strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and crosse Garter'd,
euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioue, and my
starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst
not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my loue, let
it appeare in thy smiling, thy smiles become thee well. Therefore
in my presence still smile, deero my sweete, I prethee. Ioue
I thanke thee, I will smile, I wil do euery thing that thou
wilt haue me.
Exit
Fab. I will not giue my part of this sport for a pension
of thousands to be paid from the Sophy
To. I could marry this wench for this deuice
An. So could I too
To. And aske no other dowry with her, but such another
iest.
Enter Maria.
An. Nor I neither
Fab. Heere comes my noble gull catcher
To. Wilt thou set thy foote o'my necke
An. Or o'mine either?
To. Shall I play my freedome at tray-trip, and becom
thy bondslaue?
An. Ifaith, or I either?
Tob. Why, thou hast put him in such a dreame, that
when the image of it leaues him, he must run mad
Ma. Nay but say true, do's it worke vpon him?
To. Like Aqua vite with a Midwife
Mar. If you will then see the fruites of the sport, mark
his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her
in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhorres, and
crosse garter'd, a fashion shee detests: and hee will smile
vpon her, which will now be so vnsuteable to her disposition,
being addicted to a melancholly, as shee is, that it
cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil
see it follow me
To. To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent diuell
of wit
And. Ile make one too.
Exeunt.
Finis Actus secundus
Actus Tertius, Scaena prima.
Enter Viola and Clowne.
Vio. Saue thee Friend and thy Musick: dost thou liue
by thy Tabor?
Clo. No sir, I liue by the Church
Vio. Art thou a Churchman?
Clo. No such matter sir, I do liue by the Church: For,
I do liue at my house, and my house dooth stand by the
Church
Vio. So thou maist say the Kings lyes by a begger, if a
begger dwell neer him: or the Church stands by thy Tabor,
if thy Tabor stand by the Church
Clo. You haue said sir: To see this age: A sentence is
but a cheu'rill gloue to a good witte, how quickely the
wrong side may be turn'd outward
Vio. Nay that's certaine: they that dally nicely with
words, may quickely make them wanton
Clo. I would therefore my sister had had no name Sir
Vio. Why man?
Clo. Why sir, her names a word, and to dallie with
that word, might make my sister wanton: But indeede,
words are very Rascals, since bonds disgrac'd them
Vio. Thy reason man?
Clo. Troth sir, I can yeeld you none without wordes,
and wordes are growne so false, I am loath to proue reason
with them
Vio. I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car'st for
nothing
Clo. Not so sir, I do care for something: but in my conscience
sir, I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing
sir, I would it would make you inuisible
Vio. Art not thou the Lady Oliuia's foole?
Clo. No indeed sir, the Lady Oliuia has no folly, shee
will keepe no foole sir, till she be married, and fooles are
as like husbands, as Pilchers are to Herrings, the Husbands
the bigger, I am indeede not her foole, but hir corrupter
of words
Vio. I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's
Clo. Foolery sir, does walke about the Orbe like the
Sun, it shines euery where. I would be sorry sir, but the
Foole should be as oft with your Master, as with my Mistris:
I thinke I saw your wisedome there
Vio. Nay, and thou passe vpon me, Ile no more with
thee. Hold there's expences for thee
Clo. Now Ioue in his next commodity of hayre, send
thee a beard
Vio. By my troth Ile tell thee, I am almost sicke for
one, though I would not haue it grow on my chinne. Is
thy Lady within?
Clo Would not a paire of these haue bred sir?
Vio. Yes being kept together, and put to vse
Clo. I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia sir, to bring
a Cressida to this Troylus
Vio. I vnderstand you sir, tis well begg'd
Clo. The matter I hope is not great sir; begging, but a
begger: Cressida was a begger. My Lady is within sir. I
will conster to them whence you come, who you are, and
what you would are out of my welkin, I might say Element,
but the word is ouer-worne.
Exit
Vio. This fellow is wise enough to play the foole,
And to do that well, craues a kinde of wit:
He must obserue their mood on whom he iests,
The quality of persons, and the time:
And like the Haggard, checke at euery Feather
That comes before his eye. This is a practice,
As full of labour as a Wise-mans Art:
For folly that he wisely shewes, is fit;
But wisemens folly falne, quite taint their wit.
Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.
To. Saue you Gentleman
Vio. And you sir
And. Dieu vou guard Monsieur
Vio. Et vouz ousie vostre seruiture
An. I hope sir, you are, and I am yours
To. Will you incounter the house, my Neece is desirous
you should enter, if your trade be to her
Vio. I am bound to your Neece sir, I meane she is the
list of my voyage
To. Taste your legges sir, put them to motion
Vio. My legges do better vnderstand me sir, then I vnderstand
what you meane by bidding me taste my legs
To. I meane to go sir, to enter
Vio. I will answer you with gate and entrance, but we
are preuented.
Enter Oliuia, and Gentlewoman.
Most excellent accomplish'd Lady, the heauens raine Odours
on you
And. That youth's a rare Courtier, raine odours, wel
Vio. My matter hath no voice Lady, but to your owne
most pregnant and vouchsafed eare
And. Odours, pregnant, and vouchsafed: Ile get 'em
all three already
Ol. Let the Garden doore be shut, and leaue mee to
my hearing. Giue me your hand sir
Vio. My dutie Madam, and most humble seruice
Ol. What is your name?
Vio. Cesario is your seruants name, faire Princesse
Ol. My seruant sir? 'Twas neuer merry world,
Since lowly feigning was call'd complement:
Y'are seruant to the Count Orsino youth
Vio. And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
Your seruants seruant, is your seruant Madam
Ol. For him, I thinke not on him: for his thoughts,
Would they were blankes, rather then fill'd with me
Vio. Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
On his behalfe
Ol. O by your leaue I pray you.
I bad you neuer speake againe of him;
But would you vndertake another suite
I had rather heare you, to solicit that,
Then Musicke from the spheares
Vio. Deere Lady
Ol. Giue me leaue, beseech you: I did send,
After the last enchantment you did heare,
A Ring in chace of you. So did I abuse
My selfe, my seruant, and I feare me you:
Vnder your hard construction must I sit,
To force that on you in a shamefull cunning
Which you knew none of yours. What might you think?
Haue you not set mine Honor at the stake,
And baited it with all th' vnmuzled thoughts
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiuing
Enough is shewne, a Cipresse, not a bosome,
Hides my heart: so let me heare you speake
Vio. I pittie you
Ol. That's a degree to loue
Vio. No not a grize: for tis a vulgar proofe
That verie oft we pitty enemies
Ol. Why then me thinkes 'tis time to smile agen:
O world, how apt the poore are to be proud?
If one should be a prey, how much the better
To fall before the Lion, then the Wolfe?
Clocke strikes.
The clocke vpbraides me with the waste of time:
Be not affraid good youth, I will not haue you,
And yet when wit and youth is come to haruest,
Your wife is like to reape a proper man:
There lies your way, due West
Vio. Then Westward hoe:
Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship:
You'l nothing Madam to my Lord, by me:
Ol. Stay: I prethee tell me what thou thinkst of me?
Vio. That you do thinke you are not what you are
Ol. If I thinke so, I thinke the same of you
Vio. Then thinke you right: I am not what I am
Ol. I would you were, as I would haue you be
Vio. Would it be better Madam, then I am?
I wish it might, for now I am your foole
Ol. O what a deale of scorne, lookes beautifull?
In the contempt and anger of his lip,
A murdrous guilt shewes not it selfe more soone,
Then loue that would seeme hid: Loues night, is noone.
Cesario, by the Roses of the Spring,
By maid-hood, honor, truth, and euery thing,
I loue thee so, that maugre all thy pride,
Nor wit, nor reason, can my passion hide:
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause:
But rather reason thus, with reason fetter;
Loue sought, is good: but giuen vnsought, is better
Vio. By innocence I sweare, and by my youth,
I haue one heart, one bosome, and one truth,
And that no woman has, nor neuer none
Shall mistris be of it, saue I alone.
And so adieu good Madam, neuer more,
Will I my Masters teares to you deplore
Ol. Yet come againe: for thou perhaps mayst moue
That heart which now abhorres, to like his loue.
Exeunt.
Scoena Secunda.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
And. No faith, Ile not stay a iot longer:
To. Thy reason deere venom, giue thy reason
Fab. You must needes yeelde your reason, Sir Andrew?
And. Marry I saw your Neece do more fauours to the
Counts Seruing-man, then euer she bestow'd vpon mee:
I saw't i'th Orchard
To. Did she see the while, old boy, tell me that
And. As plaine as I see you now
Fab. This was a great argument of loue in her toward
you
And. S'light; will you make an Asse o'me
Fab. I will proue it legitimate sir, vpon the Oathes of
iudgement, and reason
To. And they haue beene grand Iurie men, since before
Noah was a Saylor
Fab. Shee did shew fauour to the youth in your sight,
onely to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour,
to put fire in your Heart, and brimstone in your Liuer:
you should then haue accosted her, and with some excellent
iests, fire-new from the mint, you should haue bangd
the youth into dumbenesse: this was look'd for at your
hand, and this was baulkt: the double gilt of this opportunitie
you let time wash off, and you are now sayld into
the North of my Ladies opinion, where you will hang
like an ysickle on a Dutchmans beard, vnlesse you do redeeme
it, by some laudable attempt, either of valour or
policie
And. And't be any way, it must be with Valour, for
policie I hate: I had as liefe be a Brownist, as a Politician
To. Why then build me thy fortunes vpon the basis of
valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to fight with him
hurt him in eleuen places, my Neece shall take note of it,
and assure thy selfe, there is no loue-Broker in the world,
can more preuaile in mans commendation with woman,
then report of valour
Fab. There is no way but this sir Andrew
An. Will either of you beare me a challenge to him?
To. Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and briefe:
it is no matter how wittie, so it bee eloquent, and full of
inuention: taunt him with the license of Inke: if thou
thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amisse, and as many
Lyes, as will lye in thy sheete of paper, although the
sheete were bigge enough for the bedde of Ware in England,
set 'em downe, go about it. Let there bee gaulle enough
in thy inke, though thou write with a Goose-pen,
no matter: about it
And. Where shall I finde you?
To. Wee'l call thee at the Cubiculo: Go.
Exit Sir Andrew.
Fa. This is a deere Manakin to you Sir Toby
To. I haue beene deere to him lad, some two thousand
strong, or so
Fa. We shall haue a rare Letter from him; but you'le
not deliuer't
To. Neuer trust me then: and by all meanes stirre on
the youth to an answer. I thinke Oxen and waine-ropes
cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were open'd
and you finde so much blood in his Liuer, as will clog the
foote of a flea, Ile eate the rest of th' anatomy
Fab. And his opposit the youth beares in his visage no
great presage of cruelty.
Enter Maria.
To. Looke where the youngest Wren of mine comes
Mar. If you desire the spleene, and will laughe your
selues into stitches, follow me; yond gull Maluolio is turned
Heathen, a verie Renegatho; for there is no christian
that meanes to be saued by beleeuing rightly, can euer
beleeue such impossible passages of grossenesse. Hee's in
yellow stockings
To. And crosse garter'd?
Mar. Most villanously: like a Pedant that keepes a
Schoole i'th Church: I haue dogg'd him like his murtherer.
He does obey euery point of the Letter that I dropt,
to betray him: He does smile his face into more lynes,
then is in the new Mappe, with the augmentation of the
Indies: you haue not seene such a thing as tis: I can hardly
forbeare hurling things at him, I know my Ladie will
strike him: if shee doe, hee'l smile, and take't for a great
fauour
To. Come bring vs, bring vs where he is.
Exeunt. Omnes.
Scaena Tertia.
Enter Sebastian and Anthonio.
Seb. I would not by my will haue troubled you,
But since you make your pleasure of your paines,
I will no further chide you
Ant. I could not stay behinde you: my desire
(More sharpe then filed steele) did spurre me forth,
And not all loue to see you (though so much
As might haue drawne one to a longer voyage)
But iealousie, what might befall your trauell,
Being skillesse in these parts: which to a stranger,
Vnguided, and vnfriended, often proue
Rough, and vnhospitable. My willing loue,
The rather by these arguments of feare
Set forth in your pursuite
Seb. My kinde Anthonio,
I can no other answer make, but thankes,
And thankes: and euer oft good turnes,
Are shuffel'd off with such vncurrant pay:
But were my worth, as is my conscience firme,
You should finde better dealing: what's to do?
Shall we go see the reliques of this Towne?
Ant. To morrow sir, best first go see your Lodging?
Seb. I am not weary, and 'tis long to night
I pray you let vs satisfie our eyes
With the memorials, and the things of fame
That do renowne this City
Ant. Would youl'd pardon me:
I do not without danger walke these streetes.
Once in a sea-fight 'gainst the Count his gallies,
I did some seruice, of such note indeede,
That were I tane heere, it would scarse be answer'd
Seb. Belike you slew great number of his people
Ant. Th' offence is not of such a bloody nature,
Albeit the quality of the time, and quarrell
Might well haue giuen vs bloody argument:
It might haue since bene answer'd in repaying
What we tooke from them, which for Traffiques sake
Most of our City did. Onely my selfe stood out,
For which if I be lapsed in this place
I shall pay deere
Seb. Do not then walke too open
Ant. It doth not fit me: hold sir, here's my purse,
In the South Suburbes at the Elephant
Is best to lodge: I will bespeake our dyet,
Whiles you beguile the time, and feed your knowledge
With viewing of the Towne, there shall you haue me
Seb. Why I your purse?
Ant. Haply your eye shall light vpon some toy
You haue desire to purchase: and your store
I thinke is not for idle Markets, sir
Seb. Ile be your purse-bearer, and leaue you
For an houre
Ant. To th' Elephant
Seb. I do remember.
Exeunt.
Scoena Quarta.
Enter Oliuia and Maria.
Ol. I haue sent after him, he sayes hee'l come:
How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft, then begg'd, or borrow'd.
I speake too loud: Where's Maluolio, he is sad, and ciuill,
And suites well for a seruant with my fortunes,
Where is Maluolio?
Mar. He's comming Madame:
But in very strange manner. He is sure possest Madam
Ol. Why what's the matter, does he raue?
Mar. No Madam, he does nothing but smile: your Ladyship
were best to haue some guard about you, if hee
come, for sure the man is tainted in's wits
Ol. Go call him hither.
Enter Maluolio.
I am as madde as hee,
If sad and merry madnesse equall bee.
How now Maluolio?
Mal. Sweet Lady, ho, ho
Ol. Smil'st thou? I sent for thee vpon a sad occasion
Mal. Sad Lady, I could be sad:
This does make some obstruction in the blood:
This crosse-gartering, but what of that?
If it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true
Sonnet is: Please one, and please all
Mal. Why how doest thou man?
What is the matter with thee?
Mal. Not blacke in my minde, though yellow in my
legges: It did come to his hands, and Commaunds shall
be executed. I thinke we doe know the sweet Romane
hand
Ol. Wilt thou go to bed Maluolio?
Mal. To bed? I sweet heart, and Ile come to thee
Ol. God comfort thee: Why dost thou smile so, and
kisse thy hand so oft?
Mar. How do you Maluolio?
Maluo. At your request:
Yes Nightingales answere Dawes
Mar. Why appeare you with this ridiculous boldnesse
before my Lady
Mal. Be not afraid of greatnesse: 'twas well writ
Ol. What meanst thou by that Maluolio?
Mal. Some are borne great
Ol. Ha?
Mal. Some atcheeue greatnesse
Ol. What sayst thou?
Mal. And some haue greatnesse thrust vpon them
Ol. Heauen restore thee
Mal. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings
Ol. Thy yellow stockings?
Mal. And wish'd to see thee crosse garter'd
Ol. Crosse garter'd?
Mal. Go too, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so
Ol. Am I made?
Mal. If not, let me see thee a seruant still
Ol. Why this is verie Midsommer madnesse.
Enter Seruant.
Ser. Madame, the young Gentleman of the Count
Orsino's is return'd, I could hardly entreate him backe: he
attends your Ladyships pleasure
Ol. Ile come to him.
Good Maria, let this fellow be look'd too. Where's my
Cosine Toby, let some of my people haue a speciall care
of him, I would not haue him miscarrie for the halfe of
my Dowry.
Exit
Mal. Oh ho, do you come neere me now: no worse
man then sir Toby to looke to me. This concurres directly
with the Letter, she sends him on purpose, that I may
appeare stubborne to him: for she incites me to that in
the Letter. Cast thy humble slough sayes she: be opposite
with a Kinsman, surly with seruants, let thy tongue
langer with arguments of state, put thy selfe into the
tricke of singularity: and consequently setts downe the
manner how: as a sad face, a reuerend carriage, a slow
tongue, in the habite of some Sir of note, and so foorth.
I haue lymde her, but it is Ioues doing, and Ioue make me
thankefull. And when she went away now, let this Fellow
be look'd too: Fellow? not Maluolio, nor after my
degree, but Fellow. Why euery thing adheres togither,
that no dramme of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no
obstacle, no incredulous or vnsafe circumstance: What
can be saide? Nothing that can be, can come betweene
me, and the full prospect of my hopes. Well Ioue, not I,
is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria.
To. Which way is hee in the name of sanctity. If all
the diuels of hell be drawne in little, and Legion himselfe
possest him, yet Ile speake to him
Fab. Heere he is, heere he is: how ist with you sir?
How ist with you man?
Mal. Go off, I discard you: let me enioy my priuate:
go off
Mar. Lo, how hollow the fiend speakes within him;
did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my Lady prayes you to haue
a care of him
Mal. Ah ha, does she so?
To. Go too, go too: peace, peace, wee must deale
gently with him: Let me alone. How do you Maluolio?
How ist with you? What man, defie the diuell: consider,
he's an enemy to mankinde
Mal. Do you know what you say?
Mar. La you, and you speake ill of the diuell, how
he takes it at heart. Pray God he be not bewitch'd
Fab. Carry his water to th' wise woman
Mar. Marry and it shall be done to morrow morning
if I liue. My Lady would not loose him for more then ile
say
Mal. How now mistris?
Mar. Oh Lord
To. Prethee hold thy peace, this is not the way: Doe
you not see you moue him? Let me alone with him
Fa. No way but gentlenesse, gently, gently: the Fiend
is rough, and will not be roughly vs'd
To. Why how now my bawcock? how dost y chuck?
Mal. Sir
To. I biddy, come with me. What man, tis not for
grauity to play at cherrie-pit with sathan Hang him foul
Colliar
Mar. Get him to say his prayers, good sir Toby gette
him to pray
Mal. My prayers Minx
Mar. No I warrant you, he will not heare of godlynesse
Mal. Go hang your selues all: you are ydle shallowe
things, I am not of your element, you shall knowe more
heereafter.
Exit
To. Ist possible?
Fa. If this were plaid vpon a stage now, I could condemne
it as an improbable fiction
To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the
deuice man
Mar. Nay pursue him now, least the deuice take ayre,
and taint
Fa. Why we shall make him mad indeede
Mar. The house will be the quieter
To. Come, wee'l haue him in a darke room & bound.
My Neece is already in the beleefe that he's mad: we may
carry it thus for our pleasure, and his pennance, til our very
pastime tyred out of breath, prompt vs to haue mercy
on him: at which time, we wil bring the deuice to the bar
and crowne thee for a finder of madmen: but see, but see.
Enter Sir Andrew.
Fa. More matter for a May morning
An. Heere's the Challenge, reade it: I warrant there's
vinegar and pepper in't
Fab. Ist so sawcy?
And. I, ist? I warrant him: do but read
To. Giue me.
Youth, whatsoeuer thou art, thou art but a scuruy fellow
Fa. Good, and valiant
To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy minde why I doe call
thee so, for I will shew thee no reason for't
Fa. A good note, that keepes you from the blow of y Law
To. Thou comst to the Lady Oliuia, and in my sight she vses
thee kindly: but thou lyest in thy throat, that is not the matter
I challenge thee for
Fa. Very breefe, and to exceeding good sence-lesse
To. I will way-lay thee going home, where if it be thy chance
to kill me
Fa. Good
To. Thou kilst me like a rogue and a villaine
Fa. Still you keepe o'th windie side of the Law: good
Tob. Fartheewell, and God haue mercie vpon one of our
soules. He may haue mercie vpon mine, but my hope is better,
and so looke to thy selfe. Thy friend as thou vsest him, & thy
sworne enemie, Andrew Ague-cheeke
To. If this Letter moue him not, his legges cannot:
Ile giu't him
Mar. You may haue verie fit occasion for't: he is now
in some commerce with my Ladie, and will by and by
depart
To. Go sir Andrew: scout mee for him at the corner
of the Orchard like a bum-Baylie: so soone as euer thou
seest him, draw, and as thou draw'st, sweare horrible: for
it comes to passe oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering
accent sharpely twang'd off, giues manhoode more
approbation, then euer proofe it selfe would haue earn'd
him. Away
And. Nay let me alone for swearing.
Exit
To. Now will not I deliuer his Letter: for the behauiour
of the yong Gentleman, giues him out to be of good
capacity, and breeding: his employment betweene his
Lord and my Neece, confirmes no lesse. Therefore, this
Letter being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror
in the youth: he will finde it comes from a Clodde-pole.
But sir, I will deliuer his Challenge by word of mouth;
set vpon Ague-cheeke a notable report of valor, and driue
the Gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receiue it)
into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, furie, and
impetuositie. This will so fright them both, that they wil
kill one another by the looke, like Cockatrices.
Enter Oliuia and Viola.
Fab. Heere he comes with your Neece, giue them way
till he take leaue, and presently after him
To. I wil meditate the while vpon some horrid message
for a Challenge
Ol. I haue said too much vnto a hart of stone,
And laid mine honour too vnchary on't:
There's something in me that reproues my fault:
But such a head-strong potent fault it is,
That it but mockes reproofe
Vio. With the same hauiour that your passion beares,
Goes on my Masters greefes
Ol. Heere, weare this Iewell for me, tis my picture:
Refuse it not, it hath no tongue, to vex you:
And I beseech you come againe to morrow.
What shall you aske of me that Ile deny,
That honour (sau'd) may vpon asking giue
Vio. Nothing but this, your true loue for my master
Ol. How with mine honor may I giue him that,
Which I haue giuen to you
Vio. I will acquit you
Ol. Well, come againe to morrow: far-thee-well,
A Fiend like thee might beare my soule to hell.
Enter Toby and Fabian.
To. Gentleman, God saue thee
Vio. And you sir
To. That defence thou hast, betake the too't: of what
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I knowe not:
but thy intercepter full of despight, bloody as the Hunter,
attends thee at the Orchard end: dismount thy tucke,
be yare in thy preparation, for thy assaylant is quick, skilfull,
and deadly
Vio. You mistake sir I am sure, no man hath any quarrell
to me: my remembrance is very free and cleere from
any image of offence done to any man
To. You'l finde it otherwise I assure you: therefore, if
you hold your life at any price, betake you to your gard:
for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill,
and wrath, can furnish man withall
Vio. I pray you sir what is he?
To. He is knight dubb'd with vnhatch'd Rapier, and
on carpet consideration, but he is a diuell in priuate brall,
soules and bodies hath he diuorc'd three, and his incensement
at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction
can be none, but by pangs of death and sepulcher: Hob,
nob, is his word: giu't or take't
Vio. I will returne againe into the house, and desire
some conduct of the Lady. I am no fighter, I haue heard
of some kinde of men, that put quarrells purposely on others,
to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that
quirke
To. Sir, no: his indignation deriues it selfe out of a very
computent iniurie, therefore get you on, and giue him
his desire. Backe you shall not to the house, vnlesse you
vndertake that with me, which with as much safetie you
might answer him: therefore on, or strippe your sword
starke naked: for meddle you must that's certain, or forsweare
to weare iron about you
Vio. This is as vnciuill as strange. I beseech you doe
me this courteous office, as to know of the Knight what
my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence,
nothing of my purpose
To. I will doe so. Signiour Fabian, stay you by this
Gentleman, till my returne.
Exit Toby.
Vio. Pray you sir, do you know of this matter?
Fab. I know the knight is incenst against you, euen to
a mortall arbitrement, but nothing of the circumstance
more
Vio. I beseech you what manner of man is he?
Fab. Nothing of that wonderfull promise to read him
by his forme, as you are like to finde him in the proofe of
his valour. He is indeede sir, the most skilfull, bloudy, &
fatall opposite that you could possibly haue found in anie
part of Illyria: will you walke towards him, I will make
your peace with him, if I can
Vio. I shall bee much bound to you for't: I am one,
that had rather go with sir Priest, then sir knight: I care
not who knowes so much of my mettle.
Exeunt.
Enter Toby and Andrew.
To. Why man hee s a verie diuell, I haue not seen such
a firago: I had a passe with him, rapier, scabberd, and all:
and he giues me the stucke in with such a mortall motion
that it is ineuitable: and on the answer, he payes you as
surely, as your feete hits the ground they step on. They
say, he has bin Fencer to the Sophy
And. Pox on't, Ile not meddle with him
To. I but he will not now be pacified,
Fabian can scarse hold him yonder
An. Plague on't, and I thought he had beene valiant,
and so cunning in Fence, I'de haue seene him damn'd ere
I'de haue challeng'd him. Let him let the matter slip, and
Ile giue him my horse, gray Capilet
To. Ile make the motion: stand heere, make a good
shew on't, this shall end without the perdition of soules,
marry Ile ride your horse as well as I ride you.
Enter Fabian and Viola.
I haue his horse to take vp the quarrell, I haue perswaded
him the youths a diuell
Fa. He is as horribly conceited of him: and pants, &
lookes pale, as if a Beare were at his heeles
To. There's no remedie sir, he will fight with you for's
oath sake: marrie hee hath better bethought him of his
quarrell, and hee findes that now scarse to bee worth talking
of: therefore draw for the supportance of his vowe,
he protests he will not hurt you
Vio. Pray God defend me: a little thing would make
me tell them how much I lacke of a man
Fab. Giue ground if you see him furious
To. Come sir Andrew, there's no remedie, the Gentleman
will for his honors sake haue one bowt with you:
he cannot by the Duello auoide it: but hee has promised
me, as he is a Gentleman and a Soldiour, he will not hurt
you. Come on, too't
And. Pray God he keepe his oath.
Enter Antonio.
Vio. I do assure you tis against my will
Ant. Put vp your sword: if this yong Gentleman
Haue done offence, I take the fault on me:
If you offend him, I for him defie you
To. You sir? Why, what are you?
Ant. One sir, that for his loue dares yet do more
Then you haue heard him brag to you he will
To. Nay, if you be an vndertaker, I am for you.
Enter Officers.
Fab. O good sir Toby hold: heere come the Officers
To. Ile be with you anon
Vio. Pray sir, put your sword vp if you please
And. Marry will I sir: and for that I promis'd you Ile
be as good as my word. Hee will beare you easily, and
raines well
1.Off. This is the man, do thy Office
2.Off. Anthonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino
An. You do mistake me sir
1.Off. No sir, no iot: I know your fauour well:
Though now you haue no sea-cap on your head:
Take him away, he knowes I know him well
Ant. I must obey. This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedie, I shall answer it:
What will you do: now my necessitie
Makes me to aske you for my purse. It greeues mee
Much more, for what I cannot do for you,
Then what befals my selfe: you stand amaz'd,
But be of comfort
2.Off. Come sir away
Ant. I must entreat of you some of that money
Vio. What money sir?
For the fayre kindnesse you haue shew'd me heere,
And part being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my leane and low ability
Ile lend you something: my hauing is not much,
Ile make diuision of my present with you:
Hold, there's halfe my Coffer
Ant. Will you deny me now,
Ist possible that my deserts to you
Can lacke perswasion. Do not tempt my misery,
Least that it make me so vnsound a man
As to vpbraid you with those kindnesses
That I haue done for you
Vio. I know of none,
Nor know I you by voyce, or any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man,
Then lying, vainnesse, babling drunkennesse,
Or any taint of vice, whose strong corruption
Inhabites our fraile blood
Ant. Oh heauens themselues
2.Off. Come sir, I pray you go
Ant. Let me speake a little. This youth that you see heere,
I snatch'd one halfe out of the iawes of death,
Releeu'd him with such sanctitie of loue;
And to his image, which me thought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I deuotion
1.Off. What's that to vs, the time goes by: Away
Ant. But oh, how vilde an idoll proues this God:
Thou hast Sebastian done good feature, shame.
In Nature, there's no blemish but the minde:
None can be call'd deform'd, but the vnkinde.
Vertue is beauty, but the beauteous euill
Are empty trunkes, ore-flourish'd by the deuill
1.Off. The man growes mad, away with him:
Come, come sir
Ant. Leade me on.
Exit
Vio. Me thinkes his words do from such passion flye
That he beleeues himselfe, so do not I:
Proue true imagination, oh proue true,
That I deere brother, be now tane for you
To. Come hither Knight, come hither Fabian: Weel
whisper ore a couplet or two of most sage sawes
Vio. He nam'd Sebastian: I my brother know
Yet liuing in my glasse: euen such, and so
In fauour was my Brother, and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate: Oh if it proue,
Tempests are kinde, and salt waues fresh in loue
To. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward
then a Hare, his dishonesty appeares, in leauing his frend
heere in necessity, and denying him: and for his cowardship
aske Fabian
Fab. A Coward, a most deuout Coward, religious in
it
And. Slid Ile after him againe, and beate him
To. Do, cuffe him soundly, but neuer draw thy sword
And. And I do not
Fab. Come, let's see the euent
To. I dare lay any money, twill be nothing yet.
Exit
Actus Quartus, Scaena prima.
Enter Sebastian and Clowne
Clo. Will you make me beleeue, that I am not sent for
you?
Seb. Go too, go too, thou art a foolish fellow,
Let me be cleere of thee
Clo. Well held out yfaith: No, I do not know you,
nor I am not sent to you by my Lady, to bid you come
speake with her: nor your name is not Master Cesario,
nor this is not my nose neyther: Nothing that is so, is so
Seb. I prethee vent thy folly some-where else, thou
know'st not me
Clo. Vent my folly: He has heard that word of some
great man, and now applyes it to a foole. Vent my folly:
I am affraid this great lubber the World will proue a
Cockney: I prethee now vngird thy strangenes, and tell
me what I shall vent to my Lady? Shall I vent to hir that
thou art comming?
Seb. I prethee foolish greeke depart from me, there's
money for thee, if you tarry longer, I shall giue worse
paiment
Clo. By my troth thou hast an open hand: these Wisemen
that giue fooles money, get themselues a good report,
after foureteene yeares purchase.
Enter Andrew, Toby, and Fabian.
And. Now sir, haue I met you again: ther's for you
Seb. Why there's for thee, and there, and there,
Are all the people mad?
To. Hold sir, or Ile throw your dagger ore the house
Clo. This will I tell my Lady straight, I would not be
in some of your coats for two pence
To. Come on sir, hold
An. Nay let him alone, Ile go another way to worke
with him: Ile haue an action of Battery against him, if
there be any law in Illyria: though I stroke him first, yet
it's no matter for that
Seb. Let go thy hand
To. Come sir, I will not let you go. Come my yong
souldier put vp your yron: you are well flesh'd: Come
on
Seb. I will be free from thee. What wouldst y now?
If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword
To. What, what? Nay then I must haue an Ounce or
two of this malapert blood from you.
Enter Oliuia.
Ol. Hold Toby, on thy life I charge thee hold
To. Madam
Ol. Will it be euer thus? Vngracious wretch,
Fit for the Mountaines, and the barbarous Caues,
Where manners nere were preach'd: out of my sight.
Be not offended, deere Cesario:
Rudesbey be gone. I prethee gentle friend,
Let thy fayre wisedome, not thy passion sway
In this vnciuill, and vniust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
And heare thou there how many fruitlesse prankes
This Ruffian hath botch'd vp, that thou thereby
Mayst smile at this: Thou shalt not choose but goe:
Do not denie, beshrew his soule for mee,
He started one poore heart of mine, in thee
Seb. What rellish is in this? How runs the streame?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dreame:
Let fancie still my sense in Lethe steepe,
If it be thus to dreame, still let me sleepe
Ol. Nay come I prethee, would thoud'st be rul'd by me
Seb. Madam, I will
Ol. O say so, and so be.
Exeunt.
Scoena Secunda.
Enter Maria and Clowne.
Mar. Nay, I prethee put on this gown, & this beard,
make him beleeue thou art sir Topas the Curate, doe it
quickly. Ile call sir Toby the whilst
Clo. Well, Ile put it on, and I will dissemble my selfe
in't, and I would I were the first that euer dissembled in
in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the
function well, nor leane enough to bee thought a good
Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good houskeeper
goes as fairely, as to say, a carefull man, & a great
scholler. The Competitors enter.
Enter Toby.
To. Ioue blesse thee M[aster]. Parson
Clo. Bonos dies sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prage
that neuer saw pen and inke, very wittily sayd to a Neece
of King Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M[aster]. Parson,
am M[aster]. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is?
To. To him sir Topas
Clow. What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison
To. The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.
Maluolio within.
Mal. Who cals there?
Clo. Sir Topas the Curate, who comes to visit Maluolio
the Lunaticke
Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas goe to my
Ladie
Clo. Out hyperbolicall fiend, how vexest thou this
man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies?
Tob. Well said M[aster]. Parson
Mal. Sir Topas, neuer was man thus wronged, good
sir Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee
heere in hideous darknesse
Clo. Fye, thou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the
most modest termes, for I am one of those gentle ones,
that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou
that house is darke?
Mal. As hell sir Topas
Clo. Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as baricadoes,
and the cleere stores toward the South north, are
as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
Mal. I am not mad sir Topas, I say to you this house is
darke
Clo. Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse
but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the
aegyptians in their fogge
Mal. I say this house is as darke as Ignorance, thogh
Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was neuer
man thus abus'd, I am no more madde then you are,
make the triall of it in any constant question
Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
Wilde-fowle?
Mal. That the soule of our grandam, might happily
inhabite a bird
Clo. What thinkst thou of his opinion?
Mal. I thinke nobly of the soule, and no way aproue
his opinion
Clo. Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse,
thou shalt hold th' opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow
of thy wits, and feare to kill a Woodcocke, lest thou dispossesse
the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well
Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas
Tob. My most exquisite sir Topas
Clo. Nay I am for all waters
Mar. Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd
and gowne, he sees thee not
To. To him in thine owne voyce, and bring me word
how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this
knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'd, I would
he were, for I am now so farre in offence with my Niece,
that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppeshot.
Come by and by to my Chamber.
Exit
Clo. Hey Robin, iolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady
does
Mal. Foole
Clo. My Lady is vnkind, perdie
Mal. Foole
Clo. Alas why is she so?
Mal. Foole, I say
Clo. She loues another. Who calles, ha?
Mal. Good foole, as euer thou wilt deserue well at
my hand, helpe me to a Candle, and pen, inke, and paper:
as I am a Gentleman, I will liue to bee thankefull to thee
for't
Clo. M[aster]. Maluolio?
Mal. I good Foole
Clo. Alas sir, how fell you besides your fiue witts?
Mall. Foole, there was neuer man so notoriouslie abus'd:
I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art
Clo. But as well: then you are mad indeede, if you be
no better in your wits then a foole
Mal. They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in
darkenesse, send Ministers to me, Asses, and doe all they
can to face me out of my wits
Clo. Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere.
Maluolio, Maluolio, thy wittes the heauens restore: endeauour
thy selfe to sleepe, and leaue thy vaine bibble
babble
Mal. Sir Topas
Clo. Maintaine no words with him good fellow.
Who I sir, not I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Marry
Amen. I will sir, I will
Mal. Foole, foole, foole I say
Clo. Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent
for speaking to you
Mal. Good foole, helpe me to some light, and some
paper, I tell thee I am as well in my wittes, as any man in
Illyria
Clo. Well-a-day, that you were sir
Mal. By this hand I am: good foole, some inke, paper,
and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my
Lady: it shall aduantage thee more, then euer the bearing
of Letter did
Clo. I will help you too't. But tel me true, are you not
mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit
Mal. Beleeue me I am not, I tell thee true
Clo. Nay, Ile nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains
I will fetch you light, and paper, and inke
Mal. Foole, Ile requite it in the highest degree:
I prethee be gone
Clo. I am gone sir, and anon sir,
Ile be with you againe:
In a trice, like to the old vice,
your neede to sustaine.
Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,
cries ah ha, to the diuell:
Like a mad lad, paire thy nayles dad,
Adieu good man diuell.
Exit
Scaena Tertia.
Enter Sebastian.
This is the ayre, that is the glorious Sunne,
This pearle she gaue me, I do feel't, and see't,
And though tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
Yet 'tis not madnesse. Where's Anthonio then,
I could not finde him at the Elephant,
Yet there he was, and there I found this credite,
That he did range the towne to seeke me out,
His councell now might do me golden seruice,
For though my soule disputes well with my sence,
That this may be some error, but no madnesse,
Yet doth this accident and flood of Fortune,
So farre exceed all instance, all discourse,
That I am readie to distrust mine eyes,
And wrangle with my reason that perswades me
To any other trust, but that I am mad,
Or else the Ladies mad; yet if 'twere so,
She could not sway her house, command her followers,
Take, and giue backe affayres, and their dispatch,
With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing
As I perceiue she do's: there's something in't
That is deceiueable. But heere the Lady comes.
Enter Oliuia, and Priest.
Ol. Blame not this haste of mine: if you meane well
Now go with me, and with this holy man
Into the Chantry by: there before him,
And vnderneath that consecrated roofe,
Plight me the full assurance of your faith,
That my most iealious, and too doubtfull soule
May liue at peace. He shall conceale it,
Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,
What time we will our celebration keepe
According to my birth, what do you say?
Seb. Ile follow this good man, and go with you,
And hauing sworne truth, euer will be true
Ol. Then lead the way good father, & heauens so shine,
That they may fairely note this acte of mine.
Exeunt.
Finis Actus Quartus.
Actus Quintus. Scena Prima.
Enter Clowne and Fabian.
Fab. Now as thou lou'st me, let me see his Letter
Clo. Good M[aster]. Fabian, grant me another request
Fab. Any thing
Clo. Do not desire to see this Letter
Fab. This is to giue a dogge, and in recompence desire
my dogge againe.
Enter Duke, Viola, Curio, and Lords.
Duke. Belong you to the Lady Oliuia, friends?
Clo. I sir, we are some of her trappings
Duke. I know thee well: how doest thou my good
Fellow?
Clo. Truely sir, the better for my foes, and the worse
for my friends
Du. Iust the contrary: the better for thy friends
Clo. No sir, the worse
Du. How can that be?
Clo. Marry sir, they praise me, and make an asse of me,
now my foes tell me plainly, I am an Asse: so that by my
foes sir, I profit in the knowledge of my selfe, and by my
friends I am abused: so that conclusions to be as kisses, if
your foure negatiues make your two affirmatiues, why
then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes
Du. Why this is excellent
Clo. By my troth sir, no: though it please you to be
one of my friends
Du. Thou shalt not be the worse for me, there's gold
Clo. But that it would be double dealing sir, I would
you could make it another
Du. O you giue me ill counsell
Clo. Put your grace in your pocket sir, for this once,
and let your flesh and blood obey it
Du. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double
dealer: there's another
Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play, and the olde
saying is, the third payes for all: the triplex sir, is a good
tripping measure, or the belles of S[aint]. Bennet sir, may put
you in minde, one, two, three
Du. You can foole no more money out of mee at this
throw: if you will let your Lady know I am here to speak
with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my
bounty further
Clo. Marry sir, lullaby to your bountie till I come agen.
I go sir, but I would not haue you to thinke, that
my desire of hauing is the sinne of couetousnesse: but as
you say sir, let your bounty take a nappe, I will awake it
anon.
Exit
Enter Anthonio and Officers.
Vio. Here comes the man sir, that did rescue mee
Du. That face of his I do remember well,
Yet when I saw it last, it was besmear'd
As blacke as Vulcan, in the smoake of warre:
A bawbling Vessell was he Captaine of,
For shallow draught and bulke vnprizable,
With which such scathfull grapple did he make,
With the most noble bottome of our Fleete,
That very enuy, and the tongue of losse
Cride fame and honor on him: What's the matter?
1.Offi. Orsino, this is that Anthonio
That tooke the Phoenix, and her fraught from Candy,
And this is he that did the Tiger boord,
When your yong Nephew Titus lost his legge;
Heere in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
In priuate brabble did we apprehend him
Vio. He did me kindnesse sir, drew on my side,
But in conclusion put strange speech vpon me,
I know not what 'twas, but distraction
Du. Notable Pyrate, thou salt-water Theefe,
What foolish boldnesse brought thee to their mercies,
Whom thou in termes so bloudie, and so deere
Hast made thine enemies?
Ant. Orsino: Noble sir,
Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you giue mee:
Anthonio neuer yet was Theefe, or Pyrate,
Though I confesse, on base and ground enough
Orsino's enemie. A witchcraft drew me hither:
That most ingratefull boy there by your side,
From the rude seas enrag'd and foamy mouth
Did I redeeme: a wracke past hope he was:
His life I gaue him, and did thereto adde
My loue without retention, or restraint,
All his in dedication. For his sake,
Did I expose my selfe (pure for his loue)
Into the danger of this aduerse Towne,
Drew to defend him, when he was beset:
Where being apprehended, his false cunning
(Not meaning to partake with me in danger)
Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,
And grew a twentie yeeres remoued thing
While one would winke: denide me mine owne purse,
Which I had recommended to his vse,
Not halfe an houre before