Ang. What, resists he? helpe him Lucio

   Luc. Come sir, come sir, come sir: foh sir, why you
bald-pated lying rascall: you must be hooded must you?
show your knaues visage with a poxe to you: show your
sheepe-biting face, and be hang'd an houre: Will't
not off?
  Duk. Thou art the first knaue, that ere mad'st a Duke.
First Prouost, let me bayle these gentle three:
Sneake not away Sir, for the Fryer, and you,
Must haue a word anon: lay hold on him

   Luc. This may proue worse then hanging

   Duk. What you haue spoke, I pardon: sit you downe,
We'll borrow place of him; Sir, by your leaue:
Ha'st thou or word, or wit, or impudence,
That yet can doe thee office? If thou ha'st
Rely vpon it, till my tale be heard,
And hold no longer out

   Ang. Oh, my dread Lord,
I should be guiltier then my guiltinesse,
To thinke I can be vndiscerneable,
When I perceiue your grace, like powre diuine,
Hath look'd vpon my passes. Then good Prince,
No longer Session hold vpon my shame,
But let my Triall, be mine owne Confession:
Immediate sentence then, and sequent death,
Is all the grace I beg

   Duk. Come hither Mariana,
Say: was't thou ere contracted to this woman?
  Ang. I was my Lord

   Duk. Goe take her hence, and marry her instantly.
Doe you the office (Fryer) which consummate,
Returne him here againe: goe with him Prouost.

Enter.

  Esc. My Lord, I am more amaz'd at his dishonor,
Then at the strangenesse of it

   Duk. Come hither Isabell,
Your Frier is now your Prince: As I was then
Aduertysing, and holy to your businesse,
(Not changing heart with habit) I am still,
Atturnied at your seruice

   Isab. Oh giue me pardon
That I, your vassaile, haue imploid, and pain'd
Your vnknowne Soueraigntie

   Duk. You are pardon'd Isabell:
And now, deere Maide, be you as free to vs.
Your Brothers death I know sits at your heart:
And you may maruaile, why I obscur'd my selfe,
Labouring to saue his life: and would not rather
Make rash remonstrance of my hidden powre,
Then let him so be lost: oh most kinde Maid,
It was the swift celeritie of his death,
Which I did thinke, with slower foot came on,
That brain'd my purpose: but peace be with him,
That life is better life past fearing death,
Then that which liues to feare: make it your comfort,
So happy is your Brother.

Enter Angelo, Maria, Peter, Prouost.

  Isab. I doe my Lord

   Duk. For this new-maried man, approaching here,
Whose salt imagination yet hath wrong'd
Your well defended honor: you must pardon
For Mariana's sake: But as he adiudg'd your Brother,
Being criminall, in double violation
Of sacred Chastitie, and of promise-breach,
Thereon dependant for your Brothers life,
The very mercy of the Law cries out
Most audible, euen from his proper tongue.
An Angelo for Claudio, death for death:
Haste still paies haste, and leasure, answers leasure;
Like doth quit like, and Measure still for Measure:
Then Angelo, thy fault's thus manifested;
Which though thou would'st deny, denies thee vantage.
We doe condemne thee to the very Blocke
Where Claudio stoop'd to death, and with like haste.
Away with him

   Mar. Oh my most gracious Lord,
I hope you will not mocke me with a husband?
  Duk. It is your husband mock't you with a husband,
Consenting to the safe-guard of your honor,
I thought your marriage fit: else Imputation,
For that he knew you, might reproach your life,
And choake your good to come: For his Possessions,
Although by confutation they are ours;
We doe en-state, and widow you with all,
To buy you a better husband

   Mar. Oh my deere Lord,
I craue no other, nor no better man

   Duke. Neuer craue him, we are definitiue

   Mar. Gentle my Liege

   Duke. You doe but loose your labour.
Away with him to death: Now Sir, to you

   Mar. Oh my good Lord, sweet Isabell, take my part,
Lend me your knees, and all my life to come,
I'll lend you all my life to doe you seruice

   Duke. Against all sence you doe importune her,
Should she kneele downe, in mercie of this fact,
Her Brothers ghost, his paued bed would breake,
And take her hence in horror

   Mar. Isabell:
Sweet Isabel, doe yet but kneele by me,
Hold vp your hands, say nothing: I'll speake all.
They say best men are moulded out of faults,
And for the most, become much more the better
For being a little bad: So may my husband.
Oh Isabel: will you not lend a knee?
  Duke. He dies for Claudio's death

   Isab. Most bounteous Sir.
Looke if it please you, on this man condemn'd,
As if my Brother liu'd: I partly thinke,
A due sinceritie gouerned his deedes,
Till he did looke on me: Since it is so,
Let him not die: my Brother had but Iustice,
In that he did the thing for which he dide.
For Angelo, his Act did not ore-take his bad intent,
And must be buried but as an intent
That perish'd by the way: thoughts are no subiects
Intents, but meerely thoughts

   Mar. Meerely my Lord

   Duk. Your suite's vnprofitable: stand vp I say:
I haue bethought me of another fault.
Prouost, how came it Claudio was beheaded
At an vnusuall howre?
  Pro. It was commanded so

   Duke. Had you a speciall warrant for the deed?
  Pro. No my good Lord: it was by priuate message

   Duk. For which I doe discharge you of your office,
Giue vp your keyes

   Pro. Pardon me, noble Lord,
I thought it was a fault, but knew it not,
Yet did repent me after more aduice,
For testimony whereof, one in the prison
That should by priuate order else haue dide,
I haue reseru'd aliue

   Duk. What's he?
  Pro. His name is Barnardine

   Duke. I would thou hadst done so by Claudio:
Goe fetch him hither, let me looke vpon him

   Esc. I am sorry, one so learned, and so wise
As you, Lord Angelo, haue stil appear'd,
Should slip so grosselie, both in the heat of bloud
And lacke of temper'd iudgement afterward

   Ang. I am sorrie, that such sorrow I procure,
And so deepe sticks it in my penitent heart,
That I craue death more willingly then mercy,
'Tis my deseruing, and I doe entreat it.

Enter Barnardine and Prouost, Claudio, Iulietta.

  Duke. Which is that Barnardine?
  Pro. This my Lord

   Duke. There was a Friar told me of this man.
Sirha, thou art said to haue a stubborne soule
That apprehends no further then this world,
And squar'st thy life according: Thou'rt condemn'd,
But for those earthly faults, I quit them all,
And pray thee take this mercie to prouide
For better times to come: Frier aduise him,
I leaue him to your hand. What muffeld fellow's that?
  Pro. This is another prisoner that I sau'd,
Who should haue di'd when Claudio lost his head,
As like almost to Claudio, as himselfe

   Duke. If he be like your brother, for his sake
Is he pardon'd, and for your louelie sake
Giue me your hand, and say you will be mine,
He is my brother too: But fitter time for that:
By this Lord Angelo perceiues he's safe,
Methinkes I see a quickning in his eye:
Well Angelo, your euill quits you well.
Looke that you loue your wife: her worth, worth yours
I finde an apt remission in my selfe:
And yet heere's one in place I cannot pardon,
You sirha, that knew me for a foole, a Coward,
One all of Luxurie, an asse, a mad man:
Wherein haue I so deseru'd of you
That you extoll me thus?
  Luc. 'Faith my Lord, I spoke it but according to the
trick: if you will hang me for it you may: but I had rather
it would please you, I might be whipt

   Duke. Whipt first, sir, and hang'd after.
Proclaime it Prouost round about the Citie,
If any woman wrong'd by this lewd fellow
(As I haue heard him sweare himselfe there's one
whom he begot with childe) let her appeare,
And he shall marry her: the nuptiall finish'd,
Let him be whipt and hang'd

   Luc. I beseech your Highnesse doe not marry me to
a Whore: your Highnesse said euen now I made you a
Duke, good my Lord do not recompence me, in making
me a Cuckold

   Duke. Vpon mine honor thou shalt marrie her.
Thy slanders I forgiue, and therewithall
Remit thy other forfeits: take him to prison,
And see our pleasure herein executed

   Luc. Marrying a punke my Lord, is pressing to death,
Whipping and hanging

   Duke. Slandering a Prince deserues it.
She Claudio that you wrong'd, looke you restore.
Ioy to you Mariana, loue her Angelo:
I haue confes'd her, and I know her vertue.
Thanks good friend, Escalus, for thy much goodnesse,
There's more behinde that is more gratulate.
Thanks Prouost for thy care, and secrecie,
We shall imploy thee in a worthier place.
Forgiue him Angelo, that brought you home
The head of Ragozine for Claudio's,
Th' offence pardons it selfe. Deere Isabell,
I haue a motion much imports your good,
Whereto if you'll a willing eare incline;
What's mine is yours, and what is yours is mine.
So bring vs to our Pallace, where wee'll show
What's yet behinde, that meete you all should know.

The Scene Vienna.

The names of all the Actors.

 Vincentio: the Duke.
 Angelo, the Deputie.
 Escalus, an ancient Lord.
 Claudio, a yong Gentleman.
 Lucio, a fantastique.
 2. Other like Gentlemen.
 Prouost.
 Thomas. 2. Friers.
 Peter.
 Elbow, a simple Constable.
 Froth, a foolish Gentleman.
 Clowne.
 Abhorson, an Executioner.
 Barnardine, a dissolute prisoner.
 Isabella, sister to Claudio.
 Mariana, betrothed to Angelo.
 Iuliet, beloued of Claudio.
 Francisca, a Nun.
 Mistris Ouer-don, a Bawd.

FINIS. MEASVRE, For Measure.


The Comedie of Errors

Actus primus, Scena prima.

Enter the Duke of Ephesus, with the Merchant of Siracusa, Iaylor,
and
other attendants.

  Marchant. Proceed Solinus to procure my fall,
And by the doome of death end woes and all

   Duke. Merchant of Siracusa, plead no more.
I am not partiall to infringe our Lawes;
The enmity and discord which of late
Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your Duke,
To Merchants our well-dealing Countrimen,
Who wanting gilders to redeeme their liues,
Haue seal'd his rigorous statutes with their blouds,
Excludes all pitty from our threatning lookes:
For since the mortall and intestine iarres
Twixt thy seditious Countrimen and vs,
It hath in solemne Synodes beene decreed,
Both by the Siracusians and our selues,
To admit no trafficke to our aduerse townes:
Nay more, if any borne at Ephesus
Be seene at any Siracusian Marts and Fayres:
Againe, if any Siracusian borne
Come to the Bay of Ephesus, he dies:
His goods confiscate to the Dukes dispose,
Vnlesse a thousand markes be leuied
To quit the penalty, and to ransome him:
Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,
Cannot amount vnto a hundred Markes,
Therefore by Law thou art condemn'd to die

   Mer. Yet this my comfort, when your words are done,
My woes end likewise with the euening Sonne

   Duk. Well Siracusian; say in briefe the cause
Why thou departedst from thy natiue home?
And for what cause thou cam'st to Ephesus

   Mer. A heauier taske could not haue beene impos'd,
Then I to speake my griefes vnspeakeable:
Yet that the world may witnesse that my end
Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,
Ile vtter what my sorrow giues me leaue.
In Syracusa was I borne, and wedde
Vnto a woman, happy but for me,
And by me; had not our hap beene bad:
With her I liu'd in ioy, our wealth increast
By prosperous voyages I often made
To Epidamium, till my factors death,
And he great care of goods at randone left,
Drew me from kinde embracements of my spouse;
From whom my absence was not sixe moneths olde,
Before her selfe (almost at fainting vnder
The pleasing punishment that women beare)
Had made prouision for her following me,
And soone, and safe, arriued where I was:
There had she not beene long, but she became
A ioyfull mother of two goodly sonnes:
And, which was strange, the one so like the other,
As could not be distinguish'd but by names.
That very howre, and in the selfe-same Inne,
A meane woman was deliuered
Of such a burthen Male, twins both alike:
Those, for their parents were exceeding poore,
I bought, and brought vp to attend my sonnes.
My wife, not meanely prowd of two such boyes,
Made daily motions for our home returne:
Vnwilling I agreed, alas, too soone wee came aboord.
A league from Epidamium had we saild
Before the alwaies winde-obeying deepe
Gaue any Tragicke Instance of our harme:
But longer did we not retaine much hope;
For what obscured light the heauens did grant,
Did but conuay vnto our fearefull mindes
A doubtfull warrant of immediate death,
Which though my selfe would gladly haue imbrac'd,
Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,
Weeping before for what she saw must come,
And pitteous playnings of the prettie babes
That mourn'd for fashion, ignorant what to feare,
Forst me to seeke delayes for them and me,
And this it was: (for other meanes was none)
The Sailors sought for safety by our boate,
And left the ship then sinking ripe to vs.
My wife, more carefull for the latter borne,
Had fastned him vnto a small spare Mast,
Such as sea-faring men prouide for stormes:
To him one of the other twins was bound,
Whil'st I had beene like heedfull of the other.
The children thus dispos'd, my wife and I,
Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixt,
Fastned our selues at eyther end the mast,
And floating straight, obedient to the streame,
Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.
At length the sonne gazing vpon the earth,
Disperst those vapours that offended vs,
And by the benefit of his wished light
The seas waxt calme, and we discouered
Two shippes from farre, making amaine to vs:
Of Corinth that, of Epidarus this,
But ere they came, oh let me say no more,
Gather the sequell by that went before

   Duk. Nay forward old man, doe not breake off so,
For we may pitty, though not pardon thee

   Merch. Oh had the gods done so, I had not now
Worthily tearm'd them mercilesse to vs:
For ere the ships could meet by twice fiue leagues,
We were encountred by a mighty rocke,
Which being violently borne vp,
Our helpefull ship was splitted in the midst;
So that in this vniust diuorce of vs,
Fortune had left to both of vs alike,
What to delight in, what to sorrow for,
Her part, poore soule, seeming as burdened
With lesser waight, but not with lesser woe,
Was carried with more speed before the winde,
And in our sight they three were taken vp
By Fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.
At length another ship had seiz'd on vs,
And knowing whom it was their hap to saue,
Gaue healthfull welcome to their ship-wrackt guests,
And would haue reft the Fishers of their prey,
Had not their backe beene very slow of saile;
And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
Thus haue you heard me seuer'd from my blisse,
That by misfortunes was my life prolong'd,
To tell sad stories of my owne mishaps

   Duke. And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,
Doe me the fauour to dilate at full,
What haue befalne of them and they till now

   Merch. My yongest boy, and yet my eldest care,
At eighteene yeeres became inquisitiue
After his brother; and importun'd me
That his attendant, so his case was like,
Reft of his brother, but retain'd his name,
Might beare him company in the quest of him:
Whom whil'st I laboured of a loue to see,
I hazarded the losse of whom I lou'd.
Fiue Sommers haue I spent in farthest Greece,
Roming cleane through the bounds of Asia,
And coasting homeward, came to Ephesus:
Hopelesse to finde, yet loth to leaue vnsought
Or that, or any place that harbours men:
But heere must end the story of my life,
And happy were I in my timelie death,
Could all my trauells warrant me they liue

   Duke. Haplesse Egeon whom the fates haue markt
To beare the extremitie of dire mishap:
Now trust me, were it not against our Lawes,
Against my Crowne, my oath, my dignity,
Which Princes would they may not disanull,
My soule should sue as aduocate for thee:
But though thou art adiudged to the death,
And passed sentence may not be recal'd
But to our honours great disparagement:
Yet will I fauour thee in what I can;
Therefore Marchant, Ile limit thee this day
To seeke thy helpe by beneficiall helpe,
Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus,
Beg thou, or borrow, to make vp the summe,
And liue: if no, then thou art doom'd to die:
Iaylor, take him to thy custodie

   Iaylor. I will my Lord

   Merch. Hopelesse and helpelesse doth Egean wend,
But to procrastinate his liuelesse end.

Exeunt.

Enter Antipholis Erotes, a Marchant, and Dromio.

  Mer. Therefore giue out you are of Epidamium,
Lest that your goods too soone be confiscate:
This very day a Syracusian Marchant
Is apprehended for a riuall here,
And not being able to buy out his life,
According to the statute of the towne,
Dies ere the wearie sunne set in the West:
There is your monie that I had to keepe

   Ant. Goe beare it to the Centaure, where we host,
And stay there Dromio, till I come to thee;
Within this houre it will be dinner time,
Till that Ile view the manners of the towne,
Peruse the traders, gaze vpon the buildings,
And then returne and sleepe within mine Inne,
For with long trauaile I am stiffe and wearie.
Get thee away

   Dro. Many a man would take you at your word,
And goe indeede, hauing so good a meane.

Exit Dromio.

  Ant. A trustie villaine sir, that very oft,
When I am dull with care and melancholly,
Lightens my humour with his merry iests:
What will you walke with me about the towne,
And then goe to my Inne and dine with me?
  E.Mar. I am inuited sir to certaine Marchants,
Of whom I hope to make much benefit:
I craue your pardon, soone at fiue a clocke,
Please you, Ile meete with you vpon the Mart,
And afterward consort you till bed time:
My present businesse cals me from you now

   Ant. Farewell till then: I will goe loose my selfe,
And wander vp and downe to view the Citie

   E.Mar. Sir, I commend you to your owne content.

Exeunt.

  Ant. He that commends me to mine owne content,
Commends me to the thing I cannot get:
I to the world am like a drop of water,
That in the Ocean seekes another drop,
Who falling there to finde his fellow forth,
(Vnseene, inquisitiue) confounds himselfe.
So I, to finde a Mother and a Brother,
In quest of them (vnhappie a) loose my selfe.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus.

Here comes the almanacke of my true date:
What now? How chance thou art return'd so soone

   E.Dro. Return'd so soone, rather approacht too late:
The Capon burnes, the Pig fals from the spit;
The clocke hath strucken twelue vpon the bell:
My Mistris made it one vpon my cheeke:
She is so hot because the meate is colde:
The meate is colde, because you come not home:
You come not home, because you haue no stomacke:
You haue no stomacke, hauing broke your fast:
But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray,
Are penitent for your default to day

   Ant. Stop in your winde sir, tell me this I pray?
Where haue you left the mony that I gaue you

   E.Dro. Oh sixe pence that I had a wensday last,
To pay the Sadler for my Mistris crupper:
The Sadler had it Sir, I kept it not

   Ant. I am not in a sportiue humor now:
Tell me, and dally not, where is the monie?
We being strangers here, how dar'st thou trust
So great a charge from thine owne custodie

   E.Dro. I pray you iest sir as you sit at dinner:
I from my Mistris come to you in post:
If I returne I shall be post indeede.
For she will scoure your fault vpon my pate:
Me thinkes your maw, like mine, should be your cooke,
And strike you home without a messenger

   Ant. Come Dromio, come, these iests are out of season,
Reserue them till a merrier houre then this:
Where is the gold I gaue in charge to thee?
  E.Dro. To me sir? why you gaue no gold to me?
  Ant. Come on sir knaue, haue done your foolishnes,
And tell me how thou hast dispos'd thy charge

   E.Dro. My charge was but to fetch you fro[m] the Mart
Home to your house, the Phoenix sir, to dinner;
My Mistris and her sister staies for you

   Ant. Now as I am a Christian answer me,
In what safe place you haue bestow'd my monie;
Or I shall breake that merrie sconce of yours
That stands on tricks, when I am vndispos'd:
Where is the thousand Markes thou hadst of me?
  E.Dro. I haue some markes of yours vpon my pate:
Some of my Mistris markes vpon my shoulders:
But not a thousand markes betweene you both.
If I should pay your worship those againe,
Perchance you will not beare them patiently

   Ant. Thy Mistris markes? what Mistris slaue hast thou?
  E.Dro. Your worships wife, my Mistris at the Phoenix;
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner:
And praies that you will hie you home to dinner

   Ant. What wilt thou flout me thus vnto my face
Being forbid? There take you that sir knaue

   E.Dro. What meane you sir, for God sake hold your hands:
Nay, and you will not sir, Ile take my heeles.

Exeunt. Dromio Ep.

  Ant. Vpon my life by some deuise or other,
The villaine is ore-wrought of all my monie.
They say this towne is full of cosenage:
As nimble Iuglers that deceiue the eie:
Darke working Sorcerers that change the minde:
Soule-killing Witches, that deforme the bodie:
Disguised Cheaters, prating Mountebankes;
And manie such like liberties of sinne:
If it proue so, I will be gone the sooner:
Ile to the Centaur to goe seeke this slaue,
I greatly feare my monie is not safe.

Enter.


Actus Secundus.

Enter Adriana, wife to Antipholis Sereptus, with Luciana her
Sister.

  Adr. Neither my husband nor the slaue return'd,
That in such haste I sent to seeke his Master?
Sure Luciana it is two a clocke

   Luc. Perhaps some Merchant hath inuited him,
And from the Mart he's somewhere gone to dinner:
Good Sister let vs dine, and neuer fret;
A man is Master of his libertie:
Time is their Master, and when they see time,
They'll goe or come; if so, be patient Sister

   Adr. Why should their libertie then ours be more?
  Luc. Because their businesse still lies out adore

   Adr. Looke when I serue him so, he takes it thus

   Luc. Oh, know he is the bridle of your will

   Adr. There's none but asses will be bridled so

   Luc. Why, headstrong liberty is lasht with woe:
There's nothing situate vnder heauens eye,
But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in skie.
The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowles
Are their males subiects, and at their controules:
Man more diuine, the Master of all these,
Lord of the wide world, and wilde watry seas,
Indued with intellectuall sence and soules,
Of more preheminence then fish and fowles,
Are masters to their females, and their Lords:
Then let your will attend on their accords

   Adri. This seruitude makes you to keepe vnwed

   Luci. Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed

   Adr. But were you wedded, you wold bear some sway
  Luc. Ere I learne loue, Ile practise to obey

   Adr. How if your husband start some other where?
  Luc. Till he come home againe, I would forbeare

   Adr. Patience vnmou'd, no maruel though she pause,
They can be meeke, that haue no other cause:
A wretched soule bruis'd with aduersitie,
We bid be quiet when we heare it crie.
But were we burdned with like waight of paine,
As much, or more, we should our selues complaine:
So thou that hast no vnkinde mate to greeue thee,
With vrging helpelesse patience would releeue me;
But if thou liue to see like right bereft,
This foole-beg'd patience in thee will be left

   Luci. Well, I will marry one day but to trie:
Heere comes your man, now is your husband nie.

Enter Dromio Eph.

  Adr. Say, is your tardie master now at hand?
  E.Dro. Nay, hee's at too hands with mee, and that my
two eares can witnesse

   Adr. Say, didst thou speake with him? knowst thou
his minde?
  E.Dro. I, I, he told his minde vpon mine eare,
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could vnderstand it

   Luc. Spake hee so doubtfully, thou couldst not feele
his meaning

   E.Dro. Nay, hee strooke so plainly, I could too well
feele his blowes; and withall so doubtfully, that I could
scarce vnderstand them

   Adri. But say, I prethee, is he comming home?
It seemes he hath great care to please his wife

   E.Dro. Why Mistresse, sure my Master is horne mad

   Adri. Horne mad, thou villaine?
  E.Dro. I meane not Cuckold mad,
But sure he is starke mad:
When I desir'd him to come home to dinner,
He ask'd me for a hundred markes in gold:
'Tis dinner time, quoth I: my gold, quoth he:
Your meat doth burne, quoth I: my gold quoth he:
Will you come, quoth I: my gold, quoth he;
Where is the thousand markes I gaue thee villaine?
The Pigge quoth I, is burn'd: my gold, quoth he:
My mistresse, sir, quoth I: hang vp thy Mistresse:
I know not thy mistresse, out on thy mistresse

   Luci. Quoth who?
  E.Dr. Quoth my Master, I know quoth he, no house,
no wife, no mistresse: so that my arrant due vnto my
tongue, I thanke him, I bare home vpon my shoulders:
for in conclusion, he did beat me there

   Adri. Go back againe, thou slaue, & fetch him home

   Dro. Goe backe againe, and be new beaten home?
For Gods sake send some other messenger

   Adri. Backe slaue, or I will breake thy pate a-crosse

   Dro. And he will blesse y crosse with other beating:
Betweene you, I shall haue a holy head

   Adri. Hence prating pesant, fetch thy Master home

   Dro. Am I so round with you, as you with me,
That like a foot-ball you doe spurne me thus:
You spurne me hence, and he will spurne me hither,
If I last in this seruice, you must case me in leather

   Luci. Fie how impatience lowreth in your face

   Adri. His company must do his minions grace,
Whil'st I at home starue for a merrie looke:
Hath homelie age th' alluring beauty tooke
From my poore cheeke? then he hath wasted it.
Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit,
If voluble and sharpe discourse be mar'd,
Vnkindnesse blunts it more then marble hard.
Doe their gay vestments his affections baite?
That's not my fault, hee's master of my state.
What ruines are in me that can be found,
By him not ruin'd? Then is he the ground
Of my defeatures. My decayed faire,
A sunnie looke of his, would soone repaire.
But, too vnruly Deere, he breakes the pale,
And feedes from home; poore I am but his stale

   Luci. Selfe-harming Iealousie; fie beat it hence

   Ad. Vnfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispence:
I know his eye doth homage other-where,
Or else, what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promis'd me a chaine,
Would that alone, a loue he would detaine,
So he would keepe faire quarter with his bed:
I see the Iewell best enamaled
Will loose his beautie: yet the gold bides still
That others touch, and often touching will,
Where gold and no man that hath a name,
By falshood and corruption doth it shame:
Since that my beautie cannot please his eie,
Ile weepe (what's left away) and weeping die

   Luci. How manie fond fooles serue mad Ielousie?

Enter.

Enter Antipholis Errotis.

  Ant. The gold I gaue to Dromio is laid vp
Safe at the Centaur, and the heedfull slaue
Is wandred forth in care to seeke me out
By computation and mine hosts report.
I could not speake with Dromio, since at first
I sent him from the Mart? see here he comes.

Enter Dromio Siracusia.

How now sir, is your merrie humor alter'd?
As you loue stroakes, so iest with me againe:
You know no Centaur? you receiu'd no gold?
Your Mistresse sent to haue me home to dinner?
My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
That thus so madlie thou did didst answere me?
  S.Dro. What answer sir? when spake I such a word?
  E.Ant. Euen now, euen here, not halfe an howre since

   S.Dro. I did not see you since you sent me hence
Home to the Centaur with the gold you gaue me

   Ant. Villaine, thou didst denie the golds receit,
And toldst me of a Mistresse, and a dinner,
For which I hope thou feltst I was displeas'd

   S.Dro. I am glad to see you in this merrie vaine,
What meanes this iest, I pray you Master tell me?
  Ant. Yea, dost thou ieere & flowt me in the teeth?
Thinkst y I iest? hold, take thou that, & that.

Beats Dro.

  S.Dr. Hold sir, for Gods sake, now your iest is earnest,
Vpon what bargaine do you giue it me?
  Antiph. Because that I familiarlie sometimes
Doe vse you for my foole, and chat with you,
Your sawcinesse will iest vpon my loue,
And make a Common of my serious howres,
When the sunne shines, let foolish gnats make sport,
But creepe in crannies, when he hides his beames:
If you will iest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my lookes,
Or I will beat this method in your sconce

   S.Dro. Sconce call you it? so you would leaue battering,
I had rather haue it a head, and you vse these blows
long, I must get a sconce for my head, and Insconce it
to, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders, but I pray
sir, why am I beaten?
  Ant. Dost thou not know?
  S.Dro. Nothing sir, but that I am beaten

   Ant. Shall I tell you why?
  S.Dro. I sir, and wherefore; for they say, euery why
hath a wherefore

   Ant. Why first for flowting me, and then wherefore,
for vrging it the second time to me

   S.Dro. Was there euer anie man thus beaten out of
season, when in the why and the wherefore, is neither
rime nor reason. Well sir, I thanke you

   Ant. Thanke me sir, for what?
  S.Dro. Marry sir, for this something that you gaue me
for nothing

   Ant. Ile make you amends next, to giue you nothing
for something. But say sir, is it dinner time?
  S.Dro. No sir, I thinke the meat wants that I haue

   Ant. In good time sir: what's that?
  S.Dro. Basting

   Ant. Well sir, then 'twill be drie

   S.Dro. If it be sir, I pray you eat none of it

   Ant. Your reason?
  S.Dro. Lest it make you chollericke, and purchase me
another drie basting

   Ant. Well sir, learne to iest in good time, there's a
time for all things

   S.Dro. I durst haue denied that before you were so
chollericke

   Anti. By what rule sir?
  S.Dro. Marry sir, by a rule as plaine as the plaine bald
pate of Father time himselfe

   Ant. Let's heare it

   S.Dro. There's no time for a man to recouer his haire
that growes bald by nature

   Ant. May he not doe it by fine and recouerie?
  S.Dro. Yes, to pay a fine for a perewig, and recouer
the lost haire of another man

   Ant. Why, is Time such a niggard of haire, being (as
it is) so plentifull an excrement?
  S.Dro. Because it is a blessing that hee bestowes on
beasts, and what he hath scanted them in haire, hee hath
giuen them in wit

   Ant. Why, but theres manie a man hath more haire
then wit

   S.Dro. Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose
his haire

   Ant. Why thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers
without wit

   S.Dro. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost; yet he looseth
it in a kinde of iollitie

   An. For what reason

   S.Dro. For two, and sound ones to

   An. Nay not sound I pray you

   S.Dro. Sure ones then

   An. Nay, not sure in a thing falsing

   S.Dro. Certaine ones then

   An. Name them

   S.Dro. The one to saue the money that he spends in
trying: the other, that at dinner they should not drop in
his porrage

   An. You would all this time haue prou'd, there is no
time for all things

   S.Dro. Marry and did sir: namely, in no time to recouer
haire lost by Nature

   An. But your reason was not substantiall, why there
is no time to recouer

   S.Dro. Thus I mend it: Time himselfe is bald, and
therefore to the worlds end, will haue bald followers

   An. I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion: but soft,
who wafts vs yonder.

Enter Adriana and Luciana.

  Adri. I, I, Antipholus, looke strange and frowne,
Some other Mistresse hath thy sweet aspects:
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
The time was once, when thou vn-vrg'd wouldst vow,
That neuer words were musicke to thine eare,
That neuer obiect pleasing in thine eye,
That neuer touch well welcome to thy hand,
That neuer meat sweet-sauour'd in thy taste,
Vnlesse I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or caru'd to thee.
How comes it now, my Husband, oh how comes it,
That thou art then estranged from thy selfe?
Thy selfe I call it, being strange to me:
That vndiuidable Incorporate
Am better then thy deere selfes better part.
Ah doe not teare away thy selfe from me;
For know my loue: as easie maist thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulfe,
And take vnmingled thence that drop againe
Without addition or diminishing,
As take from me thy selfe, and not me too.
How deerely would it touch thee to the quicke,
Shouldst thou but heare I were licencious?
And that this body consecrate to thee,
By Ruffian Lust should be contaminate?
Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurne at me,
And hurle the name of husband in my face,
And teare the stain'd skin of my Harlot brow,
And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,
And breake it with a deepe-diuorcing vow?
I know thou canst, and therefore see thou doe it.
I am possest with an adulterate blot,
My bloud is mingled with the crime of lust:
For if we two be one, and thou play false,
I doe digest the poison of thy flesh,
Being strumpeted by thy contagion:
Keepe then faire league and truce with thy true bed,
I liue distain'd, thou vndishonoured

   Antip. Plead you to me faire dame? I know you not:
In Ephesus I am but two houres old,
As strange vnto your towne, as to your talke,
Who euery word by all my wit being scan'd,
Wants wit in all, one word to vnderstand

   Luci. Fie brother, how the world is chang'd with you:
When were you wont to vse my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner

   Ant. By Dromio?
  Drom. By me

   Adr. By thee, and this thou didst returne from him.
That he did buffet thee, and in his blowes,
Denied my house for his, me for his wife

   Ant. Did you conuerse sir with this gentlewoman:
What is the course and drift of your compact?
  S.Dro. I sir? I neuer saw her till this time

   Ant. Villaine thou liest, for euen her verie words,
Didst thou deliuer to me on the Mart

   S.Dro. I neuer spake with her in all my life

   Ant. How can she thus then call vs by our names?
Vnlesse it be by inspiration

   Adri. How ill agrees it with your grauitie,
To counterfeit thus grosely with your slaue,
Abetting him to thwart me in my moode;
Be it my wrong, you are from me exempt,
But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
Come I will fasten on this sleeue of thine:
Thou art an Elme my husband, I a Vine:
Whose weaknesse married to thy stranger state,
Makes me with thy strength to communicate:
If ought possesse thee from me, it is drosse,
Vsurping Iuie, Brier, or idle Mosse,
Who all for want of pruning, with intrusion,
Infect thy sap, and liue on thy confusion

   Ant. To mee shee speakes, shee moues mee for her
theame;
What, was I married to her in my dreame?
Or sleepe I now, and thinke I heare all this?
What error driues our eies and eares amisse?
Vntill I know this sure vncertaintie,
Ile entertaine the free'd fallacie

   Luc. Dromio, goe bid the seruants spred for dinner

   S.Dro. Oh for my beads, I crosse me for a sinner.
This is the Fairie land, oh spight of spights,
We talke with Goblins, Owles and Sprights;
If we obay them not, this will insue:
They'll sucke our breath, or pinch vs blacke and blew

   Luc. Why prat'st thou to thy selfe, and answer'st not?
Dromio, thou Dromio, thou snaile, thou slug, thou sot

   S.Dro. I am transformed Master, am I not?
  Ant. I thinke thou art in minde, and so am I

   S.Dro. Nay Master, both in minde, and in my shape

   Ant. Thou hast thine owne forme

   S.Dro. No, I am an Ape

   Luc. If thou art chang'd to ought, 'tis to an Asse

   S.Dro. 'Tis true she rides me, and I long for grasse.
'Tis so, I am an Asse, else it could neuer be,
But I should know her as well as she knowes me

   Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a foole,
To put the finger in the eie and weepe;
Whil'st man and Master laughes my woes to scorne:
Come sir to dinner, Dromio keepe the gate:
Husband Ile dine aboue with you to day,
And shriue you of a thousand idle prankes:
Sirra, if any aske you for your Master,
Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter:
Come sister, Dromio play the Porter well

   Ant. Am I in earth, in heauen, or in hell?
Sleeping or waking, mad or well aduisde:
Knowne vnto these, and to my selfe disguisde:
Ile say as they say, and perseuer so:
And in this mist at all aduentures go

   S.Dro. Master, shall I be Porter at the gate?
  Adr. I, and let none enter, least I breake your pate

   Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine to late.

Actus Tertius. Scena Prima.

Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the
Goldsmith, and
Balthaser the Merchant.

  E.Anti. Good signior Angelo you must excuse vs all,
My wife is shrewish when I keepe not howres;
Say that I lingerd with you at your shop
To see the making of her Carkanet,
And that to morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villaine that would face me downe
He met me on the Mart, and that I beat him,
And charg'd him with a thousand markes in gold,
And that I did denie my wife and house;
Thou drunkard thou, what didst thou meane by this?
  E.Dro. Say what you wil sir, but I know what I know,
That you beat me at the Mart I haue your hand to show;
If y skin were parchment, & y blows you gaue were ink,
Your owne hand-writing would tell you what I thinke

   E.Ant. I thinke thou art an asse

   E.Dro. Marry so it doth appeare
By the wrongs I suffer, and the blowes I beare,
I should kicke being kickt, and being at that passe,
You would keepe from my heeles, and beware of an asse

   E.An. Y'are sad signior Balthazar, pray God our cheer
May answer my good will, and your good welcom here

   Bal. I hold your dainties cheap sir, & your welcom deer

   E.An. Oh signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
A table full of welcome, makes scarce one dainty dish

   Bal. Good meat sir is co[m]mon that euery churle affords

   Anti. And welcome more common, for thats nothing
but words

   Bal. Small cheere and great welcome, makes a merrie
feast

   Anti. I, to a niggardly Host, and more sparing guest:
But though my cates be meane, take them in good part,
Better cheere may you haue, but not with better hart.
But soft, my doore is lockt; goe bid them let vs in

   E.Dro. Maud, Briget, Marian, Cisley, Gillian, Ginn

   S.Dro. Mome, Malthorse, Capon, Coxcombe, Idiot,
Patch,
Either get thee from the dore, or sit downe at the hatch:
Dost thou coniure for wenches, that y calst for such store,
When one is one too many, goe get thee from the dore

   E.Dro. What patch is made our Porter? my Master
stayes in the street

   S.Dro. Let him walke from whence he came, lest hee
catch cold on's feet

   E.Ant. Who talks within there? hoa, open the dore

   S.Dro. Right sir, Ile tell you when, and you'll tell
me wherefore

   Ant. Wherefore? for my dinner: I haue not din'd to
day

   S.Dro. Nor to day here you must not come againe
when you may

   Anti. What art thou that keep'st mee out from the
howse I owe?
  S.Dro. The Porter for this time Sir, and my name is
Dromio

   E.Dro. O villaine, thou hast stolne both mine office
and my name,
The one nere got me credit, the other mickle blame:
If thou hadst beene Dromio to day in my place,
Thou wouldst haue chang'd thy face for a name, or thy
name for an asse.

Enter Luce.

  Luce. What a coile is there Dromio? who are those
at the gate?
  E.Dro. Let my Master in Luce

   Luce. Faith no, hee comes too late, and so tell your
Master

   E.Dro. O Lord I must laugh, haue at you with a Prouerbe,
Shall I set in my staffe

   Luce. Haue at you with another, that's when? can
you tell?
  S.Dro. If thy name be called Luce, Luce thou hast answer'd
him well

   Anti. Doe you heare you minion, you'll let vs in I
hope?
  Luce. I thought to haue askt you

   S.Dro. And you said no

   E.Dro. So come helpe, well strooke, there was blow
for blow

   Anti. Thou baggage let me in

   Luce. Can you tell for whose sake?
  E.Drom. Master, knocke the doore hard

   Luce. Let him knocke till it ake

   Anti. You'll crie for this minion, if I beat the doore
downe

   Luce. What needs all that, and a paire of stocks in the
towne?

Enter Adriana.

  Adr. Who is that at the doore y keeps all this noise?
  S.Dro. By my troth your towne is troubled with vnruly
boies

   Anti. Are you there Wife? you might haue come
before

   Adri. Your wife sir knaue? go get you from the dore

   E.Dro. If you went in paine Master, this knaue wold
goe sore

   Angelo. Heere is neither cheere sir, nor welcome, we
would faine haue either

   Baltz. In debating which was best, wee shall part
with neither

   E.Dro. They stand at the doore, Master, bid them
welcome hither

   Anti. There is something in the winde, that we cannot
get in

   E.Dro. You would say so Master, if your garments
were thin.
Your cake here is warme within: you stand here in the
cold.
It would make a man mad as a Bucke to be so bought
and sold

   Ant. Go fetch me something, Ile break ope the gate

   S.Dro. Breake any breaking here, and Ile breake your
knaues pate

   E.Dro. A man may breake a word with your sir, and
words are but winde:
I and breake it in your face, so he break it not behinde

   S.Dro. It seemes thou want'st breaking, out vpon thee
hinde

   E.Dro. Here's too much out vpon thee, I pray thee let
me in

   S.Dro. I, when fowles haue no feathers, and fish haue
no fin

   Ant. Well, Ile breake in: go borrow me a crow

   E.Dro. A crow without feather, Master meane you so;
For a fish without a finne, ther's a fowle without a fether,
If a crow help vs in sirra, wee'll plucke a crow together

   Ant. Go, get thee gon, fetch me an iron Crow

   Balth. Haue patience sir, oh let it not be so,
Heerein you warre against your reputation,
And draw within the compasse of suspect
Th' vnuiolated honor of your wife.
Once this your long experience of your wisedome,
Her sober vertue, yeares, and modestie,
Plead on your part some cause to you vnknowne;
And doubt not sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the dores are made against you.
Be rul'd by me, depart in patience,
And let vs to the Tyger all to dinner,
And about euening come your selfe alone,
To know the reason of this strange restraint:
If by strong hand you offer to breake in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it;
And that supposed by the common rowt
Against your yet vngalled estimation,
That may with foule intrusion enter in,
And dwell vpon your graue when you are dead;
For slander liues vpon succession:
For euer hows'd, where it gets possession

   Anti. You haue preuail'd, I will depart in quiet,
And in despight of mirth meane to be merrie:
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Prettie and wittie; wilde, and yet too gentle;
There will we dine: this woman that I meane
My wife (but I protest without desert)
Hath oftentimes vpbraided me withall:
To her will we to dinner, get you home
And fetch the chaine, by this I know 'tis made,
Bring it I pray you to the Porpentine,
For there's the house: That chaine will I bestow
(Be it for nothing but to spight my wife)
Vpon mine hostesse there, good sir make haste:
Since mine owne doores refuse to entertaine me,
Ile knocke else-where, to see if they'll disdaine me

   Ang. Ile meet you at that place some houre hence

   Anti. Do so, this iest shall cost me some expence.

Exeunt.

Enter Iuliana, with Antipholus of Siracusia.

  Iulia. And may it be that you haue quite forgot
A husbands office? shall Antipholus
Euen in the spring of Loue, thy Loue-springs rot?
Shall loue in buildings grow so ruinate?
If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then for her wealths-sake vse her with more kindnesse:
Or if you like else-where doe it by stealth,
Muffle your false loue with some shew of blindnesse:
Let not my sister read it in your eye:
Be not thy tongue thy owne shames Orator:
Looke sweet, speake faire, become disloyaltie:
Apparell vice like vertues harbenger:
Beare a faire presence, though your heart be tainted,
Teach sinne the carriage of a holy Saint,
Be secret false: what need she be acquainted?
What simple thiefe brags of his owne attaine?
'Tis double wrong to truant with your bed,
And let her read it in thy lookes at boord:
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed,
Ill deeds is doubled with an euill word:
Alas poore women, make vs not beleeue
(Being compact of credit) that you loue vs,
Though others haue the arme, shew vs the sleeue:
We in your motion turne, and you may moue vs.
Then gentle brother get you in againe;
Comfort my sister, cheere her, call her wise;
'Tis holy sport to be a little vaine,
When the sweet breath of flatterie conquers strife

   S.Anti. Sweete Mistris, what your name is else I
know not;
Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine:
Lesse in your knowledge, and your grace you show not,
Then our earths wonder, more then earth diuine.
Teach me deere creature how to thinke and speake:
Lay open to my earthie grosse conceit:
Smothred in errors, feeble, shallow, weake,
The foulded meaning of your words deceit:
Against my soules pure truth, why labour you,
To make it wander in an vnknowne field?
Are you a god? would you create me new?
Transforme me then, and to your powre Ile yeeld.
But if that I am I, then well I know,
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Nor to her bed no homage doe I owe:
Farre more, farre more, to you doe I decline:
Oh traine me not sweet Mermaide with thy note,
To drowne me in thy sister floud of teares:
Sing Siren for thy selfe, and I will dote:
Spread ore the siluer waues thy golden haires;
And as a bud Ile take thee, and there lie:
And in that glorious supposition thinke,
He gaines by death, that hath such meanes to die:
Let Loue, being light, be drowned if she sinke

   Luc. What are you mad, that you doe reason so?
  Ant. Not mad, but mated, how I doe not know

   Luc. It is a fault that springeth from your eie

   Ant. For gazing on your beames faire sun being by

   Luc. Gaze when you should, and that will cleere
your sight

   Ant. As good to winke sweet loue, as looke on night

   Luc. Why call you me loue? Call my sister so

   Ant. Thy sisters sister

   Luc. That's my sister

   Ant. No: it is thy selfe, mine owne selfes better part:
Mine eies cleere eie, my deere hearts deerer heart;
My foode, my fortune, and my sweet hopes aime;
My sole earths heauen, and my heauens claime

   Luc. All this my sister is, or else should be

   Ant. Call thy selfe sister sweet, for I am thee:
Thee will I loue, and with thee lead my life;
Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife:
Giue me thy hand

   Luc. Oh soft sir, hold you still:
Ile fetch my sister to get her good will.

Enter.

Enter Dromio, Siracusia.

  Ant. Why how now Dromio, where run'st thou so
fast?
  S.Dro. Doe you know me sir? Am I Dromio? Am I
your man? Am I my selfe?
  Ant. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art
thy selfe

   Dro. I am an asse, I am a womans man, and besides
my selfe

   Ant. What womans man? and how besides thy
selfe?
  Dro. Marrie sir, besides my selfe, I am due to a woman:
One that claimes me, one that haunts me, one that will
haue me

   Anti. What claime laies she to thee?
  Dro. Marry sir, such claime as you would lay to your
horse, and she would haue me as a beast, not that I beeing
a beast she would haue me, but that she being a verie
beastly creature layes claime to me

   Anti. What is she?
  Dro. A very reuerent body: I such a one, as a man
may not speake of, without he say sir reuerence, I haue
but leane lucke in the match, and yet is she a wondrous
fat marriage

   Anti. How dost thou meane a fat marriage?
  Dro. Marry sir, she's the Kitchin wench, & al grease,
and I know not what vse to put her too, but to make a
Lampe of her, and run from her by her owne light. I
warrant, her ragges and the Tallow in them, will burne
a Poland Winter: If she liues till doomesday, she'l burne
a weeke longer then the whole World

   Anti. What complexion is she of?
  Dro. Swart like my shoo, but her face nothing like
so cleane kept: for why? she sweats a man may goe ouer-shooes
in the grime of it

   Anti. That's a fault that water will mend

   Dro. No sir, 'tis in graine, Noahs flood could not
do it

   Anti. What's her name?
  Dro. Nell Sir: but her name is three quarters, that's
an Ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hip
to hip

   Anti. Then she beares some bredth?
  Dro. No longer from head to foot, then from hippe
to hippe: she is sphericall, like a globe: I could find out
Countries in her

   Anti. In what part of her body stands Ireland?
  Dro. Marry sir in her buttockes, I found it out by
the bogges

   Ant. Where Scotland?
  Dro. I found it by the barrennesse, hard in the palme
of the hand

   Ant. Where France?
  Dro. In her forhead, arm'd and reuerted, making
warre against her heire

   Ant. Where England?
  Dro. I look'd for the chalkle Cliffes, but I could find
no whitenesse in them. But I guesse, it stood in her chin
by the salt rheume that ranne betweene France, and it

   Ant. Where Spaine?
  Dro. Faith I saw it not: but I felt it hot in her breth

   Ant. Where America, the Indies?
  Dro. Oh sir, vpon her nose, all ore embellished with
Rubies, Carbuncles, Saphires, declining their rich Aspect
to the hot breath of Spaine, who sent whole Armadoes
of Carrects to be ballast at her nose

   Anti. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
  Dro. Oh sir, I did not looke so low. To conclude,
this drudge or Diuiner layd claime to mee, call'd mee
Dromio, swore I was assur'd to her, told me what priuie
markes I had about mee, as the marke of my shoulder,
the Mole in my necke, the great Wart on my left arme,
that I amaz'd ranne from her as a witch. And I thinke, if
my brest had not beene made of faith, and my heart of
steele, she had transform'd me to a Curtull dog, & made
me turne i'th wheele

   Anti. Go hie thee presently, post to the rode,
And if the winde blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this Towne to night.
If any Barke put forth, come to the Mart,
Where I will walke till thou returne to me:
If euerie one knowes vs, and we know none,
'Tis time I thinke to trudge, packe, and be gone

   Dro. As from a Beare a man would run for life,
So flie I from her that would be my wife.

Exit

  Anti. There's none but Witches do inhabite heere,
And therefore 'tis hie time that I were hence:
She that doth call me husband, euen my soule
Doth for a wife abhorre. But her faire sister
Possest with such a gentle soueraigne grace,
Of such inchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me Traitor to my selfe:
But least my selfe be guilty to selfe wrong,
Ile stop mine eares against the Mermaids song.

Enter Angelo with the Chaine.

  Ang. Mr Antipholus

   Anti. I that's my name

   Ang. I know it well sir, loe here's the chaine,
I thought to haue tane you at the Porpentine,
The chaine vnfinish'd made me stay thus long

   Anti. What is your will that I shal do with this?
  Ang. What please your selfe sir: I haue made it for
you

   Anti. Made it for me sir, I bespoke it not

   Ang. Not once, nor twice, but twentie times you
haue:
Go home with it, and please your Wife withall,
And soone at supper time Ile visit you,
And then receiue my money for the chaine

   Anti. I pray you sir receiue the money now.
For feare you ne're see chaine, nor mony more

   Ang. You are a merry man sir, fare you well.

Enter.

  Ant. What I should thinke of this, I cannot tell:
But this I thinke, there's no man is so vaine,
That would refuse so faire an offer'd Chaine.
I see a man heere needs not liue by shifts,
When in the streets he meetes such Golden gifts:
Ile to the Mart, and there for Dromio stay,
If any ship put out, then straight away.

Enter.


Actus Quartus. Scoena Prima.

Enter a Merchant, Goldsmith, and an Officer.

  Mar. You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I haue not much importun'd you,
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want Gilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or Ile attach you by this Officer

   Gold. Euen iust the sum that I do owe to you,
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you,
He had of me a Chaine, at fiue a clocke
I shall receiue the money for the same:
Pleaseth you walke with me downe to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thanke you too.

Enter Antipholus Ephes.Dromio from the Courtizans.

  Offi. That labour may you saue: See where he comes

   Ant. While I go to the Goldsmiths house, go thou
And buy a ropes end, that will I bestow
Among my wife, and their confederates,
For locking me out of my doores by day:
But soft I see the Goldsmith; get thee gone,
Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me

   Dro. I buy a thousand pound a yeare, I buy a rope.

Exit Dromio

  Eph.Ant. A man is well holpe vp that trusts to you,
I promised your presence, and the Chaine,
But neither Chaine nor Goldsmith came to me:
Belike you thought our loue would last too long
If it were chain'd together: and therefore came not

   Gold. Sauing your merrie humor: here's the note
How much your Chaine weighs to the vtmost charect,
The finenesse of the Gold, and chargefull fashion,
Which doth amount to three odde Duckets more
Then I stand debted to this Gentleman,
I pray you see him presently discharg'd,
For he is bound to Sea, and stayes but for it

   Anti. I am not furnish'd with the present monie:
Besides I haue some businesse in the towne,
Good Signior take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the Chaine, and bid my wife
Disburse the summe, on the receit thereof,
Perchance I will be there as soone as you

   Gold. Then you will bring the Chaine to her your
selfe

   Anti. No beare it with you, least I come not time enough

   Gold. Well sir, I will? Haue you the Chaine about
you?
  Ant. And if I haue not sir, I hope you haue:
Or else you may returne without your money

   Gold. Nay come I pray you sir, giue me the Chaine:
Both winde and tide stayes for this Gentleman,
And I too blame haue held him heere too long

   Anti. Good Lord, you vse this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine,
I should haue chid you for not bringing it,
But like a shrew you first begin to brawle

   Mar. The houre steales on, I pray you sir dispatch

   Gold. You heare how he importunes me, the Chaine

   Ant. Why giue it to my wife, and fetch your mony

   Gold. Come, come, you know I gaue it you euen now.
Either send the Chaine, or send me by some token

   Ant. Fie, now you run this humor out of breath,
Come where's the Chaine, I pray you let me see it

   Mar. My businesse cannot brooke this dalliance,
Good sir say, whe'r you'l answer me, or no:
If not, Ile leaue him to the Officer

   Ant. I answer you? What should I answer you

   Gold. The monie that you owe me for the Chaine

   Ant. I owe you none, till I receiue the Chaine

   Gold. You know I gaue it you halfe an houre since

   Ant. You gaue me none, you wrong mee much to
say so

   Gold. You wrong me more sir in denying it.
Consider how it stands vpon my credit

   Mar. Well Officer, arrest him at my suite

   Offi. I do, and charge you in the Dukes name to obey
me

   Gold. This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this Officer

   Ant. Consent to pay thee that I neuer had:
Arrest me foolish fellow if thou dar'st

   Gold. Heere is thy fee, arrest him Officer.
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorne me so apparantly

   Offic. I do arrest you sir, you heare the suite

   Ant. I do obey thee, till I giue thee baile.
But sirrah, you shall buy this sport as deere,
As all the mettall in your shop will answer

   Gold. Sir, sir, I shall haue Law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

Enter Dromio Sira. from the Bay.

  Dro. Master, there's a Barke of Epidamium,
That staies but till her Owner comes aboord,
And then sir she beares away. Our fraughtage sir,
I haue conuei'd aboord, and I haue bought
The Oyle, the Balsamum, and Aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim, the merrie winde
Blowes faire from land: they stay for nought at all,
But for their Owner, Master, and your selfe

   An. How now? a Madman? Why thou peeuish sheep
What ship of Epidamium staies for me

   S.Dro. A ship you sent me too, to hier waftage

   Ant. Thou drunken slaue, I sent thee for a rope,
And told thee to what purpose, and what end

   S.Dro. You sent me for a ropes end as soone,
You sent me to the Bay sir, for a Barke

   Ant. I will debate this matter at more leisure
And teach your eares to list me with more heede:
To Adriana Villaine hie thee straight:
Giue her this key, and tell her in the Deske
That's couer'd o're with Turkish Tapistrie,
There is a purse of Duckets, let her send it:
Tell her, I am arrested in the streete,
And that shall baile me: hie thee slaue, be gone,
On Officer to prison, till it come.

Exeunt.

  S.Dromio. To Adriana, that is where we din'd,
Where Dowsabell did claime me for her husband,
She is too bigge I hope for me to compasse,
Thither I must, although against my will:
For seruants must their Masters mindes fulfill.

Exit

Enter Adriana and Luciana.

  Adr. Ah Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Might'st thou perceiue austeerely in his eie,
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no:
Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What obseruation mad'st thou in this case?
Oh, his hearts Meteors tilting in his face

   Luc. First he deni'de you had in him no right

   Adr. He meant he did me none: the more my spight
  Luc. Then swore he that he was a stranger heere

   Adr. And true he swore, though yet forsworne hee
were

   Luc. Then pleaded I for you

   Adr. And what said he?
  Luc. That loue I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me

   Adr. With what perswasion did he tempt thy loue?
  Luc. With words, that in an honest suit might moue.
First, he did praise my beautie, then my speech

   Adr. Did'st speake him faire?
  Luc. Haue patience I beseech

   Adr. I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, shall haue his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac'd, worse bodied, shapelesse euery where:
Vicious, vngentle, foolish, blunt, vnkinde,
Stigmaticall in making worse in minde

   Luc. Who would be iealous then of such a one?
No euill lost is wail'd, when it is gone

   Adr. Ah but I thinke him better then I say:
And yet would herein others eies were worse:
Farre from her nest the Lapwing cries away;
My heart praies for him, though my tongue doe curse.

Enter S.Dromio.

  Dro. Here goe: the deske, the purse, sweet now make
haste

   Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath?
  S.Dro. By running fast

   Adr. Where is thy Master Dromio? Is he well?
  S.Dro. No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse then hell:
A diuell in an euerlasting garment hath him;
On whose hard heart is button'd vp with steele:
A Feind, a Fairie, pittilesse and ruffe:
A Wolfe, nay worse, a fellow all in buffe:
A back friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that counterma[n]ds
The passages of allies, creekes, and narrow lands:
A hound that runs Counter, and yet draws drifoot well,
One that before the Iudgme[n]t carries poore soules to hel

   Adr. Why man, what is the matter?
  S.Dro. I doe not know the matter, hee is rested on
the case

   Adr. What is he arrested? tell me at whose suite?
  S.Dro. I know not at whose suite he is arested well;
but is in a suite of buffe which rested him, that can I tell,
will you send him Mistris redemption, the monie in
his deske

   Adr. Go fetch it Sister: this I wonder at.

Exit Luciana.

Thus he vnknowne to me should be in debt:
Tell me, was he arested on a band?
  S.Dro. Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:
A chaine, a chaine, doe you not here it ring

   Adria. What, the chaine?
  S.Dro. No, no, the bell, 'tis time that I were gone:
It was two ere I left him, and now the clocke strikes one

   Adr. The houres come backe, that did I neuer here

   S.Dro. Oh yes, if any houre meete a Serieant, a turnes
backe for verie feare

   Adri. As if time were in debt: how fondly do'st thou
reason?
  S.Dro. Time is a verie bankerout, and owes more then
he's worth to season.
Nay, he's a theefe too: haue you not heard men say,
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If I be in debt and theft, and a Serieant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turne backe an houre in a day?

Enter Luciana.

  Adr. Go Dromio, there's the monie, beare it straight,
And bring thy Master home imediately.
Come sister, I am prest downe with conceit:
Conceit, my comfort and my iniurie.

Enter.

Enter Antipholus Siracusia.

There's not a man I meete but doth salute me
As if I were their well acquainted friend,
And euerie one doth call me by my name:
Some tender monie to me, some inuite me;
Some other giue me thankes for kindnesses;
Some offer me Commodities to buy.
Euen now a tailor cal'd me in his shop,
And show'd me Silkes that he had bought for me,
And therewithall tooke measure of my body.
Sure these are but imaginarie wiles,
And lapland Sorcerers inhabite here.

Enter Dromio. Sir.

  S.Dro. Master, here's the gold you sent me for: what
haue you got the picture of old Adam new apparel'd?
  Ant. What gold is this? What Adam do'st thou
meane?
  S.Dro. Not that Adam that kept the Paradise: but
that Adam that keepes the prison; hee that goes in the
calues-skin, that was kil'd for the Prodigall: hee that
came behinde you sir, like an euill angel, and bid you forsake
your libertie

   Ant. I vnderstand thee not

   S.Dro. No? why 'tis a plaine case: he that went like
a Base-Viole in a case of leather; the man sir, that when
gentlemen are tired giues them a sob, and rests them:
he sir, that takes pittie on decaied men, and giues them
suites of durance: he that sets vp his rest to doe more exploits
with his Mace, then a Moris Pike

   Ant. What thou mean'st an officer?
  S.Dro. I sir, the Serieant of the Band: he that brings
any man to answer it that breakes his Band: one that
thinkes a man alwaies going to bed, and saies, God giue
you good rest

   Ant. Well sir, there rest in your foolerie:
Is there any ships puts forth to night? may we be gone?
  S.Dro. Why sir, I brought you word an houre since,
that the Barke Expedition put forth to night, and then
were you hindred by the Serieant to tarry for the Hoy
Delay: Here are the angels that you sent for to deliuer
you

   Ant. The fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in illusions:
Some blessed power deliuer vs from hence.

Enter a Curtizan.

  Cur. Well met, well met, Master Antipholus:
I see sir you haue found the Gold-smith now:
Is that the chaine you promis'd me to day

   Ant. Sathan auoide, I charge thee tempt me not

   S.Dro. Master, is this Mistris Sathan?
  Ant. It is the diuell

   S.Dro. Nay, she is worse, she is the diuels dam:
And here she comes in the habit of a light wench, and
thereof comes, that the wenches say God dam me, That's
as much to say, God make me a light wench: It is written,
they appeare to men like angels of light, light is an
effect of fire, and fire will burne: ergo, light wenches will
burne, come not neere her

   Cur. Your man and you are maruailous merrie sir.
Will you goe with me, wee'll mend our dinner here?
  S.Dro. Master, if do expect spoon-meate, or bespeake
a long spoone

   Ant. Why Dromio?
  S.Dro. Marrie he must haue a long spoone that must
eate with the diuell

   Ant. Auoid then fiend, what tel'st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all a sorceresse:
I coniure thee to leaue me, and be gon

   Cur. Giue me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or for my Diamond the Chaine you promis'd,
And Ile be gone sir, and not trouble you

   S.Dro. Some diuels aske but the parings of ones naile,
a rush, a haire, a drop of blood, a pin, a nut, a cherriestone:
but she more couetous, wold haue a chaine: Master
be wise, and if you giue it her, the diuell will shake
her Chaine, and fright vs with it

   Cur. I pray you sir my Ring, or else the Chaine,
I hope you do not meane to cheate me so?
  Ant. Auant thou witch: Come Dromio let vs go

   S.Dro. Flie pride saies the Pea-cocke, Mistris that
you know.

Enter.

  Cur. Now out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he neuer so demeane himselfe,
A Ring he hath of mine worth fortie Duckets,
And for the same he promis'd me a Chaine,
Both one and other he denies me now:
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Is a mad tale he told to day at dinner,
Of his owne doores being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doores against his way:
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife, that being Lunaticke,
He rush'd into my house, and tooke perforce
My Ring away. This course I fittest choose,
For fortie Duckets is too much to loose.

Enter Antipholus Ephes. with a Iailor.

  An. Feare me not man, I will not breake away,
Ile giue thee ere I leaue thee so much money
To warrant thee as I am rested for.
My wife is in a wayward moode to day,
And will not lightly trust the Messenger,
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
I tell you 'twill sound harshly in her eares.

Enter Dromio Eph. with a ropes end.

Heere comes my Man, I thinke he brings the monie.
How now sir? Haue you that I sent you for?
  E.Dro. Here's that I warrant you will pay them all

   Anti. But where's the Money?
  E.Dro. Why sir, I gaue the Monie for the Rope

   Ant. Fiue hundred Duckets villaine for a rope?
  E.Dro. Ile serue you sir fiue hundred at the rate

   Ant. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
  E.Dro. To a ropes end sir, and to that end am I return'd

   Ant. And to that end sir, I will welcome you

   Offi. Good sir be patient

   E.Dro. Nay 'tis for me to be patient, I am in aduersitie

   Offi. Good now hold thy tongue

   E.Dro. Nay, rather perswade him to hold his hands

   Anti. Thou whoreson senselesse Villaine

   E.Dro. I would I were senselesse sir, that I might
not feele your blowes

   Anti. Thou art sensible in nothing but blowes, and
so is an Asse

   E.Dro. I am an Asse indeede, you may prooue it by
my long eares. I haue serued him from the houre of my
Natiuitie to this instant, and haue nothing at his hands
for my seruice but blowes. When I am cold, he heates
me with beating: when I am warme, he cooles me with
beating: I am wak'd with it when I sleepe, rais'd with
it when I sit, driuen out of doores with it when I goe
from home, welcom'd home with it when I returne, nay
I beare it on my shoulders, as a begger woont her brat:
and I thinke when he hath lam'd me, I shall begge with
it from doore to doore.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtizan, and a Schoolemaster, call'd
Pinch.

  Ant. Come goe along, my wife is comming yonder

   E.Dro. Mistris respice finem, respect your end, or rather
the prophesie like the Parrat, beware the ropes end

   Anti. Wilt thou still talke?

Beats Dro.

  Curt. How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
  Adri. His inciuility confirmes no lesse:
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a Coniurer,
Establish him in his true sence againe,
And I will please you what you will demand

   Luc. Alas how fiery, and how sharpe he lookes

   Cur. Marke, how he trembles in his extasie

   Pinch. Giue me your hand, and let mee feele your
pulse

   Ant. There is my hand, and let it feele your eare

   Pinch. I charge thee Sathan, hous'd within this man,
To yeeld possession to my holie praiers,
And to thy state of darknesse hie thee straight,
I coniure thee by all the Saints in heauen

   Anti. Peace doting wizard, peace; I am not mad

   Adr. Oh that thou wer't not, poore distressed soule

   Anti. You Minion you, are these your Customers?
Did this Companion with the saffron face
Reuell and feast it at my house to day,
Whil'st vpon me the guiltie doores were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house

   Adr. O husband, God doth know you din'd at home
Where would you had remain'd vntill this time,
Free from these slanders, and this open shame

   Anti. Din'd at home? Thou Villaine, what sayest
thou?
  Dro. Sir sooth to say, you did not dine at home

   Ant. Were not my doores lockt vp, and I shut out?
  Dro. Perdie, your doores were lockt, and you shut
out

   Anti. And did not she her selfe reuile me there?
  Dro. Sans Fable, she her selfe reuil'd you there

   Anti. Did not her Kitchen maide raile, taunt, and
scorne me?
  Dro. Certis she did, the kitchin vestall scorn'd you

   Ant. And did not I in rage depart from thence?
  Dro. In veritie you did, my bones beares witnesse,
That since haue felt the vigor of his rage

   Adr. Is't good to sooth him in these contraries?
  Pinch. It is no shame, the fellow finds his vaine,
And yeelding to him, humors well his frensie

   Ant. Thou hast subborn'd the Goldsmith to arrest
mee

   Adr. Alas, I sent you Monie to redeeme you,
By Dromio heere, who came in hast for it

   Dro. Monie by me? Heart and good will you might,
But surely Master not a ragge of Monie

   Ant. Wentst not thou to her for a purse of Duckets

   Adri. He came to me, and I deliuer'd it

   Luci. And I am witnesse with her that she did:
  Dro. God and the Rope-maker beare me witnesse,
That I was sent for nothing but a rope

   Pinch. Mistris, both Man and Master is possest,
I know it by their pale and deadly lookes,
They must be bound and laide in some darke roome

   Ant. Say wherefore didst thou locke me forth to day,
And why dost thou denie the bagge of gold?
  Adr. I did not gentle husband locke thee forth

   Dro. And gentle Mr I receiu'd no gold:
But I confesse sir, that we were lock'd out

   Adr. Dissembling Villain, thou speak'st false in both
  Ant. Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned packe,
To make a loathsome abiect scorne of me:
But with these nailes, Ile plucke out these false eyes,
That would behold in me this shamefull sport.

Enter three or foure, and offer to binde him: Hee striues.

  Adr. Oh binde him, binde him, let him not come
neere me

   Pinch. More company, the fiend is strong within him
  Luc. Aye me poore man, how pale and wan he looks

   Ant. What will you murther me, thou Iailor thou?
I am thy prisoner, wilt thou suffer them to make a rescue?
  Offi. Masters let him go: he is my prisoner, and you
shall not haue him

   Pinch. Go binde this man, for he is franticke too

   Adr. What wilt thou do, thou peeuish Officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himselfe?
  Offi. He is my prisoner, if I let him go,
The debt he owes will be requir'd of me

   Adr. I will discharge thee ere I go from thee,
Beare me forthwith vnto his Creditor,
And knowing how the debt growes I will pay it.
Good Master Doctor see him safe conuey'd
Home to my house, oh most vnhappy day

   Ant. Oh most vnhappie strumpet

   Dro. Master, I am heere entred in bond for you

   Ant. Out on thee Villaine, wherefore dost thou mad
mee?
  Dro. Will you be bound for nothing, be mad good
Master, cry the diuell

   Luc. God helpe poore soules, how idlely doe they
talke

   Adr. Go beare him hence, sister go you with me:
Say now, whose suite is he arrested at?

Exeunt. Manet Offic. Adri. Luci. Courtizan

  Off. One Angelo a Goldsmith, do you know him?
  Adr. I know the man: what is the summe he owes?
  Off. Two hundred Duckets

   Adr. Say, how growes it due

   Off. Due for a Chaine your husband had of him

   Adr. He did bespeake a Chain for me, but had it not

   Cur. When as your husband all in rage to day
Came to my house, and tooke away my Ring,
The Ring I saw vpon his finger now,
Straight after did I meete him with a Chaine

   Adr. It may be so, but I did neuer see it.
Come Iailor, bring me where the Goldsmith is,
I long to know the truth heereof at large.

Enter Antipholus Siracusia with his Rapier drawne, and Dromio
Sirac.

  Luc. God for thy mercy, they are loose againe

   Adr. And come with naked swords,
Let's call more helpe to haue them bound againe.

Runne all out.

  Off. Away, they'l kill vs.

Exeunt. omnes, as fast as may be, frighted.

  S.Ant. I see these Witches are affraid of swords

   S.Dro. She that would be your wife, now ran from
you

   Ant. Come to the Centaur, fetch our stuffe from
thence:
I long that we were safe and sound aboord

   Dro. Faith stay heere this night, they will surely do
vs no harme: you saw they speake vs faire, giue vs gold:
me thinkes they are such a gentle Nation, that but for
the Mountaine of mad flesh that claimes mariage of me,
I could finde in my heart to stay heere still, and turne
Witch

   Ant. I will not stay to night for all the Towne,
Therefore away, to get our stuffe aboord.

Exeunt.

Actus Quintus. Scoena Prima.

Enter the Merchant and the Goldsmith.

  Gold. I am sorry Sir that I haue hindred you,
But I protest he had the Chaine of me,
Though most dishonestly he doth denie it

   Mar. How is the man esteem'd heere in the Citie?
  Gold. Of very reuerent reputation sir,
Of credit infinite, highly belou'd,
Second to none that liues heere in the Citie:
His word might beare my wealth at any time

   Mar. Speake softly, yonder as I thinke he walkes.

Enter Antipholus and Dromio againe.

  Gold. 'Tis so: and that selfe chaine about his necke,
Which he forswore most monstrously to haue.
Good sir draw neere to me, Ile speake to him:
Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
That you would put me to this shame and trouble,
And not without some scandall to your selfe,
With circumstance and oaths, so to denie
This Chaine, which now you weare so openly.
Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
You haue done wrong to this my honest friend,
Who but for staying on our Controuersie,
Had hoisted saile, and put to sea to day:
This Chaine you had of me, can you deny it?
  Ant. I thinke I had, I neuer did deny it

   Mar. Yes that you did sir, and forswore it too

   Ant. Who heard me to denie it or forsweare it?
  Mar. These eares of mine thou knowst did hear thee:
Fie on thee wretch, 'tis pitty that thou liu'st
To walke where any honest men resort

   Ant. Thou art a Villaine to impeach me thus,
Ile proue mine honor, and mine honestie
Against thee presently, if thou dar'st stand:
  Mar. I dare and do defie thee for a villaine.

They draw. Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtezan, & others.

  Adr. Hold, hurt him not for God sake, he is mad,
Some get within him, take his sword away:
Binde Dromio too, and beare them to my house

   S.Dro. Runne master run, for Gods sake take a house,
This is some Priorie, in, or we are spoyl'd.

Exeunt. to the Priorie.

Enter Ladie Abbesse.

  Ab. Be quiet people, wherefore throng you hither?
  Adr. To fetch my poore distracted husband hence,
Let vs come in, that we may binde him fast,
And beare him home for his recouerie

   Gold. I knew he was not in his perfect wits

   Mar. I am sorry now that I did draw on him

   Ab. How long hath this possession held the man

   Adr. This weeke he hath beene heauie, sower sad,
And much different from the man he was:
But till this afternoone his passion
Ne're brake into extremity of rage

   Ab. Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea,
Buried some deere friend, hath not else his eye
Stray'd his affection in vnlawfull loue,
A sinne preuailing much in youthfull men,
Who giue their eies the liberty of gazing.
Which of these sorrowes is he subiect too?
  Adr. To none of these, except it be the last,
Namely, some loue that drew him oft from home

   Ab. You should for that haue reprehended him

   Adr. Why so I did

   Ab. I but not rough enough

   Adr. As roughly as my modestie would let me

   Ab. Haply in priuate

   Adr. And in assemblies too

   Ab. I, but not enough

   Adr. It was the copie of our Conference.
In bed he slept not for my vrging it,
At boord he fed not for my vrging it:
Alone, it was the subiect of my Theame:
In company I often glanced it:
Still did I tell him, it was vilde and bad

   Ab. And thereof came it, that the man was mad.
The venome clamors of a iealous woman,
Poisons more deadly then a mad dogges tooth.
It seemes his sleepes were hindred by thy railing,
And thereof comes it that his head is light.
Thou saist his meate was sawc'd with thy vpbraidings,
Vnquiet meales make ill digestions,
Thereof the raging fire of feauer bred,
And what's a Feauer, but a fit of madnesse?
Thou sayest his sports were hindred by thy bralles.
Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensue
But moodie and dull melancholly,
Kinsman to grim and comfortlesse dispaire,
And at her heeles a huge infectious troope
Of pale distemperatures, and foes to life?
In food, in sport, and life-preseruing rest
To be disturb'd, would mad or man, or beast:
The consequence is then, thy iealous fits
Hath scar'd thy husband from the vse of wits

   Luc. She neuer reprehended him but mildely,
When he demean'd himselfe, rough, rude, and wildly,
Why beare you these rebukes, and answer not?
  Adri. She did betray me to my owne reproofe,
Good people enter, and lay hold on him

   Ab. No, not a creature enters in my house

   Ad. Then let your seruants bring my husband forth
  Ab. Neither: he tooke this place for sanctuary,
And it shall priuiledge him from your hands,
Till I haue brought him to his wits againe,
Or loose my labour in assaying it

   Adr. I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
Diet his sicknesse, for it is my Office,
And will haue no atturney but my selfe,
And therefore let me haue him home with me

   Ab. Be patient, for I will not let him stirre,
Till I haue vs'd the approoued meanes I haue,
With wholsome sirrups, drugges, and holy prayers
To make of him a formall man againe:
It is a branch and parcell of mine oath,
A charitable dutie of my order,
Therefore depart, and leaue him heere with me

   Adr. I will not hence, and leaue my husband heere:
And ill it doth beseeme your holinesse
To separate the husband and the wife

   Ab. Be quiet and depart, thou shalt not haue him

   Luc. Complaine vnto the Duke of this indignity

   Adr. Come go, I will fall prostrate at his feete,
And neuer rise vntill my teares and prayers
Haue won his grace to come in person hither,
And take perforce my husband from the Abbesse

   Mar. By this I thinke the Diall points at fiue:
Anon I'me sure the Duke himselfe in person
Comes this way to the melancholly vale;
The place of depth, and sorrie execution,
Behinde the ditches of the Abbey heere

   Gold. Vpon what cause?
  Mar. To see a reuerent Siracusian Merchant,
Who put vnluckily into this Bay
Against the Lawes and Statutes of this Towne,
Beheaded publikely for his offence

   Gold. See where they come, we wil behold his death
  Luc. Kneele to the Duke before he passe the Abbey.

Enter the Duke of Ephesus, and the Merchant of Siracuse bare
head, with
the Headsman, & other Officers.

  Duke. Yet once againe proclaime it publikely,
If any friend will pay the summe for him,
He shall not die, so much we tender him

   Adr. Iustice most sacred Duke against the Abbesse

   Duke. She is a vertuous and a reuerend Lady,
It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong

   Adr. May it please your Grace, Antipholus my husba[n]d,
Who I made Lord of me, and all I had,
At your important Letters this ill day,
A most outragious fit of madnesse tooke him:
That desp'rately he hurried through the streete,
With him his bondman, all as mad as he,
Doing displeasure to the Citizens,
By rushing in their houses: bearing thence
Rings, Iewels, any thing his rage did like.
Once did I get him bound, and sent him home,
Whil'st to take order for the wrongs I went,
That heere and there his furie had committed,
Anon I wot not, by what strong escape
He broke from those that had the guard of him,
And with his mad attendant and himselfe,
Each one with irefull passion, with drawne swords
Met vs againe, and madly bent on vs
Chac'd vs away: till raising of more aide
We came againe to binde them: then they fled
Into this Abbey, whether we pursu'd them,
And heere the Abbesse shuts the gates on vs,
And will not suffer vs to fetch him out,
Nor send him forth, that we may beare him hence.
Therefore most gracious Duke with thy command,
Let him be brought forth, and borne hence for helpe

   Duke. Long since thy husband seru'd me in my wars
And I to thee ingag'd a Princes word,
When thou didst make him Master of thy bed,
To do him all the grace and good I could.
Go some of you, knocke at the Abbey gate,
And bid the Lady Abbesse come to me:
I will determine this before I stirre.

Enter a Messenger.

Oh Mistris, Mistris, shift and saue your selfe,
My Master and his man are both broke loose,
Beaten the Maids a-row, and bound the Doctor,
Whose beard they haue sindg'd off with brands of fire,
And euer as it blaz'd, they threw on him
Great pailes of puddled myre to quench the haire;
My Mr preaches patience to him, and the while
His man with Cizers nickes him like a foole:
And sure (vnlesse you send some present helpe)
Betweene them they will kill the Coniurer

   Adr. Peace foole, thy Master and his man are here,
And that is false thou dost report to vs

   Mess. Mistris, vpon my life I tel you true,
I haue not breath'd almost since I did see it.
He cries for you, and vowes if he can take you,
To scorch your face, and to disfigure you:

Cry within.

Harke, harke, I heare him Mistris: flie, be gone

   Duke. Come stand by me, feare nothing: guard with
Halberds

   Adr. Ay me, it is my husband: witnesse you,
That he is borne about inuisible,
Euen now we hous'd him in the Abbey heere.
And now he's there, past thought of humane reason.

Enter Antipholus, and E.Dromio of Ephesus.

  E.Ant. Iustice most gracious Duke, oh grant me iustice,
Euen for the seruice that long since I did thee,
When I bestrid thee in the warres, and tooke
Deepe scarres to saue thy life; euen for the blood
That then I lost for thee, now grant me iustice

   Mar.Fat. Vnlesse the feare of death doth make me
dote, I see my sonne Antipholus and Dromio

   E.Ant. Iustice (sweet Prince) against y Woman there:
She whom thou gau'st to me to be my wife;
That hath abused and dishonored me,
Euen in the strength and height of iniurie:
Beyond imagination is the wrong
That she this day hath shamelesse throwne on me

   Duke. Discouer how, and thou shalt finde me iust

   E.Ant. This day (great Duke) she shut the doores
vpon me,
While she with Harlots feasted in my house

   Duke. A greeuous fault: say woman, didst thou so?
  Adr. No my good Lord. My selfe, he, and my sister,
To day did dine together: so befall my soule,
As this is false he burthens me withall

   Luc. Nere may I looke on day, nor sleepe on night,
But she tels to your Highnesse simple truth

   Gold. O periur'd woman! They are both forsworne,
In this the Madman iustly chargeth them

   E.Ant. My Liege, I am aduised what I say,
Neither disturbed with the effect of Wine,
Nor headie-rash prouoak'd with raging ire,
Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner;
That Goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,
Could witnesse it: for he was with me then,
Who parted with me to go fetch a Chaine,
Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
Where Balthasar and I did dine together.
Our dinner done, and he not comming thither,
I went to seeke him. In the street I met him,
And in his companie that Gentleman.
There did this periur'd Goldsmith sweare me downe,
That I this day of him receiu'd the Chaine,
Which God he knowes, I saw not. For the which,
He did arrest me with an Officer.
I did obey, and sent my Pesant home
For certaine Duckets: he with none return'd.
Then fairely I bespoke the Officer
To go in person with me to my house.
By'th' way, we met my wife, her sister, and a rabble more
Of vilde Confederates: Along with them
They brought one Pinch, a hungry leane-fac'd Villaine;
A meere Anatomie, a Mountebanke,
A thred-bare Iugler, and a Fortune-teller,
A needy-hollow-ey'd-sharpe-looking-wretch;
A liuing dead man. This pernicious slaue,
Forsooth tooke on him as a Coniurer:
And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
And with no-face (as 'twere) out-facing me,
Cries out, I was possest. Then altogether
They fell vpon me, bound me, bore me thence,
And in a darke and dankish vault at home
There left me and my man, both bound together,
Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
I gain'd my freedome; and immediately
Ran hether to your Grace, whom I beseech
To giue me ample satisfaction
For these deepe shames, and great indignities

   Gold. My Lord, in truth, thus far I witnes with him:
That he din'd not at home, but was lock'd out

   Duke. But had he such a Chaine of thee, or no?
  Gold. He had my Lord, and when he ran in heere,
These people saw the Chaine about his necke

   Mar. Besides, I will be sworne these eares of mine,
Heard you confesse you had the Chaine of him,
After you first forswore it on the Mart,
And thereupon I drew my sword on you:
And then you fled into this Abbey heere,
From whence I thinke you are come by Miracle

   E.Ant. I neuer came within these Abbey wals,
Nor euer didst thou draw thy sword on me:
I neuer saw the Chaine, so helpe me heauen:
And this is false you burthen me withall

   Duke. Why what an intricate impeach is this?
I thinke you all haue drunke of Circes cup:
If heere you hous'd him, heere he would haue bin.
If he were mad, he would not pleade so coldly:
You say he din'd at home, the Goldsmith heere
Denies that saying. Sirra, what say you?
  E.Dro. Sir he din'de with her there, at the Porpentine

   Cur. He did, and from my finger snacht that Ring

   E.Anti. Tis true (my Liege) this Ring I had of her

   Duke. Saw'st thou him enter at the Abbey heere?
  Curt. As sure (my Liege) as I do see your Grace

   Duke. Why this is straunge: Go call the Abbesse hither.
I thinke you are all mated, or starke mad.

Exit one to the Abbesse.

  Fa. Most mighty Duke, vouchsafe me speak a word:
Haply I see a friend will saue my life,
And pay the sum that may deliuer me

   Duke. Speake freely Siracusian what thou wilt

   Fath. Is not your name sir call'd Antipholus?
And is not that your bondman Dromio?
  E.Dro. Within this houre I was his bondman sir,
But he I thanke him gnaw'd in two my cords,
Now am I Dromio, and his man, vnbound

   Fath. I am sure you both of you remember me

   Dro. Our selues we do remember sir by you:
For lately we were bound as you are now.
You are not Pinches patient, are you sir?
  Father. Why looke you strange on me? you know
me well

   E.Ant. I neuer saw you in my life till now

   Fa. Oh! griefe hath chang'd me since you saw me last,
And carefull houres with times deformed hand,
Haue written strange defeatures in my face:
But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
  Ant. Neither

   Fat. Dromio, nor thou?
  Dro. No trust me sir, nor I

   Fa. I am sure thou dost?
  E.Dromio. I sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoeuer
a man denies, you are now bound to beleeue him

   Fath. Not know my voice, oh times extremity
Hast thou so crack'd and splitted my poore tongue
In seuen short yeares, that heere my onely sonne
Knowes not my feeble key of vntun'd cares?
Though now this grained face of mine be hid
In sap-consuming Winters drizled snow,
And all the Conduits of my blood froze vp:
Yet hath my night of life some memorie:
My wasting lampes some fading glimmer left;
My dull deafe eares a little vse to heare:
All these old witnesses, I cannot erre.
Tell me, thou art my sonne Antipholus

   Ant. I neuer saw my Father in my life

   Fa. But seuen yeares since, in Siracusa boy
Thou know'st we parted, but perhaps my sonne,
Thou sham'st to acknowledge me in miserie

   Ant. The Duke, and all that know me in the City,
Can witnesse with me that it is not so.
I ne're saw Siracusa in my life

   Duke. I tell thee Siracusian, twentie yeares
Haue I bin Patron to Antipholus,
During which time, he ne're saw Siracusa:
I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

Enter the Abbesse with Antipholus Siracusa, and Dromio Sir.

  Abbesse. Most mightie Duke, behold a man much
wrong'd.

All gather to see them.

  Adr. I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceiue me

   Duke. One of these men is genius to the other:
And so of these, which is the naturall man,
And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?
  S.Dromio. I Sir am Dromio, command him away

   E.Dro. I Sir am Dromio, pray let me stay

   S.Ant. Egeon art thou not? or else his ghost

   S.Drom. Oh my olde Master, who hath bound him
heere?
  Abb. Who euer bound him, I will lose his bonds,
And gaine a husband by his libertie:
Speake olde Egeon, if thou bee'st the man
That hadst a wife once call'd Aemilia,
That bore thee at a burthen two faire sonnes?
Oh if thou bee'st the same Egeon, speake:
And speake vnto the same Aemilia

   Duke. Why heere begins his Morning storie right:
These two Antipholus, these two so like,
And these two Dromio's, one in semblance:
Besides her vrging of her wracke at sea,
These are the parents to these children,
Which accidentally are met together

   Fa. If I dreame not, thou art Aemilia,
If thou art she, tell me, where is that sonne
That floated with thee on the fatall rafte

   Abb. By men of Epidamium, he, and I,
And the twin Dromio, all were taken vp;
But by and by, rude Fishermen of Corinth
By force tooke Dromio, and my sonne from them,
And me they left with those of Epidamium.
What then became of them, I cannot tell:
I, to this fortune that you see mee in

   Duke. Antipholus thou cam'st from Corinth first

   S.Ant. No sir, not I, I came from Siracuse

   Duke. Stay, stand apart, I know not which is which

   E.Ant. I came from Corinth my most gracious Lord
  E.Dro. And I with him

   E.Ant. Brought to this Town by that most famous
Warriour,
Duke Menaphon your most renowned Vnckle

   Adr. Which of you two did dine with me to day?
  S.Ant. I, gentle Mistris

   Adr. And are not you my husband?
  E.Ant. No, I say nay to that

   S.Ant. And so do I, yet did she call me so:
And this faire Gentlewoman her sister heere
Did call me brother. What I told you then,
I hope I shall haue leisure to make good,
If this be not a dreame I see and heare

   Goldsmith. That is the Chaine sir, which you had of
mee

   S.Ant. I thinke it be sir, I denie it not

   E.Ant. And you sir for this Chaine arrested me

   Gold. I thinke I did sir, I deny it not

   Adr. I sent you monie sir to be your baile
By Dromio, but I thinke he brought it not

   E.Dro. No, none by me

   S.Ant. This purse of Duckets I receiu'd from you,
And Dromio my man did bring them me:
I see we still did meete each others man,
And I was tane for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors are arose

   E.Ant. These Duckets pawne I for my father heere

   Duke. It shall not neede, thy father hath his life

   Cur. Sir I must haue that Diamond from you

   E.Ant. There take it, and much thanks for my good
cheere

   Abb. Renowned Duke, vouchsafe to take the paines
To go with vs into the Abbey heere,
And heare at large discoursed all our fortunes,
And all that are assembled in this place:
That by this simpathized one daies error
Haue suffer'd wrong. Goe, keepe vs companie,
And we shall make full satisfaction.
Thirtie three yeares haue I but gone in trauaile
Of you my sonnes, and till this present houre
My heauie burthen are deliuered:
The Duke my husband, and my children both,
And you the Kalenders of their Natiuity,
Go to a Gossips feast, and go with mee,
After so long greefe such Natiuitie

   Duke. With all my heart, Ile Gossip at this feast.

Exeunt. omnes. Manet the two Dromio's and two Brothers.

  S.Dro. Mast[er]. shall I fetch your stuffe from shipbord?
  E.An. Dromio, what stuffe of mine hast thou imbarkt
  S.Dro. Your goods that lay at host sir in the Centaur

   S.Ant. He speakes to me, I am your master Dromio.
Come go with vs, wee'l looke to that anon,
Embrace thy brother there, reioyce with him.

Exit

  S.Dro. There is a fat friend at your masters house,
That kitchin'd me for you to day at dinner:
She now shall be my sister, not my wife,
  E.D. Me thinks you are my glasse, & not my brother:
I see by you, I am a sweet-fac'd youth,
Will you walke in to see their gossipping?
  S.Dro. Not I sir, you are my elder

   E.Dro. That's a question, how shall we trie it

   S.Dro. Wee'l draw Cuts for the Signior, till then,
lead thou first

   E.Dro. Nay then thus:
We came into the world like brother and brother:
And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.

Exeunt.

FINIS. The Comedie of Errors.


Much adoe about Nothing

Actus primus, Scena prima.

Enter Leonato Gouernour of Messina, Innogen his wife, Hero his
daughter,
and Beatrice his Neece, with a messenger.

  Leonato. I learne in this Letter, that Don Peter of Arragon,
comes this night to Messina

   Mess. He is very neere by this: he was not
three Leagues off when I left him

   Leon. How many Gentlemen haue you lost in this
action?
  Mess. But few of any sort, and none of name

   Leon. A victorie is twice it selfe, when the atchieuer
brings home full numbers: I finde heere, that Don Peter
hath bestowed much honor on a yong Florentine, called
Claudio

   Mess. Much deseru'd on his part, and equally remembred
by Don Pedro, he hath borne himselfe beyond the
promise of his age, doing in the figure of a Lambe, the
feats of a Lion, he hath indeede better bettred expectation,
then you must expect of me to tell you how

   Leo. He hath an Vnckle heere in Messina, wil be very
much glad of it

   Mess. I haue alreadie deliuered him letters, and there
appeares much ioy in him, euen so much, that ioy could
not shew it selfe modest enough, without a badg of bitternesse

   Leo. Did he breake out into teares?
  Mess. In great measure

   Leo. A kinde ouerflow of kindnesse, there are no faces
truer, then those that are so wash'd, how much better
is it to weepe at ioy, then to ioy at weeping?
  Bea. I pray you, is Signior Mountanto return'd from
the warres, or no?
  Mess. I know none of that name, Lady, there was
none such in the armie of any sort

   Leon. What is he that you aske for Neece?
  Hero. My cousin meanes Signior Benedick of Padua
  Mess. O he's return'd, and as pleasant as euer he was

   Beat. He set vp his bils here in Messina, & challeng'd
Cupid at the Flight: and my Vnckles foole reading the
Challenge, subscrib'd for Cupid, and challeng'd him at
the Burbolt. I pray you, how many hath hee kil'd and
eaten in these warres? But how many hath he kil'd? for
indeed, I promis'd to eate all of his killing

   Leon. 'Faith Neece, you taxe Signior Benedicke too
much, but hee'l be meete with you, I doubt it not

   Mess. He hath done good seruice Lady in these wars

   Beat. You had musty victuall, and he hath holpe to
ease it: he's a very valiant Trencher-man, hee hath an
excellent stomacke

   Mess. And a good souldier too Lady

   Beat. And a good souldier to a Lady. But what is he
to a Lord?
  Mess. A Lord to a Lord, a man to a man, stuft with
all honourable vertues

   Beat. It is so indeed, he is no lesse then a stuft man:
but for the stuffing well, we are all mortall

   Leon. You must not (sir) mistake my Neece, there is
a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick, & her:
they neuer meet, but there's a skirmish of wit between
them

   Bea. Alas, he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict,
foure of his fiue wits went halting off, and now is
the whole man gouern'd with one: so that if hee haue
wit enough to keepe himselfe warme, let him beare it
for a difference betweene himselfe and his horse: For it
is all the wealth that he hath left, to be knowne a reasonable
creature. Who is his companion now? He hath
euery month a new sworne brother

   Mess. Is't possible?
  Beat. Very easily possible: he weares his faith but as
the fashion of his hat, it euer changes with y next block

   Mess. I see (Lady) the Gentleman is not in your
bookes

   Bea. No, and he were, I would burne my study. But
I pray you, who is his companion? Is there no young
squarer now, that will make a voyage with him to the
diuell?
  Mess. He is most in the company of the right noble
Claudio

   Beat. O Lord, he will hang vpon him like a disease:
he is sooner caught then the pestilence, and the taker
runs presently mad. God helpe the noble Claudio, if hee
haue caught the Benedict, it will cost him a thousand
pound ere he be cur'd

   Mess. I will hold friends with you Lady

   Bea. Do good friend

   Leo. You'l ne're run mad Neece

   Bea. No, not till a hot Ianuary

   Mess. Don Pedro is approach'd.

Enter don Pedro, Claudio, Benedicke, Balthasar, and Iohn the
bastard.

  Pedro. Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet
your trouble: the fashion of the world is to auoid cost,
and you encounter it

   Leon. Neuer came trouble to my house in the likenes
of your Grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should
remaine: but when you depart from me, sorrow abides,
and happinesse takes his leaue

   Pedro. You embrace your charge too willingly: I
thinke this is your daughter

   Leonato. Her mother hath many times told me so

   Bened. Were you in doubt that you askt her?
  Leonato. Signior Benedicke, no, for then were you a
childe

   Pedro. You haue it full Benedicke, we may ghesse by
this, what you are, being a man, truely the Lady fathers
her selfe: be happie Lady, for you are like an honorable
father

   Ben. If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not
haue his head on her shoulders for al Messina, as like him
as she is

   Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, signior
Benedicke, no body markes you

   Ben. What my deere Ladie Disdaine! are you yet
liuing?
  Beat. Is it possible Disdaine should die, while shee
hath such meete foode to feede it, as Signior Benedicke?
Curtesie it selfe must conuert to Disdaine, if you come in
her presence

   Bene. Then is curtesie a turne-coate, but it is certaine
I am loued of all Ladies, onely you excepted: and
I would I could finde in my heart that I had not a hard
heart, for truely I loue none

   Beat. A deere happinesse to women, they would else
haue beene troubled with a pernitious Suter, I thanke
God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that, I
had rather heare my Dog barke at a Crow, than a man
sweare he loues me

   Bene. God keepe your Ladiship still in that minde,
so some Gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate
scratcht face

   Beat. Scratching could not make it worse, and 'twere
such a face as yours were

   Bene. Well, you are a rare Parrat teacher

   Beat. A bird of my tongue, is better than a beast of
your

   Ben. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue,
and so good a continuer, but keepe your way a Gods
name, I haue done

   Beat. You alwaies end with a Iades tricke, I know
you of old

   Pedro. This is the summe of all: Leonato, signior Claudio,
and signior Benedicke; my deere friend Leonato, hath
inuited you all, I tell him we shall stay here, at the least
a moneth, and he heartily praies some occasion may detaine
vs longer: I dare sweare hee is no hypocrite, but
praies from his heart

   Leon. If you sweare, my Lord, you shall not be forsworne,
let mee bid you welcome, my Lord, being reconciled
to the Prince your brother: I owe you all
duetie

   Iohn. I thanke you, I am not of many words, but I
thanke you

   Leon. Please it your grace leade on?
  Pedro. Your hand Leonato, we will goe together.

Exeunt. Manet Benedicke and Claudio.

  Clau. Benedicke, didst thou note the daughter of signior
Leonato?
  Bene. I noted her not, but I lookt on her

   Claud. Is she not a modest yong Ladie?
  Bene. Doe you question me as an honest man should
doe, for my simple true iudgement? or would you haue
me speake after my custome, as being a professed tyrant
to their sexe?
  Clau. No, I pray thee speake in sober iudgement

   Bene. Why yfaith me thinks shee's too low for a hie
praise, too browne for a faire praise, and too little for a
great praise, onely this commendation I can affoord her,
that were shee other then she is, she were vnhandsome,
and being no other, but as she is, I doe not like her

   Clau. Thou think'st I am in sport, I pray thee tell me
truely how thou lik'st her

   Bene. Would you buie her, that you enquier after
her?
  Clau. Can the world buie such a iewell?
  Ben. Yea, and a case to put it into, but speake you this
with a sad brow? Or doe you play the flowting iacke, to
tell vs Cupid is a good Hare-finder, and Vulcan a rare
Carpenter: Come, in what key shall a man take you to
goe in the song?
  Clau. In mine eie, she is the sweetest Ladie that euer
I lookt on

   Bene. I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no
such matter: there's her cosin, and she were not possest
with a furie, exceedes her as much in beautie, as the first
of Maie doth the last of December: but I hope you haue
no intent to turne husband, haue you?
  Clau. I would scarce trust my selfe, though I had
sworne the contrarie, if Hero would be my wife

   Bene. Ist come to this? in faith hath not the world one
man but he will weare his cap with suspition? shall I neuer
see a batcheller of three score againe? goe to yfaith,
and thou wilt needes thrust thy necke into a yoke, weare
the print of it, and sigh away sundaies: looke, don Pedro
is returned to seeke you.

Enter don Pedro, Iohn the bastard.

  Pedr. What secret hath held you here, that you followed
not to Leonatoes?
  Bened. I would your Grace would constraine mee to
tell

   Pedro. I charge thee on thy allegeance

   Ben. You heare, Count Claudio, I can be secret as a
dumbe man, I would haue you thinke so (but on my allegiance,
marke you this, on my allegiance) hee is in
loue, With who? now that is your Graces part: marke
how short his answere is, with Hero, Leonatoes short
daughter

   Clau. If this were so, so were it vttred

   Bened. Like the old tale, my Lord, it is not so, nor 'twas
not so: but indeede, God forbid it should be so

   Clau. If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it
should be otherwise

   Pedro. Amen, if you loue her, for the Ladie is verie
well worthie

   Clau. You speake this to fetch me in, my Lord

   Pedr. By my troth I speake my thought

   Clau. And in faith, my Lord, I spoke mine

   Bened. And by my two faiths and troths, my Lord, I
speake mine

   Clau. That I loue her, I feele

   Pedr. That she is worthie, I know

   Bened. That I neither feele how shee should be loued,
nor know how shee should be worthie, is the
opinion that fire cannot melt out of me, I will die in it at
the stake

   Pedr. Thou wast euer an obstinate heretique in the despight
of Beautie

   Clau. And neuer could maintaine his part, but in the
force of his will
  Ben. That a woman conceiued me, I thanke her: that
she brought mee vp, I likewise giue her most humble
thankes: but that I will haue a rechate winded in my
forehead, or hang my bugle in an inuisible baldricke, all
women shall pardon me: because I will not do them the
wrong to mistrust any, I will doe my selfe the right to
trust none: and the fine is, (for the which I may goe the
finer) I will liue a Batchellor

   Pedro. I shall see thee ere I die, looke pale with loue

   Bene. With anger, with sicknesse, or with hunger,
my Lord, not with loue: proue that euer I loose more
blood with loue, then I will get againe with drinking,
picke out mine eyes with a Ballet-makers penne, and
hang me vp at the doore of a brothel-house for the signe
of blinde Cupid

   Pedro. Well, if euer thou doost fall from this faith,
thou wilt proue a notable argument

   Bene. If I do, hang me in a bottle like a Cat, & shoot
at me, and he that hit's me, let him be clapt on the shoulder,
and cal'd Adam

   Pedro. Well, as time shall trie: In time the sauage
Bull doth beare the yoake

   Bene. The sauage bull may, but if euer the sensible
Benedicke beare it, plucke off the bulles hornes, and set
them in my forehead, and let me be vildely painted, and
in such great Letters as they write, heere is good horse
to hire: let them signifie vnder my signe, here you may
see Benedicke the married man

   Clau. If this should euer happen, thou wouldst bee
horne mad

   Pedro. Nay, if Cupid haue not spent all his Quiuer in
Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly

   Bene. I looke for an earthquake too then

   Pedro. Well, you will temporize with the houres, in
the meane time, good Signior Benedicke, repaire to Leonatoes,
commend me to him, and tell him I will not faile
him at supper, for indeede he hath made great preparation

   Bene. I haue almost matter enough in me for such an
Embassage, and so I commit you

   Clau. To the tuition of God. From my house, if I
had it

   Pedro. The sixt of Iuly. Your louing friend, Benedick

   Bene. Nay mocke not, mocke not; the body of your
discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and the
guardes are but slightly basted on neither, ere you flout
old ends any further, examine your conscience, and so I
leaue you.

Enter.

  Clau. My Liege, your Highnesse now may doe mee
good

   Pedro. My loue is thine to teach, teach it but how,
And thou shalt see how apt it is to learne
Any hard Lesson that may do thee good

   Clau. Hath Leonato any sonne my Lord?
  Pedro. No childe but Hero, she's his onely heire.
Dost thou affect her Claudio?
  Clau. O my Lord,
When you went onward on this ended action,
I look'd vpon her with a souldiers eie,
That lik'd, but had a rougher taske in hand,
Than to driue liking to the name of loue:
But now I am return'd, and that warre-thoughts
Haue left their places vacant: in their roomes,
Come thronging soft and delicate desires,
All prompting mee how faire yong Hero is,
Saying I lik'd her ere I went to warres

   Pedro. Thou wilt be like a louer presently,
And tire the hearer with a booke of words:
If thou dost loue faire Hero, cherish it,
And I will breake with her: wast not to this end,
That thou beganst to twist so fine a story?
  Clau. How sweetly doe you minister to loue,
That know loues griefe by his complexion!
But lest my liking might too sodaine seeme,
I would haue salu'd it with a longer treatise

   Ped. What need y bridge much broder then the flood?
The fairest graunt is the necessitie:
Looke what will serue, is fit: 'tis once, thou louest,
And I will fit thee with the remedie,
I know we shall haue reuelling to night,
I will assume thy part in some disguise,
And tell faire Hero I am Claudio,
And in her bosome Ile vnclaspe my heart,
And take her hearing prisoner with the force
And strong incounter of my amorous tale:
Then after, to her father will I breake,
And the conclusion is, shee shall be thine,
In practise let vs put it presently.

Exeunt.

Enter Leonato and an old man, brother to Leonato.

  Leo. How now brother, where is my cosen your son:
hath he prouided this musicke?
  Old. He is very busie about it, but brother, I can tell
you newes that you yet dreamt not of

   Lo. Are they good?
  Old. As the euents stamps them, but they haue a good
couer: they shew well outward, the Prince and Count
Claudio walking in a thick pleached alley in my orchard,
were thus ouer-heard by a man of mine: the Prince discouered
to Claudio that hee loued my niece your daughter,
and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance,
and if hee found her accordant, hee meant to take the
present time by the top, and instantly breake with you
of it

   Leo. Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?
  Old. A good sharpe fellow, I will send for him, and
question him your selfe

   Leo. No, no; wee will hold it as a dreame, till it appeare
it selfe: but I will acquaint my daughter withall,
that she may be the better prepared for an answer, if peraduenture
this bee true: goe you and tell her of it: coosins,
you know what you haue to doe, O I crie you mercie
friend, goe you with mee and I will vse your skill,
good cosin haue a care this busie time.

Exeunt.

Enter Sir Iohn the Bastard, and Conrade his companion.

  Con. What the good yeere my Lord, why are you
thus out of measure sad?
  Ioh. There is no measure in the occasion that breeds,
therefore the sadnesse is without limit

   Con. You should heare reason

   Iohn. And when I haue heard it, what blessing bringeth
it?
  Con. If not a present remedy, yet a patient sufferance

   Ioh. I wonder that thou (being as thou saist thou art,
borne vnder Saturne) goest about to apply a morall medicine,
to a mortifying mischiefe: I cannot hide what I
am: I must bee sad when I haue cause, and smile at no
mans iests, eat when I haue stomacke, and wait for no
mans leisure: sleepe when I am drowsie, and tend on no
mans businesse, laugh when I am merry, and claw no man
in his humor

   Con. Yea, but you must not make the ful show of this,
till you may doe it without controllment, you haue of
late stood out against your brother, and hee hath tane
you newly into his grace, where it is impossible you
should take root, but by the faire weather that you make
your selfe, it is needful that you frame the season for your
owne haruest

   Iohn. I had rather be a canker in a hedge, then a rose
in his grace, and it better fits my bloud to be disdain'd of
all, then to fashion a carriage to rob loue from any: in this
(though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man)
it must not be denied but I am a plaine dealing villaine, I
am trusted with a mussell, and enfranchisde with a clog,
therefore I haue decreed, not to sing in my cage: if I had
my mouth, I would bite: if I had my liberty, I would do
my liking: in the meane time, let me be that I am, and
seeke not to alter me

   Con. Can you make no vse of your discontent?
  Iohn. I will make all vse of it, for I vse it onely.
Who comes here? what newes Borachio?

Enter Borachio.

  Bor. I came yonder from a great supper, the Prince
your brother is royally entertained by Leonato, and I can
giue you intelligence of an intended marriage

   Iohn. Will it serue for any Modell to build mischiefe
on? What is hee for a foole that betrothes himselfe to
vnquietnesse?
  Bor. Mary it is your brothers right hand

   Iohn. Who, the most exquisite Claudio?
  Bor. Euen he

   Iohn. A proper squier, and who, and who, which way
lookes he?
  Bor. Mary on Hero, the daughter and Heire of Leonato

   Iohn. A very forward March-chicke, how came you
to this:
  Bor. Being entertain'd for a perfumer, as I was smoaking
a musty roome, comes me the Prince and Claudio,
hand in hand in sad conference: I whipt behind the Arras,
and there heard it agreed vpon, that the Prince should
wooe Hero for himselfe, and hauing obtain'd her, giue
her to Count Claudio

   Iohn. Come, come, let vs thither, this may proue food
to my displeasure, that young start-vp hath all the glorie
of my ouerthrow: if I can crosse him any way, I blesse
my selfe euery way, you are both sure, and will assist
mee?
  Conr. To the death my Lord

   Iohn. Let vs to the great supper, their cheere is the
greater that I am subdued, would the Cooke were of my
minde: shall we goe proue whats to be done?
  Bor. Wee'll wait vpon your Lordship.

Exeunt.


Actus Secundus.

Enter Leonato, his brother, his wife, Hero his daughter, and
Beatrice his
neece, and a kinsman.

  Leonato. Was not Count Iohn here at supper?
  Brother. I saw him not

   Beatrice. How tartly that Gentleman lookes, I neuer
can see him, but I am heart-burn'd an howre after

   Hero. He is of a very melancholy disposition

   Beatrice. Hee were an excellent man that were made
iust in the mid-way betweene him and Benedicke, the one
is too like an image and saies nothing, and the other too
like my Ladies eldest sonne, euermore tatling

   Leon. Then halfe signior Benedicks tongue in Count
Iohns mouth, and halfe Count Iohns melancholy in Signior
Benedicks face

   Beat. With a good legge, and a good foot vnckle, and
money enough in his purse, such a man would winne any
woman in the world, if he could get her good will

   Leon. By my troth Neece, thou wilt neuer get thee a
husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue

   Brother. Infaith shee's too curst

   Beat. Too curst is more then curst, I shall lessen Gods
sending that way: for it is said, God sends a curst Cow
short hornes, but to a Cow too curst he sends none

   Leon. So, by being too curst, God will send you no
hornes

   Beat. Iust, if he send me no husband, for the which
blessing, I am at him vpon my knees euery morning and
euening: Lord, I could not endure a husband with a
beard on his face, I had rather lie in the woollen

   Leonato. You may light vpon a husband that hath no
beard

   Beatrice. What should I doe with him? dresse him in
my apparell, and make him my waiting gentlewoman? he
that hath a beard, is more then a youth: and he that hath
no beard, is lesse then a man: and hee that is more then a
youth, is not for mee: and he that is lesse then a man, I am
not for him: therefore I will euen take sixepence in earnest
of the Berrord, and leade his Apes into hell

   Leon. Well then, goe you into hell

   Beat. No, but to the gate, and there will the Deuill
meete mee like an old Cuckold with hornes on his head,
and say, get you to heauen Beatrice, get you to heauen,
heere's no place for you maids, so deliuer I vp my Apes,
and away to S[aint]. Peter: for the heauens, hee shewes mee
where the Batchellers sit, and there liue wee as merry as
the day is long

   Brother. Well neece, I trust you will be rul'd by your
father

   Beatrice. Yes faith, it is my cosens dutie to make curtsie,
and say, as it please you: but yet for all that cosin, let
him be a handsome fellow, or else make an other cursie,
and say, father, as it please me

   Leonato. Well neece, I hope to see you one day fitted
with a husband

   Beatrice. Not till God make men of some other mettall
then earth, would it not grieue a woman to be ouermastred
with a peece of valiant dust: to make account of
her life to a clod of waiward marle? no vnckle, ile none:
Adams sonnes are my brethren, and truly I hold it a sinne
to match in my kinred

   Leon. Daughter, remember what I told you, if the
Prince doe solicit you in that kinde, you know your answere

   Beatrice. The fault will be in the musicke cosin, if you
be not woed in good time: if the Prince bee too important,
tell him there is measure in euery thing, & so dance
out the answere, for heare me Hero, wooing, wedding, &
repenting, is as a Scotch jigge, a measure, and a cinquepace:
the first suite is hot and hasty like a Scotch jigge
(and full as fantasticall) the wedding manerly modest,
(as a measure) full of state & aunchentry, and then comes
repentance, and with his bad legs falls into the cinquepace
faster and faster, till he sinkes into his graue

   Leonato. Cosin you apprehend passing shrewdly

   Beatrice. I haue a good eye vnckle, I can see a Church
by daylight

   Leon. The reuellers are entring brother, make good
roome.
Enter Prince, Pedro, Claudio, and Benedicke, and Balthasar, or
dumbe Iohn,
Maskers with a drum.

  Pedro. Lady, will you walke about with your friend?
  Hero. So you walke softly, and looke sweetly, and say
nothing, I am yours for the walke, and especially when I
walke away

   Pedro. With me in your company

   Hero. I may say so when I please

   Pedro. And when please you to say so?
  Hero. When I like your fauour, for God defend the
Lute should be like the case

   Pedro. My visor is Philemons roofe, within the house
is Loue

   Hero. Why then your visor should be thatcht

   Pedro. Speake low if you speake Loue

   Bene. Well, I would you did like me

   Mar. So would not I for your owne sake, for I haue
manie ill qualities

   Bene. Which is one?
  Mar. I say my prayers alowd

   Ben. I loue you the better, the hearers may cry Amen

   Mar. God match me with a good dauncer

   Balt. Amen

   Mar. And God keepe him out of my sight when the
daunce is done: answer Clarke

   Balt. No more words, the Clarke is answered

   Vrsula. I know you well enough, you are Signior Anthonio

   Anth. At a word, I am not

   Vrsula. I know you by the wagling of your head

   Anth. To tell you true, I counterfet him

   Vrsu. You could neuer doe him so ill well, vnlesse
you were the very man: here's his dry hand vp & down,
you are he, you are he

   Anth. At a word I am not

   Vrsula. Come, come, doe you thinke I doe not know
you by your excellent wit? can vertue hide it selfe? goe
to mumme, you are he, graces will appeare, and there's
an end

   Beat. Will you not tell me who told you so?
  Bene. No, you shall pardon me

   Beat. Nor will you not tell me who you are?
  Bened. Not now

   Beat. That I was disdainfull, and that I had my good
wit out of the hundred merry tales: well, this was Signior
Benedicke that said so

   Bene. What's he?
  Beat. I am sure you know him well enough

   Bene. Not I, beleeue me

   Beat. Did he neuer make you laugh?
  Bene. I pray you what is he?
  Beat. Why he is the Princes ieaster, a very dull foole,
onely his gift is, in deuising impossible slanders, none
but Libertines delight in him, and the commendation is
not in his witte, but in his villanie, for hee both pleaseth
men and angers them, and then they laugh at him, and
beat him: I am sure he is in the Fleet, I would he had
boorded me

   Bene. When I know the Gentleman, Ile tell him what
you say

   Beat. Do, do, hee'l but breake a comparison or two
on me, which peraduenture (not markt, or not laugh'd
at) strikes him into melancholly, and then there's a Partridge
wing saued, for the foole will eate no supper that
night. We must follow the Leaders

   Ben. In euery good thing

   Bea. Nay, if they leade to any ill, I will leaue them
at the next turning.

Exeunt.

Musicke for the dance.

  Iohn. Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath
withdrawne her father to breake with him about it: the
Ladies follow her, and but one visor remaines

   Borachio. And that is Claudio, I know him by his bearing

   Iohn. Are not you signior Benedicke?
  Clau. You know me well, I am hee

   Iohn. Signior, you are verie neere my Brother in his
loue, he is enamor'd on Hero, I pray you disswade him
from her, she is no equall for his birth: you may do the
part of an honest man in it

   Claudio. How know you he loues her?
  Iohn. I heard him sweare his affection

   Bor. So did I too, and he swore he would marrie her
to night

   Iohn. Come, let vs to the banquet.

Ex. manet Clau.

  Clau. Thus answere I in name of Benedicke,
But heare these ill newes with the eares of Claudio:
'Tis certaine so, the Prince woes for himselfe:
Friendship is constant in all other things,
Saue in the Office and affaires of loue:
Therefore all hearts in loue vse their owne tongues.
Let euerie eye negotiate for it selfe,
And trust no Agent: for beautie is a witch,
Against whose charmes, faith melteth into blood:
This is an accident of hourely proofe,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell therefore Hero.
Enter Benedicke.

  Ben. Count Claudio

   Clau. Yea, the same

   Ben. Come, will you goe with me?
  Clau. Whither?
  Ben. Euen to the next Willow, about your own businesse,
Count. What fashion will you weare the Garland
off? About your necke, like an Vsurers chaine? Or
vnder your arme, like a Lieutenants scarfe? You must
weare it one way, for the Prince hath got your Hero

   Clau . I wish him ioy of her

   Ben. Why that's spoken like an honest Drouier, so
they sel Bullockes: but did you thinke the Prince wold
haue serued you thus?
  Clau. I pray you leaue me

   Ben. Ho now you strike like the blindman, 'twas the
boy that stole your meate, and you'l beat the post

   Clau. If it will not be, Ile leaue you.
Enter.

  Ben. Alas poore hurt fowle, now will he creepe into
sedges: But that my Ladie Beatrice should know me, &
not know me: the Princes foole! Hah? It may be I goe
vnder that title, because I am merrie: yea but so I am
apt to do my selfe wrong: I am not so reputed, it is the
base (though bitter) disposition of Beatrice, that putt's
the world into her person, and so giues me out: well, Ile
be reuenged as I may.
Enter the Prince.

  Pedro. Now Signior, where's the Count, did you
see him?
  Bene. Troth my Lord, I haue played the part of Lady
Fame, I found him heere as melancholy as a Lodge in a
Warren, I told him, and I thinke, told him true, that your
grace had got the will of this young Lady, and I offered
him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a
garland, as being forsaken, or to binde him a rod, as being
worthy to be whipt

   Pedro. To be whipt, what's his fault?
  Bene. The flat transgression of a Schoole-boy, who
being ouer-ioyed with finding a birds nest, shewes it his
companion, and he steales it

   Pedro. Wilt thou make a trust, a transgression? the
transgression is in the stealer

   Ben. Yet it had not been amisse the rod had beene
made, and the garland too, for the garland he might haue
worne himselfe, and the rod hee might haue bestowed on
you, who (as I take it) haue stolne his birds nest

   Pedro. I will but teach them to sing, and restore them
to the owner

   Bene. If their singing answer your saying, by my faith
you say honestly

   Pedro. The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrell to you, the
Gentleman that daunst with her, told her shee is much
wrong'd by you

   Bene. O she misusde me past the indurance of a block:
an oake but with one greene leafe on it, would haue answered
her: my very visor began to assume life, and scold
with her: shee told mee, not thinking I had beene my
selfe, that I was the Princes Iester, and that I was duller
then a great thaw, hudling iest vpon iest, with such impossible
conueiance vpon me, that I stood like a man at a
marke, with a whole army shooting at me: shee speakes
poynyards, and euery word stabbes: if her breath were
as terrible as terminations, there were no liuing neere
her, she would infect to the north starre: I would not
marry her, though she were indowed with all that Adam
had left him before he transgrest, she would haue made
  Hercules haue turnd spit, yea, and haue cleft his club to
make the fire too: come, talke not of her, you shall finde
her the infernall Ate in good apparell. I would to God
some scholler would coniure her, for certainely while she
is heere, a man may liue as quiet in hell, as in a sanctuary,
and people sinne vpon purpose, because they would goe
thither, so indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation
followes her.
Enter Claudio and Beatrice, Leonato, Hero.

  Pedro. Looke heere she comes

   Bene. Will your Grace command mee any seruice to
the worlds end? I will goe on the slightest arrand now
to the Antypodes that you can deuise to send me on: I
will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the furthest inch
of Asia: bring you the length of Prester Iohns foot: fetch
you a hayre off the great Chams beard: doe you any embassage
to the Pigmies, rather then hould three words
conference, with this Harpy: you haue no employment
for me?
  Pedro. None, but to desire your good company

   Bene. O God sir, heeres a dish I loue not, I cannot indure
this Lady tongue.
Enter.

  Pedr. Come Lady, come, you haue lost the heart of
Signior Benedicke

   Beatr. Indeed my Lord, hee lent it me a while, and I
gaue him vse for it, a double heart for a single one, marry
once before he wonne it of mee, with false dice, therefore
your Grace may well say I haue lost it

   Pedro. You haue put him downe Lady, you haue put
him downe

   Beat. So I would not he should do me, my Lord, lest
I should prooue the mother of fooles: I haue brought
Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seeke

   Pedro. Why how now Count, wherfore are you sad?
  Claud. Not sad my Lord

   Pedro. How then? sicke?
  Claud. Neither, my Lord

   Beat. The Count is neither sad, nor sicke, nor merry,
nor well: but ciuill Count, ciuill as an Orange, and something
of a iealous complexion

   Pedro. Ifaith Lady, I thinke your blazon to be true.
though Ile be sworne, if hee be so, his conceit is false:
heere Claudio, I haue wooed in thy name, and faire Hero
is won, I haue broke with her father, and his good will
obtained, name the day of marriage, and God giue
thee ioy

   Leona. Count, take of me my daughter, and with her
my fortunes: his grace hath made the match, & all grace
say, Amen to it

   Beatr. Speake Count, tis your Qu

   Claud. Silence is the perfectest Herault of ioy, I were
but little happy if I could say, how much? Lady, as you
are mine, I am yours, I giue away my selfe for you, and
doat vpon the exchange

   Beat. Speake cosin, or (if you cannot) stop his mouth
with a kisse, and let not him speake neither

   Pedro. In faith Lady you haue a merry heart

   Beatr. Yea my Lord I thanke it, poore foole it keepes
on the windy side of Care, my coosin tells him in his eare
that he is in my heart

   Clau. And so she doth coosin

   Beat. Good Lord for alliance: thus goes euery one
to the world but I, and I am sun-burn'd, I may sit in a corner
and cry, heigh ho for a husband

   Pedro. Lady Beatrice, I will get you one

   Beat. I would rather haue one of your fathers getting:
hath your Grace ne're a brother like you? your father
got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them

   Prince. Will you haue me? Lady

   Beat. No, my Lord, vnlesse I might haue another for
working-daies, your Grace is too costly to weare euerie
day: but I beseech your Grace pardon mee, I was borne
to speake all mirth, and no matter

   Prince. Your silence most offends me, and to be merry,
best becomes you, for out of question, you were born
in a merry howre

   Beatr. No sure my Lord, my Mother cried, but then
there was a starre daunst, and vnder that was I borne: cosins
God giue you ioy

   Leonato. Neece, will you looke to those things I told
you of?
  Beat. I cry you mercy Vncle, by your Graces pardon.

Exit Beatrice.

  Prince. By my troth a pleasant spirited Lady

   Leon. There's little of the melancholy element in her
my Lord, she is neuer sad, but when she sleepes, and not
euer sad then: for I haue heard my daughter say, she hath
often dreamt of vnhappinesse, and wakt her selfe with
laughing

   Pedro. Shee cannot indure to heare tell of a husband

   Leonato. O, by no meanes, she mocks all her wooers
out of suite

   Prince. She were an excellent wife for Benedick

   Leonato. O Lord, my Lord, if they were but a weeke
married, they would talke themselues madde

   Prince. Counte Claudio, when meane you to goe to
Church?
  Clau. To morrow my Lord, Time goes on crutches,
till Loue haue all his rites

   Leonato. Not till monday, my deare sonne, which is
hence a iust seuen night, and a time too briefe too, to haue
all things answer minde

   Prince. Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing,
but I warrant thee Claudio, the time shall not goe
dully by vs, I will in the interim, vndertake one of Hercules
labors, which is, to bring Signior Benedicke and the
Lady Beatrice into a mountaine of affection, th' one with
th' other, I would faine haue it a match, and I doubt not
but to fashion it, if you three will but minister such assistance
as I shall giue you direction

   Leonato. My Lord, I am for you, though it cost mee
ten nights watchings

   Claud. And I my Lord

   Prin. And you to gentle Hero?
  Hero. I will doe any modest office, my Lord, to helpe
my cosin to a good husband

   Prin. And Benedick is not the vnhopefullest husband
that I know: thus farre can I praise him, hee is of a noble
straine, of approued valour, and confirm'd honesty, I will
teach you how to humour your cosin, that shee shall fall
in loue with Benedicke, and I, with your two helpes, will
so practise on Benedicke, that in despight of his quicke
wit, and his queasie stomacke, hee shall fall in loue with
Beatrice: if wee can doe this, Cupid is no longer an Archer,
his glory shall be ours, for wee are the onely louegods,
goe in with me, and I will tell you my drift.
Enter.

Enter Iohn and Borachio.

  Ioh. It is so, the Count Claudio shal marry the daughter
of Leonato

   Bora. Yea my Lord, but I can crosse it

   Iohn. Any barre, any crosse, any impediment, will be
medicinable to me, I am sicke in displeasure to him, and
whatsoeuer comes athwart his affection, ranges euenly
with mine, how canst thou crosse this marriage?
  Bor. Not honestly my Lord, but so couertly, that no
dishonesty shall appeare in me

   Iohn. Shew me breefely how

   Bor. I thinke I told your Lordship a yeere since, how
much I am in the fauour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman
to Hero

   Iohn. I remember

   Bor. I can at any vnseasonable instant of the night,
appoint her to looke out at her Ladies chamber window

   Iohn. What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?
  Bor. The poyson of that lies in you to temper, goe
you to the Prince your brother, spare not to tell him, that
hee hath wronged his Honor in marrying the renowned
Claudio, whose estimation do you mightily hold vp, to a
contaminated stale, such a one as Hero

   Iohn. What proofe shall I make of that?
  Bor. Proofe enough, to misuse the Prince, to vexe
Claudio, to vndoe Hero, and kill Leonato, looke you for any
other issue?
  Iohn. Onely to despight them, I will endeauour any
thing

   Bor. Goe then, finde me a meete howre, to draw on
Pedro and the Count Claudio alone, tell them that you
know that Hero loues me, intend a kinde of zeale both
to the Prince and Claudio (as in a loue of your brothers
honor who hath made this match) and his friends reputation,
who is thus like to be cosen'd with the semblance
of a maid, that you haue discouer'd thus: they will scarcely
beleeue this without triall: offer them instances which
shall beare no lesse likelihood, than to see mee at her
chamber window, heare me call Margaret, Hero; heare
Margaret terme me Claudio, and bring them to see this
the very night before the intended wedding, for in the
meane time, I will so fashion the matter, that Hero shall
be absent, and there shall appeare such seeming truths of
Heroes disloyaltie, that iealousie shall be cal'd assurance,
and all the preparation ouerthrowne

   Iohn. Grow this to what aduerse issue it can, I will
put it in practise: be cunning in the working this, and
thy fee is a thousand ducates

   Bor. Be thou constant in the accusation, and my cunning
shall not shame me

   Iohn. I will presentlie goe learne their day of marriage.
Enter.

Enter Benedicke alone.

  Bene. Boy

   Boy. Signior

   Bene. In my chamber window lies a booke, bring it
hither to me in the orchard

   Boy. I am heere already sir.
Enter.

  Bene. I know that, but I would haue thee hence, and
heere againe. I doe much wonder, that one man seeing
how much another man is a foole, when he dedicates his
behauiours to loue, will after hee hath laught at such
shallow follies in others, become the argument of his
owne scorne, by falling in loue, & such a man is Claudio.
I haue known when there was no musicke with him but
the drum and the fife, and now had hee rather heare the
taber and the pipe: I haue knowne when he would haue
walkt ten mile afoot, to see a good armor, and now will
he lie ten nights awake caruing the fashion of a new dublet:
he was wont to speake plaine, & to the purpose (like
an honest man & a souldier) and now is he turn'd orthography,
his words are a very fantasticall banquet, iust so
many strange dishes: may I be so conuerted, & see with
these eyes? I cannot tell, I thinke not: I will not bee
sworne, but loue may transforme me to an oyster, but Ile
take my oath on it, till he haue made an oyster of me, he
shall neuer make me such a foole: one woman is faire, yet
I am well: another is wise, yet I am well: another vertuous,
yet I am well: but till all graces be in one woman,
one woman shall not come in my grace: rich shee shall
be, that's certaine: wise, or Ile none: vertuous, or Ile neuer
cheapen her: faire, or Ile neuer looke on her: milde,
or come not neere me: Noble, or not for an Angell: of
good discourse: an excellent Musitian, and her haire shal
be of what colour it please God, hah! the Prince and
Monsieur Loue, I will hide me in the Arbor.
Enter Prince, Leonato, Claudio, and Iacke Wilson.

  Prin. Come, shall we heare this musicke?
  Claud. Yea my good Lord: how still the euening is.
As husht on purpose to grace harmonie

   Prin. See you where Benedicke hath hid himselfe?
  Clau. O very well my Lord: the musicke ended,
Wee'll fit the kid-foxe with a penny worth

   Prince. Come Balthasar, wee'll heare that song again

   Balth. O good my Lord, taxe not so bad a voyce,
To slander musicke any more then once

   Prin. It is the witnesse still of excellency,
To slander Musicke any more then once

   Prince. It is the witnesse still of excellencie,
To put a strange face on his owne perfection,
I pray thee sing, and let me woe no more

   Balth. Because you talke of wooing, I will sing,
Since many a wooer doth commence his suit,
To her he thinkes not worthy, yet he wooes,
Yet will he sweare he loues

   Prince. Nay pray thee come,
Or if thou wilt hold longer argument,
Doe it in notes

   Balth. Note this before my notes,
Theres not a note of mine that's worth the noting

   Prince. Why these are very crotchets that he speaks,
Note notes forsooth, and nothing

   Bene. Now diuine aire, now is his soule rauisht, is it
not strange that sheepes guts should hale soules out of
mens bodies? well, a horne for my money when all's
done.

The Song.

Sigh no more Ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceiuers euer,
One foote in Sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant neuer,
Then sigh not so, but let them goe,
And be you blithe and bonnie,
Conuerting all your sounds of woe,
Into hey nony nony.
Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,
Of dumps so dull and heauy,
The fraud of men were euer so,
Since summer first was leauy,
Then sigh not so, &c

   Prince. By my troth a good song

   Balth. And an ill singer, my Lord

   Prince. Ha, no, no faith, thou singst well enough for a
shift

   Ben. And he had been a dog that should haue howld
thus, they would haue hang'd him, and I pray God his
bad voyce bode no mischiefe, I had as liefe haue heard
the night-rauen, come what plague could haue come after
it

   Prince. Yea marry, dost thou heare Balthasar? I pray
thee get vs some excellent musick: for to morrow night
we would haue it at the Lady Heroes chamber window

   Balth. The best I can, my Lord.

Exit Balthasar.

  Prince. Do so, farewell. Come hither Leonato, what
was it you told me of to day, that your Niece Beatrice
was in loue with signior Benedicke?
  Cla. O I, stalke on, stalke on, the foule sits. I did neuer
thinke that Lady would haue loued any man

   Leon. No, nor I neither, but most wonderful, that she
should so dote on Signior Benedicke, whom shee hath in
all outward behauiours seemed euer to abhorre

   Bene. Is't possible? sits the winde in that corner?
  Leo. By my troth my Lord, I cannot tell what to
thinke of it, but that she loues him with an inraged affection,
it is past the infinite of thought

   Prince. May be she doth but counterfeit

   Claud. Faith like enough

   Leon. O God! counterfeit? there was neuer counterfeit
of passion, came so neere the life of passion as she discouers
it

   Prince. Why what effects of passion shewes she?
  Claud. Baite the hooke well, this fish will bite

   Leon. What effects my Lord? shee will sit you, you
heard my daughter tell you how

   Clau. She did indeed

   Prince. How, how I pray you? you amaze me, I would
haue thought her spirit had beene inuincible against all
assaults of affection

   Leo. I would haue sworne it had, my Lord, especially
against Benedicke

   Bene. I should thinke this a gull, but that the whitebearded
fellow speakes it: knauery cannot sure hide
himselfe in such reuerence

   Claud. He hath tane th' infection, hold it vp

   Prince. Hath shee made her affection known to Benedicke:
  Leonato. No, and sweares she neuer will, that's her
torment

   Claud. 'Tis true indeed, so your daughter saies: shall
I, saies she, that haue so oft encountred him with scorne,
write to him that I loue him?
  Leo. This saies shee now when shee is beginning to
write to him, for shee'll be vp twenty times a night, and
there will she sit in her smocke, till she haue writ a sheet
of paper: my daughter tells vs all

   Clau. Now you talke of a sheet of paper, I remember
a pretty iest your daughter told vs of

   Leon. O when she had writ it, & was reading it ouer,
she found Benedicke and Beatrice betweene the sheete

   Clau. That

   Leon. O she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence,
raild at her self, that she should be so immodest to write,
to one that shee knew would flout her: I measure him,
saies she, by my owne spirit, for I should flout him if hee
writ to mee, yea though I loue him, I should

   Clau. Then downe vpon her knees she falls, weepes,
sobs, beates her heart, teares her hayre, praies, curses, O
sweet Benedicke, God giue me patience

   Leon. She doth indeed, my daughter saies so, and the
extasie hath so much ouerborne her, that my daughter is
somtime afeard she will doe a desperate out-rage to her
selfe, it is very true

   Prince. It were good that Benedicke knew of it by some
other, if she will not discouer it

   Clau. To what end? he would but make a sport of it,
and torment the poore Lady worse

   Prin. And he should, it were an almes to hang him,
shee's an excellent sweet Lady, and (out of all suspition,)
she is vertuous

   Claudio. And she is exceeding wise

   Prince. In euery thing, but in louing Benedicke

   Leon. O my Lord, wisedome and bloud combating in
so tender a body, we haue ten proofes to one, that bloud
hath the victory, I am sorry for her, as I haue iust cause,
being her Vncle, and her Guardian

   Prince. I would shee had bestowed this dotage on
mee, I would haue daft all other respects, and made her
halfe my selfe: I pray you tell Benedicke of it, and heare
what he will say

   Leon. Were it good thinke you?
  Clau. Hero thinkes surely she wil die, for she saies she
will die, if hee loue her not, and shee will die ere shee
make her loue knowne, and she will die if hee wooe her,
rather than shee will bate one breath of her accustomed
crossenesse

   Prince. She doth well, if she should make tender of her
loue, 'tis very possible hee'l scorne it, for the man (as you
know all) hath a contemptible spirit

   Clau. He is a very proper man

   Prin. He hath indeed a good outward happines

   Clau. 'Fore God, and in my minde very wise

   Prin. He doth indeed shew some sparkes that are like
wit

   Leon. And I take him to be valiant

   Prin. As Hector, I assure you, and in the managing of
quarrels you may see hee is wise, for either hee auoydes
them with great discretion, or vndertakes them with a
Christian-like feare

   Leon. If hee doe feare God, a must necessarilie keepe
peace, if hee breake the peace, hee ought to enter into a
quarrell with feare and trembling

   Prin. And so will he doe, for the man doth fear God,
howsoeuer it seemes not in him, by some large ieasts hee
will make: well, I am sorry for your niece, shall we goe
see Benedicke, and tell him of her loue

   Claud. Neuer tell him, my Lord, let her weare it out
with good counsell

   Leon. Nay that's impossible, she may weare her heart
out first

   Prin. Well, we will heare further of it by your daughter,
let it coole the while, I loue Benedicke well, and I
could wish he would modestly examine himselfe, to see
how much he is vnworthy to haue so good a Lady

   Leon. My Lord, will you walke? dinner is ready

   Clau. If he do not doat on her vpon this, I wil neuer
trust my expectation

   Prin. Let there be the same Net spread for her, and
that must your daughter and her gentlewoman carry:
the sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of anothers
dotage, and no such matter, that's the Scene that I
would see, which will be meerely a dumbe shew: let vs
send her to call him into dinner.

Exeunt.

  Bene. This can be no tricke, the conference was sadly
borne, they haue the truth of this from Hero, they seeme
to pittie the Lady: it seemes her affections haue the full
bent: loue me? why it must be requited: I heare how I
am censur'd, they say I will beare my selfe proudly, if I
perceiue the loue come from her: they say too, that she
will rather die than giue any signe of affection: I did neuer
thinke to marry, I must not seeme proud, happy are
they that heare their detractions, and can put them to
mending: they say the Lady is faire, 'tis a truth, I can
beare them witnesse: and vertuous, tis so, I cannot reprooue
it, and wise, but for louing me, by my troth it is
no addition to her witte, nor no great argument of her
folly; for I wil be horribly in loue with her, I may chance
haue some odde quirkes and remnants of witte broken
on mee, because I haue rail'd so long against marriage:
but doth not the appetite alter? a man loues the meat in
his youth, that he cannot indure in his age. Shall quips
and sentences, and these paper bullets of the braine awe
a man from the careere of his humour? No, the world
must be peopled. When I said I would die a batcheler, I
did not think I should liue till I were maried, here comes
Beatrice: by this day, shee's a faire Lady, I doe spie some
markes of loue in her.
Enter Beatrice.

  Beat. Against my wil I am sent to bid you come in to
dinner

   Bene. Faire Beatrice, I thanke you for your paines

   Beat. I tooke no more paines for those thankes, then
you take paines to thanke me, if it had been painefull, I
would not haue come

   Bene. You take pleasure then in the message

   Beat. Yea iust so much as you may take vpon a kniues
point, and choake a daw withall: you haue no stomacke
signior, fare you well.
Enter.

  Bene. Ha, against my will I am sent to bid you come
into dinner: there's a double meaning in that: I tooke
no more paines for those thankes then you took paines
to thanke me, that's as much as to say, any paines that I
take for you is as easie as thankes: if I do not take pitty
of her I am a villaine, if I doe not loue her I am a Iew, I
will goe get her picture.
Enter.


Actus Tertius.

Enter Hero and two Gentlemen, Margaret, and Vrsula.

  Hero. Good Margaret runne thee to the parlour,
There shalt thou finde my Cosin Beatrice,
Proposing with the Prince and Claudio,
Whisper her eare, and tell her I and Vrsula,
Walke in the Orchard, and our whole discourse
Is all of her, say that thou ouer-heardst vs,
And bid her steale into the pleached bower,
Where hony-suckles ripened by the sunne,
Forbid the sunne to enter: like fauourites,
Made proud by Princes, that aduance their pride,
Against that power that bred it, there will she hide her,
To listen our purpose, this is thy office,
Beare thee well in it, and leaue vs alone

   Marg. Ile make her come I warrant you presently

   Hero. Now Vrsula, when Beatrice doth come,
As we do trace this alley vp and downe,
Our talke must onely be of Benedicke,
When I doe name him, let it be thy part,
To praise him more then euer man did merit,
My talke to thee must be how Benedicke
Is sicke in loue with Beatrice; of this matter,
Is little Cupids crafty arrow made,
That onely wounds by heare-say: now begin,
Enter Beatrice.

For looke where Beatrice like a Lapwing runs
Close by the ground, to heare our conference

   Vrs. The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish
Cut with her golden ores the siluer streame,
And greedily deuoure the treacherous baite:
So angle we for Beatrice, who euen now,
Is couched in the wood-bine couerture,
Feare you not my part of the Dialogue

   Her. Then go we neare her that her eare loose nothing,
Of the false sweete baite that we lay for it:
No truely Vrsula, she is too disdainfull,
I know her spirits are as coy and wilde,
As Haggerds of the rocke

   Vrsula. But are you sure,
That Benedicke loues Beatrice so intirely?
  Her. So saies the Prince, and my new trothed Lord

   Vrs. And did they bid you tell her of it, Madam?
  Her. They did intreate me to acquaint her of it,
But I perswaded them, if they lou'd Benedicke,
To wish him wrastle with affection,
And neuer to let Beatrice know of it

   Vrsula. Why did you so, doth not the Gentleman
Deserue as full as fortunate a bed,
As euer Beatrice shall couch vpon?
  Hero. O God of loue! I know he doth deserue,
As much as may be yeelded to a man:
But Nature neuer fram'd a womans heart,
Of prowder stuffe then that of Beatrice:
Disdaine and Scorne ride sparkling in her eyes,
Mis-prizing what they looke on, and her wit
Values it selfe so highly, that to her
All matter else seemes weake: she cannot loue,
Nor take no shape nor proiect of affection,
Shee is so selfe indeared

   Vrsula. Sure I thinke so,
And therefore certainely it were not good
She knew his loue, lest she make sport at it

   Hero. Why you speake truth, I neuer yet saw man,
How wise, how noble, yong, how rarely featur'd.
But she would spell him backward: if faire fac'd,
She would sweare the gentleman should be her sister:
If blacke, why Nature drawing of an anticke,
Made a foule blot: if tall, a launce ill headed:
If low, an agot very vildlie cut:
If speaking, why a vane blowne with all windes:
If silent, why a blocke moued with none.
So turnes she euery man the wrong side out,
And neuer giues to Truth and Vertue, that
Which simplenesse and merit purchaseth

   Vrsu. Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable

   Hero. No, not to be so odde, and from all fashions,
As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable,
But who dare tell her so? if I should speake,
She would mocke me into ayre, O she would laugh me
Out of my selfe, presse me to death with wit,
Therefore let Benedicke like couered fire,
Consume away in sighes, waste inwardly:
It were a better death, to die with mockes,
Which is as bad as die with tickling

   Vrsu. Yet tell her of it, heare what shee will say

   Hero. No, rather I will goe to Benedicke,
And counsaile him to fight against his passion,
And truly Ile deuise some honest slanders,
To staine my cosin with, one doth not know,
How much an ill word may impoison liking

   Vrsu. O doe not doe your cosin such a wrong,
She cannot be so much without true iudgement,
Hauing so swift and excellent a wit
As she is prisde to haue, as to refuse
So rare a Gentleman as signior Benedicke

   Hero. He is the onely man of Italy,
Alwaies excepted, my deare Claudio

   Vrsu. I pray you be not angry with me, Madame,
Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedicke,
For shape, for bearing argument and valour,
Goes formost in report through Italy

   Hero. Indeed he hath an excellent good name

   Vrsu. His excellence did earne it ere he had it:
When are you married Madame?
  Hero. Why euerie day to morrow, come goe in,
Ile shew thee some attires, and haue thy counsell,
Which is the best to furnish me to morrow

   Vrsu. Shee's tane I warrant you,
We haue caught her Madame?
  Hero. If it proue so, then louing goes by haps,
Some Cupid kills with arrowes, some with traps.
Enter.

  Beat. What fire is in mine eares? can this be true?
Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorne so much?
Contempt, farewell, and maiden pride, adew,
No glory liues behinde the backe of such.
And Benedicke, loue on, I will requite thee,
Taming my wilde heart to thy louing hand:
If thou dost loue, my kindnesse shall incite thee
To binde our loues vp in a holy band.
For others say thou dost deserue, and I
Beleeue it better then reportingly.
Enter.

Enter Prince, Claudio, Benedicke, and Leonato.

  Prince. I doe but stay till your marriage be consummate,
and then go I toward Arragon

   Clau. Ile bring you thither my Lord, if you'l vouchsafe
me

   Prin. Nay, that would be as great a soyle in the new
glosse of your marriage, as to shew a childe his new coat
and forbid him to weare it, I will onely bee bold with
Benedicke for his companie, for from the crowne of his
head, to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth, he hath twice
or thrice cut Cupids bow-string, and the little hang-man
dare not shoot at him, he hath a heart as sound as a bell,
and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinkes,
his tongue speakes

   Bene. Gallants, I am not as I haue bin

   Leo. So say I, methinkes you are sadder

   Claud. I hope he be in loue

   Prin. Hang him truant, there's no true drop of bloud
in him to be truly toucht with loue, if he be sad, he wants
money

   Bene. I haue the tooth-ach

   Prin. Draw it

   Bene. Hang it

   Claud. You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards

   Prin. What? sigh for the tooth-ach

   Leon. Where is but a humour or a worme

   Bene. Well, euery one cannot master a griefe, but hee
that has it

   Clau. Yet say I, he is in loue

   Prin. There is no appearance of fancie in him, vnlesse
it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises, as to bee a
Dutchman to day, a Frenchman to morrow: vnlesse hee
haue a fancy to this foolery, as it appeares hee hath, hee
is no foole for fancy, as you would haue it to appeare
he is

   Clau. If he be not in loue with some woman, there
is no beleeuing old signes, a brushes his hat a mornings,
What should that bode?
  Prin. Hath any man seene him at the Barbers?
  Clau. No, but the Barbers man hath beene seen with
him, and the olde ornament of his cheeke hath alreadie
stuft tennis balls

   Leon. Indeed he lookes yonger than hee did, by the
losse of a beard

   Prin. Nay a rubs himselfe with Ciuit, can you smell
him out by that?
  Clau. That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in
loue

   Prin. The greatest note of it is his melancholy

   Clau. And when was he wont to wash his face?
  Prin. Yea, or to paint himselfe? for the which I heare
what they say of him

   Clau. Nay, but his iesting spirit, which is now crept
into a lute-string, and now gouern'd by stops

   Prin. Indeed that tels a heauy tale for him: conclude,
he is in loue

   Clau. Nay, but I know who loues him

   Prince. That would I know too, I warrant one that
knowes him not

   Cla. Yes, and his ill conditions, and in despight of all,
dies for him

   Prin. Shee shall be buried with her face vpwards

   Bene. Yet is this no charme for the tooth-ake, old signior,
walke aside with mee, I haue studied eight or nine
wise words to speake to you, which these hobby-horses
must not heare

   Prin. For my life to breake with him about Beatrice

   Clau. 'Tis euen so, Hero and Margaret haue by this
played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two Beares
will not bite one another when they meete.
Enter Iohn the Bastard.

  Bast. My Lord and brother, God saue you

   Prin. Good den brother

   Bast. If your leisure seru'd, I would speake with you

   Prince. In priuate?
  Bast. If it please you, yet Count Claudio may heare,
for what I would speake of, concernes him

   Prin. What's the matter?
  Basta. Meanes your Lordship to be married to morrow?
  Prin. You know he does

   Bast. I know not that when he knowes what I know

   Clau. If there be any impediment, I pray you discouer
it

   Bast. You may thinke I loue you not, let that appeare
hereafter, and ayme better at me by that I now will manifest,
for my brother (I thinke, he holds you well, and in
dearenesse of heart) hath holpe to effect your ensuing
marriage: surely sute ill spent, and labour ill bestowed

   Prin. Why, what's the matter?
  Bastard. I came hither to tell you, and circumstances
shortned, (for she hath beene too long a talking of) the
Lady is disloyall

   Clau. Who Hero?
  Bast. Euen shee, Leonatoes Hero, your Hero, euery
mans Hero

   Clau. Disloyall?
  Bast. The word is too good to paint out her wickednesse,
I could say she were worse, thinke you of a worse
title, and I will fit her to it: wonder not till further warrant:
goe but with mee to night, you shal see her chamber
window entred, euen the night before her wedding
day, if you loue her, then to morrow wed her: But it
would better fit your honour to change your minde

   Claud. May this be so?
  Princ. I will not thinke it

   Bast. If you dare not trust that you see, confesse not
that you know: if you will follow mee, I will shew you
enough, and when you haue seene more, & heard more,
proceed accordingly

   Clau. If I see any thing to night, why I should not
marry her to morrow in the congregation, where I shold
wedde, there will I shame her

   Prin. And as I wooed for thee to obtaine her, I will
ioyne with thee to disgrace her

   Bast. I will disparage her no farther, till you are my
witnesses, beare it coldly but till night, and let the issue
shew it selfe

   Prin. O day vntowardly turned!
  Claud. O mischiefe strangelie thwarting!
  Bastard. O plague right well preuented! so will you
say, when you haue seene the sequele.
Enter.

Enter Dogbery and his compartner with the watch.

  Dog. Are you good men and true?
  Verg. Yea, or else it were pitty but they should suffer
saluation body and soule

   Dogb. Nay, that were a punishment too good for
them, if they should haue any allegiance in them, being
chosen for the Princes watch

   Verges. Well, giue them their charge, neighbour
Dogbery

   Dog. First, who thinke you the most desartlesse man
to be Constable

   Watch.1. Hugh Ote-cake sir, or George Sea-coale, for
they can write and reade

   Dogb. Come hither neighbour Sea-coale, God hath
blest you with a good name: to be a wel-fauoured man,
is the gift of Fortune, but to write and reade, comes by
Nature

   Watch 2. Both which Master Constable
  Dogb. You haue: I knew it would be your answere:
well, for your fauour sir, why giue God thankes, & make
no boast of it, and for your writing and reading, let that
appeare when there is no need of such vanity, you are
thought heere to be the most senslesse and fit man for the
Constable of the watch: therefore beare you the lanthorne:
this is your charge: You shall comprehend all
vagrom men, you are to bid any man stand in the Princes
name

   Watch 2. How if a will not stand?
  Dogb. Why then take no note of him, but let him go,
and presently call the rest of the Watch together, and
thanke God you are ridde of a knaue

   Verges. If he will not stand when he is bidden, hee is
none of the Princes subiects

   Dogb. True, and they are to meddle with none but
the Princes subiects: you shall also make no noise in the
streetes: for, for the Watch to babble and talke, is most
tollerable, and not to be indured

   Watch. We will rather sleepe than talke, wee know
what belongs to a Watch

   Dog. Why you speake like an ancient and most quiet
watchman, for I cannot see how sleeping should offend:
only haue a care that your bills be not stolne: well, you
are to call at all the Alehouses, and bid them that are
drunke get them to bed

   Watch. How if they will not?
  Dogb. Why then let them alone till they are sober, if
they make you not then the better answere, you may say,
they are not the men you tooke them for

   Watch. Well sir,
  Dogb. If you meet a theefe, you may suspect him, by
vertue of your office, to be no true man: and for such
kinde of men, the lesse you meddle or make with them,
why the more is for your honesty

   Watch. If wee know him to be a thiefe, shall wee not
lay hands on him

   Dogb. Truly by your office you may, but I think they
that touch pitch will be defil'd: the most peaceable way
for you, if you doe take a theefe, is, to let him shew himselfe
what he is, and steale out of your company

   Ver. You haue bin alwaies cal'd a merciful ma[n] partner

   Dog. Truely I would not hang a dog by my will, much
more a man who hath anie honestie in him

   Verges. If you heare a child crie in the night you must
call to the nurse, and bid her still it

   Watch. How if the nurse be asleepe and will not
heare vs?
  Dog. Why then depart in peace, and let the childe
wake her with crying, for the ewe that will not heare
her Lambe when it baes, will neuer answere a calfe when
he bleates

   Verges. 'Tis verie true

   Dog. This is the end of the charge: you constable
are to present the Princes owne person, if you meete the
Prince in the night, you may staie him

   Verges. Nay birladie that I thinke a cannot

   Dog. Fiue shillings to one on't with anie man that
knowes the Statutes, he may staie him, marrie not without
the prince be willing, for indeed the watch ought to
offend no man, and it is an offence to stay a man against
his will

   Verges. Birladie I thinke it be so

   Dog. Ha, ah ha, well masters good night, and there be
anie matter of weight chances, call vp me, keepe your
fellowes counsailes, and your owne, and good night,
come neighbour

   Watch. Well masters, we heare our charge, let vs go
sit here vpon the Church bench till two, and then all to
bed

   Dog. One word more, honest neighbors. I pray you
watch about signior Leonatoes doore, for the wedding being
there to morrow, there is a great coyle to night,
adiew, be vigitant I beseech you.

Exeunt.

Enter Borachio and Conrade.

  Bor. What, Conrade?
  Watch. Peace, stir not

   Bor. Conrade I say

   Con. Here man, I am at thy elbow

   Bor. Mas and my elbow itcht, I thought there would
a scabbe follow

   Con. I will owe thee an answere for that, and now
forward with thy tale

   Bor. Stand thee close then vnder this penthouse, for it
drissels raine, and I will, like a true drunkard, vtter all to
thee

   Watch. Some treason masters, yet stand close

   Bor. Therefore know, I haue earned of Don Iohn a
thousand Ducates

   Con. Is it possible that anie villanie should be so deare?
  Bor. Thou should'st rather aske if it were possible anie
villanie should be so rich? for when rich villains haue
neede of poore ones, poore ones may make what price
they will

   Con. I wonder at it

   Bor. That shewes thou art vnconfirm'd, thou knowest
that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloake, is nothing
to a man

   Con. Yes, it is apparell

   Bor. I meane the fashion

   Con. Yes the fashion is the fashion

   Bor. Tush, I may as well say the foole's the foole, but
seest thou not what a deformed theefe this fashion is?
  Watch. I know that deformed, a has bin a vile theefe,
this vii. yeares, a goes vp and downe like a gentle man:
I remember his name

   Bor. Did'st thou not heare some bodie?
  Con. No, 'twas the vaine on the house

   Bor. Seest thou not (I say) what a deformed thiefe
this fashion is, how giddily a turnes about all the Hotblouds,
betweene, foureteene & fiue & thirtie, sometimes
fashioning them like Pharaoes souldiours in the rechie
painting, sometime like god Bels priests in the old
Church window, sometime like the shauen Hercules in
the smircht worm-eaten tapestrie, where his cod-peece
seemes as massie as his club

   Con. All this I see, and see that the fashion weares out
more apparrell then the man; but art not thou thy selfe
giddie with the fashion too that thou hast shifted out of
thy tale into telling me of the fashion?
  Bor. Not so neither, but know that I haue to night
wooed Margaret the Lady Heroes gentle-woman, by the
name of Hero, she leanes me out at her mistris chamberwindow,
bids me a thousand times good night: I tell
this tale vildly. I should first tell thee how the Prince
Claudio and my Master planted, and placed, and possessed
by my Master Don Iohn, saw a far off in the Orchard this
amiable incounter

   Con. And thought thy Margaret was Hero?
  Bor. Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio, but the
diuell my Master knew she was Margaret and partly by
his oathes, which first possest them, partly by the darke
night which did deceiue them, but chiefely, by my villanie,
which did confirme any slander that Don Iohn had
made, away went Claudio enraged, swore hee would
meete her as he was apointed next morning at the Temple,
and there, before the whole congregation shame her
with what he saw o're night, and send her home againe
without a husband

   Watch.1. We charge you in the Princes name stand

   Watch.2. Call vp the right master Constable, we haue
here recouered the most dangerous peece of lechery, that
euer was knowne in the Common-wealth

   Watch.1. And one Deformed is one of them, I know
him, a weares a locke

   Conr. Masters, masters

   Watch.2. Youle be made bring deformed forth I warrant
you,
  Conr. Masters, neuer speake, we charge you, let vs obey
you to goe with vs

   Bor. We are like to proue a goodly commoditie, being
taken vp of these mens bils

   Conr. A commoditie in question I warrant you, come
weele obey you.

Exeunt.

Enter Hero, and Margaret, and Vrsula.

  Hero. Good Vrsula wake my cosin Beatrice, and desire
her to rise

   Vrsu. I will Lady

   Her. And bid her come hither

   Vrs. Well

   Mar. Troth I thinke your other rebato were better

   Hero. No pray thee good Meg, Ile weare this

   Marg. By my troth's not so good, and I warrant your
cosin will say so

   Hero. My cosin's a foole, and thou art another, ile
weare none but this

   Mar. I like the new tire within excellently, if the
haire were a thought browner: and your gown's a most
rare fashion yfaith, I saw the Dutchesse of Millaines
gowne that they praise so

   Hero. O that exceedes they say

   Mar. By my troth's but a night-gowne in respect of
yours, cloth a gold and cuts, and lac'd with siluer, set with
pearles, downe sleeues, side sleeues, and skirts, round vnderborn
with a blewish tinsel, but for a fine queint gracefull
and excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on't

   Hero. God giue mee ioy to weare it, for my heart is
exceeding heauy

   Marga. 'Twill be heauier soone, by the waight of a
man

   Hero. Fie vpon thee, art not asham'd?
  Marg. Of what Lady? of speaking honourably? is
not marriage honourable in a beggar? is not your Lord
honourable without marriage? I thinke you would haue
me say, sauing your reuerence a husband: and bad thinking
doe not wrest true speaking, Ile offend no body, is
there any harme in the heauier for a husband? none I
thinke, and it be the right husband, and the right wife,
otherwise 'tis light and not heauy, aske my Lady Beatrice
else, here she comes.
Enter Beatrice.

  Hero. Good morrow Coze

   Beat. Good morrow sweet Hero

   Hero. Why how now? do you speake in the sick tune?
  Beat. I am out of all other tune, me thinkes

   Mar. Claps into Light a loue, (that goes without a
burden,) do you sing it and Ile dance it

   Beat. Ye Light aloue with your heeles, then if your
husband haue stables enough, you'll looke he shall lacke
no barnes

   Mar. O illegitimate construction! I scorne that with
my heeles

   Beat. 'Tis almost fiue a clocke cosin, 'tis time you
were ready, by my troth I am exceeding ill, hey ho

   Mar. For a hauke, a horse, or a husband?
  Beat. For the letter that begins them all, H

   Mar. Well, and you be not turn'd Turke, there's no
more sayling by the starre

   Beat. What meanes the foole trow?
  Mar. Nothing I, but God send euery one their harts
desire

   Hero. These gloues the Count sent mee, they are an
excellent perfume

   Beat. I am stuft cosin, I cannot smell

   Mar. A maid and stuft! there's goodly catching of
colde

   Beat. O God helpe me, God help me, how long haue
you profest apprehension?
  Mar. Euer since you left it, doth not my wit become
me rarely?
  Beat. It is not seene enough, you should weare it in
your cap, by my troth I am sicke

   Mar. Get you some of this distill'd carduus benedictus
and lay it to your heart, it is the onely thing for a qualm

   Hero. There thou prick'st her with a thissell

   Beat. Benedictus, why benedictus? you haue some morall
in this benedictus

   Mar. Morall? no by my troth, I haue no morall meaning,
I meant plaine holy thissell, you may thinke perchance
that I thinke you are in loue, nay birlady I am not
such a foole to thinke what I list, nor I list not to thinke
what I can, nor indeed, I cannot thinke, if I would thinke
my hart out of thinking, that you are in loue, or that you
will be in loue, or that you can be in loue: yet Benedicke
was such another, and now is he become a man, he swore
hee would neuer marry, and yet now in despight of his
heart he eates his meat without grudging, and how you
may be conuerted I know not, but me thinkes you looke
with your eies as other women doe

   Beat. What pace is this that thy tongue keepes

   Mar. Not a false gallop.
Enter Vrsula.

  Vrsula. Madam, withdraw, the Prince, the Count, signior
Benedicke, Don Iohn, and all the gallants of the
towne are come to fetch you to Church

   Hero. Helpe me to dresse mee good coze, good Meg,
good Vrsula.
Enter Leonato, and the Constable, and the Headborough.

  Leonato. What would you with mee, honest neighbour?
  Const.Dog. Mary sir I would haue some confidence
with you, that decernes you nearely

   Leon. Briefe I pray you, for you see it is a busie time
with me

   Const.Dog. Mary this it is sir

   Headb. Yes in truth it is sir

   Leon. What is it my good friends?
  Con.Do. Goodman Verges sir speakes a little of the
matter, an old man sir, and his wits are not so blunt, as
God helpe I would desire they were, but infaith honest
as the skin betweene his browes

   Head. Yes I thank God, I am as honest as any man liuing,
that is an old man, and no honester then I

   Con.Dog. Comparisons are odorous, palabras, neighbour
Verges

   Leon. Neighbours, you are tedious

   Con.Dog. It pleases your worship to say so, but we are
the poore Dukes officers, but truely for mine owne part,
if I were as tedious as a King I could finde in my heart to
bestow it all of your worship

   Leon. All thy tediousnesse on me, ah?
  Const.Dog. Yea, and 'twere a thousand times more
than 'tis, for I heare as good exclamation on your Worship
as of any man in the Citie, and though I bee but a
poore man, I am glad to heare it

   Head. And so am I

   Leon. I would faine know what you haue to say

   Head. Marry sir our watch to night, excepting your
worships presence, haue tane a couple of as arrant
knaues as any in Messina

   Con.Dog. A good old man sir, hee will be talking as
they say, when the age is in, the wit is out, God helpe vs,
it is a world to see: well said yfaith neighbour Verges,
well, God's a good man, and two men ride of a horse,
one must ride behinde, an honest soule yfaith sir, by my
troth he is, as euer broke bread, but God is to bee worshipt,
all men are not alike, alas good neighbour

   Leon. Indeed neighbour he comes too short of you

   Con.Do. Gifts that God giues

   Leon. I must leaue you

   Con.Dog. One word sir, our watch sir haue indeede
comprehended two aspitious persons, & we would haue
them this morning examined before your worship

   Leon. Take their examination your selfe, and bring it
me, I am now in great haste, as may appeare vnto you

   Const. It shall be suffigance

   Leon. Drinke some wine ere you goe: fare you well.
Enter.

  Messenger. My Lord, they stay for you to giue your
daughter to her husband

   Leon. Ile wait vpon them, I am ready

   Dogb. Goe good partner, goe get you to Francis Seacoale,
bid him bring his pen and inkehorne to the Gaole:
we are now to examine those men

   Verges. And we must doe it wisely

   Dogb. Wee will spare for no witte I warrant you:
heere's that shall driue some to a non-come, only
get the learned writer to set downe our excommunication,
and meet me at the Iaile.

Exeunt.


Actus Quartus.

Enter Prince, Bastard, Leonato, Frier, Claudio, Benedicke, Hero,
and
Beatrice.

  Leonato. Come Frier Francis, be briefe, onely to the
plaine forme of marriage, and you shal recount their particular
duties afterwards

   Fran. You come hither, my Lord, to marry this Lady

   Clau. No

   Leo. To be married to her: Frier, you come to marrie
her

   Frier. Lady, you come hither to be married to this
Count

   Hero. I doe

   Frier. If either of you know any inward impediment
why you should not be conioyned, I charge you on your
soules to vtter it

   Claud. Know you anie, Hero?
  Hero. None my Lord

   Frier. Know you anie, Count?
  Leon. I dare make his answer, None

   Clau. O what men dare do! what men may do! what
men daily do!
  Bene. How now! interiections? why then, some be
of laughing, as ha, ha, he

   Clau. Stand thee by Frier, father, by your leaue,
Will you with free and vnconstrained soule
Giue me this maid your daughter?
  Leon. As freely sonne as God did giue her me

   Cla. And what haue I to giue you back, whose worth
May counterpoise this rich and precious gift?
  Prin. Nothing, vnlesse you render her againe

   Clau. Sweet Prince, you learn me noble thankfulnes:
There Leonato, take her backe againe,
Giue not this rotten Orenge to your friend,
Shee's but the signe and semblance of her honour:
Behold how like a maid she blushes heere!
O what authoritie and shew of truth
Can cunning sinne couer it selfe withall!
Comes not that bloud, as modest euidence,
To witnesse simple Vertue? would you not sweare
All you that see her, that she were a maide,
By these exterior shewes? But she is none:
She knowes the heat of a luxurious bed:
Her blush is guiltinesse, not modestie

   Leonato. What doe you meane, my Lord?
  Clau. Not to be married,
Not to knit my soule to an approued wanton

   Leon. Deere my Lord, if you in your owne proofe,
Haue vanquisht the resistance of her youth,
And made defeat of her virginitie

   Clau. I know what you would say: if I haue knowne
(her,
You will say, she did imbrace me as a husband,
And so extenuate the forehand sinne: No Leonato,
I neuer tempted her with word too large,
But as a brother to his sister, shewed
Bashfull sinceritie and comely loue

   Hero. And seem'd I euer otherwise to you?
  Clau. Out on thee seeming, I will write against it,
You seeme to me as Diane in her Orbe,
As chaste as is the budde ere it be blowne:
But you are more intemperate in your blood,
Than Venus, or those pampred animalls,
That rage in sauage sensualitie

   Hero. Is my Lord well, that he doth speake so wide?
  Leon. Sweete Prince, why speake not you?
  Prin. What should I speake?
I stand dishonour'd that haue gone about,
To linke my deare friend to a common stale

   Leon. Are these things spoken, or doe I but dreame?
  Bast. Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true

   Bene. This lookes not like a nuptiall

   Hero. True, O God!
  Clau. Leonato, stand I here?
Is this the Prince? is this the Princes brother?
Is this face Heroes? are our eies our owne?
  Leon. All this is so, but what of this my Lord?
  Clau. Let me but moue one question to your daughter,
And by that fatherly and kindly power,
That you haue in her, bid her answer truly

   Leo. I charge thee doe, as thou art my childe

   Hero. O God defend me how am I beset,
What kinde of catechizing call you this?
  Clau. To make you answer truly to your name

   Hero. Is it not Hero? who can blot that name
With any iust reproach?
  Claud. Marry that can Hero,
Hero it selfe can blot out Heroes vertue.
What man was he, talkt with you yesternight,
Out at your window betwixt twelue and one?
Now if you are a maid, answer to this

   Hero. I talkt with no man at that howre my Lord

   Prince. Why then you are no maiden. Leonato,
I am sorry you must heare: vpon mine honor,
My selfe, my brother, and this grieued Count
Did see her, heare her, at that howre last night,
Talke with a ruffian at her chamber window,
Who hath indeed most like a liberall villaine,
Confest the vile encounters they haue had
A thousand times in secret

   Iohn. Fie, fie, they are not to be named my Lord,
Not to be spoken of,
There is not chastitie enough in language,
Without offence to vtter them: thus pretty Lady
I am sorry for thy much misgouernment

   Claud. O Hero! what a Hero hadst thou beene
If halfe thy outward graces had beene placed
About thy thoughts and counsailes of thy heart?
But fare thee well, most foule, most faire, farewell
Thou pure impiety, and impious puritie,
For thee Ile locke vp all the gates of Loue,
And on my eie-lids shall Coniecture hang,
To turne all beauty into thoughts of harme,
And neuer shall it more be gracious

   Leon. Hath no mans dagger here a point for me?
  Beat. Why how now cosin, wherfore sink you down?
  Bast. Come, let vs go: these things come thus to light,
Smother her spirits vp

   Bene. How doth the Lady?
  Beat. Dead I thinke, helpe vncle,
Hero, why Hero, Vncle, Signor Benedicke, Frier

   Leonato. O Fate! take not away thy heauy hand,
Death is the fairest couer for her shame
That may be wisht for

   Beatr. How now cosin Hero?
  Fri. Haue comfort Ladie

   Leon. Dost thou looke vp?
  Frier. Yea, wherefore should she not?
  Leon. Wherfore? Why doth not euery earthly thing
Cry shame vpon her? Could she heere denie
The storie that is printed in her blood?
Do not liue Hero, do not ope thine eyes:
For did I thinke thou wouldst not quickly die,
Thought I thy spirits were stronger then thy shames,
My selfe would on the reward of reproaches
Strike at thy life. Grieu'd I, I had but one?
Chid I, for that at frugal Natures frame?
O one too much by thee: why had I one?
Why euer was't thou louelie in my eies?
Why had I not with charitable hand
Tooke vp a beggars issue at my gates,
Who smeered thus, and mir'd with infamie,
I might haue said, no part of it is mine:
This shame deriues it selfe from vnknowne loines,
But mine, and mine I lou'd, and mine I prais'd,
And mine that I was proud on mine so much,
That I my selfe, was to my selfe not mine:
Valewing of her, why she, O she is falne
Into a pit of Inke, that the wide sea
Hath drops too few to wash her cleane againe,
And salt too little, which may season giue
To her foule tainted flesh

   Ben. Sir, sir, be patient: for my part, I am so attired
in wonder, I know not what to say

   Bea. O on my soule my cosin is belied

   Ben. Ladie, were you her bedfellow last night?
  Bea. No, truly: not although vntill last night,
I haue this tweluemonth bin her bedfellow

   Leon. Confirm'd, confirm'd, O that is stronger made
Which was before barr'd vp with ribs of iron.
Would the Princes lie, and Claudio lie,
Who lou'd her so, that speaking of her foulnesse,
Wash'd it with teares? Hence from her, let her die

   Fri. Heare me a little, for I haue onely bene silent so
long, and giuen way vnto this course of fortune, by noting
of the Ladie, I haue markt.
A thousand blushing apparitions,
To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames,
In Angel whitenesse beare away those blushes,
And in her eie there hath appear'd a fire
To burne the errors that these Princes hold
Against her maiden truth. Call me a foole,
Trust not my reading, nor my obseruations,
Which with experimental seale doth warrant
The tenure of my booke: trust not my age,
My reuerence, calling, nor diuinitie,
If this sweet Ladie lye not guiltlesse heere,
Vnder some biting error

   Leo. Friar, it cannot be:
Thou seest that all the Grace that she hath left,
Is, that she wil not adde to her damnation,
A sinne of periury, she not denies it:
Why seek'st thou then to couer with excuse,
That which appeares in proper nakednesse?
  Fri. Ladie, what man is he you are accus'd of?
  Hero. They know that do accuse me, I know none:
If I know more of any man aliue
Then that which maiden modestie doth warrant,
Let all my sinnes lacke mercy. O my Father,
Proue you that any man with me conuerst,
At houres vnmeete, or that I yesternight
Maintain'd the change of words with any creature,
Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death

   Fri. There is some strange misprision in the Princes

   Ben. Two of them haue the verie bent of honor,
And if their wisedomes be misled in this:
The practise of it liues in Iohn the bastard,
Whose spirits toile in frame of villanies

   Leo. I know not: if they speake but truth of her,
These hands shall teare her: If they wrong her honour,
The proudest of them shall wel heare of it.
Time hath not yet so dried this bloud of mine,
Nor age so eate vp my inuention,
Nor Fortune made such hauocke of my meanes,
Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends,
But they shall finde, awak'd in such a kinde,
Both strength of limbe, and policie of minde,
Ability in meanes, and choise of friends,
To quit me of them throughly

   Fri. Pause awhile:
And let my counsell sway you in this case,
Your daughter heere the Princesse (left for dead)
Let her awhile be secretly kept in,
And publish it, that she is dead indeed:
Maintaine a mourning ostentation,
And on your Families old monument,
Hang mournfull Epitaphes, and do all rites,
That appertaine vnto a buriall

   Leon. What shall become of this? What wil this do?
  Fri. Marry this wel carried, shall on her behalfe,
Change slander to remorse, that is some good,
But not for that dreame I on this strange course,
But on this trauaile looke for greater birth:
She dying, as it must be so maintain'd,
Vpon the instant that she was accus'd,
Shal be lamented, pittied, and excus'd
Of euery hearer: for it so fals out,
That what we haue, we prize not to the worth,
Whiles we enioy it; but being lack'd and lost,
Why then we racke the value, then we finde
The vertue that possession would not shew vs
Whiles it was ours, so will it fare with Claudio:
When he shal heare she dyed vpon his words,
Th' Idea of her life shal sweetly creepe
Into his study of imagination.
And euery louely Organ of her life,
Shall come apparel'd in more precious habite:
More mouing delicate, and ful of life,
Into the eye and prospect of his soule
Then when she liu'd indeed: then shal he mourne,
If euer Loue had interest in his Liuer,
And wish he had not so accused her:
No, though he thought his accusation true:
Let this be so, and doubt not but successe
Wil fashion the euent in better shape,
Then I can lay it downe in likelihood.
But if all ayme but this be leuelld false,
The supposition of the Ladies death,
Will quench the wonder of her infamie.
And if it sort not well, you may conceale her
As best befits her wounded reputation,
In some reclusiue and religious life,
Out of all eyes, tongues, mindes and iniuries

   Bene. Signior Leonato, let the Frier aduise you,
And though you know my inwardnesse and loue
Is very much vnto the Prince and Claudio.
Yet, by mine honor, I will deale in this,
As secretly and iustlie, as your soule
Should with your bodie

   Leon. Being that I flow in greefe,
The smallest twine may lead me

   Frier. 'Tis well consented, presently away,
For to strange sores, strangely they straine the cure,
Come Lady, die to liue, this wedding day
Perhaps is but prolong'd, haue patience & endure.
Enter.

  Bene. Lady Beatrice, haue you wept all this while?
  Beat. Yea, and I will weepe a while longer

   Bene. I will not desire that

   Beat. You haue no reason, I doe it freely

   Bene. Surelie I do beleeue your fair cosin is wrong'd

   Beat. Ah, how much might the man deserue of mee
that would right her!
  Bene. Is there any way to shew such friendship?
  Beat. A verie euen way, but no such friend

   Bene. May a man doe it?
  Beat. It is a mans office, but not yours

   Bene. I doe loue nothing in the world so well as you,
is not that strange?
  Beat. As strange as the thing I know not, it were as
possible for me to say, I loued nothing so well as you, but
beleeue me not, and yet I lie not, I confesse nothing, nor
I deny nothing, I am sorry for my cousin

   Bene. By my sword Beatrice thou lou'st me

   Beat. Doe not sweare by it and eat it

   Bene. I will sweare by it that you loue mee, and I will
make him eat it that sayes I loue not you

   Beat. Will you not eat your word?
  Bene. With no sawce that can be deuised to it, I protest
I loue thee

   Beat. Why then God forgiue me

   Bene. What offence sweet Beatrice?
  Beat. You haue stayed me in a happy howre, I was about
to protest I loued you

   Bene. And doe it with all thy heart

   Beat. I loue you with so much of my heart, that none
is left to protest

   Bened. Come, bid me doe any thing for thee

   Beat. Kill Claudio

   Bene. Ha, not for the wide world

   Beat. You kill me to denie, farewell

   Bene. Tarrie sweet Beatrice

   Beat. I am gone, though I am heere, there is no loue
in you, nay I pray you let me goe

   Bene. Beatrice

   Beat. Infaith I will goe

   Bene. Wee'll be friends first

   Beat. You dare easier be friends with mee, than fight
with mine enemy

   Bene. Is Claudio thine enemie?
  Beat. Is a not approued in the height a villaine, that
hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O
that I were a man! what, beare her in hand vntill they
come to take hands, and then with publike accusation
vncouered slander, vnmittigated rancour? O God that I
were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place

   Bene. Heare me Beatrice

   Beat. Talke with a man out at a window, a proper
saying

   Bene. Nay but Beatrice

   Beat. Sweet Hero, she is wrong'd, shee is slandered,
she is vndone

   Bene. Beat?
  Beat. Princes and Counties! surelie a Princely testimonie,
a goodly Count, Comfect, a sweet Gallant surelie,
O that I were a man for his sake! or that I had any
friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted
into cursies, valour into complement, and men are
onelie turned into tongue, and trim ones too: he is now
as valiant as Hercules, that only tells a lie, and sweares it:
I cannot be a man with wishing, therfore I will die a woman
with grieuing

   Bene. Tarry good Beatrice, by this hand I loue thee

   Beat. Vse it for my loue some other way then swearing
by it

   Bened. Thinke you in your soule the Count Claudio
hath wrong'd Hero?
  Beat. Yea, as sure as I haue a thought, or a soule

   Bene. Enough, I am engagde, I will challenge him, I
will kisse your hand, and so leaue you: by this hand Claudio
shall render me a deere account: as you heare of me,
so thinke of me: goe comfort your coosin, I must say she
is dead, and so farewell.
Enter the Constables, Borachio, and the Towne Clerke in gownes.

  Keeper. Is our whole dissembly appeard?
  Cowley. O a stoole and a cushion for the Sexton

   Sexton. Which be the malefactors?
  Andrew. Marry that am I, and my partner

   Cowley. Nay that's certaine, wee haue the exhibition
to examine

   Sexton. But which are the offenders that are to be examined,
let them come before master Constable

   Kemp. Yea marry, let them come before mee, what is
your name, friend?
  Bor. Borachio

   Kem. Pray write downe Borachio. Yours sirra

   Con. I am a Gentleman sir, and my name is Conrade

   Kee. Write downe Master gentleman Conrade: maisters,
doe you serue God: maisters, it is proued alreadie
that you are little better than false knaues, and it will goe
neere to be thought so shortly, how answer you for your
selues?
  Con. Marry sir, we say we are none

   Kemp. A maruellous witty fellow I assure you, but I
will goe about with him: come you hither sirra, a word
in your eare sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false
knaues

   Bor. Sir, I say to you, we are none

   Kemp. Well, stand aside, 'fore God they are both in
a tale: haue you writ downe that they are none?
  Sext. Master Constable, you goe not the way to examine,
you must call forth the watch that are their accusers

   Kemp. Yea marry, that's the eftest way, let the watch
come forth: masters, I charge you in the Princes name,
accuse these men

   Watch 1. This man said sir, that Don Iohn the Princes
brother was a villaine

   Kemp. Write down, Prince Iohn a villaine: why this
is flat periurie, to call a Princes brother villaine

   Bora. Master Constable

   Kemp. Pray thee fellow peace, I do not like thy looke
I promise thee

   Sexton. What heard you him say else?
  Watch 2. Mary that he had receiued a thousand Dukates
of Don Iohn, for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully

   Kemp. Flat Burglarie as euer was committed

   Const. Yea by th' masse that it is

   Sexton. What else fellow?
  Watch 1. And that Count Claudio did meane vpon his
words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and
not marry her

   Kemp. O villaine! thou wilt be condemn'd into euerlasting
redemption for this

   Sexton. What else?
  Watch. This is all

   Sexton. And this is more masters then you can deny,
Prince Iohn is this morning secretly stolne away: Hero
was in this manner accus'd, in this very manner refus'd,
and vpon the griefe of this sodainely died: Master Constable,
let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato,
I will goe before, and shew him their examination

   Const. Come, let them be opinion'd

   Sex. Let them be in the hands of Coxcombe

   Kem. Gods my life, where's the Sexton? let him write
downe the Princes Officer Coxcombe: come, binde them
thou naughty varlet

   Couley. Away, you are an asse, you are an asse

   Kemp. Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
suspect my yeeres? O that hee were heere to write mee
downe an asse! but masters, remember that I am an asse:
though it be not written down, yet forget not y I am an
asse: No thou villaine, y art full of piety as shall be prou'd
vpon thee by good witnesse, I am a wise fellow, and
which is more, an officer, and which is more, a houshoulder,
and which is more, as pretty a peece of flesh as any in
Messina, and one that knowes the Law, goe to, & a rich
fellow enough, goe to, and a fellow that hath had losses,
and one that hath two gownes, and euery thing handsome
about him: bring him away: O that I had been writ
downe an asse!
Enter.


Actus Quintus.

Enter Leonato and his brother.

  Brother. If you goe on thus, you will kill your selfe,
And 'tis not wisedome thus to second griefe,
Against your selfe

   Leon. I pray thee cease thy counsaile,
Which falls into mine eares as profitlesse,
As water in a siue: giue not me counsaile,
Nor let no comfort delight mine eare,
But such a one whose wrongs doth sute with mine.
Bring me a father that so lou'd his childe,
Whose ioy of her is ouer-whelmed like mine,
And bid him speake of patience,
Measure his woe the length and bredth of mine,
And let it answere euery straine for straine,
As thus for thus, and such a griefe for such,
In euery lineament, branch, shape, and forme:
If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
And sorrow, wagge, crie hem, when he should grone,
Patch griefe with prouerbs, make misfortune drunke,
With candle-wasters: bring him yet to me,
And I of him will gather patience:
But there is no such man, for brother, men
Can counsaile, and speake comfort to that griefe,
Which they themselues not feele, but tasting it,
Their counsaile turnes to passion, which before,
Would giue preceptiall medicine to rage,
Fetter strong madnesse in a silken thred,
Charme ache with ayre, and agony with words,
No, no, 'tis all mens office, to speake patience
To those that wring vnder the load of sorrow:
But no mans vertue nor sufficiencie
To be so morall, when he shall endure
The like himselfe: therefore giue me no counsaile,
My griefs cry lowder then aduertisement

   Broth. Therein do men from children nothing differ

   Leonato. I pray thee peace, I will be flesh and bloud,
For there was neuer yet Philosopher,
That could endure the tooth-ake patiently,
How euer they haue writ the stile of gods,
And made a push at chance and sufferance

   Brother. Yet bend not all the harme vpon your selfe,
Make those that doe offend you, suffer too

   Leon. There thou speak'st reason, nay I will doe so,
My soule doth tell me, Hero is belied,
And that shall Claudio know, so shall the Prince,
And all of them that thus dishonour her.
Enter Prince and Claudio.

  Brot. Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily

   Prin. Good den, good den

   Clau. Good day to both of you

   Leon. Heare you my Lords?
  Prin. We haue some haste Leonato

   Leo. Some haste my Lord! wel, fareyouwel my Lord,
Are you so hasty now? well, all is one

   Prin. Nay, do not quarrel with vs, good old man

   Brot. If he could rite himselfe with quarrelling,
Some of vs would lie low

   Claud. Who wrongs him?
  Leon. Marry y dost wrong me, thou dissembler, thou:
Nay, neuer lay thy hand vpon thy sword,
I feare thee not

   Claud. Marry beshrew my hand,
If it should giue your age such cause of feare,
Infaith my hand meant nothing to my sword

   Leonato. Tush, tush, man, neuer fleere and iest at me,
I speake not like a dotard, nor a foole,
As vnder priuiledge of age to bragge,
What I haue done being yong, or what would doe,
Were I not old, know Claudio to thy head,
Thou hast so wrong'd my innocent childe and me,
That I am forc'd to lay my reuerence by,
And with grey haires and bruise of many daies,
Doe challenge thee to triall of a man,
I say thou hast belied mine innocent childe.
Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
And she lies buried with her ancestors:
O in a tombe where neuer scandall slept,
Saue this of hers, fram'd by thy villanie

   Claud. My villany?
  Leonato. Thine Claudio, thine I say

   Prin. You say not right old man

   Leon. My Lord, my Lord,
Ile proue it on his body if he dare,
Despight his nice fence, and his actiue practise,
His Maie of youth, and bloome of lustihood

   Claud. Away, I will not haue to do with you

   Leo. Canst thou so daffe me? thou hast kild my child,
If thou kilst me, boy, thou shalt kill a man

   Bro. He shall kill two of vs, and men indeed,
But that's no matter, let him kill one first:
Win me and weare me, let him answere me,
Come follow me boy, come sir boy, come follow me
Sir boy, ile whip you from your foyning fence,
Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will

   Leon. Brother

   Brot. Content your self, God knows I lou'd my neece,
And she is dead, slander'd to death by villaines,
That dare as well answer a man indeede,
As I dare take a serpent by the tongue.
Boyes, apes, braggarts, Iackes, milke-sops

   Leon. Brother Anthony

   Brot. Hold you content, what man? I know them, yea
And what they weigh, euen to the vtmost scruple,
Scambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boyes,
That lye, and cog, and flout, depraue, and slander,
Goe antiquely, and show outward hidiousnesse,
And speake of halfe a dozen dang'rous words,
How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst.
And this is all

   Leon. But brother Anthonie

   Ant. Come, 'tis no matter,
Do not you meddle, let me deale in this

   Pri. Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience
My heart is sorry for your daughters death:
But on my honour she was charg'd with nothing
But what was true, and very full of proofe

   Leon. My Lord, my Lord

   Prin. I will not heare you.
Enter Benedicke.

  Leo. No come brother, away, I will be heard.

Exeunt. ambo.

  Bro. And shall, or some of vs will smart for it

   Prin. See, see, here comes the man we went to seeke

   Clau. Now signior, what newes?
  Ben. Good day my Lord

   Prin. Welcome signior, you are almost come to part
almost a fray

   Clau. Wee had likt to haue had our two noses snapt
off with two old men without teeth

   Prin. Leonato and his brother, what think'st thou? had
wee fought, I doubt we should haue beene too yong for
them

   Ben. In a false quarrell there is no true valour, I came
to seeke you both

   Clau. We haue beene vp and downe to seeke thee, for
we are high proofe melancholly, and would faine haue it
beaten away, wilt thou vse thy wit?
  Ben. It is in my scabberd, shall I draw it?
  Prin. Doest thou weare thy wit by thy side?
  Clau. Neuer any did so, though verie many haue been
beside their wit, I will bid thee drawe, as we do the minstrels,
draw to pleasure vs

   Prin. As I am an honest man he lookes pale, art thou
sicke, or angrie?
  Clau. What, courage man: what though care kil'd a
cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care

   Ben. Sir, I shall meete your wit in the careere, and
you charge it against me, I pray you chuse another subiect

   Clau. Nay then giue him another staffe, this last was
broke crosse

   Prin. By this light, he changes more and more, I thinke
he be angrie indeede

   Clau. If he be, he knowes how to turne his girdle

   Ben. Shall I speake a word in your eare?
  Clau. God blesse me from a challenge

   Ben. You are a villaine, I iest not, I will make it good
how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare:
do me right, or I will protest your cowardise: you haue
kill'd a sweete Ladie, and her death shall fall heauie on
you, let me heare from you

   Clau. Well, I will meete you, so I may haue good
cheare

   Prin. What, a feast, a feast?
  Clau. I faith I thanke him, he hath bid me to a calues
head and a Capon, the which if I doe not carue most curiously,
say my knife's naught, shall I not finde a woodcocke
too?
  Ben. Sir, your wit ambles well, it goes easily

   Prin. Ile tell thee how Beatrice prais'd thy wit the other
day: I said thou hadst a fine wit: true saies she, a fine
little one: no said I, a great wit: right saies shee, a great
grosse one: nay said I, a good wit: iust said she, it hurts
no body: nay said I, the gentleman is wise: certaine said
she, a wise gentleman: nay said I, he hath the tongues:
that I beleeue said shee, for hee swore a thing to me on
munday night, which he forswore on tuesday morning:
there's a double tongue, there's two tongues: thus did
shee an howre together trans-shape thy particular vertues,
yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou wast the
proprest man in Italie

   Claud. For the which she wept heartily, and said shee
car'd not

   Prin. Yea that she did, but yet for all that, and if shee
did not hate him deadlie, shee would loue him dearely,
the old mans daughter told vs all

   Clau. All, all, and moreouer, God saw him when he
was hid in the garden

   Prin. But when shall we set the sauage Bulls hornes
on the sensible Benedicks head?
  Clau. Yea and text vnderneath, heere dwells Benedicke
the married man

   Ben. Fare you well, Boy, you know my minde, I will
leaue you now to your gossep-like humor, you breake
iests as braggards do their blades, which God be thanked
hurt not: my Lord, for your manie courtesies I thank
you, I must discontinue your companie, your brother
the Bastard is fled from Messina: you haue among you,
kill'd a sweet and innocent Ladie: for my Lord Lackebeard
there, he and I shall meete, and till then peace be
with him

   Prin. He is in earnest

   Clau. In most profound earnest, and Ile warrant you,
for the loue of Beatrice

   Prin. And hath challeng'd thee

   Clau. Most sincerely

   Prin. What a prettie thing man is, when he goes in his
doublet and hose, and leaues off his wit.
Enter Constable, Conrade, and Borachio.

  Clau. He is then a Giant to an Ape, but then is an Ape
a Doctor to such a man

   Prin. But soft you, let me be, plucke vp my heart, and
be sad, did he not say my brother was fled?
  Const. Come you sir, if iustice cannot tame you, shee
shall nere weigh more reasons in her ballance, nay, and
you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be lookt to

   Prin. How now, two of my brothers men bound? Borachio
one

   Clau. Harken after their offence my Lord

   Prin. Officers, what offence haue these men done?
  Const. Marrie sir, they haue committed false report,
moreouer they haue spoken vntruths, secondarily they
are slanders, sixt and lastly, they haue belyed a Ladie,
thirdly, they haue verified vniust things, and to conclude
they are lying knaues

   Prin. First I aske thee what they haue done, thirdlie
I aske thee what's their offence, sixt and lastlie why they
are committed, and to conclude, what you lay to their
charge

   Clau. Rightlie reasoned, and in his owne diuision, and
by my troth there's one meaning well suted

   Prin. Who haue you offended masters, that you are
thus bound to your answer? this learned Constable is too
cunning to be vnderstood, what's your offence?
  Bor. Sweete Prince, let me go no farther to mine answere:
do you heare me, and let this Count kill mee: I
haue deceiued euen your verie eies: what your wisedomes
could not discouer, these shallow fooles haue
brought to light, who in the night ouerheard me confessing
to this man, how Don Iohn your brother incensed
me to slander the Ladie Hero, how you were brought
into the Orchard, and saw me court Margaret in Heroes
garments, how you disgrac'd her when you should
marrie her: my villanie they haue vpon record, which
I had rather seale with my death, then repeate ouer to
my shame: the Ladie is dead vpon mine and my masters
false accusation: and briefelie, I desire nothing but the
reward of a villaine

   Prin. Runs not this speech like yron through your
bloud?
  Clau. I haue drunke poison whiles he vtter'd it

   Prin. But did my Brother set thee on to this?
  Bor. Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it

   Prin. He is compos'd and fram'd of treacherie,
And fled he is vpon this villanie

   Clau. Sweet Hero, now thy image doth appeare
In the rare semblance that I lou'd it first

   Const. Come, bring away the plaintiffes, by this time
our Sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter:
and masters, do not forget to specifie when time & place
shall serue, that I am an Asse

   Con.2. Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and
the Sexton too.
Enter Leonato.

  Leon. Which is the villaine? let me see his eies,
That when I note another man like him,
I may auoide him: which of these is he?
  Bor. If you would know your wronger, looke on me

   Leon. Art thou the slaue that with thy breath
hast kild mine innocent childe?
  Bor. Yea, euen I alone

   Leo. No, not so villaine, thou beliest thy selfe,
Here stand a paire of honourable men,
A third is fled that had a hand in it:
I thanke you Princes for my daughters death,
Record it with your high and worthie deedes,
'Twas brauely done, if you bethinke you of it

   Clau. I know not how to pray your patience,
Yet I must speake, choose your reuenge your selfe,
Impose me to what penance your inuention
Can lay vpon my sinne, yet sinn'd I not,
But in mistaking

   Prin. By my soule nor I,
And yet to satisfie this good old man,
I would bend vnder anie heauie waight,
That heele enioyne me to

   Leon. I cannot bid you bid my daughter liue,
That were impossible, but I praie you both,
Possesse the people in Messina here,
How innocent she died, and if your loue
Can labour aught in sad inuention,
Hang her an epitaph vpon her toomb,
And sing it to her bones, sing it to night:
To morrow morning come you to my house,
And since you could not be my sonne in law,
Be yet my Nephew: my brother hath a daughter,
Almost the copie of my childe that's dead,
And she alone is heire to both of vs,
Giue her the right you should haue giu'n her cosin,
And so dies my reuenge

   Clau. O noble sir!
Your ouerkindnesse doth wring teares from me,
I do embrace your offer, and dispose
For henceforth of poore Claudio

   Leon. To morrow then I will expect your comming,
To night I take my leaue, this naughtie man
Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
Who I beleeue was packt in all this wrong,
Hired to it by your brother

   Bor. No, by my soule she was not,
Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
But alwaies hath bin iust and vertuous,
In anie thing that I do know by her

   Const. Moreouer sir, which indeede is not vnder white
and black, this plaintiffe here, the offendour did call mee
asse, I beseech you let it be remembred in his punishment,
and also the watch heard them talke of one Deformed,
they say he weares a key in his eare and a lock hanging
by it, and borrowes monie in Gods name, the which
he hath vs'd so long, and neuer paied, that now men grow
hard-harted and will lend nothing for Gods sake: praie
you examine him vpon that point

   Leon. I thanke thee for thy care and honest paines

   Const. Your worship speakes like a most thankefull
and reuerend youth, and I praise God for you

   Leon. There's for thy paines

   Const. God saue the foundation

   Leon. Goe, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I
thanke thee

   Const. I leaue an arrant knaue with your worship,
which I beseech your worship to correct your selfe, for
the example of others: God keepe your worship, I
wish your worship well, God restore you to health,
I humblie giue you leaue to depart, and if a merrie
meeting may be wisht, God prohibite it: come
neighbour

   Leon. Vntill to morrow morning, Lords, farewell.

Exeunt.

  Brot. Farewell my Lords, we looke for you to morrow

   Prin. We will not faile

   Clau. To night ile mourne with Hero

   Leon. Bring you these fellowes on, weel talke with
Margaret, How her acquaintance grew with this lewd
fellow.

Exeunt.

Enter Benedicke and Margaret.

  Ben. Praie thee sweete Mistris Margaret, deserue
well at my hands, by helping mee to the speech of Beatrice

   Mar. Will you then write me a Sonnet in praise of
my beautie?
  Bene. In so high a stile Margaret, that no man liuing
shall come ouer it, for in most comely truth thou deseruest
it

   Mar. To haue no man come ouer me, why, shall I alwaies
keepe below staires?
  Bene. Thy wit is as quicke as the grey-hounds mouth,
it catches

   Mar. And yours, as blunt as the Fencers foiles, which
hit, but hurt not

   Bene. A most manly wit Margaret, it will not hurt a
woman: and so I pray thee call Beatrice, I giue thee the
bucklers

   Mar. Giue vs the swords, wee haue bucklers of our
owne

   Bene. If you vse them Margaret, you must put in the
pikes with a vice, and they are dangerous weapons for
Maides

   Mar. Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I thinke
hath legges.

Exit Margarite.

  Ben. And therefore will come. The God of loue that
sits aboue, and knowes me, and knowes me, how pittifull
I deserue. I meane in singing, but in louing, Leander
the good swimmer, Troilous the first imploier of
pandars, and a whole booke full of these quondam carpet-mongers,
whose name yet runne smoothly in the euen
rode of a blanke verse, why they were neuer so truely
turned ouer and ouer as my poore selfe in loue: marrie
I cannot shew it rime, I haue tried, I can finde out no
rime to Ladie but babie, an innocent rime: for scorne,
horne, a hard rime: for schoole foole, a babling rime:
verie ominous endings, no, I was not borne vnder a riming
Plannet, for I cannot wooe in festiuall tearmes:
Enter Beatrice.

sweete Beatrice would'st thou come when I cal'd
thee?
  Beat. Yea Signior, and depart when you bid me

   Bene. O stay but till then

   Beat. Then, is spoken: fare you well now, and yet ere
I goe, let me goe with that I came, which is, with knowing
what hath past betweene you and Claudio

   Bene. Onely foule words, and thereupon I will kisse
thee

   Beat. Foule words is but foule wind, and foule wind
is but foule breath, and foule breath is noisome, therefore
I will depart vnkist

   Bene. Thou hast frighted the word out of his right
sence, so forcible is thy wit, but I must tell thee plainely,
Claudio vndergoes my challenge, and either I must shortly
heare from him, or I will subscribe him a coward, and
I pray thee now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst
thou first fall in loue with me?
  Beat. For them all together, which maintain'd so
politique a state of euill, that they will not admit any
good part to intermingle with them: but for which of
my good parts did you first suffer loue for me?
  Bene. Suffer loue! a good epithite, I do suffer loue indeede,
for I loue thee against my will,
  Beat. In spight of your heart I think, alas poore heart,
if you spight it for my sake, I will spight it for yours, for
I will neuer loue that which my friend hates

   Bened. Thou and I are too wise to wooe peaceablie

   Bea. It appeares not in this confession, there's not one
wise man among twentie that will praise himselfe

   Bene. An old, an old instance Beatrice, that liu'd in
the time of good neighbours, if a man doe not erect in
this age his owne tombe ere he dies, hee shall liue no
longer in monuments, then the Bels ring, & the Widdow
weepes

   Beat. And how long is that thinke you?
  Ben. Question, why an hower in clamour and a quarter
in rhewme, therfore is it most expedient for the wise,
if Don worme (his conscience) finde no impediment to
the contrarie, to be the trumpet of his owne vertues, as
I am to my selfe so much for praising my selfe, who I my
selfe will beare witnesse is praise worthie, and now tell
me, how doth your cosin?
  Beat. Verie ill

   Bene. And how doe you?
  Beat. Verie ill too.
Enter Vrsula.

  Bene. Serue God, loue me, and mend, there will I leaue
you too, for here comes one in haste

   Vrs. Madam, you must come to your Vncle, yonders
old coile at home, it is prooued my Ladie Hero
hath bin falselie accusde, the Prince and Claudio
mightilie abusde, and Don Iohn is the author of all, who
is fled and gone: will you come presentlie?
  Beat. Will you go heare this newes Signior?
  Bene. I will liue in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried
in thy eies: and moreouer, I will goe with thee to
thy Vncles.

Exeunt.

Enter Claudio, Prince, and three or foure with Tapers.

  Clau. Is this the monument of Leonato?
  Lord. It is my Lord.

Epitaph.

Done to death by slanderous tongues,
Was the Hero that here lies:
Death in guerdon of her wrongs,
Giues her fame which neuer dies:
So the life that dyed with shame,
Liues in death with glorious fame.
Hang thou there vpon the tombe,
Praising her when I am dombe

   Clau. Now musick sound & sing your solemn hymne

Song.

Pardon goddesse of the night,
Those that slew thy virgin knight,
For the which with songs of woe,
Round about her tombe they goe:
Midnight assist our mone, helpe vs to sigh and grone.
Heauily, heauily.
Graues yawne and yeelde your dead,
Till death be vttered,
Heauenly, heauenly

   Lo. Now vnto thy bones good night, yeerely will I do this right

   Prin. Good morrow masters, put your Torches out,
The wolues haue preied, and looke, the gentle day
Before the wheeles of Phoebus, round about
Dapples the drowsie East with spots of grey:
Thanks to you all, and leaue vs, fare you well

   Clau. Good morrow masters, each his seuerall way

   Prin. Come let vs hence, and put on other weedes,
And then to Leonatoes we will goe

   Clau. And Hymen now with luckier issue speeds,
Then this for whom we rendred vp this woe.

Exeunt.

Enter Leonato, Bene. Marg. Vrsula, old man, Frier, Hero.

  Frier. Did I not tell you she was innocent?
  Leo. So are the Prince and Claudio who accus'd her,
Vpon the errour that you heard debated:
But Margaret was in some fault for this,
Although against her will as it appeares,
In the true course of all the question

   Old. Well, I am glad that all things sort so well

   Bene. And so am I, being else by faith enforc'd
To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it

   Leo. Well daughter, and you gentlewomen all,
Withdraw into a chamber by your selues,
And when I send for you, come hither mask'd:
The Prince and Claudio promis'd by this howre
To visit me, you know your office Brother,
You must be father to your brothers daughter,
And giue her to young Claudio.

Exeunt. Ladies.

  Old. Which I will doe with confirm'd countenance

   Bene. Frier, I must intreat your paines, I thinke

   Frier. To doe what Signior?
  Bene. To binde me, or vndoe me, one of them:
Signior Leonato, truth it is good Signior,
Your neece regards me with an eye of fauour

   Leo. That eye my daughter lent her, 'tis most true

   Bene. And I doe with an eye of loue requite her

   Leo. The sight whereof I thinke you had from me,
From Claudio, and the Prince, but what's your will?
  Bened. Your answer sir is Enigmaticall,
But for my will, my will is, your good will
May stand with ours, this day to be conioyn'd,
In the state of honourable marriage,
In which (good Frier) I shall desire your helpe

   Leon. My heart is with your liking

   Frier. And my helpe.
Enter Prince and Claudio, with attendants.

  Prin. Good morrow to this faire assembly

   Leo. Good morrow Prince, good morrow Claudio:
We heere attend you, are you yet determin'd,
To day to marry with my brothers daughter?
  Claud. Ile hold my minde were she an Ethiope

   Leo. Call her forth brother, heres the Frier ready

   Prin. Good morrow Benedicke, why what's the matter?
That you haue such a Februarie face,
So full of frost, of storme, and clowdinesse

   Claud. I thinke he thinkes vpon the sauage bull:
Tush, feare not man, wee'll tip thy hornes with gold,
And all Europa shall reioyce at thee,
As once Europa did at lusty Ioue,
When he would play the noble beast in loue

   Ben. Bull Ioue sir, had an amiable low,
And some such strange bull leapt your fathers Cow,
A got a Calfe in that same noble feat,
Much like to you, for you haue iust his bleat.
Enter brother, Hero, Beatrice, Margaret, Vrsula.

  Cla. For this I owe you: here comes other recknings.
Which is the Lady I must seize vpon?
  Leo. This same is she, and I doe giue you her

   Cla. Why then she's mine, sweet let me see your face

   Leon. No that you shal not, till you take her hand,
Before this Frier, and sweare to marry her

   Clau. Giue me your hand before this holy Frier,
I am your husband if you like of me

   Hero. And when I liu'd I was your other wife,
And when you lou'd, you were my other husband

   Clau. Another Hero?
  Hero. Nothing certainer.
One Hero died, but I doe liue,
And surely as I liue, I am a maid

   Prin. The former Hero, Hero that is dead

   Leon. Shee died my Lord, but whiles her slander liu'd

   Frier. All this amazement can I qualifie,
When after that the holy rites are ended,
Ile tell you largely of faire Heroes death:
Meane time let wonder seeme familiar,
And to the chappell let vs presently

   Ben. Soft and faire Frier, which is Beatrice?
  Beat. I answer to that name, what is your will?
  Bene. Doe not you loue me?
  Beat. Why no, no more then reason

   Bene. Why then your Vncle, and the Prince, & Claudio,
haue beene deceiued, they swore you did

   Beat. Doe not you loue mee?
  Bene. Troth no, no more then reason

   Beat. Why then my Cosin Margaret and Vrsula
Are much deceiu'd, for they did sweare you did

   Bene. They swore you were almost sicke for me

   Beat. They swore you were wel-nye dead for me

   Bene. 'Tis no matter, then you doe not loue me?
  Beat. No truly, but in friendly recompence

   Leon. Come Cosin, I am sure you loue the gentlema[n]

   Clau. And Ile be sworne vpon't, that he loues her,
For heres a paper written in his hand,
A halting sonnet of his owne pure braine,
Fashioned to Beatrice

   Hero. And heeres another,
Writ in my cosins hand, stolne from her pocket,
Containing her affection vnto Benedicke

   Bene. A miracle, here's our owne hands against our
hearts: come I will haue thee, but by this light I take
thee for pittie

   Beat. I would not denie you, but by this good day, I
yeeld vpon great perswasion, & partly to saue your life,
for I was told, you were in a consumption

   Leon. Peace I will stop your mouth

   Prin. How dost thou Benedicke the married man?
  Bene. Ile tell thee what Prince: a Colledge of witte-crackers
cannot flout mee out of my humour, dost thou
think I care for a Satyre or an Epigram? no, if a man will
be beaten with braines, a shall weare nothing handsome
about him: in briefe, since I do purpose to marry, I will
thinke nothing to any purpose that the world can say against
it, and therefore neuer flout at me, for I haue said
against it: for man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion:
for thy part Claudio, I did thinke to haue beaten
thee, but in that thou art like to be my kinsman, liue vnbruis'd,
and loue my cousin

   Cla. I had well hop'd y wouldst haue denied Beatrice, y
I might haue cudgel'd thee out of thy single life, to make
thee a double dealer, which out of questio[n] thou wilt be,
if my Cousin do not looke exceeding narrowly to thee

   Bene. Come, come, we are friends, let's haue a dance
ere we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts,
and our wiues heeles

   Leon. Wee'll haue dancing afterward

   Bene. First, of my word, therfore play musick. Prince,
thou art sad, get thee a wife, get thee a wife, there is no
staff more reuerend then one tipt with horn.
Enter. Mes.

  Messen. My Lord, your brother Iohn is tane in flight,
And brought with armed men backe to Messina

   Bene. Thinke not on him till to morrow, ile deuise
thee braue punishments for him: strike vp Pipers.

Dance.

FINIS. Much adoe about Nothing.


Loues Labour's lost

Actus primus.

Enter Ferdinand King of Nauarre, Berowne, Longauill, and
Dumane.

  Ferdinand. Let Fame, that all hunt after in their liues,
Liue registred vpon our brazen Tombes,
And then grace vs in the disgrace of death:
when spight of cormorant deuouring Time,
Th' endeuour of this present breath may buy:
That honour which shall bate his sythes keene edge,
And make vs heyres of all eternitie.
Therefore braue Conquerours, for so you are,
That warre against your owne affections,
And the huge Armie of the worlds desires.
Our late edict shall strongly stand in force,
Nauar shall be the wonder of the world.
Our Court shall be a little Achademe,
Still and contemplatiue in liuing Art.
You three, Berowne, Dumaine, and Longauill,
Haue sworne for three yeeres terme, to liue with me:
My fellow Schollers, and to keepe those statutes
That are recorded in this scedule heere.
Your oathes are past, and now subscribe your names:
That his owne hand may strike his honour downe,
That violates the smallest branch heerein:
If you are arm'd to doe, as sworne to do,
Subscribe to your deepe oathes, and keepe it to

   Longauill. I am resolu'd, 'tis but a three yeeres fast:
The minde shall banquet, though the body pine,
Fat paunches haue leane pates: and dainty bits,
Make rich the ribs, but bankerout the wits

   Dumane. My louing Lord, Dumane is mortified,
The grosser manner of these worlds delights,
He throwes vpon the grosse worlds baser slaues:
To loue, to wealth, to pompe, I pine and die,
With all these liuing in Philosophie

   Berowne. I can but say their protestation ouer,
So much, deare Liege, I haue already sworne,
That is, to liue and study heere three yeeres.
But there are other strict obseruances:
As not to see a woman in that terme,
Which I hope well is not enrolled there.
And one day in a weeke to touch no foode:
And but one meale on euery day beside:
The which I hope is not enrolled there.
And then to sleepe but three houres in the night,
And not be seene to winke of all the day.
When I was wont to thinke no harme all night,
And make a darke night too of halfe the day:
Which I hope well is not enrolled there.
O, these are barren taskes, too hard to keepe,
Not to see Ladies, study, fast, not sleepe

   Ferd. Your oath is past, to passe away from these

   Berow. Let me say no my Liedge, and if you please,
I onely swore to study with your grace,
And stay heere in your Court for three yeeres space

   Longa. You swore to that Berowne, and to the rest

   Berow. By yea and nay sir, than I swore in iest.
What is the end of study, let me know?
  Fer. Why that to know which else wee should not
know

   Ber. Things hid & bard (you meane) fro[m] co[m]mon sense

   Ferd. I, that is studies god-like recompence

   Bero. Come on then, I will sweare to studie so,
To know the thing I am forbid to know:
As thus, to study where I well may dine,
When I to fast expressely am forbid.
Or studie where to meete some Mistresse fine,
When Mistresses from common sense are hid.
Or hauing sworne too hard a keeping oath,
Studie to breake it, and not breake my troth.
If studies gaine be thus, and this be so,
Studie knowes that which yet it doth not know,
Sweare me to this, and I will nere say no

   Ferd. These be the stops that hinder studie quite,
And traine our intellects to vaine delight

   Ber. Why? all delights are vaine, and that most vaine
Which with paine purchas'd, doth inherit paine,
As painefully to poare vpon a Booke,
To seeke the light of truth, while truth the while
Doth falsely blinde the eye-sight of his looke:
Light seeking light, doth light of light beguile:
So ere you finde where light in darkenesse lies,
Your light growes darke by losing of your eyes.
Studie me how to please the eye indeede,
By fixing it vpon a fairer eye,
Who dazling so, that eye shall be his heed,
And giue him light that it was blinded by.
Studie is like the heauens glorious Sunne,
That will not be deepe search'd with sawcy lookes:
Small haue continuall plodders euer wonne,
Saue base authoritie from others Bookes.
These earthly Godfathers of heauens lights,
That giue a name to euery fixed Starre,
Haue no more profit of their shining nights,
Then those that walke and wot not what they are.
Too much to know, is to know nought but fame:
And euery Godfather can giue a name

   Fer. How well hee's read, to reason against reading

   Dum. Proceeded well, to stop all good proceeding

   Lon. Hee weedes the corne, and still lets grow the
weeding

   Ber. The Spring is neare when greene geesse are a
breeding

   Dum. How followes that?
  Ber. Fit in his place and time

   Dum. In reason nothing

   Ber. Something then in rime

   Ferd. Berowne is like an enuious sneaping Frost,
That bites the first borne infants of the Spring

   Ber. Wel, say I am, why should proud Summer boast,
Before the Birds haue any cause to sing?
Why should I ioy in any abortiue birth?
At Christmas I no more desire a Rose,
Then wish a Snow in Mayes new fangled showes:
But like of each thing that in season growes.
So you to studie now it is too late,
That were to clymbe ore the house to vnlocke the gate

   Fer. Well, sit you out: go home Berowne: adue

   Ber. No my good Lord, I haue sworn to stay with you.
And though I haue for barbarisme spoke more,
Then for that Angell knowledge you can say,
Yet confident Ile keepe what I haue sworne,
And bide the pennance of each three yeares day.
Giue me the paper, let me reade the same,
And to the strictest decrees Ile write my name

   Fer. How well this yeelding rescues thee from shame

   Ber. Item. That no woman shall come within a mile
of my Court.
Hath this bin proclaimed?
  Lon. Foure dayes agoe

   Ber. Let's see the penaltie.
On paine of loosing her tongue.
Who deuis'd this penaltie?
  Lon. Marry that did I

   Ber. Sweete Lord, and why?
  Lon. To fright them hence with that dread penaltie,
A dangerous law against gentilitie.
Item, If any man be seene to talke with a woman within
the tearme of three yeares, hee shall indure such
publique shame as the rest of the Court shall possibly
deuise

   Ber. This Article my Liedge your selfe must breake,
For well you know here comes in Embassie
The French Kings daughter, with your selfe to speake:
A Maide of grace and compleate maiestie,
About surrender vp of Aquitaine:
To her decrepit, sicke, and bed-rid Father.
Therefore this Article is made in vaine,
Or vainly comes th' admired Princesse hither

   Fer. What say you Lords?
Why, this was quite forgot

   Ber. So Studie euermore is ouershot,
While it doth study to haue what it would,
It doth forget to doe the thing it should:
And when it hath the thing it hunteth most,
'Tis won as townes with fire, so won, so lost

   Fer. We must of force dispence with this Decree,
She must lye here on meere necessitie

   Ber. Necessity will make vs all forsworne
Three thousand times within this three yeeres space:
For euery man with his affects is borne,
Not by might mastred, but by speciall grace.
If I breake faith, this word shall breake for me,
I am forsworne on meere necessitie.
So to the Lawes at large I write my name,
And he that breakes them in the least degree,
Stands in attainder of eternall shame.
Suggestions are to others as to me:
But I beleeue although I seeme so loth,
I am the last that will last keepe his oth.
But is there no quicke recreation granted?
  Fer. I that there is, our Court you know is hanted
With a refined trauailer of Spaine,
A man in all the worlds new fashion planted,
That hath a mint of phrases in his braine:
One, who the musicke of his owne vaine tongue,
Doth rauish like inchanting harmonie:
A man of complements whom right and wrong
Haue chose as vmpire of their mutinie.
This childe of fancie that Armado hight,
For interim to our studies shall relate,
In high-borne words the worth of many a Knight:
From tawnie Spaine lost in the worlds debate.
How you delight my Lords, I know not I,
But I protest I loue to heare him lie,
And I will vse him for my Minstrelsie

   Bero. Armado is a most illustrious wight,
A man of fire, new words, fashions owne Knight

   Lon. Costard the swaine and he, shall be our sport,
And so to studie, three yeeres is but short.
Enter a Constable with Costard with a Letter.

  Const. Which is the Dukes owne person

   Ber. This fellow, What would'st?
  Con. I my selfe reprehend his owne person, for I am
his graces Tharborough: But I would see his own person
in flesh and blood

   Ber. This is he

   Con. Signeor Arme, Arme commends you:
Ther's villanie abroad, this letter will tell you more

   Clow. Sir the Contempts thereof are as touching
mee

   Fer. A letter from the magnificent Armado

   Ber. How low soeuer the matter, I hope in God for
high words

   Lon. A high hope for a low heauen, God grant vs patience

   Ber. To heare, or forbeare hearing

   Lon. To heare meekely sir, and to laugh moderately,
or to forbeare both

   Ber. Well sir, be it as the stile shall giue vs cause to
clime in the merrinesse

   Clo. The matter is to me sir, as concerning Iaquenetta.
The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner

   Ber. In what manner?
  Clo. In manner and forme following sir all those three.
I was seene with her in the Mannor house, sitting with
her vpon the Forme, and taken following her into the
Parke: which put to gether, is in manner and forme
following. Now sir for the manner; It is the manner
of a man to speake to a woman, for the forme in some
forme

   Ber. For the following sir

   Clo. As it shall follow in my correction, and God defend
the right

   Fer. Will you heare this Letter with attention?
  Ber. As we would heare an Oracle

   Clo. Such is the simplicitie of man to harken after the
flesh

   Ferdinand. Great Deputie, the Welkins Vicegerent, and sole
dominator
of Nauar, my soules earths God, and bodies fostring
patrone:
  Cost. Not a word of Costard yet

   Ferd. So it is

   Cost. It may be so: but if he say it is so, he is in telling
true: but so

   Ferd. Peace,
  Clow. Be to me, and euery man that dares not fight

   Ferd. No words,
  Clow. Of other mens secrets I beseech you

   Ferd. So it is besieged with sable coloured melancholie, I
did commend the blacke oppressing humour to the most
wholesome
Physicke of thy health-giuing ayre: And as I am a Gentleman,
betooke my selfe to walke: the time When? about the
sixt houre, When beasts most grase, birds best pecke, and men
sit downe to that nourishment which is called supper: So much
for the time When. Now for the ground Which? which I
meane I walkt vpon, it is ycliped, Thy Parke. Then for the
place Where? where I meane I did encounter that obscene and
most preposterous euent that draweth from my snow-white pen
the ebon coloured Inke, which heere thou viewest, beholdest:
suruayest, or seest. But to the place Where? It standeth
North North-east and by East from the West corner of thy
curious knotted garden; There did I see that low spirited
Swaine, that base Minow of thy myrth,
  Clown. Mee?
  Ferd. that vnletered small knowing soule,
  Clow Me?
  Ferd. that shallow
vassall
  Clow. Still mee?)
  Ferd. which as I remember, hight Costard,
  Clow. O me)
  Ferd. sorted and consorted contrary to thy established
proclaymed Edict and Continent, Cannon: Which
with, o with, but with this I passion to say wherewith:
  Clo. With a Wench

   Ferd. With a childe of our Grandmother Eue, a female;
or for thy more sweet understanding a woman: him, I (as my
euer esteemed dutie prickes me on) haue sent to thee, to receiue
the meed of punishment by the sweet Graces Officer Anthony
Dull, a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, & estimation

   Anth. Me, an't shall please you? I am Anthony Dull

   Ferd. For Iaquenetta (so is the weaker vessell called)
which I apprehended with the aforesaid Swaine, I keepe her
as a vessell of thy Lawes furie, and shall at the least of thy
sweet notice, bring her to triall. Thine in all complements of
deuoted and heart-burning heat of dutie.
Don Adriana de Armado

   Ber. This is not so well as I looked for, but the best
that euer I heard

   Fer. I the best, for the worst. But sirra, What say you
to this?
  Clo. Sir I confesse the Wench

   Fer. Did you heare the Proclamation?
  Clo. I doe confesse much of the hearing it, but little
of the marking of it

   Fer. It was proclaimed a yeeres imprisonment to bee
taken with a Wench

   Clow. I was taken with none sir, I was taken with a
Damosell

   Fer. Well, it was proclaimed Damosell

   Clo. This was no Damosell neyther sir, shee was a
Virgin

   Fer. It is so varried to, for it was proclaimed Virgin

   Clo. If it were, I denie her Virginitie: I was taken
with a Maide

   Fer. This Maid will not serue your turne sir

   Clo. This Maide will serue my turne sir

   Kin. Sir I will pronounce your sentence: You shall
fast a Weeke with Branne and water

   Clo. I had rather pray a Moneth with Mutton and
Porridge

   Kin. And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
My Lord Berowne, see him deliuer'd ore,
And goe we Lords to put in practice that,
Which each to other hath so strongly sworne

   Bero. Ile lay my head to any good mans hat,
These oathes and lawes will proue an idle scorne.
Sirra, come on

   Clo. I suffer for the truth sir: for true it is, I was taken
with Iaquenetta, and Iaquenetta is a true girle, and
therefore welcome the sowre cup of prosperitie, affliction
may one day smile againe, and vntill then sit downe
sorrow.
Enter.

Enter Armado and Moth his Page.

  Arma. Boy, What signe is it when a man of great
spirit growes melancholy?
  Boy. A great signe sir, that he will looke sad

   Brag. Why? sadnesse is one and the selfe-same thing
deare impe

   Boy. No no, O Lord sir no

   Brag. How canst thou part sadnesse and melancholy
my tender Iuuenall?
  Boy. By a familiar demonstration of the working, my
tough signeur

   Brag. Why tough signeur? Why tough signeur?
  Boy. Why tender Iuuenall? Why tender Iuuenall?
  Brag. I spoke it tender Iuuenall, as a congruent apathaton,
appertaining to thy young daies, which we may
nominate tender

   Boy. And I tough signeur, as an appertinent title to
your olde time, which we may name tough

   Brag. Pretty and apt

   Boy. How meane you sir, I pretty, and my saying apt?
or I apt, and my saying prettie?
  Brag. Thou pretty because little

   Boy. Little pretty, because little: wherefore apt?
  Brag. And therefore apt, because quicke

   Boy. Speake you this in my praise Master?
  Brag. In thy condigne praise