_Fal._ Not a pennie: _I_ haue beene content you shuld lay my countenance
to pawne: _I_ haue grated vpon my good friends for 3 repriues,
for you and your Coach-follow _Nym_, else you might a looked thorow 5
a grate like a geminy of babones. I am damned in hell for swearing
to Gentlemen your good souldiers and tall fellowes: and when mistrisse
_Briget_ lost the handle of her Fan, I tooked on my ho- thou
hadst it not.
_Pis._ Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteene pence? 10
_Fal._ Reason you rogue, reason.
Doest thou thinke {I}le indanger my soule gratis?
In briefe, hang no more about mee, I am no gybit for you. A short
knife and a throng to your manner of pickt hatch, goe. Youle not
beare a Letter for me you rogue you: you stand vpon your honor. 15
Why thou vnconfinable basenesse thou, tis as much as I can do to
keepe the termes of my honor precise. I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing
the feare of God on the left hand, am faine to shuffel, to filch and
to lurch. And yet you stand vpon your honor, you rogue. You,
you. 20
_Pis._ I do recant: what woulst thou more of man?
_Fal._ Well, gotoo, away, no more.
_Enter Mistresse Quickly._
_Quic._ Good you god den sir.
_Fal._ Good den faire wife.
_Quic._ Not so ant like your worship. 25
_Fal._ Faire mayd then.
_Quic._ That I am Ile be sworne, as my mother was
The first houre I was borne.
Sir I would speake with you in priuate.
_Fal._ Say on I prethy, heeres none but my owne houshold. 30
_Quic._ Are they so? Now God blesse them, and make them his
seruants.
Syr I come from Mistresse _Foord_.
_Fal._ So from Mistresse _Foord_. Goe on.
_Quic._ I sir, she hath sent me to you to let you 35
Vnderstand she hath receiued your Letter,
And let me tell you, she is one stands vpon her credit.
_Fal._ Well, come Misteris _Ford_, Misteris _Ford_.
_Quic._ I sir, and as they say, she is not the first
Hath bene led in a fooles paradice. 40
_Fal._ Nay prethy be briefe my good she _Mercury_.
_Quic._ Mary sir, sheed haue you meet her betweene eight and nine.
_Fal._ So betweene eight and nine:
_Qu._ I forsooth, for then her husband goes a birding, 45
_Fal._ Well commend me to thy mistris, tel her
I will not faile her: Boy giue her my purse.
_Quic._ Nay sir I haue another arant to do to you
From misteris _Page:_
_Fal._ From misteris _Page_? I prethy what of her? 50
_Qu._ By my troth _I_ think you work by {I}nchantments,
Els they could neuer loue you as they doo:
_Fal._ Not _I_, _I_ assure thee; setting the attraction of my
Good parts aside, _I_ vse no other inchantments:
_Quic._ Well sir, she loues you extreemly: 55
And let me tell you, shees one that feares God,
And her husband giues her leaue to do all:
For he is not halfe so iealousie as M. _Ford_ is.
_Fal._ But harke thee, hath misteris _Page_ and mistris _Ford_,
Acquainted each other how dearly they loue me? 60
_Quic._ O God no sir: there were a iest indeed.
_Fal._ Well farwel, commend me to misteris _Ford_,
I will not faile her say.
_Quic._ God be with your worship.
_Exit Mistresse Quickly._
_Enter Bardolfe._
_Bar._ Sir, heer's a Gentleman, 65
One M. _Brooke_, would speak with you,
He hath sent you a cup of sacke.
_Fal._ M. _Brooke_, hees welcome: bid him come vp,
Such _Brookes_ are alwaies welcome to me:
A _Iack_, will thy old bodie yet hold out? 70
Wilt thou after the expence of so much mony
Be now a gainer? Good bodie _I_ thanke thee,
And {I}le make more of thee then _I_ ha done:
Ha, ha, misteris _Ford_, and misteris _Page_, haue
_I_ caught you a the hip? go too. 75
_Enter _Foord_ disguised like _Brooke_._
_For._ God saue you sir.
_Fal._ And you too, would you speak with me?
_For._ Mary would _I_ sir, _I_ am somewhat bolde to trouble you,
My name is _Brooke_.
_Fal._ Good M. _Brooke_ your verie welcome. 80
_For._ {I}faith sir _I_ am a gentleman and a traueller,
That haue seen somewhat. And _I_ haue often heard
That if mony goes before, all waies lie open.
_Fal._ Mony is a good souldier sir, and will on.
_For._ {I}faith sir, and _I_ haue a bag here, 85
Would you wood helpe me to beare it.
_Fal._ O Lord, would _I_ could tell how to deserue
To be your porter.
_For._ That may you easily sir _Iohn:_ I haue an earnest
Sute to you. But good sir _Iohn_ when I haue 90
Told you my griefe, cast one eie of your owne
Estate, since your selfe knew what tis to be
Such an offender.
_Fal._ Verie well sir, proceed.
_For._ Sir I am deeply in loue with one _Fords_ wife 95
Of this Towne. Now sir _Iohn_ you are a gentleman
Of good discoursing, well beloued among Ladies,
A man of such parts that might win 20. such as she.
_Fal._ O good sir.
_For._ Nay beleeue it sir _Iohn_, for tis time. Now my loue 100
Is so grounded vpon her, that without her loue
I shall hardly liue.
_Fal._ Haue you importuned her by any means?
_Ford._ No neuer sir.
_Fal._ Of what qualitie is your loue then? 105
_Ford._ Ifaith sir, like a faire house set vpon
Another mans foundation.
_Fal._ And to what end haue you vnfolded this to me?
_For._ O sir, when I haue told you that, I told you all:
For she sir stands so pure in the firme state 110
Of her honestie, that she is too bright to be looked
Against: Now could I come against her
With some detection, I should sooner perswade her
From her marriage vow, and a hundred such nice
Tearmes that sheele stand vpon. 115
_Fal._ Why would it apply well to the veruensie of your affection,
That another should possesse what you would enjoy?
Meethinks you prescribe verie preposterously
To your selfe.
_For._ No sir, for by that meanes should I be certaine of that 120
which I now misdoubt.
_Fal._ Wel M. _Brooke_, Ile first make bold with your mony,
Next, giue me your hand. Lastly, you shall
And you will, enioy _Fords_ wife.
_Foord._ O good sir. 125
_Fal._ M. _Brooke_, I say you shall.
_For._ Want no mony syr _Iohn_, you shall want none.
_Fal._ Want no misteris _Ford_ M. _Brooke_,
You shall want none. Euen as you came to me,
Her spokes mate, her go between parted from me: 130
I may tell you M. _Brooke_, I am to meet her
Betweene 8 and 9, for at that time the Iealous
Cuckally knaue her husband wil be from home,
Come to me soone at night, you shall know how
I speed M. _Brooke_. 135
_Ford._ Sir do you know _Ford?_
_Fal._ Hang him poore cuckally knaue, I know him not,
And yet I wrong him to call him poore. For they
Say the cuckally knaue hath legions of angels,
For the which his wife seemes to me well fauored, 140
And Ile vse her as the key of the cuckally knaues
Coffer, and there's my randeuowes.
_Foord._ Meethinkes sir it were good that you knew
_Ford_, that you might shun him.
_Fal._ Hang him cuckally knaue, Ile stare him 145
Out of his wits, Ile keepe him in awe
With this my cudgell: It shall hang like a meator
Ore the wittolly knaues head, M. _Brooke_ thou shalt
See I will predominate ore the peasant,
And thou shalt lie with his wife. M. _Brooke_ 150
Thou shalt know him for knaue and cuckold,
Come to me soone at night.
_Exit Falstaffe._
_Ford._ What a damned epicurian is this?
My wife hath sent for him, the plot is laid:
_Page_ is an Asse, a foole. A secure Asse, 155
Ile sooner trust an Irishman with my
Aquauita bottle, Sir _Hu_ our parson with my cheese,
A theefe to walke my ambling gelding, then my wife
With her selfe: then she plots, then she ruminates,
And what she thinkes in her hart she may effect, 160
Sheele breake her hart but she will effect it.
God be praised, God be praised for my iealousie:
Well Ile go preuent him, the time drawes on,
Better an houre too soone, then a minit too late,
Gods my life cuckold, cuckold. 165
_Exit Ford._
NOTES: SCENE VI
7: _mistrisse_] _mistresse_ Halliwell.
8: _ho-_] _honesty._
13: _A_] _I_ Halliwell.
37: _let me_] _I._
_stands vpon_] _that stands on._
52: _they could_] _could they._
58: _iealousie_] _iealous._
72: _bodie_] _booty._
75: _a the_] _ath the._
124: _And_] _If._
_Enter the Doctor and his man._ [SC. VII.]
_Doc._ _Iohn Rugbie_ goe looke met your eies ore de stall,
And spie and you can see de parson.
_Rug._ Sir I cannot tell whether he be there or no,
But I see a great many comming.
_Doc._ Bully moy, mon rapier _Iohn Rugabie_, begar de 5
Hearing be not so dead as I shall make him.
_Enter Shallow, Page, my Host, and Slender._
_Pa._ God saue you M. Doctor _Cayus_.
_Shal._ How do you M. Doctor?
_Ho._ God blesse thee my bully doctor, God blesse thee,
_Doct._ Vat be all you, Van to tree come for, a? 10
_Host._ Bully to see thee fight, to see thee foine, to see thee
trauerse, to see thee here, to see thee there, to see thee passe the
punto. The stock, the reuerse, the distance: the montnce is a dead
my francoyes? Is a dead my Ethiopian? Ha, what ses my gallon? my
escuolapis? Is a dead bullies taile, is a dead? 15
_Doct._ Begar de preest be a coward Iack knaue,
He dare not shew his face.
_Host._ Thou art a castallian king vrinall.
_Hector_ of _Greece_ my boy.
_Sha._ He hath showne himselfe the wiser man, M. Doctor: 20
Sir _Hugh_ is a parson, and you a Phisition. You must
Goe with me, M. Doctor.
_Host._ Pardon bully Iustice. A word monsire mockwater.
_Doct._ Mockwater, vat me dat?
_Host._ That is in our English tongue, Vallor bully, vallor. 25
_Doct._ Begar den I haue as mockuater as de Inglish Iack dog,
knaue.
_Host._ He will claperclaw thee titely bully.
_Doct._ Claperclawe, vat be dat?
_Host._ That is, he will make thee amends. 30
_Doct._ Begar I do looke he shal claperclaw me den,
And Ile prouoke him to do it, or let him wag:
And moreouer bully, but M. _Page_ and M. _Shallow_,
And eke cauellira _Slender_, go you all ouer the fields to Frogmore?
_Pa._ Sir _Hugh_ is there, is hee? 35
_Host._ He is there: go see what humor hee is in,
Ile bring the Doctor about by the fields:
Will it do well?
_Shal._ We wil do it my host. Farewel M. Doctor.
_Exit all but the Host and Doctor._
_Doc._ Begar I will kill de cowardly Iack preest, 40
He is make a foole of moy.
_Host._ Let him die, but first sheth your impatience,
Throw cold water on your collor, com go with me
Through the fields to _Frogmore_, and Ile bring thee
Where mistris _An Page_ is a feasting at a farm house, 45
And thou shalt wear hir cried game: sed I wel bully.
_Doct._ Begar excellent vel: and if you speake pour moy, I shall
procure you de gesse of all de gentlemen mon patinces. I begar _I_
sall.
_Host._ For the which Ile be thy aduersary 50
To misteris _An Page:_ sed _I_ well?
_Doct._ I begar excellent.
_Host._ Let vs wag then.
_Doct._ Alon, alon, alon.
_Exit omnes._
NOTES: SCENE VII
24: _me_] _be._
45: _a feasting_] _feasting._
46: _bully_] _bully._ Halliwell.
48: _gesse_] _guests._
_patinces_] _patients._
_Enter syr Hugh and Simple._ [SC. VIII.]
_Sir Hu._ I pray you do so much as see if you can espie
Doctor _Cayus_ comming, and giue me intelligence,
Or bring me vrde if you please now.
_Sim._ _I_ will sir.
_Sir Hu._ Ieshu ples mee, how my hart trobes, and trobes, 5
And then she made him bedes of Roses,
And a thousand fragrant poses,
To shallow riueres. Now so kad vdge me, my hart
Swelles more and more. Mee thinks _I_ can cry
Verie well. There dwelt a man in _Babylon_, 10
To shallow riuers and to falles,
Melodious birds sing Madrigalles.
_Sim._ Sir here is M. _Page_, and M. _Shallow_,
Comming hither as fast as they can.
_Sir Hu._ Then it is verie necessary _I_ put vp my sword, 15
Pray give me my cowne too, marke you.
_Enter Page, shallow, and Slender._
_Pa._ God saue you sir _Hugh_.
_Shal._ God saue you M. parson.
_Sir Hu._ God plesse you all from his mercies sake now.
_Pa._ What the word and the sword, doth that agree well? 20
_Sir Hu._ There is reasons and causes in all things,
_I_ warrant you now.
_Pa._ Well sir _Hugh_, we are come to crane
Your helpe and furtherance in a matter.
_Sir Hu._ What is _I_ pray you? 25
_Pa._ {I}faith tis this sir _Hugh_. There is an auncient friend of
ours, a man of verie good sort, so at oddes with one patience, that _I_
am sure you would hartily grieue to see him. Now sir _Hugh_, you are
a scholler well red, and verie perswasiue, we would intreate you to see
if you could intreat him to patience. 30
_Sir Hu._ _I_ pray you who is it? Let vs know that.
_Pa._ I am shure you know him, tis Doctor _Cayus_.
_Sir Hu._ _I_ had as leeue you should tel me of a messe of poredge,
He is an arant lowsie beggerly knaue: 35
And he is a coward beside.
_Pa._ Why Ile laie my life tis the man
That he should fight withall.
_Enter Doctor and the Host, they offer to fight._
_Shal._ Keep them asunder, take away their weapons.
_Host._ Disarme, let them question. 40
_Shal._ Let them keepe their limbs hole, and hack our English.
_Doct._ Harke van vrd in your eare. You be vn daga
And de {I}ack, coward preest.
_Sir Hu._ Harke you, let vs not be laughing stockes to other mens
humors. By Ieshu _I_ will knock your vrinalls about your knaues
cock-comes, for missing your meetings and appointments. 45
_Doct._ O Ieshu mine host of de garter, _Iohn Rogoby_,
Haue _I_ not met him at de place he make apoint,
Haue I not?
_Sir Hu._ So kad vdge me, this is the pointment place, 50
Witnes by my Host of the garter.
_Host._ Peace I say gawle and gawlia, French and Wealch,
Soule curer and bodie curer.
_Doc._ This be verie braue, excellent.
_Host._ Peace _I_ say, heare mine host of the garter, 55
Am _I_ wise? am I polliticke? am _I_ Matchauil?
Shal _I_ lose my doctor? No, he giues me the motions
And the potions. Shal _I_ lose my parson, my sir _Hu_?
No, he giues me the prouerbes, and the nouerbes:
Giue me thy hand terestiall, 60
So giue me thy hand celestiall:
So boyes of art I haue deceiued you both,
I haue directed you to wrong places,
Your hearts are mightie, you skins are whole,
_Bardolfe_ laie their swords to pawne. Follow me lads 65
Of peace, follow me. Ha, ra, la. Follow.
_Exit Host._
_Shal._ Afore God a mad host, come let vs goe.
_Doc._ _I_ begar haue you mocka may thus?
I will be euen met you my Iack Host.
_Sir Hugh._ Giue me your hand doctor _Cayus_, 70
We be all friends:
But for mine hosts foolish knauery, let me alone.
_Doc._ _I_ dat be veil begar _I_ be friends.
(_Exit omnes._
_Enter M. Foord._ [SC. IX.]
_For._ The time drawes on he shuld come to my house,
Well wife, you had best worke closely,
Or _I_ am like to goe beyond your cunning:
I now wil seeke my guesse that comes to dinner,
And in good time see where they all are come. 5
_Enter Shallow, Page, host, Slender, Doctor, and sir Hugh._
By my faith a knot well met: your welcome all.
_Pa._ I thanke you good M. _Ford_.
_For._ Welcome good M. _Page_,
I would your daughter were here.
_Pa._ I thank you sir, she is very well at home. 10
_Slen._ Father _Page_ _I_ hope I haue your consent
For Misteris _Anne?_
_Pa._ You haue sonne _Slender_, but my wife here,
Is altogether for maister Doctor.
_Doc._ Begar I tanck her hartily. 15
_Host._ But what say you to yong Maister _Fenton?_
He capers, he daunces, he writes verses, he smelles
All April and May: he wil cary it, he wil carit,
Tis in his betmes he wil carite.
_Pa._ My host not with my consent: the gentleman is 20
Wilde, he knowes too much: If he take her,
Let him take her simply: for my goods goes
With my liking, and my liking goes not that way.
_For._ Well, I pray go home with me to dinner:
Besides your cheare Ile shew you wonders: Ile 25
Shew you a monster. You shall go with me
M. _Page_, and so shall you sir _{H}ugh_, and you Maister Doctor.
_{S. H}u._ If there be one in the company, I shal make two:
_Doc._ And dere be ven to, I sail make de tird:
_{S}ir {H}u_, In your teeth for shame,
_Shal._ wel, wel, God be with you, we shall haue the fairer
Wooing at Maister _{P}ages:_
_Exit Shallow and Slender._
_Host._ Ile to my honest knight sir _Iohn Falstaffe_,
And drinke Canary with him.
_Exit host._
For. I may chance to make him drinke in pipe wine, 35
First come gentlemen.
_Exit omnes._
_Enter Mistresse Ford, with two of her men, and a great
buck busket._ [SC. X.]
_Mis. For._ Sirrha, if your M. aske you whither
You carry this basket, say to the Launderers,
I hope you know how to bestow it?
_Ser._ I warrant you misteris. _Exit seruant._
_Mis. For._ Go get you in. Well sir _Iohn_, 5
I beleeue I shall serue you such a trick,
You shall haue little mind to come againe.
_Enter Sir Iohn._
_Fal._ Haue I caught my heauenlie Iewel?
Why now let me die. _I_ haue liued long inough.
This is the happie houre _I_ haue desired to see, 10
Now shall I sin in my wish,
I would thy husband were dead.
_Mis. For._ Why how then sir _Iohn?_
_Fal._ By the Lord, Ide make thee my Ladie.
_Mis. For._ Alas sir _Iohn_, _I_ should be a verie simple Ladie. 15
_Fal._ Goe too, I see how thy eie doth emulate the Diamond.
And how the arched bent of thy brow
Would become the ship tire, the tire vellet,
Or anie Venetian attire, I see it.
_Mis. For._ A plaine kercher sir _Iohn_, would fit me better. 20
_Fal._ By the Lord thou art a traitor to saie so:
What made me loue thee? Let that perswade thee
Ther's somewhat extraordinarie in thee: Goe too _I_ loue thee:
Mistris _Ford_, _I_ cannot cog, _I_ cannot prate, like one
Of these fellowes that smels like Bucklers-berie, 25
In simple time, but _I_ loue thee,
And none but thee.
_Mis. For._ Sir _Iohn_, I am afraid you loue misteris _Page_.
_Fal._ I thou mightest as well saie
I loue to walke by the Counter gate, 30
Which is as hatefull to me
As the reake of a lime kill.
_Enter Mistresse Page._
_Mis. Pa._ Mistresse Ford, Mis. _Ford_, where are you?
_Mis. For._ O Lord step aside good sir _Iohn_.
_Falstaffe stands behind the aras._
How now Misteris _Page_, what's the matter? 35
_Mis. Pa._ Why your husband woman is comming,
With halfe _Windsor_ at his heeles,
To looke for a gentleman, that he ses
Is hid in his house: his wifes sweet hart.
_Mis. For._ Speak louder. But _I_ hope tis not true Misteris
_Page_. 40
_Mis. Pa._ Tis too true woman. Therefore if you
Haue any here, away with him, or your vndone for euer.
_Mis. For._ Alas mistresse _Page_, what shall _I_ do?
Here is a gentleman my friend, how shall I do?
_Mis. Pa._ Gode body woman, do not stand what shal I do, and 45
what shall _I_ do. Better any shift, rather then you shamed. Looke
heere, here's a buck-basket, if hee be a man of any reasonable sise,
heele in here.
_Mis. For._ Alas I feare he is too big.
_Fal._ Let me see, let me see, Ile in, Ile in, 50
Follow your friends counsell.
_Mis. Pa._ Fie sir _Iohn_, is this your loue? Go too. (_Aside._
_Fal._ I loue thee, and none but thee:
Helpe me to conuey me hence,
Ile neuer come here more. 55
_Sir Iohn goes into the basket, they put cloathes ouer him, the two
men carries it away: Foord meetes it, and all the rest, Page, Doctor,
Priest, Slender, Shallow._
_Ford._ Come pray along, you shall see all.
How now who goes heare? whither goes this?
Whither goes it? set it downe.
_Mis. For._ Now let it go, you had best meddle with
buck-washing. 60
_Ford._ Buck, good buck, pray come along,
Master _Page_ take my keyes: helpe to search. Good
Sir _Hugh_ pray come along, helpe a little, a little,
He shew you all.
_Sir Hu._ By Ieshu these are iealosies and distemperes. 65
_Exit omnes._
_Mis. Pa._ He is in a pittifull taking.
_Mis._ I wonder what he thought
When my husband bad them set downe the basket.
_Mis. Pa._ Hang him dishonest slaue, we cannot vse
Him bad inough. This is excellent for your
Husbands iealousie.
_Mi. For._ Alas poore soule it grieues me at the hart,
But this will be a meanes to make him cease
His iealous fits, if _Falstaffes_ love increase.
_Mis. Pa._ Nay we wil send to _Falstaffe_ once again, 75
Tis great pittie we should leaue him:
What wiues may be merry, and yet honest too.
_Mi. For._ Shall we be condemnd because we laugh?
Tis old, but true: still sowes eate all the draffe.
_Enter all._
_Mis. Pa._ Here comes your husband, stand aside. 80
_For._ _I_ can find no body within, it may be he lied.
_Mis. Pa._ Did you heare that?
_Mis. For._ I, I, peace.
_For._ Well, Ile not let it go so, yet Ile trie further.
_S. Hu._ By Ieshu if there be any body in the kitchin 85
Or the cuberts, or the presse, or the buttery,
_I_ am an arrant Iew: now God plesse me:
You serue me well, do you not?
_Pa._ Fie M. _{F}ord_ you are too blame:
_Mis. Pa._ I faith tis not well M. _Ford_ to suspect 90
Her thus without cause.
_Doc._ No by my trot it be no vell:
_For._ Wel, I pray bear with me, M. _Page_ pardon me.
_I_ suffer for it, _I_ suffer for it:
_Sir Hu:_ You suffer for a bad conscience looke you now: 95
_{F}ord:_ Well _I_ pray no more, another time {I}le tell you all:
The mean time go dine with me, pardon me wife,
I am sorie; M. _{P}age_, pray goe in to dinner,
Another time {I}le tell you all.
_{P}a:_ Wel let it be so, and to morrow I inuite you all 100
To my house to dinner: and in the morning weele
A birding, _I_ haue an excellent Hauke for the bush.
_{F}ord:_ Let it be so: Come M. _{P}age_, come wife;
I pray you come in all, y'are welcome, pray come in.
_Sir Hu:_ By so kad vdgme, M. _{F}ordes_ is 105
Not in his right wittes:
_Exit omnes:_
_Enter sir Iohn Falstaffe._ [SC. XI.]
_Fal:_ _Bardolfe_ brew me a pottle sack presently:
_Bar:_ With Egges sir?
_Fal:_ Simply of it selfe, {I}le none of these pullets sperme
{I}n my drink: goe make haste.
Haue _I_ liued to be carried in a basket 5
And throwne into the Thames like a barow of Butchers offoll. Well,
and I be serued such another tricke, Ile giue them leaue to take out
my braines and butter them, and giue them to a dog for a new-yeares
gift. Sblood, the rogues slided me in with as little remorse as if they
had gone to drowne a blinde bitches puppies in the litter: and they 10
might know by my sise I haue a kind of alacritie in sinking: and the
bottom had bin as deep as hell I should downe. I had bene drowned,
but that the shore was sheluie and somewhat shallowe: a death that I
abhorre. For you know the water swelles a man: and what a thing
should I haue bene when I had bene swelled? By the Lord a 15
mountaine of money. Now is the Sacke brewed?
_Bar._ I sir, there's a woman below would speake with you.
_Fal._ Bid her come vp. Let me put some Sacke among this
cold water, for my belly is as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balles
for pilles. 20
_Enter Mistresse Quickly._
Now whats the newes with you?
_Quic._ I come from misteris _{F}ord_ forsooth.
_Fal._ Misteris _Ford_, I haue had Ford inough,
_I_ haue bene throwne into the Ford, my belly is full
Of Ford: she hath tickled mee. 25
_Quic._ O Lord sir, she is the sorrowfullest woman that her seruants
mistooke, that euer liued. And sir, she would desire you of all
loues you will meet her once againe, to morrow sir, betweene ten and
eleuen, and she hopes to make amends for all.
_Fal._ Ten, and eleuen, saiest thou? 30
_Quic._ I forsooth.
_Fal._ Well, tell her Ile meet her. Let her but think
Of mans frailtie: Let her iudge what man is,
And then thinke of me. And so farwell.
_Quic._ Youle not faile sir? _Exit mistresse Quickly._ 35
_Fal._ _I_ will not faile. Commend me to her.
I wonder _I_ heare not of M. _Brooke_, _I_ like his
Mony well. By the masse here he is.
_Enter Brooke._
_For._ God saue you sir.
_{F}al._ Welcome good M. _Brooke_. You come to know how matters 40
goes.
_Ford._ Thats my comming indeed sir Iohn.
_Fal._ M. _Brooke_ I will not lye to you sir,
I was there at my appointed time.
_For._ And how sped you sir? 45
_Fal._ Verie ilfauouredly sir.
_For._ Why sir, did she change her determination?
_Fal._ No M. _Brooke_, but you shall heare. After we had kissed
and imbraced, and as it were euen amid the prologue of our incounter,
who should come, but the iealous knaue her husband, and a 50
rabble of his companions at his heeles, thither prouoked and
instigated by his distemper. And what to do thinke you? to search for
his wiues loue. Euen so, plainly so.
_For._ While ye were there?
_Fal._ Whilst I was there. 55
_For._ And did he search and could not finde you?
_Fal._ You shall heare sir, as God would haue it,
A litle before comes me one _Pages_ wife,
Giues her intelligence of her husbands
Approach: and by her inuention, and _Fords_ wiues 60
Distraction, conueyd me into a buck-basket.
_Ford._ A buck basket!
_Fal._ By the Lord a buck-basket, rammed me in
With foule shirts, stokins, greasie napkins,
That M. _Brooke_, there was a compound of the most 65
Villanous smel, that euer offended nostrill.
Ile tell you M. _Brooke_, by the Lord for your sake
I suffered three egregious deaths: First to be
Crammed like a good bilbo, in the circomference
Of a pack, Hilt to point, heele to head: and then to 70
Be stewed in my owne grease like a Dutch dish:
A man of my kidney; by the Lord it was maruell I
Escaped suffication; and in the heat of all this,
To be throwne into Thames like a horshoo hot:
Maister _Brooke_, thinke of that hissing heate, Maister _Brooke_. 75
_Ford._ Well sir then my shute is void?
Youle vndertake it no more?
_Fal._ M. _Brooke_, {I}le be throwne into Etna
As _I_ haue bene in the Thames,
Ere I thus leaue her: _I_ haue receiued 80
Another appointment of meeting,
Betweene ten and eleuen is the houre.
_{F}ord:_ Why sir, tis almost ten alreadie:
_{F}al:_ Is it? why then will _I_ addresse my selfe
For my appointment: M. _Brooke_, come to me soone 85
At night, and you shall know how _I_ speed,
And the end shall be, you shall enjoy her loue:
You shall cuckold Foord: come to mee soone at
at night. _Exit Falstaffe._
_{F}or._ {I}s this a dreame? {I}s it a vision?
Maister _{F}ord_, maister _{F}ord_, awake maister _{F}ord_, 90
There is a hole made in your best coat M. _Ford_,
And a man shall not onely endure this wrong,
But shall stand vnder the taunt of names,
_Lucifer_ is a good name, _Barbason_ good: good
Diuels names: but cuckold, wittold, godeso 95
The diuel himselfe hath not such a name:
And they may hang hats here, and napkins here
Vpon my homes: well {I}le home, _I_ ferit him,
And vnlesse the diuel himselfe should aide him.
Ile search vnpossible places: {I}le about it, 100
Least I repent too late:
_Exit omnes._
NOTES: SCENE XI
[SC. XI.] add _and Bardolfe._
7, 11: _and_] _if_.
49: _euen_] om.
80: _I thus_] _thus I_
88: _at at_] _at_.
_Enter M. {F}enton, {P}age, and mistresse Quickly._ [SC. XII.]
_{F}en:_ Tell me sweet Nan, how doest thou yet resolue,
Shall foolish _Slender_ haue thee to his wife?
Or one as wise as he, the learned Doctor?
Shall such as they enjoy thy maiden hart?
Thou knowst that _I_ haue alwaies loued thee deare, 5
And thou hast oft times swore the like to me.
_An:_ Good M. _{F}enton_, you may assure your selfe
My hart is setled vpon none but you,
Tis as my father and mother please:
Get their consent, you quickly shall haue mine. 10
_{F}en:_ Thy father thinks I loue thee for his wealth,
Tho I must needs confesse at first that drew me,
But since thy vertues wiped that trash away,
_I_ loue thee _Nan_, and so deare is it set,
That whilst I liue, I nere shall thee forget. 15
[_Quic:_] Godes pitie here comes her father.
_Enter M. Page his wife, M. Shallow, and Slender._
_Pa._ M. _Fenton_ I pray what make you here?
You know my answere sir, shees not for you:
Knowing my vow, to blame to vse me thus.
_Fen._ But heare me speake sir. 20
_{P}a._ Pray sir get you gon: Come hither daughter,
Sonne _Slender_ let me speak with you. (_they whisper._
_Quic._ Speake to misteris _{P}age_.
_Fen._ Pray misteris _{P}age_ let me haue your consent.
_Mis. Pa._ Ifaith M. _Fenton_ tis as my husband please.
For my part, Ile neither hinder you, nor further you.
_Quic._ How say you this was my doings?
I bid you speake to misteris _{P}age_.
_Fen._ Here nurse, theres a brace of angels to drink,
Worke what thou canst for me, farwell. (_Exit Fen._ 30
_Quic._ By my troth so I will, good hart.
_Pa._ Come wife, you an _I_ will in, weele leaue M. _Slender_
And my daughter to talke together. M. _Shallow_,
You may stay sir if you please.
_Exit {P}age and his wife._
_Shal._ Mary _I_ thanke you for that: 35
To her cousin, to her.
_Slen._ Ifaith _I_ know not what to say.
_An._ Now M. _{S}lender_, what's your will?
_Slen._ Godeso, theres a {I}est indeed: why misteris _An_, I neuer
made will yet: _I_ thank God I am wise inough for that. 40
_Shal._ Fie cusse fie, thou art not right,
O thou hadst a father.
_Slen._ I had a father misteris _Anne_, good vncle
Tell the Iest how my father stole the goose out of
The henloft. All this is nought, harke you mistresse _Anne_. 45
_Shal._ He will make you ioynter of three hundred pound a yeare,
he shall make you a Gentlewoman.
_Slend._ I be God that I vill, come cut and long taile, as good as
any is in _Glostershire_, vnder the degree of a Squire.
_An._ O God how many grosse faults are hid 50
And couered in three hundred pound a yeare?
Well M. _{S}lender_, within a day or two Ile tell you more.
_Slend._ I thanke you good misteris _Anne_, vncle I shall haue her.
_Quic._ M. _{S}hallow_, M. _Page_ would pray you to come you, and you
M. Slender, and you mistris _An_. 55
_Slend._ Well Nurse, if youle speake for me,
Ile giue you more than Ile talke of.
_Exit omnes but Quickly._
_Quic._ Indeed I will, Ile speake what I can for you,
But specially for M. _Fenton_:
But specially of all for my Maister. 60
And indeed I will do what I can for them all three. _Exit._
_Enter misteris Ford and her two men._
_Mis. For._ Do you heare? when your M. comes take vp this basket
as you did before, and if your M. bid you set it downe, obey
him.
_Ser._ I will forsooth. 65
_Enter Syr Iohn._
_Mis._ For. Syr _Iohn_ welcome.
_Fal._ What are you sure of your husband now?
_Mis. For._ He is gone a birding sir _Iohn_, and I hope will not
come home yet.
_Enter mistresse Page._
Gods body here is misteris _Page_, 70
Step behind the arras good sir _Iohn_.
_He steps behind the arras._
_Mis. Pa._ Misteris _Ford_, why woman your husband is in his old
vaine againe, hees comming to search for your sweet heart, but I am
glad he is not here.
_Mis. {F}or._ O God misteris _Page_ the knight is here, 75
What shall I do?
_Mis. Pa._ Why then you'r vndone woman, vnles you make some
meanes to shift him away.
_Mis. For._ Alas I know no meanes, unlesse
we put him in the basket againe. 80
_{F}al._ No Ile come no more in the basket,
Ile creep vp into the chimney.
Mis _For._ There they use to discharge their Fowling peeces.
_{F}al._ Why then Ile goe out of doores.
_Mi. Pa._ Then your vndone, your but a dead man. 85
_Fal._ For Gods sake deuise any extremitie,
Rather then a mischiefe.
_Mis. Pa._ Alas I know not what meanes to make,
If there were any womans apparell would fit him,
He might put on a gowne and a mufler, 90
And so escape.
_Mi. For._ Thats wel remembred, my maids Aunt
_Gillian_ of _Brainford_, hath a gowne aboue.
_Mis. {P}a._ And she is altogether as fat as he.
_Mis. For._ I that will serue him of my word. 95
_Mis. Pa._ Come goe with me sir _Iohn_, Ile helpe to dresse you.
_Fal._ Come for God sake, any thing.
_Exit Mis. Page and Sir Iohn._
_Enter M. Ford, {P}age, Priest, Shallow, the two men carries
the basket, and Ford meets it._
_For._ Come along _I_ pray, you shal know the cause,
How now whither goe you? Ha whither go you?
Set downe the basket you ssaue, 100
You panderly rogue, set it downe.
_Mis. {F}or._ What is the reason that you vse me thus?
_For._ Come hither set downe the basket,
Misteris _{F}ord_ the modest woman,
Misteris _{F}ord_ the vertuous woman, 105
She that hath the iealous foole to her husband,
I mistrust you without cause do I not?
_Mis. For._ I Gods my record do you. And if
you mistrust me in any ill sort.
_Ford._ Well sed brazen face, hold it out, 110
You youth in a basket, come out here,
Pull out the cloathes, search.
_Hu._ Ieshu plesse me, will you pull vp your wiues cloathes.
_Pa._ Fie M. _{F}ord_, you are not to go abroad if you be
in these fits.
_Sir Hugh._ By so kad vdge me, tis verie necessarie 115
He were put in pethlem.
_For._ M. _{P}age_, as _I_ am an honest man M. _{P}age_,
There was one conueyd out of my house here yesterday out of this
basket, why may he not be here now?
_Mi. For._ Come mistris _{P}age_, bring the old woman downe. 120
_For._ Old woman, what old woman?
_Mi. {F}or._ Why my maidens Ant, _Gillian_ of _Brainford_.
A witch, haue I not forewarned her my house,
Alas we are simple we, we know not what
_Is_ brought to passe vnder the colour of fortune-Telling. Come 125
downe you witch, come downe.
_Enter Falstaffe disguised like an old woman, and misteris Page
with him, Ford beates him, and hee runnes away._
Away you witch get you gone.
_{Sir H}u._ By Ieshu I verily thinke she is a witch indeed,
I espied vnder her mufler a great beard.
_Ford._ Pray come helpe me to search, pray now. 130
_Pa._ Come weele go for his minds sake.
_Exit omnes._
_Mi. For._ By my troth he beat him most extreamly.
_Mi. Pa._ I am glad of it, what shall we proceed any further?
_Mi. For._ No faith, now if you will let vs tell our husbands of it.
For mine I am sure hath almost fretted himselfe to death. 135
_Mi. Pa._ Content, come weele go tell them all,
And as they agree, so will we proceed.
_Exit both._
NOTES: SCENE XII
[SC. XII.] _Page_] _Anne Page_.
16: [Quic:] from the Catchword.
69: _home_] om.
98: Priest] Hugh.
115: _By so_] _So_.
120: _Come_] om.
123: _A witch._] For. _A witch._
_Enter Host and Bardolfe._ [SC. XIII.]
_Bar._ Syr heere be three Gentlemen come from the Duke the
Stanger sir, would haue your horse.
_Host._ The Duke, what Duke? let me speake with the Gentlemen,
do they speake English?
_Bar._ He call them to you sir. 5
_Host._ No _Bardolfe_, let them alone, He sauce them:
They haue had my house a weeke at command,
I haue turned away my other guesse,
They shall haue my horses _Bardolfe_,
They must come off, He sawce them.
_Exit omnes._ 10
_Enter Ford, Page, their wives, Shallow and Slender, Syr Hu._
[SC. XIV.]
_Ford._ Well wife, heere take my hand, vpon my soule I loue thee
dearer then I do my life, and ioy I haue so true and constant wife, my
iealousie shall neuer more offend thee.
_Mi. For._ Sir _I_ am glad, and that which I haue done,
Was nothing else but mirth and modestie. 5
_Pa._ I misteris _{F}ord_, _Falstaffe_ hath all the griefe,
And in this knauerie my wife was the chiefe.
_Mi. Pa._ No knauery husband, it was honest mirth.
_Hu._ Indeed it was good pastimes & merriments.
_Mis. For._ But sweete heart shall wee leaue olde _{F}alstaffe_ so? 10
_Mis. Pa._ O by no meanes, send to him againe.
_Pa._ I do not thinke heele come being so much deceiued.
_For._ Let me alone, Ile to him once again like _Brooke_, and
know his mind whether heele come or not.
_Pa._ There must be some plot laide, or heele not come. 15
_Mis. Pa._ Let vs alone for that. Heare my deuice.
Oft haue you heard since _Horne_ the hunter dyed,
That women to affright their litle children,
Ses that he walkes in shape of a great stagge.
Now for that _{F}alstaffe_ hath bene so deceiued, 20
As that he dares not venture to the house,
Weele send him word to meet vs in the field,
Disguised like _Horne_, with huge horns on his head.
The houre shalbe iust betweene twelue and one,
And at that time we will meet him both: 25
Then would I haue you present there at hand,
With litle boyes disguised and dressed like Fayries,
For to affright fat _{F}alstaffe_ in the woods.
And then to make a period to the Iest,
Tell _Falstaffe_ all, I thinke this will do best. 30
_Pa._ Tis excellent, and my daughter _Anne_,
Shall like a litle Fayrie be disguised.
_Mis. Pa._ And in that Maske Ile make the Doctor steale my
daughter _An_, and ere my husband knowes it, to carrie her to Church,
and marrie her. 35
_Mis. For._ But who will buy the silkes to tyre the boyes?
_Pa._ That will _I_ do, and in a robe of white
Ile cloath my daughter, and aduertise _Slender_
To know her by that signe, and steale her thence,
And vnknowne to my wife, shall marrie her. 40
_Hu._ So kad vdge me the deuises is excellent.
_I_ will also be there, and will be like a {I}ackanapes,
And pinch him most cruelly for his lecheries.
_Mis. Pa._ Why then we are reuenged sufficiently.
First he was carried and throwne in the Thames, 45
Next beaten well, _I_ am sure youle witnes that.
_{M}i. {F}or._ Ile lay my life this makes him nothing fat.
_{P}a._ Well lets about this stratagem, I long
To see deceit deceiued, and wrong haue wrong.
_For._ Well send to _{F}alstaffe_, and if he come thither, 50
Twill make vs smile and laugh one moneth togither.
_Exit omnes._
NOTES: SCENE XIV
10: and Slender] Slender and.
[Transcriber's Note:
The number 10 refers to the last line of Scene XIII, carried over
to the "Enter..." line in Scene XIV. In the original text, the two
line 10's were printed on the same page.]
14: ins. he speakes aboue.
_Enter Host and Simple._ [SC. XV.]
_Host._ What would thou haue boore, what thick-skin?
Speake, breath, discus, short, quick, briefe, snap.
_Sim._ Sir, I am sent from my M. to sir _Iohn {F}alstaffe_.
_Host._ Sir _Iohn_, theres his Castle, his standing bed, his trundle
bed, his chamber is painted about with the story of the prodigall, 5
fresh and new, goe knock, heele speak like an Antripophiginian to
thee: Knock _I_ say.
_Sim._ Sir I should speak with an old woman that went vp into
his chamber. 10
_Host._ An old woman, the knight may be robbed, Ile call bully
knight, bully sir _Iohn_. Speake from thy Lungs military: it is thine
host, thy Ephesian calls.
_Fal._ Now mine host,
_Host:_ Here is a Bohemian tarter bully, tarries the comming 15
downe of the fat woman: Let her descend bully, let her descend, my
chambers are honorable, pah priuasie, fie.
_Fal._ Indeed mine host there was a fat woman with me,
But she is gone.
_Enter sir Iohn._
_Sim._ Pray sir, was it not the wise woman of _Brainford?_ 20
_Fal._ Marry was it Musselshell, what would you?
_Sim._ Marry sir my maister _Slender_ sent me to her,
To know whether one _Nim_ that hath his chaine,
Cousoned him of it, or no.
_{F}al._ I talked with the woman about it. 25
_Sim._ And I pray you sir what ses she?
_Fal._ Marry she ses the very same man that
Beguiled maister _{S}lender_ of his chaine,
Cousoned him of it.
_Sim._ May I be bolde to tell my maister so sir? 30
_Fal._ _I_ tike, who more bolde.
_Sim._ _I_ thanke you sir, I shall make my maister a glad man at
these tydings, God be with you sir. _Exit._
_Host._ Thou art clarkly sir _Iohn_, thou art clarkly,
Was there a wise woman with thee? 35
_Fal._ Marry was there mine host, one that taught
Me more wit then I learned this 7. yeare,
And I paid nothing for it,
But was paid for my learning.
_Enter Bardolfe._
_Bar._ O lord sir cousonage, plaine cousonage. 40
_Host._ Why man, where be my horses? where be the Germanes?
_Bar._ Rid away with your horses:
After I came beyond Maidenhead,
They flung me in a slow of myre, & away they ran.
_Enter Doctor._
_Doc._ Where be my Host de gartyre? 45
_Host._ O here sir in perplexitie.
_Doc._ I cannot tell vad be dad,
But begar I will tell you van ting,
Dear be a Garmaine Duke come to de Court,
Has cosened all the host of _Branford_, 50
And _Redding_: begar I tell you for good will,
Ha, ha, mine Host, am I euen met you? _Exit._
_Enter _Sir_ Hugh._
_{S}ir Hu._ Where is mine host of the gartyr?
Now my Host, I would desire you looke you now,
To haue a care of your entertainments, 55
For there is three sorts of cosen garmombles,
_Is_ cosen all the Host of Maidenhead and Readings,
Now you are an honest man, and a scuruy beggerly lowsie knaue beside:
And can point wrong places, 60
_I_ tell you for good will, grate why mine Host. _Exit._
_Host._ _I_ am cosened _Hugh_, and coy _Bardolfe_,
Sweet knight assist me, _I_ am cosened. _Exit._
_Fal._ Would all the worell were cosened for me,
For I am cousoned and beaten too. 65
Well, _I_ neuer prospered since I forswore
Myselfe at _Primero_: and my winde
Were but long inough to say my prayers,
Ide repent, now from whence come you?
_Enter {M}istresse Quickly._
_Quic._ From the two parties forsooth. 70
_{F}al._ The diuell take the one partie,
And his dam the other,
And theyle be both bestowed.
_I_ haue endured more for their sakes,
Then man is able to endure. 75
_Quic._ O Lord sir, they are the sorowfulst creatures
That euer liued: specially mistresse _Ford_,
Her husband hath beaten her that she is all
Blacke and blew poore soule.
_Fal._ What tellest me of blacke and blew, 80
I haue bene beaten all the colours in the Rainbow,
And in my escape like to a bene apprehended
For a witch of _Brainford_, and set in the stockes.
_Quic._ Well sir, she is a sorrowfull woman,
And I hope when you heare my errant, 85
Youle be perswaded to the contrarie.
_Fal._ Come goe with me into my chamber, Ile heare thee.
_Exit omnes._
NOTES: SCENE XV
81: _bene_] om.
_Enter Host and Fenton._ [SC. XVI.]
_Host._ Speake not to me sir, my mind is heauie,
I haue had a great losse.
_{F}en._ Yet heare me, and as I am a gentleman,
Ile giue you a hundred pound toward your losse.
_Host._ Well sir Ile heare you, and at least keep your counsell. 5
_{F}en._ Then thus my host. Tis not vnknown to you,
The feruent loue _I_ beare to young _Anne Page_,
And mutally her loue againe to mee:
But her father still against her choise,
Doth seeke to marrie her to foolish _Slender_, 10
And in a robe of white this night disguised,
Wherein fat _Falstaffe_ had a mightie scare,
Must _Slender_ take her and carrie her to _Catlen_,
And there vnknowne to any, marrie her.
Now her mother still against that match, 15
And firme for Doctor _Cayus_, in a robe of red
By her deuice, the Doctor must steale her thence,
And she hath giuen consent to goe with him.
_Host._ Now which meanes she to deceiue, father or mother?
_Fen._ Both my good Host, to go along with me. 20
Now here it rests, that you would procure a priest,
And tarry readie at the appointment place,
To giue our harts vnited matrimonie.
_Host._ But how will you come to steale her from among them?
_{F}en._ That hath sweet _Nan_ and I agreed vpon, 25
And by a robe of white, the which she weares,
With ribones pendant flaring bout her head,
_I_ shalbe sure to know her, and conuey her thence,
And bring her where the priest abides our comming,
And by thy furtherance there be married. 30
_Host._ Well, husband your deuice, Ile to the Vicar,
Bring you the maide, you shall not lacke a Priest.
_Fen._ So shall _I_ euermore be bound vnto thee,
Besides Ile always be thy faithful friend. _Exit omnes._
_Enter sir Iohn with a Bucks head upon him._ [SC. XVII.]
_Fal._ This is the third time, well {I}le venter,
They say there is good luck in old numbers,
{[_Ioue_ transform'd himselfe into a Bull,]}
And _I_ am here a Stag, and _I_ thinke the fattest
In all _Windsor_ forrest: well _I_ stand here 5
For _Horne_ the hunter, waiting my Does comming.
_Enter mistris Page and mistris Ford._
_Mis. Pa._ Sir _Iohn_, where are you?
_Fal._ Art thou come my doe? What and thou too?
Welcome Ladies.
_Mi. For._ I I sir _Iohn_, _I_ see you will not faile, 10
Therefore you deserue far better then our loues,
But it grieues me for your late crosses.
_{F}al._ This makes amends for all.
Come diuide me betweene you, each a hanch,
For my horns Ile bequeath them to your husbands, 15
Do _I_ speake like _Horne_ the hunter, ha?
_Mis. Pa._ God forgiue me, what noise is this?
_There is a noise of hornes, the two women run away._
_Enter sir Hugh like a Satyre, and boyes drest like Fayries,
mistresse Quickly, like the Queene of Fayries: they sing a song
about him, and afterward speake._
_Quic:_ You Fayries that do haunt these shady groues,
Looke round about the wood if you can espie
A mortall that doth haunt our sacred round:
If such a one you can espy, giue him his due,
And leaue not till you pinch him blacke and blew:
Giue them their charge _Puck_ ere they part away.
_Sir Hu._ Come hither _{P}eane_, goe to the countrie houses,
And when you finde a slut that lies a sleepe, 25
And all her dishes foule, and roome vnswept,
With youre long nailes pinch her till she crie,
And sweare to mend her sluttish huswiferie.
_Fai._ I warrant you I will perform your will.
_{H}u._ Where is _Pead?_ Go and see where Brokers sleep, 30
And Foxe-eyed Seriants with their mase,
Goe laie the proctors in the street,
And pinch the lowsie Seriants face:
Spare none of these when they are a bed,
But such whose nose lookes plew and red. 35
_Quic._ Away begon, his mind fulfill,
And looke that none of you stand still.
Some do that thing, some do this,
All do something, none amis.
_Hir Hu._ I smell a man of middle earth. 40
_Fal._ God blesse me from that wealch Fairie.
_Quic._ Looke euery one about this round,
And if that any here be found,
For his presumption in this place,
Spare neither legge, arme, head, nor face. 45
_Sir Hu._ See I haue spied one by good luck,
His bodie man, his head a buck.
_Fal._ God send me good fortune now, and I care not.
_Quick._ Go strait, and do as I commaund,
And take a Taper in your hand, 50
And set it to his fingers endes,
And if you see it him offends,
And that he starteth at the flame,
Then is he mortall, know his name:
If with an F. it doth begin, 55
Why then be shure he is full of sin.
About it then, and know the truth,
Of this same metamorphised youth.
_Sir Hugh._ Giue me the Tapers, I will try
And if that he loue venery. 60
