15. I dined to-day with Mrs. Van, who goes to-night to her new lodgings. I
went at six to see Lord Treasurer; but his company was gone, contrary to
custom, and he was busy, and I was forced to stay some time before I could see
him. We were together hardly an hour, and he went away, being in haste. He
desired me to dine with him on Friday, because there would be a friend of his
that I must see: my Lord Harley told me, when he was gone, that it was Mrs.
Masham his father meant, who is come to town to lie-in, and whom I never saw,
though her husband is one of our Society. God send her a good time! her death
would be a terrible thing.[10]--Do you know that I have ventured all my credit
with these great Ministers, to clear some misunderstandings betwixt them; and
if there be no breach, I ought to have the merit of it. 'Tis a plaguy
ticklish piece of work, and a man hazards losing both sides. It is a pity the
world does not know my virtue.--I thought the clergy in Convocation in Ireland
would have given me thanks for being their solicitor; but I hear of no such
thing. Pray talk occasionally on that subject, and let me know what you hear.
Do you know the greatness of my spirit, that I value their thanks not a rush,
but at my return shall freely let all people know that it was my Lord
Treasurer's action, wherein the Duke of Ormond had no more share than a cat?
And so they may go whistle, and I'll go sleep.
16. I was this day in the City, and dined at Pontack's[11] with Stratford,
and two other merchants. Pontack told us, although his wine was so good, he
sold it cheaper than others; he took but seven shillings a flask. Are not
these pretty rates? The books he sent for from Hamburg are come, but not yet
got out of the custom-house. My library will be at least double when I come
back. I shall go to Windsor again on Saturday, to meet our Society, who are
to sup at Mr. Secretary's; but I believe I shall return on Monday, and then I
will answer your letter, that lies here safe underneath;--I see it; lie still:
I will answer you when the ducks have eaten up the dirt.
17. I dined to-day at Lord Treasurer's with Mrs. Masham, and she is extremely
like one Mrs. Malolly, that was once my landlady in Trim. She was used with
mighty kindness and respect, like a favourite. It signifies nothing going to
this Lord Treasurer about business, although it be his own. He was in haste,
and desires I will come again, and dine with him to-morrow. His famous lying
porter is fallen sick, and they think he will die: I wish I had all my half-
crowns again. I believe I have told you he is an old Scotch fanatic, and the
damn'dest liar in his office alive.[12] I have a mind to recommend Patrick to
succeed him: I have trained him up pretty well. I reckon for certain you are
now in town. The weather now begins to alter to rain.
Windsor, 18. I dined to-day with Lord Treasurer, and he would make me go with
him to Windsor, although I was engaged to the Secretary, to whom I made my
excuses: we had in the coach besides, his son and son-in-law, Lord Harley and
Lord Dupplin, who are two of our Society, and seven of us met by appointment,
and supped this night with the Secretary. It was past nine before we got
here, but a fine moonshiny night. I shall go back, I believe, on Monday.
'Tis very late.
19. The Queen did not stir out to-day, she is in a little fit of the gout. I
dined at Mr. Masham's; we had none but our Society members, six in all, and I
supped with Lord Treasurer. The Queen has ordered twenty thousand pounds to
go on with the building at Blenheim, which has been starved till now, since
the change of the Ministry.[13] I suppose it is to reward his last action of
getting into the French lines.[14] Lord Treasurer kept me till past twelve.
London, 20. It rained terribly every step of our journey to-day: I returned
with the Secretary after a dinner of cold meat, and went to Mrs. Van's, where
I sat the evening. I grow very idle, because I have a great deal of business.
Tell me how you passed your time at Wexford; and are not you glad at heart you
have got home safe to your lodgings at St. Mary's, pray? And so your friends
come to visit you; and Mrs. Walls is much better of her eye; and the Dean is
just as he used to be: and what does Walls say of London? 'tis a reasoning
coxcomb. And Goody Stoyte, and Hannah what d'ye call her; no, her name an't
Hannah, Catherine I mean; they were so glad to see the ladies again! and Mrs.
Manley wanted a companion at ombre.
21. I writ to-day to the Archbishop of Dublin, and enclosed a long politic
paper by itself. You know the bishops are all angry (smoke the wax-candle
drop at the bottom of this paper) I have let the world know the First-Fruits
were got by Lord Treasurer before the Duke of Ormond was Governor. I told
Lord Treasurer all this, and he is very angry; but I pacified him again by
telling him they were fools, and knew nothing of what passed here; but thought
all was well enough if they complimented the Duke of Ormond. Lord Treasurer
gave me t'other day a letter of thanks he received from the bishops of
Ireland, signed by seventeen; and says he will write them an answer. The Dean
of Carlisle sat with me to-day till three; and I went to dine with Lord
Treasurer, who dined abroad, so did the Secretary, and I was left in the suds.
'Twas almost four, and I got to Sir Matthew Dudley, who had half dined.
Thornhill, who killed Sir Cholmley Dering,[15] was murdered by two men, on
Turnham Green, last Monday night: as they stabbed him, they bid him remember
Sir Cholmley Dering. They had quarrelled at Hampton Court, and followed and
stabbed him on horseback. We have only a Grub Street paper of it, but I
believe it is true. I went myself through Turnham Green the same night, which
was yesterday.
22. We have had terrible rains these two or three days. I intended to dine
at Lord Treasurer's, but went to see Lady Abercorn, who is come to town, and
my lord; and I dined with them, and visited Lord Treasurer this evening. His
porter is mending. I sat with my lord about three hours, and am come home
early to be busy. Passing by White's Chocolate-house,[16] my brother Masham
called me, and told me his wife was brought to bed of a boy, and both very
well. (Our Society, you must know, are all brothers.) Dr. Garth told us that
Mr. Henley[17] is dead of an apoplexy. His brother-in-law, Earl Poulett, is
gone down to the Grange, to take care of his funeral. The Earl of Danby,[18]
the Duke of Leeds's eldest grandson, a very hopeful young man of about twenty,
is dead at Utrecht of the smallpox.--I long to know whether you begin to have
any good effect by your waters.--Methinks this letter goes on slowly; 'twill
be a fortnight next Saturday since it was begun, and one side not filled. O
fie for shame, Presto! Faith, I'm so tosticated to and from Windsor, that I
know not what to say; but, faith, I'll go to Windsor again on Saturday, if
they ask me, not else. So lose your money again, now you are come home; do,
sirrah.
Take your magnifying-glass, Madam Dingley.
You shan't read this, sirrah Stella; don't read it for your life, for fear of
your dearest eyes.
There's enough for this side; these Ministers hinder me. Pretty, dear,
little, naughty, saucy MD.
Silly, impudent, loggerhead Presto.
23. Dilly and I dined to-day with Lord Abercorn, and had a fine fat haunch of
venison, that smelt rarely on one side: and after dinner Dilly won half a
crown of me at backgammon at his lodgings, to his great content. It is a
scurvy empty town this melancholy season of the year; but I think our weather
begins to mend. The roads are as deep as in winter. The grapes are sad
things; but the peaches are pretty good, and there are some figs. I sometimes
venture to eat one, but always repent it. You say nothing of the box sent
half a year ago. I wish you would pay me for Mrs. Walls's tea. Your mother
is in the country, I suppose. Pray send me the account of MD, Madam Dingley,
as it stands since November,[19] that is to say, for this year (excluding the
twenty pounds lent Stella for Wexford), for I cannot look in your letters. I
think I ordered that Hawkshaw's interest should be paid to you. When you
think proper, I will let Parvisol know you have paid that twenty pounds, or
part of it; and so go play with the Dean, and I will answer your letter to-
morrow. Good-night, sirrahs, and love Presto, and be good girls.
24. I dined to-day with Lord Treasurer, who chid me for not dining with him
yesterday, for it seems I did not understand his invitation; and their Club of
the Ministry dined together, and expected me. Lord Radnor[20] and I were
walking the Mall this evening; and Mr. Secretary met us, and took a turn or
two, and then stole away, and we both believed it was to pick up some wench;
and to-morrow he will be at the Cabinet with the Queen: so goes the world!
Prior has been out of town these two months, nobody knows where, and is lately
returned. People confidently affirm he has been in France, and I half believe
it. It is said he was sent by the Ministry, and for some overtures towards a
peace. The Secretary pretends he knows nothing of it. I believe your
Parliament will be dissolved. I have been talking about the quarrel between
your Lords and Commons with Lord Treasurer, and did, at the request of some
people, desire that the Queen's answer to the Commons' address might express a
dislike of some principles, etc.; but was answered dubiously.--And so now to
your letter, fair ladies. I know drinking is bad; I mean writing is bad in
drinking the waters; and was angry to see so much in Stella's hand. But why
Dingley drinks them, I cannot imagine; but truly she'll drink waters as well
as Stella: why not? I hope you now find the benefit of them since you are
returned; pray let me know particularly. I am glad you are forced upon
exercise, which, I believe, is as good as the waters for the heart of them.
'Tis now past the middle of August; so by your reckoning you are in Dublin.
It would vex me to the dogs that letters should miscarry between Dublin and
Wexford, after 'scaping the salt seas. I will write no more to that nasty
town in haste again, I warrant you. I have been four Sundays together at
Windsor, of which a fortnight together; but I believe I shall not go to-
morrow, for I will not, unless the Secretary asks me. I know all your news
about the Mayor: it makes no noise here at all, but the quarrel of your
Parliament does; it is so very extraordinary, and the language of the Commons
so very pretty. The Examiner has been down this month, and was very silly the
five or six last papers; but there is a pamphlet come out, in answer to a
letter to the seven Lords who examined Gregg.[21] The Answer[22] is by the
real author of the Examiner, as I believe; for it is very well written. We
had Trapp's poem on the Duke of Ormond[23] printed here, and the printer sold
just eleven of them. 'Tis a dull piece, not half so good as Stella's; and she
is very modest to compare herself with such a poetaster. I am heartily sorry
for poor Mrs. Parnell's[24] death; she seemed to be an excellent good-natured
young woman, and I believe the poor lad is much afflicted; they appeared to
live perfectly well together. Dilly is not tired at all with England, but
intends to continue here a good while: he is mighty easy to be at distance
from his two sisters-in-law. He finds some sort of scrub acquaintance; goes
now and then in disguise to a play; smokes his pipe; reads now and then a
little trash, and what else the Lord knows. I see him now and then; for he
calls here, and the town being thin, I am less pestered with company than
usual. I have got rid of many of my solicitors, by doing nothing for them: I
have not above eight or nine left, and I'll be as kind to them. Did I tell
you of a knight who desired me to speak to Lord Treasurer to give him two
thousand pounds, or five hundred pounds a year, until he could get something
better? I honestly delivered my message to the Treasurer, adding, the knight
was a puppy, whom I would not give a groat to save from the gallows. Cole
Reading's father-in-law has been two or three times at me, to recommend his
lights to the Ministry, assuring me that a word of mine would, etc. Did not
that dog use to speak ill of me, and profess to hate me? He knows not where I
lodge, for I told him I lived in the country; and I have ordered Patrick to
deny me constantly to him.--Did the Bishop of London[25] die in Wexford? poor
gentleman! Did he drink the waters? were you at his burial? was it a great
funeral? so far from his friends! But he was very old: we shall all follow.
And yet it was a pity, if God pleased. He was a good man; not very learned:
I believe he died but poor. Did he leave any charity legacies? who held up
his pall? was there a great sight of clergy? do they design a tomb for him?--
Are you sure it was the Bishop of London? because there is an elderly
gentleman here that we give the same title to: or did you fancy all this in
your water, as others do strange things in their wine? They say these waters
trouble the head, and make people imagine what never came to pass. Do you
make no more of killing a Bishop? are these your Whiggish tricks?--Yes, yes, I
see you are in a fret. O, faith, says you, saucy Presto, I'll break your
head; what, can't one report what one hears, without being made a jest and a
laughing-stock? Are these your English tricks, with a murrain? And
Sacheverell will be the next Bishop? He would be glad of an addition of two
hundred pounds a year to what he has, and that is more than they will give
him, for aught I see. He hates the new Ministry mortally, and they hate him,
and pretend to despise him too. They will not allow him to have been the
occasion of the late change; at least some of them will not: but my Lord
Keeper owned it to me the other day. No, Mr. Addison does not go to Ireland
this year: he pretended he would; but he is gone to Bath with Pastoral
Philips, for his eyes.--So now I have run over your letter; and I think this
shall go to-morrow, which will be just a fortnight from the last, and bring
things to the old form again, after your rambles to Wexford, and mine to
Windsor. Are there not many literal faults in my letters? I never read them
over, and I fancy there are. What do you do then? do you guess my meaning, or
are you acquainted with my manner of mistaking? I lost my handkerchief in the
Mall to-night with Lord Radnor; but I made him walk with me to find it, and
find it I did not. Tisdall[26] (that lodges with me) and I have had no
conversation, nor do we pull off our hats in the streets. There is a cousin
of his (I suppose,) a young parson, that lodges in the house too; a handsome,
genteel fellow. Dick Tighe[27] and his wife lodged over against us; and he
has been seen, out of our upper windows, beating her two or three times: they
are both gone to Ireland, but not together; and he solemnly vows never to live
with her. Neighbours do not stick to say that she has a tongue: in short, I
am told she is the most urging, provoking devil that ever was born; and he a
hot, whiffling[28] puppy, very apt to resent. I'll keep this bottom till to-
morrow: I'm sleepy.
25. I was with the Secretary this morning, who was in a mighty hurry, and
went to Windsor in a chariot with Lord Keeper; so I was not invited, and am
forced to stay at home, but not at all against my will; for I could have gone,
and would not. I dined in the City with one of my printers, for whom I got
the Gazette, and am come home early; and have nothing to say to you more, but
finish this letter, and not send it by the bellman. Days grow short, and the
weather grows bad, and the town is splenetic, and things are so oddly
contrived that I cannot be absent; otherwise I would go for a few days to
Oxford, as I promised.--They say it is certain that Prior has been in
France,[29] nobody doubts it: I had not time to ask the Secretary, he was in
such haste. Well, I will take my leave of dearest MD for a while; for I must
begin my next letter to-night: consider that, young women; and pray be merry,
and good girls, and love Presto. There is now but one business the Ministry
want me for, and when that is done, I will take my leave of them. I never got
a penny from them, nor expect it. In my opinion, some things stand very
ticklish; I dare say nothing at this distance. Farewell, dear sirrahs,
dearest lives: there is peace and quiet with MD, and nowhere else. They have
not leisure here to think of small things, which may ruin them; and I have
been forward enough. Farewell again, dearest rogues; I am never happy but
when I write or think of MD. I have enough of Courts and Ministries, and wish
I were at Laracor; and if I could with honour come away this moment, I would.
Bernage[30] came to see me to-day; he is just landed from Portugal, and come
to raise recruits; he looks very well, and seems pleased with his station and
manner of life. He never saw London nor England before; he is ravished with
Kent, which was his first prospect when he landed. Farewell again, etc. etc.
LETTER 29.
LONDON, Aug. 25, 1711.
I have got a pretty small gilt sheet of paper, to write to MD. I have this
moment sent my 28th by Patrick, who tells me he has put it in the post-office;
'tis directed to your lodgings: if it wants more particular direction, you
must set me right. It is now a solar month and two days since the date of
your last, N.18; and I reckon you are now quiet at home, and thinking to begin
your 19th, which will be full of your quarrel between the two Houses, all
which I know already. Where shall I dine to-morrow? can you tell? Mrs.
Vanhomrigh boards now, and cannot invite one; and there I used to dine when I
was at a loss: and all my friends are gone out of town, and your town is now
at the fullest, with your Parliament and Convocation. But let me alone,
sirrahs; for Presto is going to be very busy; not Presto, but the other I.
26. People have so left the town that I am at a loss for a dinner. It is a
long time since I have been at London upon a Sunday; and the Ministers are all
at Windsor. It cost me eighteenpence in coach-hire before I could find a
place to dine in. I went to Frankland's,[1] and he was abroad, and the drab
his wife looked out at window, and bowed to me without inviting me up: so I
dined with Mr. Coote,[2] my Lord Mountrath's brother; my lord is with you in
Ireland. This morning at five my Lord Jersey[3] died of the gout in his
stomach, or apoplexy, or both: he was abroad yesterday, and his death was
sudden. He was Chamberlain to King William, and a great favourite, turned out
by the Queen as a Tory, and stood now fair to be Privy Seal; and by his death
will, I suppose, make that matter easier, which has been a very stubborn
business at Court, as I have been informed. I never remember so many people
of quality to have died in so short a time.
27. I went to-day into the City, to thank Stratford for my books, and dine
with him, and settle my affairs of my money in the Bank, and receive a bill
for Mrs. Wesley for some things I am to buy for her; and the d---- a one of
all these could I do. The merchants were all out of town, and I was forced to
go to a little hedge place for my dinner. May my enemies live here in summer!
and yet I am so unlucky that I cannot possibly be out of the way at this
juncture. People leave the town so late in summer, and return so late in
winter, that they have almost inverted the seasons. It is autumn this good
while in St. James's Park; the limes have been losing their leaves, and those
remaining on the trees are all parched: I hate this season, where everything
grows worse and worse. The only good thing of it is the fruit, and that I
dare not eat. Had you any fruit at Wexford? A few cherries, and durst not
eat them. I do not hear we have yet got a new Privy Seal. The Whigs whisper
that our new Ministry differ among themselves, and they begin to talk out Mr.
Secretary: they have some reasons for their whispers, although I thought it
was a greater secret. I do not much like the posture of things; I always
apprehended that any falling out would ruin them, and so I have told them
several times. The Whigs are mighty full of hopes at present; and whatever is
the matter, all kind of stocks fall. I have not yet talked with the Secretary
about Prior's journey. I should be apt to think it may foretell a peace, and
that is all we have to preserve us. The Secretary is not come from Windsor,
but I expect him to-morrow. Burn all politics!
28. We begin to have fine weather, and I walked to-day to Chelsea, and dined
with the Dean of Carlisle, who is laid up with the gout. It is now fixed that
he is to be Dean of Christ Church in Oxford. I was advising him to use his
interest to prevent any misunderstanding between our Ministers; but he is too
wise to meddle, though he fears the thing and the consequences as much as I.
He will get into his own warm, quiet deanery, and leave them to themselves;
and he is in the right.--When I came home to-night, I found a letter from Mr.
Lewis, who is now at Windsor; and in it, forsooth, another which looked like
Presto's hand; and what should it be but a 19th from MD? O, faith, I 'scaped
narrowly, for I sent my 28th but on Saturday; and what should I have done if I
had two letters to answer at once? I did not expect another from Wexford,
that is certain. Well, I must be contented; but you are dear saucy girls, for
all that, to write so soon again, faith; an't you?
29. I dined to-day with Lord Abercorn, and took my leave of them: they set
out to-morrow for Chester, and, I believe, will now fix in Ireland. They have
made a pretty good journey of it: his eldest son[4] is married to a lady with
ten thousand pounds; and his second son[5] has, t'other day, got a prize in
the lottery of four thousand pounds, beside two small ones of two hundred
pounds each: nay, the family was so fortunate, that my lord bestowing one
ticket, which is a hundred pounds, to one of his servants, who had been his
page, the young fellow got a prize, which has made it another hundred. I went
in the evening to Lord Treasurer, who desires I will dine with him to-morrow,
when he will show me the answer he designs to return to the letter of thanks
from your bishops in Ireland. The Archbishop of Dublin desired me to get
myself mentioned in the answer which my lord would send; but I sent him word I
would not open my lips to my lord upon it. He says it would convince the
bishops of what I have affirmed, that the First-Fruits were granted before the
Duke of Ormond was declared Governor; and I writ to him that I would not give
a farthing to convince them. My Lord Treasurer began a health to my Lord
Privy Seal: Prior punned, and said it was so privy, he knew not who it was;
but I fancy they have fixed it all, and we shall know to-morrow. But what
care you who is Privy Seal, saucy sluttikins?
30. When I went out this morning, I was surprised with the news that the
Bishop of Bristol is made Lord Privy Seal. You know his name is Robinson,[6]
and that he was many years Envoy in Sweden. All the friends of the present
Ministry are extremely glad, and the clergy above the rest. The Whigs will
fret to death to see a civil employment given to a clergyman. It was a very
handsome thing in my Lord Treasurer, and will bind the Church to him for ever.
I dined with him to-day, but he had not written his letter;[see above, 29th
Aug.] but told me he would not offer to send it without showing it to me: he
thought that would not be just, since I was so deeply concerned in the affair.
We had much company: Lord Rivers, Mar,[7] and Kinnoull,[8] Mr. Secretary,
George Granville, and Masham: the last has invited me to the christening of
his son to-morrow se'ennight; and on Saturday I go to Windsor with Mr.
Secretary.
31. Dilly and I walked to-day to Kensington to Lady Mountjoy, who invited us
to dinner. He returned soon, to go to a play, it being the last that will be
acted for some time: he dresses himself like a beau, and no doubt makes a
fine figure. I went to visit some people at Kensington: Ophy Butler's
wife[9] there lies very ill of an ague, which is a very common disease here,
and little known in Ireland. I am apt to think we shall soon have a peace, by
the little words I hear thrown out by the Ministry. I have just thought of a
project to bite the town. I have told you that it is now known that Mr. Prior
has been lately in France. I will make a printer of my own sit by me one day,
and I will dictate to him a formal relation of Prior's journey,[10] with
several particulars, all pure invention; and I doubt not but it will take.
Sept. 1. Morning. I go to-day to Windsor with Mr. Secretary; and Lord
Treasurer has promised to bring me back. The weather has been fine for some
time, and I believe we shall have a great deal of dust.--At night. Windsor.
The Secretary and I dined to-day at Parson's Green, at my Lord Peterborow's
house, who has left it and his gardens to the Secretary during his absence.
It is the finest garden I have ever seen about this town; and abundance of hot
walls for grapes, where they are in great plenty, and ripening fast. I durst
not eat any fruit but one fig; but I brought a basket full to my friend Lewis
here at Windsor. Does Stella never eat any? what, no apricots at Donnybrook!
nothing but claret and ombre! I envy people maunching and maunching peaches
and grapes, and I not daring to eat a bit. My head is pretty well, only a
sudden turn any time makes me giddy for a moment, and sometimes it feels very
stuffed; but if it grows no worse, I can bear it very well. I take all
opportunities of walking; and we have a delicious park here just joining to
the Castle, and an avenue in the great park very wide and two miles long, set
with a double row of elms on each side. Were you ever at Windsor? I was
once, a great while ago; but had quite forgotten it.
2. The Queen has the gout, and did not come to chapel, nor stir out from her
chamber, but received the sacrament there, as she always does the first Sunday
in the month. Yet we had a great Court; and, among others, I saw your
Ingoldsby,[11] who, seeing me talk very familiarly with the Keeper, Treasurer,
etc., came up and saluted me, and began a very impertinent discourse about the
siege of Bouchain. I told him I could not answer his questions, but I would
bring him one that should; so I went and fetched Sutton (who brought over the
express about a month ago), and delivered him to the General, and bid him
answer his questions; and so I left them together. Sutton after some time
comes back in a rage, finds me with Lord Rivers and Masham, and there
complains of the trick I had played him, and swore he had been plagued to
death with Ingoldsby's talk. But he told me Ingoldsby asked him what I meant
by bringing him; so, I suppose, he smoked me a little. So we laughed, etc.
My Lord Willoughby,[12] who is one of the chaplains, and Prebendary of
Windsor, read prayers last night to the family; and the Bishop of Bristol, who
is Dean of Windsor, officiated last night at the Cathedral. This they do to
be popular; and it pleases mightily. I dined with Mr. Masham, because he lets
me have a select company: for the Court here have got by the end a good thing
I said to the Secretary some weeks ago. He showed me his bill of fare, to
tempt me to dine with him. "Poh," said I, "I value not your bill of fare;
give me your bill of company." Lord Treasurer was mightily pleased, and told
it everybody as a notable thing. I reckon upon returning to-morrow: they say
the Bishop will then have the Privy Seal delivered him at a great Council.
3. Windsor still. The Council was held so late to-day that I do not go back
to town till to-morrow. The Bishop was sworn Privy Councillor, and had the
Privy Seal given him: and now the patents are passed for those who were this
long time to be made lords or earls. Lord Raby,[13] who is Earl of Strafford,
is on Thursday to marry a namesake of Stella's; the daughter of Sir H. Johnson
in the City; he has three-score thousand pounds with her, ready money; besides
the rest at the father's death. I have got my friend Stratford to be one of
the directors of the South Sea Company, who were named to-day. My Lord
Treasurer did it for me a month ago; and one of those whom I got to be printer
of the Gazette I am recommending to be printer to the same company. He
treated Mr. Lewis and me to-day at dinner. I supped last night and this with
Lord Treasurer, Keeper, etc., and took occasion to mention the printer. I
said it was the same printer whom my Lord Treasurer has appointed to print for
the South Sea Company. He denied, and I insisted on it; and I got the laugh
on my side.
London, 4. I came as far as Brentford in Lord Rivers's chariot, who had
business with Lord Treasurer; then I went into Lord Treasurer's. We stopped
at Kensington, where Lord Treasurer went to see Mrs. Masham, who is now what
they call in the straw. We got to town by three, and I lighted at Lord
Treasurer's, who commanded me not to stir: but I was not well; and when he
went up, I begged the young lord to excuse me, and so went into the City by
water, where I could be easier, and dined with the printer, and dictated to
him some part of Prior's Journey to France. I walked from the City, for I
take all occasions of exercise. Our journey was horridly dusty.
5. When I went out to-day, I found it had rained mightily in the night, and
the streets were as dirty as winter: it is very refreshing after ten days
dry.--I went into the City, and dined with Stratford, thanked him for his
books, gave him joy of his being director, of which he had the first notice by
a letter from me. I ate sturgeon, and it lies on my stomach. I almost
finished Prior's Journey at the printer's; and came home pretty late, with
Patrick at my heels.
7. Morning. But what shall we do about this letter of MD's, N.19? Not a
word answered yet, and so much paper spent! I cannot do anything in it,
sweethearts, till night.--At night. O Lord, O Lord! the greatest disgrace
that ever was has happened to Presto. What do you think? but, when I was
going out this forenoon a letter came from MD, N.20, dated Dublin. O dear, O
dear! O sad, O sad!--Now I have two letters together to answer: here they
are, lying together. But I will only answer the first; for I came in late. I
dined with my friend Lewis at his lodgings, and walked at six to Kensington to
Mrs. Masham's son's christening. It was very private; nobody there but my
Lord Treasurer, his son and son-in-law, that is to say, Lord Harley and Lord
Dupplin, and Lord Rivers and I. The Dean of Rochester[14] christened the
child, but soon went away. Lord Treasurer and Lord Rivers were godfathers;
and Mrs. Hill,[15] Mrs. Masham's sister, godmother. The child roared like a
bull, and I gave Mrs. Masham joy of it; and she charged me to take care of my
nephew, because, Mr. Masham being a brother of our Society, his son, you know,
is consequently a nephew. Mrs. Masham sat up dressed in bed, but not, as they
do in Ireland, with all smooth about her, as if she was cut off in the middle;
for you might see the counterpane (what d'ye call it?) rise about her hips and
body. There is another name of the counterpane; and you will laugh now,
sirrahs. George Granville came in at supper, and we stayed till eleven; and
Lord Treasurer set me down at my lodging in Suffolk Street. Did I ever tell
you that Lord Treasurer hears ill with the left ear, just as I do? He always
turns the right, and his servants whisper him at that only. I dare not tell
him that I am so too, for fear he should think I counterfeited, to make my
court.
6. You must read this before the other; for I mistook, and forgot to write
yesterday's journal, it was so insignificant. I dined with Dr. Cockburn, and
sat the evening with Lord Treasurer till ten o'clock. On Thursdays he has
always a large select company, and expects me. So good-night for last night,
etc.
8. Morning. I go to Windsor with Lord Treasurer to-day, and will leave this
behind me, to be sent to the post. And now let us hear what says the first
letter, N.19. You are still at Wexford, as you say, Madam Dingley. I think
no letter from me ever yet miscarried. And so Inish-Corthy,[16] and the river
Slainy; fine words those in a lady's mouth. Your hand like Dingley's, you
scambling,[17] scattering sluttikin! YES, MIGHTY LIKE INDEED, IS NOT IT?[18]
Pisshh, do not talk of writing or reading till your eyes are well, and long
well; only I would have Dingley read sometimes to you, that you may not lose
the desire of it. God be thanked, that the ugly numbing is gone! Pray use
exercise when you go to town. What game is that ombra which Dr. Elwood[19]
and you play at? is it the Spanish game ombre? Your card-purse? you a card-
purse! you a fiddlestick. You have luck indeed; and luck in a bag. What a
devil! is that eight-shilling tea-kettle copper, or tin japanned? It is like
your Irish politeness, raffling for tea-kettles. What a splutter you keep, to
convince me that Walls has no taste! My head continues pretty well. Why do
you write, dear sirrah Stella, when you find your eyes so weak that you cannot
see? what comfort is there in reading what you write, when one knows that? So
Dingley cannot write, because of the clutter of new company come to Wexford!
I suppose the noise of their hundred horses disturbs you; or do you lie in one
gallery, as in an hospital? What! you are afraid of losing in Dublin the
acquaintance you have got in Wexford, and chiefly the Bishop of Raphoe,[20] an
old, doting, perverse coxcomb? Twenty at a time at breakfast. That is like
five pounds at a time, when it was never but once. I doubt, Madam Dingley,
you are apt to lie in your travels, though not so bad as Stella; she tells
thumpers, as I shall prove in my next, if I find this receives encouragement.-
-So Dr. Elwood says there are a world of pretty things in my works. A pox on
his praises! an enemy here would say more. The Duke of Buckingham would say
as much, though he and I are terribly fallen out; and the great men are
perpetually inflaming me against him: they bring me all he says of me, and, I
believe, make it worse out of roguery.--No, 'tis not your pen is bewitched,
Madam Stella, but your old SCRAWLING, SPLAY-FOOT POT-HOOKS, S, S,[21] ay
that's it: there the s, s, s, there, there, that's exact. Farewell, etc.
Our fine weather is gone; and I doubt we shall have a rainy journey to-day.
Faith, 'tis shaving-day, and I have much to do. When Stella says her pen was
bewitched, it was only because there was a hair in it. You know, the fellow
they call God-help-it had the same thoughts of his wife, and for the same
reason. I think this is very well observed, and I unfolded the letter to tell
you it.
Cut off those two notes above; and see the nine pounds indorsed, and receive
the other; and send me word how my accounts stand, that they may be adjusted
by Nov. 1.[22] Pray be very particular; but the twenty pounds I lend you is
not to be included: so make no blunder. I won't wrong you, nor you shan't
wrong me; that is the short. O Lord, how stout Presto is of late! But he
loves MD more than his life a thousand times, for all his stoutness; tell them
that; and that I'll swear it, as hope saved, ten millions of times, etc. etc.
I open my letter once more, to tell Stella that if she does not use exercise
after her waters, it will lose all the effects of them: I should not live if
I did not take all opportunities of walking. Pray, pray, do this, to oblige
poor Presto.
LETTER 30.
WINDSOR, Sept. 8, 1711.
I made the coachman stop, and put in my twenty-ninth at the post-office at two
o'clock to-day, as I was going to Lord Treasurer, with whom I dined, and came
here by a quarter-past eight; but the moon shone, and so we were not in much
danger of overturning; which, however, he values not a straw, and only laughs
when I chide at him for it. There was nobody but he and I, and we supped
together, with Mr. Masham, and Dr. Arbuthnot, the Queen's favourite physician,
a Scotchman. I could not keep myself awake after supper, but did all I was
able to disguise it, and thought I came off clear; but, at parting, he told me
I had got my nap already. It is now one o'clock; but he loves sitting up
late.
9. The Queen is still in the gout, but recovering: she saw company in her
bed-chamber after church; but the crowd was so great, I could not see her. I
dined with my brother Sir William Wyndham,[1] and some others of our Society,
to avoid the great tables on Sunday at Windsor, which I hate. The usual
company supped to-night at Lord Treasurer's, which was Lord Keeper, Mr.
Secretary, George Granville, Masham, Arbuthnot, and I. But showers have
hindered me from walking to-day, and that I do not love.--Noble fruit, and I
dare not eat a bit. I ate one fig to-day, and sometimes a few mulberries,
because it is said they are wholesome, and you know a good name does much. I
shall return to town to-morrow, though I thought to have stayed a week, to be
at leisure for something I am doing. But I have put it off till next; for I
shall come here again on Saturday, when our Society are to meet at supper at
Mr. Secretary's. My life is very regular here: on Sunday morning I
constantly visit Lord Keeper, and sup at Lord Treasurer's with the same set of
company. I was not sleepy to-night; I resolved I would not; yet it is past
midnight at this present writing.
London, 10. Lord Treasurer and Masham and I left Windsor at three this
afternoon: we dropped Masham at Kensington with his lady, and got home by
six. It was seven before we sat down to dinner, and I stayed till past
eleven. Patrick came home with the Secretary: I am more plagued with Patrick
and my portmantua than with myself. I forgot to tell you that when I went to
Windsor on Saturday I overtook Lady Giffard and Mrs. Fenton[2] in a chariot,
going, I suppose, to Sheen. I was then in a chariot too, of Lord Treasurer's
brother, who had business with the Treasurer; and my lord came after, and
overtook me at Turnham Green, four miles from London; and then the brother
went back, and I went in the coach with Lord Treasurer: so it happened that
those people saw me, and not with Lord Treasurer. Mrs. F. was to see me about
a week ago; and desired I would get her son into the Charter-house.
11. This morning the printer sent me an account of Prior's Journey;[3] it
makes a twopenny pamphlet. I suppose you will see it, for I dare engage it
will run; 'tis a formal, grave lie, from the beginning to the end. I writ all
but about the last page; that I dictated, and the printer writ. Mr. Secretary
sent to me to dine where he did; it was at Prior's: when I came in, Prior
showed me the pamphlet, seemed to be angry, and said, "Here is our English
liberty!" I read some of it, and said I liked it mightily, and envied the
rogue the thought; for, had it come into my head, I should have certainly done
it myself. We stayed at Prior's till past ten; and then the Secretary
received a packet with the news of Bouchain being taken, for which the guns
will go off to-morrow. Prior owned his having been in France, for it was past
denying: it seems he was discovered by a rascal at Dover, who had positive
orders to let him pass. I believe we shall have a peace.
12. It is terrible rainy weather, and has cost me three shillings in coaches
and chairs to-day, yet I was dirty into the bargain. I was three hours this
morning with the Secretary about some business of moment, and then went into
the City to dine. The printer tells me he sold yesterday a thousand of
Prior's Journey, and had printed five hundred more. It will do rarely, I
believe, and is a pure bite. And what is MD doing all this while? got again
to their cards, their Walls, their deans, their Stoytes, and their claret?
Pray present my service to Mr. Stoyte and Catherine. Tell Goody Stoyte she
owes me a world of dinners, and I will shortly come over and demand them.--Did
I tell you of the Archbishop of Dublin's last letter? He had been saying, in
several of his former, that he would shortly write to me something about
myself; and it looked as if he intended something for me: at last out it
comes, and consists of two parts. First, he advises me to strike in for some
preferment now I have friends; and secondly, he advises me, since I have
parts, and learning, and a happy pen, to think of some new subject in divinity
not handled by others, which I should manage better than anybody. A rare
spark this, with a pox! but I shall answer him as rarely. Methinks he should
have invited me over, and given me some hopes or promises. But hang him! and
so good-night, etc.
13. It rained most furiously all this morning till about twelve, and
sometimes thundered; I trembled for my shillings, but it cleared up, and I
made a shift to get a walk in the Park, and then went with the Secretary to
dine with Lord Treasurer. Upon Thursdays there is always a select company:
we had the Duke of Shrewsbury, Lord Rivers, the two Secretaries, Mr.
Granville, and Mr. Prior. Half of them went to Council at six; but Rivers,
Granville, Prior, and I, stayed till eight. Prior was often affecting to be
angry at the account of his journey to Paris; and indeed the two last pages,
which the printer got somebody to add,[4] are so romantic, they spoil all the
rest. Dilly Ashe pretended to me that he was only going to Oxford and
Cambridge for a fortnight, and then would come back. I could not see him as I
appointed t'other day; but some of his friends tell me he took leave of them
as going to Ireland; and so they say at his lodging. I believe the rogue was
ashamed to tell me so, because I advised him to stay the winter, and he said
he would. I find he had got into a good set of scrub acquaintance, and I
thought passed his time very merrily; but I suppose he languished after
Balderig, and the claret of Dublin; and, after all, I think he is in the
right; for he can eat, drink, and converse better there than here. Bernage
was with me this morning: he calls now and then; he is in terrible fear of a
peace. He said he never had his health so well as in Portugal. He is a
favourite of his Colonel.
14. I was mortified enough to-day, not knowing where in the world to dine,
the town is so empty. I met H. Coote,[5] and thought he would invite me, but
he did not: Sir John Stanley did not come into my head; so I took up with
Mrs. Van, and dined with her and her damned landlady, who, I believe, by her
eyebrows, is a bawd. This evening I met Addison and Pastoral Philips in the
Park, and supped with them at Addison's lodgings: we were very good company,
and I yet know no man half so agreeable to me as he is. I sat with them till
twelve, so you may think it is late, young women; however, I would have some
little conversation with MD before your Presto goes to bed, because it makes
me sleep, and dream, and so forth. Faith, this letter goes on slowly enough,
sirrahs; but I cannot write much at a time till you are quite settled after
your journey, you know, and have gone all your visits, and lost your money at
ombre. You never play at chess now, Stella. That puts me in mind of Dick
Tighe; I fancy I told you he used to beat his wife here; and she deserved it;
and he resolves to part with her; and they went to Ireland in different
coaches. O Lord, I said all this before, I am sure. Go to bed, sirrahs.
Windsor, 15. I made the Secretary stop at Brentford, because we set out at
two this afternoon, and fasting would not agree with me. I only designed to
eat a bit of bread-and-butter; but he would light, and we ate roast beef like
dragons. And he made me treat him and two more gentlemen; faith, it cost me a
guinea. I do not like such jesting, yet I was mightily pleased with it too.
To-night our Society met at the Secretary's: there were nine of us; and we
have chosen a new member, the Earl of Jersey,[6] whose father died lately.
'Tis past one, and I have stolen away.
16. I design to stay here this week by myself, about some business that lies
on my hands, and will take up a great deal of time. Dr. Adams,[7] one of the
canons, invited me to-day to dinner. The tables are so full here on Sunday
that it is hard to dine with a few, and Dr. Adams knows I love to do so; which
is very obliging. The Queen saw company in her bed-chamber; she looks very
well, but she sat down. I supped with Lord Treasurer as usual, and stayed
till past one as usual, and with our usual company, except Lord Keeper, who
did not come this time to Windsor. I hate these suppers mortally, but I
seldom eat anything.
17. Lord Treasurer and Mr. Secretary stay here till tomorrow; some business
keeps them, and I am sorry for it, for they hinder me a day. Mr. Lewis and I
were going to dine soberly with a little Court friend at one. But Lord Harley
and Lord Dupplin kept me by force, and said we should dine at Lord
Treasurer's, who intended to go at four to London. I stayed like a fool, and
went with the two young lords to Lord Treasurer, who very fairly turned us all
three out of doors. They both were invited to the Duke of Somerset, but he
was gone to a horse-race, and would not come till five; so we were forced to
go to a tavern, and sent for wine from Lord Treasurer's, who at last, we were
told, did not go to town till the morrow, and at Lord Treasurer's we supped
again; and I desired him to let me add four shillings to the bill I gave him.
We sat up till two, yet I must write to little MD.
18. They are all gone early this morning, and I am alone to seek my fortune;
but Dr. Arbuthnot engages me for my dinners; and he yesterday gave me my
choice of place, person, and victuals for to-day. So I chose to dine with
Mrs. Hill, who is one of the dressers, and Mrs. Masham's sister, no company
but us three, and to have a shoulder of mutton, a small one; which was
exactly, only there was too much victuals besides; and the Doctor's wife[8]
was of the company. And to-morrow Mrs. Hill and I are to dine with the
Doctor. I have seen a fellow often about Court whom I thought I knew. I
asked who he was, and they told me it was the gentleman porter; then I called
him to mind; he was Killy's acquaintance (I won't say yours); I think his name
is Lovet,[9] or Lovel, or something like it. I believe he does not know me,
and in my present posture I shall not be fond of renewing old acquaintance; I
believe I used to see him with the Bradleys; and, by the way, I have not seen
Mrs. Bradley since I came to England. I left your letter in London, like a
fool; and cannot answer it till I go back, which will not be until Monday
next; so this will be above a fortnight from my last; but I will fetch it up
in my next; so go and walk to the Dean's for your health this fine weather.
19. The Queen designs to have cards and dancing here next week, which makes
us think she will stay here longer than we believed. Mrs. Masham is not well
after her lying-in: I doubt she got some cold; she is lame in one of her legs
with a rheumatic pain. Dr. Arbuthnot and Mrs. Hill go tomorrow to Kensington
to see her, and return the same night. Mrs. Hill and I dined with the Doctor
to-day. I rode out this morning with the Doctor to see Cranburn, a house of
Lord Ranelagh's,[10] and the Duchess of Marlborough's lodge, and the Park; the
finest places they are, for nature and plantations, that ever I saw; and the
finest riding upon artificial roads, made on purpose for the Queen. Arbuthnot
made me draw up a sham subscription for a book, called A History of the Maids
of Honour since Harry the Eighth, showing they make the best wives, with a
list of all the maids of honour since, etc.; to pay a crown in hand, and the
other crown upon delivery of the book; and all in common forms of those
things. We got a gentleman to write it fair, because my hand is known; and we
sent it to the maids of honour, when they came to supper. If they bite at it,
it will be a very good Court jest; and the Queen will certainly have it: we
did not tell Mrs. Hill.
20. To-day I was invited to the Green Cloth by Colonel Godfrey, who married
the Duke of Marlborough's sister,[11] mother to the Duke of Berwick by King
James: I must tell you those things that happened before you were born. But
I made my excuses, and young Harcourt (Lord Keeper's son) and I dined with my
next neighbour, Dr Adams.[12] Mrs. Masham is better, and will be here in
three or four days. She had need; for the Duchess of Somerset is thought to
gain ground daily.--We have not sent you over all your bills; and I think we
have altered your money-bill. The Duke of Ormond is censured here, by those
in power, for very wrong management in the affair of the mayoralty.[13] He is
governed by fools, and has usually much more sense than his advisers, but
never proceeds by it. I must know how your health continues after Wexford.
Walk and use exercise, sirrahs both; and get somebody to play at shuttlecock
with you, Madam Stella, and walk to the Dean's and Donnybrook.
21. Colonel Godfrey sent to me again to-day; so I dined at the Green Cloth,
and we had but eleven at dinner, which is a small number there, the Court
being always thin of company till Saturday night.--This new ink and pen make a
strange figure; I MUST WRITE LARGER, YES I MUST, OR STELLA WILL NOT BE ABLE TO
READ THIS.[14] S. S. S., there is your S's for you, Stella. The maids of
honour are bit, and have all contributed their crowns, and are teasing others
to subscribe for the book. I will tell Lord Keeper and Lord Treasurer to-
morrow; and I believe the Queen will have it. After a little walk this
evening, I squandered away the rest of it in sitting at Lewis's lodging, while
he and Dr. Arbuthnot played at picquet. I have that foolish pleasure, which I
believe nobody has beside me, except old Lady Berkeley.[15] But I fretted
when I came away: I will loiter so no more, for I have a plaguy deal of
business upon my hands, and very little time to do it. The pamphleteers begin
to be very busy against the Ministry: I have begged Mr. Secretary to make
examples of one or two of them, and he assures me he will. They are very bold
and abusive.
22. This being the day the Ministry come to Windsor, I ate a bit or two at
Mr. Lewis's lodgings, because I must sup with Lord Treasurer; and at half an
hour after one, I led Mr. Lewis a walk up the avenue, which is two miles long.
We walked in all about five miles; but I was so tired with his slow walking,
that I left him here, and walked two miles towards London, hoping to meet Lord
Treasurer, and return with him; but it grew darkish, and I was forced to walk
back, so I walked nine miles in all; and Lord Treasurer did not come till
after eight; which is very wrong, for there was no moon, and I often tell him
how ill he does to expose himself so; but he only makes a jest of it. I
supped with him, and stayed till now, when it is half an hour after two. He
is as merry and careless and disengaged as a young heir at one-and-twenty.
'Tis late indeed.
23. The Secretary did not come last night, but at three this afternoon. I
have not seen him yet, but I verily think they are contriving a peace as fast
as they can, without which it will be impossible to subsist. The Queen was at
church to-day, but was carried in a chair. I and Mr. Lewis dined privately
with Mr. Lowman,[16] Clerk of the Kitchen. I was to see Lord Keeper this
morning, and told him the jest of the maids of honour; and Lord Treasurer had
it last night. That rogue Arbuthnot puts it all upon me. The Court was very
full to-day. I expected Lord Treasurer would have invited me to supper; but
he only bowed to me; and we had no discourse in the drawing-room. It is now
seven at night, and I am at home; and I hope Lord Treasurer will not send for
me to supper: if he does not, I will reproach him; and he will pretend to
chide me for not coming.--So farewell till I go to bed, for I am going to be
busy.--It is now past ten, and I went down to ask the servants about Mr.
Secretary: they tell me the Queen is yet at Council, and that she went to
supper, and came out to the Council afterwards. It is certain they are
managing a peace. I will go to bed, and there is an end.--It is now eleven,
and a messenger is come from Lord Treasurer to sup with them; but I have
excused myself, and am glad I am in bed; for else I should sit up till two,
and drink till I was hot. Now I'll go sleep.
London, 24. I came to town by six with Lord Treasurer, and have stayed till
ten. That of the Queen's going out to sup, and coming in again, is a lie, as
the Secretary told me this morning; but I find the Ministry are very busy with
Mr. Prior, and I believe he will go again to France. I am told so much, that
we shall certainly have a peace very soon. I had charming weather all last
week at Windsor; but we have had a little rain to-day, and yesterday was
windy. Prior's Journey sells still; they have sold two thousand, although the
town is empty. I found a letter from Mrs. Fenton here, desiring me, in Lady
Giffard's name, to come and pass a week at Sheen, while she is at Moor Park.
I will answer it with a vengeance: and now you talk of answering, there is
MD's N.20 is yet to be answered: I had put it up so safe, I could hardly find
it; but here it is, faith, and I am afraid I cannot send this till Thursday;
for I must see the Secretary to-morrow morning, and be in some other place in
the evening.
25. Stella writes like an emperor, and gives such an account of her journey,
never saw the like. Let me see; stand away, let us compute; you stayed four
days at Inish-Corthy, two nights at Mrs. Proby's mother's, and yet was but six
days in journey; for your words are, "We left Wexford this day se'ennight, and
came here last night." I have heard them say that "travellers may lie by
authority." Make up this, if you can. How far is it from Wexford to Dublin?
how many miles did you travel in a day?[17] Let me see--thirty pounds in two
months is nine score pounds a year; a matter of nothing in Stella's purse! I
dreamed Billy Swift was alive, and that I told him you writ me word he was
dead, and that you had been at his funeral; and I admired at your impudence,
and was in mighty haste to run and let you know what lying rogues you were.
Poor lad! he is dead of his mother's former folly and fondness; and yet now I
believe, as you say, that her grief will soon wear off.--O yes, Madam Dingley,
mightily tired of the company, no doubt of it, at Wexford! And your
description of it is excellent; clean sheets, but bare walls; I suppose then
you lay upon the walls.--Mrs. Walls has got her tea; but who pays me the
money? Come, I shall never get it; so I make a present of it, to stop some
gaps, etc. Where's the thanks of the house? So, that's well; why, it cost
four-and-thirty shillings English--you must adjust that with Mrs. Walls; I
think that is so many pence more with you.--No, Leigh and Sterne, I suppose,
were not at the water-side: I fear Sterne's business will not be done; I have
not seen him this good while. I hate him, for the management of that box; and
I was the greatest fool in nature for trusting to such a young jackanapes; I
will speak to him once more about it, when I see him. Mr. Addison and I met
once more since, and I supped with him; I believe I told you so somewhere in
this letter. The Archbishop chose an admirable messenger in Walls, to send to
me; yet I think him fitter for a messenger than anything.--The D---- she has!
I did not observe her looks. Will she rot out of modesty with Lady Giffard?
I pity poor Jenny[18]--but her husband is a dunce, and with respect to him she
loses little by her deafness. I believe, Madam Stella, in your accounts you
mistook one liquor for another, and it was an hundred and forty quarts of
wine, and thirty-two of water.--This is all written in the morning before I go
to the Secretary, as I am now doing. I have answered your letter a little
shorter than ordinary; but I have a mind it should go to-day, and I will give
you my journal at night in my next; for I'm so afraid of another letter before
this goes: I will never have two together again unanswered.--What care I for
Dr. Tisdall and Dr. Raymond, or how many children they have! I wish they had
a hundred apiece.--Lord Treasurer promises me to answer the bishops' letter
to-morrow, and show it me; and I believe it will confirm all I said, and
mortify those that threw the merit on the Duke of Ormond; for I have made him
jealous of it; and t'other day, talking of the matter, he said, "I am your
witness, you got it for them before the Duke was Lord Lieutenant." My humble
service to Mrs. Walls, Mrs. Stoyte, and Catherine. Farewell, etc.
What do you do when you see any literal mistakes in my letters? how do you set
them right? for I never read them over to correct them. Farewell, again.
Pray send this note to Mrs. Brent, to get the money when Parvisol comes to
town, or she can send to him.
LETTER 31.
LONDON, Sept. 25, 1711.
I dined in the City to-day, and at my return I put my 30th into the post-
office; and when I got home I found for me one of the noblest letters I ever
read: it was from ----, three sides and a half in folio, on a large sheet of
paper; the two first pages made up of satire upon London, and crowds and
hurry, stolen from some of his own schoolboy's exercises: the side and a half
remaining is spent in desiring me to recommend Mrs. South, your Commissioner's
widow,[1] to my Lord Treasurer for a pension. He is the prettiest,
discreetest fellow that ever my eyes beheld, or that ever dipped pen into ink.
I know not what to say to him. A pox on him, I have too many such customers
on this side already. I think I will send him word that I never saw my Lord
Treasurer in my life: I am sure I industriously avoided the name of any great
person when I saw him, for fear of his reporting it in Ireland. And this
recommendation must be a secret too, for fear the Duke of Bolton[2] should
know it, and think it was too mean. I never read so d----d a letter in my
life: a little would make me send it over to you.--I must send you a pattern,
the first place I cast my eyes on, I will not pick and choose. IN THIS PLACE
(meaning the Exchange in London), WHICH IS THE COMPENDIUM OF OLD TROYNOVANT,
AS THAT IS OF THE WHOLE BUSY WORLD, I GOT SUCH A SURFEIT, THAT I GREW SICK OF
MANKIND, AND RESOLVED FOR EVER AFTER TO BURY MYSELF IN THE SHADY RETREAT OF --
---. You must know that London has been called by some Troynovant, or New
Troy. Will you have any more? Yes, one little bit for Stella, because she'll
be fond of it. This wondrous theatre (meaning London) was no more to me than
a desert, and I should less complain of solitude in a Connaught shipwreck, or
even the great bog of Allen. A little scrap for Mrs. Marget,[3] and then I
have done. THEIR ROYAL FANUM, WHEREIN THE IDOL PECUNIA IS DAILY WORSHIPPED,
SEEMED TO ME TO BE JUST LIKE A HIVE OF BEES WORKING AND LABOURING UNDER HUGE
WEIGHTS OF CARES. Fanum is a temple, but he means the Exchange; and Pecunia
is money: so now Mrs. Marget will understand her part. One more paragraph,
and I-- Well, come, don't be in such a rage, you shall have no more. Pray,
Stella, be satisfied; 'tis very pretty: and that I must be acquainted with
such a dog as this!--Our peace goes on fast. Prior was with the Secretary two
hours this morning: I was there a little after he went away, and was told it.
I believe he will soon be despatched again to France; and I will put somebody
to write an account of his second journey: I hope you have seen the other.
This latter has taken up my time with storming at it.
26. Bernage has been with me these two days; yesterday I sent for him to let
him know that Dr. Arbuthnot is putting in strongly to have his brother made a
captain over Bernage's[4] head. Arbuthnot's brother is but an ensign, but the
Doctor has great power with the Queen: yet he told me he would not do
anything hard to a gentleman who is my friend; and I have engaged the
Secretary and his Colonel[5] for him. To-day he told me very melancholy, that
the other had written from Windsor (where he went to solicit) that he has got
the company; and Bernage is full of the spleen. I made the Secretary write
yesterday a letter to the Colonel in Bernage's behalf. I hope it will do yet;
and I have written to Dr. Arbuthnot to Windsor, not to insist on doing such a
hardship. I dined in the City at Pontack's, with Stratford; it cost me seven
shillings: he would have treated, but I did not let him. I have removed my
money from the Bank to another fund. I desire Parvisol may speak to Hawkshaw
to pay in my money when he can, for I will put it in the funds; and, in the
meantime, borrow so much of Mr. Secretary, who offers to lend it me. Go to
the Dean's, sirrahs.
27. Bernage was with me again to-day, and is in great fear, and so was I; but
this afternoon, at Lord Treasurer's, where I dined, my brother, George
Granville, Secretary at War, after keeping me a while in suspense, told me
that Dr. Arbuthnot had waived the business, because he would not wrong a
friend of mine; that his brother is to be a lieutenant, and Bernage is made a
captain. I called at his lodging, and the soldier's coffee-house, to put him
out of pain, but cannot find him; so I have left word, and shall see him to-
morrow morning, I suppose. Bernage is now easy; he has ten shillings a day,
beside lawful cheating. However, he gives a private sum to his Colonel, but
it is very cheap: his Colonel loves him well, but is surprised to see him
have so many friends. So he is now quite off my hands. I left the company
early to-night, at Lord Treasurer's; but the Secretary followed me, to desire
I would go with him to W--. Mr. Lewis's man came in before I could finish
that word beginning with a W, which ought to be Windsor, and brought me a very
handsome rallying letter from Dr. Arbuthnot, to tell me he had, in compliance
to me, given up his brother's pretensions in favour of Bernage, this very
morning; that the Queen had spoken to Mr. Granville to make the company easy
in the other's having the captainship. Whether they have done it to oblige me
or no, I must own it so. He says he this very morning begged Her Majesty to
give Mr. Bernage the company. I am mighty well pleased to have succeeded so
well; but you will think me tedious, although you like the man, as I think.
Windsor, 28. I came here a day sooner than ordinary, at Mr. Secretary's
desire, and supped with him and Prior, and two private Ministers from France,
and a French priest.[6] I know not the two Ministers' names; but they are
come about the peace. The names the Secretary called them, I suppose, were
feigned; they were good rational men. We have already settled all things with
France, and very much to the honour and advantage of England; and the Queen is
in mighty good humour. All this news is a mighty secret; the people in
general know that a peace is forwarding. The Earl of Strafford[7] is to go
soon to Holland, and let them know what we have been doing: and then there
will be the devil and all to pay; but we'll make them swallow it with a pox.
The French Ministers stayed with us till one, and the Secretary and I sat up
talking till two; so you will own 'tis late, sirrahs, and time for your little
saucy Presto to go to bed and sleep adazy; and God bless poor little MD: I
hope they are now fast asleep, and dreaming of Presto.
