'Then take broadswords, and be d--d to you, as your fathers did
before you,' said the counsel learned in the law.

'Aweel, sir, if ye think it wadna be again the law, it's a' ane to
Dandie.'

'Hold! hold!' exclaimed Pleydell, 'we shall have another Lord
Soulis' mistake. Pr'ythee, man, comprehend me; I wish you to
consider how very trifling and foolish a lawsuit you wish to
engage in.'

'Ay, sir?' said Dandie, in a disappointed tone. 'So ye winna take
on wi' me, I'm doubting?'

'Me! not I. Go home, go home, take a pint and agree.' Dandie
looked but half contented, and still remained stationary.
'Anything more, my friend?'

'Only, sir, about the succession of this leddy that's dead, auld
Miss Margaret Bertram o' Singleside.'

'Ay, what about her?' said the counsellor, rather surprised.

'Ou, we have nae connexion at a' wi' the Bertrams,' said Dandie;
'they were grand folk by the like o' us; but Jean Liltup, that was
auld Singleside's housekeeper, and the mother of these twa young
ladies that are gane--the last o' them's dead at a ripe age, I
trow--Jean Liltup came out o' Liddel water, and she was as near
our connexion as second cousin to my mother's half-sister. She
drew up wi' Singleside, nae doubt, when she was his housekeeper,
and it was a sair vex and grief to a' her kith and kin. But he
acknowledged a marriage, and satisfied the kirk; and now I wad ken
frae you if we hae not some claim by law?'

'Not the shadow of a claim.'

'Aweel, we're nae puirer,' said Dandie; 'but she may hae thought
on us if she was minded to make a testament. Weel, sir, I've said
my say; I'se e'en wish you good-night, and--' putting his hand in
his pocket.

'No, no, my friend; I never take fees on Saturday nights, or
without a memorial. Away with you, Dandie.' And Dandie made his
reverence and departed accordingly.




CHAPTER XXXVII

     But this poor farce has neither truth nor art
     To please the fancy or to touch the heart
     Dark but not awful dismal but yet mean,
     With anxious bustle moves the cumbrous scene,
     Presents no objects tender or profound,
     But spreads its cold unmeaning gloom around

          Parish Register


'Your majesty,' said Mannering, laughing, 'has solemnised your
abdication by an act of mercy and charity. That fellow will scarce
think of going to law.'

'O, you are quite wrong,' said the experienced lawyer. 'The only
difference is, I have lost my client and my fee. He'll never rest
till he finds somebody to encourage him to commit the folly he has
predetermined. No! no! I have only shown you another weakness of
my character: I always speak truth of a Saturday night.'

'And sometimes through the week, I should think,' said Mannering,
continuing the same tone.

'Why, yes; as far as my vocation will permit. I am, as Hamlet
says, indifferent honest, when my clients and their solicitors do
not make me the medium of conveying their double-distilled lies to
the bench. But oportet vivere! it is a sad thing. And now to our
business. I am glad my old friend Mac-Morlan has sent you to me;
he is an active, honest, and intelligent man, long sheriff-
substitute of the county of--under me, and still holds the office.
He knows I have a regard for that unfortunate family of
Ellangowan, and for poor Lucy. I have not seen her since she was
twelve years old, and she was then a sweet pretty girl, under the
management of a very silly father. But my interest in her is of an
early date. I was called upon, Mr. Mannering, being then sheriff
of that county, to investigate the particulars of a murder which
had been committed near Ellangowan the day on which this poor
child was born; and which, by a strange combination that I was
unhappily not able to trace, involved the death or abstraction of
her only brother, a boy of about five years old. No, Colonel, I
shall never forget the misery of the house of Ellangowan that
morning! the father half-distracted--the mother dead in premature
travail--the helpless infant, with scarce any one to attend it,
coming wawling and crying into this miserable world at such a
moment of unutterable misery. We lawyers are not of iron, sir, or
of brass, any more than you soldiers are of steel. We are
conversant with the crimes and distresses of civil society, as you
are with those that occur in a state of war, and to do our duty in
either case a little apathy is perhaps necessary. But the devil
take a soldier whose heart can be as hard as his sword, and his
dam catch the lawyer who bronzes his bosom instead of his
forehead! But come, I am losing my Saturday at e'en. Will you have
the kindness to trust me with these papers which relate to Miss
Bertram's business? and stay--to-morrow you'll take a bachelor's
dinner with an old lawyer,--I insist upon it--at three precisely,
and come an hour sooner. The old lady is to be buried on Monday;
it is the orphan's cause, and we'll borrow an hour from the Sunday
to talk over this business, although I fear nothing can be done if
she has altered her settlement, unless perhaps it occurs within
the sixty days, and then, if Miss Bertram can show that she
possesses the character of heir-at-law, why--But, hark! my lieges
are impatient of their interregnum. I do not invite you to rejoin
us, Colonel; it would be a trespass on your complaisance, unless
you had begun the day with us, and gradually glided on from wisdom
to mirth, and from mirth to-to-to--extravagance. Good-night.
Harry, go home with Mr. Mannering to his lodging. Colonel, I
expect you at a little past two to-morrow.'

The Colonel returned to his inn, equally surprised at the childish
frolics in which he had found his learned counsellor engaged, at
the candour and sound sense which he had in a moment summoned up
to meet the exigencies of his profession, and at the tone of
feeling which he displayed when he spoke of the friendless orphan.

In the morning, while the Colonel and his most quiet and silent of
all retainers, Dominie Sampson, were finishing the breakfast which
Barnes had made and poured out, after the Dominie had scalded
himself in the attempt, Mr. Pleydell was suddenly ushered in. A
nicely dressed bob-wig, upon every hair of which a zealous and
careful barber had bestowed its proper allowance of powder; a
well-brushed black suit, with very clean shoes and gold buckles
and stock-buckle; a manner rather reserved and formal than
intrusive, but withal showing only the formality of manner, by no
means that of awkwardness; a countenance, the expressive and
somewhat comic features of which were in complete repose--all
showed a being perfectly different from the choice spirit of the
evening before. A glance of shrewd and piercing fire in his eye
was the only marked expression which recalled the man of 'Saturday
at e'en.'

'I am come,' said he, with a very polite address, 'to use my regal
authority in your behalf in spirituals as well as temporals; can I
accompany you to the Presbyterian kirk, or Episcopal meeting-
house? Tros Tyriusve, a lawyer, you know, is of both religions, or
rather I should say of both forms;--or can I assist in passing the
fore-noon otherwise? You'll excuse my old-fashioned importunity, I
was born in a time when a Scotchman was thought inhospitable if he
left a guest alone a moment, except when he slept; but I trust you
will tell me at once if I intrude.'

'Not at all, my dear sir,' answered Colonel Mannering. 'I am
delighted to put myself under your pilotage. I should wish much to
hear some of your Scottish preachers whose talents have done such
honour to your country--your Blair, your Robertson, or your Henry;
and I embrace your kind offer with all my heart. Only,' drawing
the lawyer a little aside, and turning his eye towards Sampson,
'my worthy friend there in the reverie is a little helpless and
abstracted, and my servant, Barnes, who is his pilot in ordinary,
cannot well assist him here, especially as he has expressed his
determination of going to some of your darker and more remote
places of worship.'

The lawyer's eye glanced at Dominie Sampson. 'A curiosity worth
preserving; and I'll find you a fit custodier. Here you, sir (to
the waiter), go to Luckie Finlayson's in the Cowgate for Miles
Macfin the cadie, he'll be there about this time, and tell him I
wish to speak to him.'

The person wanted soon arrived. 'I will commit your friend to this
man's charge,' said Pleydell; 'he'll attend him, or conduct him,
wherever he chooses to go, with a happy indifference as to kirk or
market, meeting or court of justice, or any other place whatever;
and bring him safe home at whatever hour you appoint; so that Mr.
Barnes there may be left to the freedom of his own will.'

This was easily arranged, and the Colonel committed the Dominie to
the charge of this man while they should remain in Edinburgh.

'And now, sir, if you please, we shall go to the Grey-friars
church, to hear our historian of Scotland, of the Continent, and
of America.'

They were disappointed: he did not preach that morning. 'Never
mind,' said the Counsellor, 'have a moment's patience and we shall
do very well.'

The colleague of Dr. Robertson ascended the pulpit. [Footnote:
This was the celebrated Doctor Erskine, a distinguished clergyman,
and a most excellent man.] His external appearance was not
prepossessing. A remarkably fair complexion, strangely contrasted
with a black wig without a grain of powder; a narrow chest and a
stooping posture; hands which, placed like props on either side of
the pulpit, seemed necessary rather to support the person than to
assist the gesticulation of the preacher; no gown, not even that
of Geneva, a tumbled band, and a gesture which seemed scarce
voluntary, were the first circumstances which struck a stranger.
'The preacher seems a very ungainly person,' whispered Mannering
to his new friend.

'Never fear, he's the son of an excellent Scottish lawyer;
[Footnote: The father of Doctor Erskine was an eminent lawyer, and
his Institutes of the Law of Scotland are to this day the text-
book of students of that science.] he'll show blood, I'll warrant
him.'

The learned Counsellor predicted truly. A lecture was delivered,
fraught with new, striking, and entertaining views of Scripture
history, a sermon in which the Calvinism of the Kirk of Scotland
was ably supported, yet made the basis of a sound system of
practical morals, which should neither shelter the sinner under
the cloak of speculative faith or of peculiarity of opinion, nor
leave him loose to the waves of unbelief and schism. Something
there was of an antiquated turn of argument and metaphor, but it
only served to give zest and peculiarity to the style of
elocution. The sermon was not read: a scrap of paper containing
the heads of the discourse was occasionally referred to, and the
enunciation, which at first seemed imperfect and embarrassed,
became, as the preacher warmed in his progress, animated and
distinct; and although the discourse could not be quoted as a
correct specimen of pulpit eloquence, yet Mannering had seldom
heard so much learning, metaphysical acuteness, and energy of
argument brought into the service of Christianity.

'Such,' he said, going out of the church, 'must have been the
preachers to whose unfearing minds, and acute though sometimes
rudely exercised talents, we owe the Reformation.'

'And yet that reverend gentleman,' said Pleydell, 'whom I love for
his father's sake and his own, has nothing of the sour or
pharisaical pride which has been imputed to some of the early
fathers of the Calvinistic Kirk of Scotland. His colleague and he
differ, and head different parties in the kirk, about particular
points of church discipline; but without for a moment losing
personal regard or respect for each other, or suffering malignity
to interfere in an opposition steady, constant, and apparently
conscientious on both sides.'

'And you, Mr. Pleydell, what do you think of their points of
difference?'

'Why, I hope, Colonel, a plain man may go to heaven without
thinking about them at all; besides, inter nos, I am a member of
the suffering and Episcopal Church of Scotland--the shadow of a
shade now, and fortunately so; but I love to pray where my fathers
prayed before me, without thinking worse of the Presbyterian forms
because they do not affect me with the same associations.' And
with this remark they parted until dinner-time.

From the awkward access to the lawyer's mansion, Mannering was
induced to form very moderate expectations of the entertainment
which he was to receive. The approach looked even more dismal by
daylight than on the preceding evening. The houses on each side of
the lane were so close that the neighbours might have shaken hands
with each other from the different sides, and occasionally the
space between was traversed by wooden galleries, and thus entirely
closed up. The stair, the scale-stair, was not well cleaned; and
on entering the house Mannering was struck with the narrowness and
meanness of the wainscotted passage. But the library, into which
he was shown by an elderly, respectable-looking man-servant, was a
complete contrast to these unpromising appearances. It was a well-
proportioned room, hung with a portrait or two of Scottish
characters of eminence, by Jamieson, the Caledonian Vandyke, and
surrounded with books, the best editions of the best authors, and
in particular an admirable collection of classics.

'These,' said Pleydell, 'are my tools of trade. A lawyer without
history or literature is a mechanic, a mere working mason; if he
possesses some knowledge of these, he may venture to call himself
an architect.'

But Mannering was chiefly delighted with the view from the
windows, which commanded that incomparable prospect of the ground
between Edinburgh and the sea--the Firth of Forth, with its
islands, the embayment which is terminated by the Law of North
Berwick, and the varied shores of Fife to the northward, indenting
with a hilly outline the clear blue horizon.

When Mr. Pleydell had sufficiently enjoyed the surprise of his
guest, he called his attention to Miss Bertram's affairs. 'I was
in hopes,' he said, 'though but faint, to have discovered some
means of ascertaining her indefeasible right to this property of
Singleside; but my researches have been in vain. The old lady was
certainly absolute fiar, and might dispose of it in full right of
property. All that we have to hope is, that the devil may not have
tempted her to alter this very proper settlement. You must attend
the old girl's funeral to-morrow, to which you will receive an
invitation, for I have acquainted her agent with your being here
on Miss Bertram's part; and I will meet you afterwards at the
house she inhabited, and be present to see fair play at the
opening of the settlement. The old cat had a little girl, the
orphan of some relation, who lived with her as a kind of slavish
companion. I hope she has had the conscience to make her
independent, in consideration of the peine forte et dure to which
she subjected her during her lifetime.'

Three gentlemen now appeared, and were introduced to the stranger.
They were men of good sense, gaiety, and general information, so
that the day passed very pleasantly over; and Colonel Mannering
assisted, about eight o'clock at night, in discussing the
landlord's bottle, which was, of course, a magnum. Upon his return
to the inn he found a card inviting him to the funeral of Miss
Margaret Bertram, late of Singleside, which was to proceed from
her own house to the place of interment in the Greyfriars
churchyard at one o'clock afternoon.

At the appointed hour Mannering went to a small house in the
suburbs to the southward of the city, where he found the place of
mourning indicated, as usual in Scotland, by two rueful figures
with long black cloaks, white crapes and hat-bands, holding in
their hands poles, adorned with melancholy streamers of the same
description. By two other mutes, who, from their visages, seemed
suffering under the pressure of some strange calamity, he was
ushered into the dining-parlour of the defunct, where the company
were assembled for the funeral.

In Scotland the custom, now disused in England, of inviting the
relations of the deceased to the interment is universally
retained. On many occasions this has a singular and striking
effect, but it degenerates into mere empty form and grimace in
cases where the defunct has had the misfortune to live unbeloved
and die unlamented. The English service for the dead, one of the
most beautiful and impressive parts of the ritual of the church,
would have in such cases the effect of fixing the attention, and
uniting the thoughts and feelings of the audience present in an
exercise of devotion so peculiarly adapted to such an occasion.
But according to the Scottish custom, if there be not real feeling
among the assistants, there is nothing to supply the deficiency,
and exalt or rouse the attention; so that a sense of tedious form,
and almost hypocritical restraint, is too apt to pervade the
company assembled for the mournful solemnity. Mrs. Margaret
Bertram was unluckily one of those whose good qualities had
attached no general friendship. She had no near relations who
might have mourned from natural affection, and therefore her
funeral exhibited merely the exterior trappings of sorrow.

Mannering, therefore, stood among this lugubrious company of
cousins in the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth degree, composing
his countenance to the decent solemnity of all who were around
him, and looking as much concerned on Mrs. Margaret Bertram's
account as if the deceased lady of Singleside had been his own
sister or mother. After a deep and awful pause, the company began
to talk aside, under their breaths, however, and as if in the
chamber of a dying person.

'Our poor friend,' said one grave gentleman, scarcely opening his
mouth, for fear of deranging the necessary solemnity of his
features, and sliding his whisper from between his lips, which
were as little unclosed as possible--'our poor friend has died
well to pass in the world.'

'Nae doubt,' answered the person addressed, with half-closed eyes;
'poor Mrs. Margaret was aye careful of the gear.'

'Any news to-day, Colonel Mannering?' said one of the gentlemen
whom he had dined with the day before, but in a tone which might,
for its impressive gravity, have communicated the death of his
whole generation.

'Nothing particular, I believe, sir,' said Mannering, in the
cadence which was, he observed, appropriated to the house of
mourning.

'I understand,' continued the first speaker, emphatically, and
with the air of one who is well informed--'I understand there IS a
settlement.'

'And what does little Jenny Gibson get?'

'A hundred, and the auld repeater.'

'That's but sma' gear, puir thing; she had a sair time o't with
the auld leddy. But it's ill waiting for dead folk's shoon.'

'I am afraid,' said the politician, who was close by Mannering,
'we have not done with your old friend Tippoo Sahib yet, I doubt
he'll give the Company more plague; and I am told, but you'll know
for certain, that East India Stock is not rising.'

'I trust it will, sir, soon.'

'Mrs. Margaret,' said another person, mingling in the
conversation, 'had some India bonds. I know that, for I drew the
interest for her; it would be desirable now for the trustees and
legatees to have the Colonel's advice about the time and mode of
converting them into money. For my part I think--but there's Mr.
Mortcloke to tell us they are gaun to lift.'

Mr. Mortcloke the undertaker did accordingly, with a visage of
professional length and most grievous solemnity, distribute among
the pall-bearers little cards, assigning their respective
situations in attendance upon the coffin. As this precedence is
supposed to be regulated by propinquity to the defunct, the
undertaker, however skilful a master of these lugubrious
ceremonies, did not escape giving some offence. To be related to
Mrs. Bertram was to be of kin to the lands of Singleside, and was
a propinquity of which each relative present at that moment was
particularly jealous. Some murmurs there were on the occasion, and
our friend Dinmont gave more open offence, being unable either to
repress his discontent or to utter it in the key properly
modulated to the solemnity. 'I think ye might hae at least gi'en
me a leg o' her to carry,' he exclaimed, in a voice considerably
louder than propriety admitted. 'God! an it hadna been for the
rigs o' land, I would hae gotten her a' to carry mysell, for as
mony gentles as are here.'

A score of frowning and reproving brows were bent upon the
unappalled yeoman, who, having given vent to his displeasure,
stalked sturdily downstairs with the rest of the company, totally
disregarding the censures of those whom his remarks had
scandalised.

And then the funeral pomp set forth; saulies with their batons and
gumphions of tarnished white crape, in honour of the well-
preserved maiden fame of Mrs. Margaret Bertram. Six starved
horses, themselves the very emblems of mortality, well cloaked and
plumed, lugging along the hearse with its dismal emblazonry, crept
in slow state towards the place of interment, preceded by Jamie
Duff, an idiot, who, with weepers and cravat made of white paper,
attended on every funeral, and followed by six mourning coaches,
filled with the company. Many of these now gave more free loose to
their tongues, and discussed with unrestrained earnestness the
amount of the succession, and the probability of its destination.
The principal expectants, however, kept a prudent silence, indeed
ashamed to express hopes which might prove fallacious; and the
agent or man of business, who alone knew exactly how matters
stood, maintained a countenance of mysterious importance, as if
determined to preserve the full interest of anxiety and suspense.

At length they arrived at the churchyard gates, and from thence,
amid the gaping of two or three dozen of idle women with infants
in their arms, and accompanied by some twenty children, who ran
gambolling and screaming alongside of the sable procession, they
finally arrived at the burial-place of the Singleside family. This
was a square enclosure in the Greyfriars churchyard, guarded on
one side by a veteran angel without a nose, and having only one
wing, who had the merit of having maintained his post for a
century, while his comrade cherub, who had stood sentinel on the
corresponding pedestal, lay a broken trunk among the hemlock,
burdock, and nettles which grew in gigantic luxuriance around the
walls of the mausoleum. A moss-grown and broken inscription
informed the reader that in the year 1650 Captain Andrew Bertram,
first of Singleside, descended of the very ancient and honourable
house of Ellangowan, had caused this monument to be erected for
himself and his descendants. A reasonable number of scythes and
hour-glasses, and death's heads and cross-bones, garnished the
following sprig of sepulchral poetry to the memory of the founder
of the mausoleum:--

     Nathaniel's heart, Bezaleel's hand
        If ever any had,
     These boldly do I say had he,
        Who lieth in this bed.

Here, then, amid the deep black fat loam into which her ancestors
were now resolved, they deposited the body of Mrs. Margaret
Bertram; and, like soldiers returning from a military funeral, the
nearest relations who might be interested in the settlements of
the lady urged the dog-cattle of the hackney coaches to all the
speed of which they were capable, in order to put an end to
farther suspense on that interesting topic.




CHAPTER XXXVIII

     Die and endow a college or a cat.

          POPE.


There is a fable told by Lucian, that while a troop of monkeys,
well drilled by an intelligent manager, were performing a tragedy
with great applause, the decorum of the whole scene was at once
destroyed, and the natural passions of the actors called forth
into very indecent and active emulation, by a wag who threw a
handful of nuts upon the stage. In like manner, the approaching
crisis stirred up among the expectants feelings of a nature very
different from those of which, under the superintendence of Mr.
Mortcloke, they had but now been endeavouring to imitate the
expression. Those eyes which were lately devoutly cast up to
heaven, or with greater humility bent solemnly upon earth, were
now sharply and alertly darting their glances through shuttles,
and trunks, and drawers, and cabinets, and all the odd corners of
an old maiden lady's repositories. Nor was their search without
interest, though they did not find the will of which they were in
quest.

Here was a promissory note for 20 Pounds by the minister of the
nonjuring chapel, interest marked as paid to Martinmas last,
carefully folded up in a new set of words to the old tune of 'Over
the Water to Charlie'; there was a curious love correspondence
between the deceased and a certain Lieutenant O'Kean of a marching
regiment of foot; and tied up with the letters was a document
which at once explained to the relatives why a connexion that
boded them little good had been suddenly broken off, being the
Lieutenant's bond for two hundred pounds, upon which NO interest
whatever appeared to have been paid. Other bills and bonds to a
larger amount, and signed by better names (I mean commercially)
than those of the worthy divine and gallant soldier, also occurred
in the course of their researches, besides a hoard of coins of
every size and denomination, and scraps of broken gold and silver,
old earrings, hinges of cracked, snuff-boxes, mountings of
spectacles, etc. etc. etc. Still no will made its appearance, and
Colonel Mannering began full well to hope that the settlement
which he had obtained from Glossin contained the ultimate
arrangement of the old lady's affairs. But his friend Pleydell,
who now came into the room, cautioned him against entertaining
this belief.

'I am well acquainted with the gentleman,' he said, 'who is
conducting the search, and I guess from his manner that he knows
something more of the matter than any of us.'

Meantime, while the search proceeds, let us take a brief glance at
one or two of the company who seem most interested.

Of Dinmont, who, with his large hunting-whip under his arm, stood
poking his great round face over the shoulder of the homme
d'affaires, it is unnecessary to say anything. That thin-looking
oldish person, in a most correct and gentleman-like suit of
mourning, is Mac-Casquil, formerly of Drumquag, who was ruined by
having a legacy bequeathed to him of two shares in the Ayr bank.
His hopes on the present occasion are founded on a very distant
relationship, upon his sitting in the same pew with the deceased
every Sunday, and upon his playing at cribbage with her regularly
on the Saturday evenings, taking great care never to come off a
winner. That other coarse-looking man, wearing his own greasy hair
tied in a leathern cue more greasy still, is a tobacconist, a
relation of Mrs. Bertram's mother, who, having a good stock in
trade when the colonial war broke out, trebled the price of his
commodity to all the world, Mrs. Bertram alone excepted, whose
tortoise-shell snuff-box was weekly filled with the best rappee at
the old prices, because the maid brought it to the shop with Mrs.
Bertram's respects to her cousin Mr. Quid. That young fellow, who
has not had the decency to put off his boots and buckskins, might
have stood as forward as most of them in the graces of the old
lady, who loved to look upon a comely young man; but it is thought
he has forfeited the moment of fortune by sometimes neglecting her
tea-table when solemnly invited, sometimes appearing there when he
had been dining with blyther company, twice treading upon her
cat's tail, and once affronting her parrot.

To Mannering the most interesting of the group was the poor girl
who had been a sort of humble companion of the deceased, as a
subject upon whom she could at all times expectorate her bad
humour. She was for form's sake dragged into the room by the
deceased's favourite female attendant, where, shrinking into
a>corner as soon as possible, she saw with wonder and affright the
intrusive researches of the strangers amongst those recesses to
which from childhood she had looked with awful veneration. This
girl was regarded with an unfavourable eye by all the competitors,
honest Dinmont only excepted; the rest conceived they should find
in her a formidable competitor, whose claims might at least
encumber and diminish their chance of succession. Yet she was the
only person present who seemed really to feel sorrow for the
deceased. Mrs. Bertram had been her protectress, although from
selfish motives, and her capricious tyranny was forgotten at the
moment, while the tears followed each other fast down the cheeks
of her frightened and friendless dependent. 'There's ower muckle
saut water there, Drumquag,' said the tobacconist to the ex-
proprietor, 'to bode ither folk muckle gude. Folk seldom greet
that gate but they ken what it's for.' Mr. Mac-Casquil only
replied with a nod, feeling the propriety of asserting his
superior gentry in presence of Mr. Pleydell and Colonel Mannering.

'Very queer if there suld be nae will after a', friend,' said
Dinmont, who began to grow impatient, to the man of business.

'A moment's patience, if you please. She was a good and prudent
woman, Mrs. Margaret Bertram--a good and prudent and well-judging
woman, and knew how to choose friends and depositaries; she may
have put her last will and testament, or rather her mortis causa
settlement, as it relates to heritage, into the hands of some safe
friend.'

'I'll bet a rump and dozen,' said Pleydell, whispering to the
Colonel, 'he has got it in his own pocket.' Then addressing the
man of law, 'Come, sir, we'll cut this short, if you please: here
is a settlement of the estate of Singleside, executed several
years ago, in favour of Miss Lucy Bertram of Ellangowan.' The
company stared fearfully wild. 'You, I presume, Mr. Protocol, can
inform us if there is a later deed?'

'Please to favour me, Mr. Pleydell'; and so saying, he took the
deed out of the learned counsel's hand, and glanced his eye over
the contents.

'Too cool,' said Pleydell, 'too cool by half; he has another deed
in his pocket still.'

'Why does he not show it then, and be d-d to him!' said the
military gentleman, whose patience began to wax threadbare.

'Why, how should I know?' answered the barrister; 'why does a cat
not kill a mouse when she takes him? The consciousness of power
and the love of teasing, I suppose. Well, Mr. Protocol, what say
you to that deed?'

'Why, Mr. Pleydell, the deed is a well-drawn deed, properly
authenticated and tested in forms of the statute.'

'But recalled or superseded by another of posterior date in your
possession, eh?' said the Counsellor.

'Something of the sort, I confess, Mr. Pleydell,' rejoined the man
of business, producing a bundle tied with tape, and sealed at each
fold and ligation with black wax. 'That deed, Mr. Pleydell, which
you produce and found upon, is dated 1st June 17-; but this
(breaking the seals and unfolding the document slowly) is dated
the 20th--no, I see it is the 21st--of April of this present year,
being ten years posterior.'

'Marry, hang her, brock!' said the Counsellor, borrowing an
exclamation from Sir Toby Belch; 'just the month in which
Ellangowan's distresses became generally public. But let us hear
what she has done.'

Mr. Protocol accordingly, having required silence, began to read
the settlement aloud in a slow, steady, business-like tone. The
group around, in whose eyes hope alternately awakened and faded,
and who were straining their apprehensions to get at the drift of
the testator's meaning through the mist of technical language in
which the conveyance had involved it, might have made a study for
Hogarth.

The deed was of an unexpected nature. It set forth with conveying
and disponing all and whole the estate and lands of Singleside and
others, with the lands of Loverless, Liealone, Spinster's Knowe,
and heaven knows what beside, 'to and in favours of (here the
reader softened his voice to a gentle and modest piano) Peter
Protocol, clerk to the signet, having the fullest confidence in
his capacity and integrity--these are the very words which my
worthy deceased friend insisted upon my inserting--but in TRUST
always (here the reader recovered his voice and style, and the
visages of several of the hearers, which had attained a longitude
that Mr. Mortcloke might have envied, were perceptibly shortened)
--in TRUST always, and for the uses, ends, and purposes hereinafter
mentioned.'

In these 'uses, ends, and purposes' lay the cream of the affair.
The first was introduced by a preamble setting forth that the
testatrix was lineally descended from the ancient house of
Ellangowan, her respected great-grandfather, Andrew Bertram, first
of Singleside, of happy memory, having been second son to Allan
Bertram, fifteenth Baron of Ellangowan. It proceeded to state that
Henry Bertram, son and heir of Godfrey Bertram, now of Ellangowan,
had been stolen from his parents in infancy, but that she, the
testatrix, WAS WELL ASSURED THAT HE WAS YET ALIVE IN FOREIGN
PARTS, AND BY THE PROVIDENCE OF HEAVEN WOULD BE RESTORED TO THE
POSSESSIONS OF HIS ANCESTORS, in which case the said Peter
Protocol was bound and obliged, like as he bound and obliged
himself, by acceptance of these presents, to denude himself of the
said lands of Singleside and others, and of all the other effects
thereby conveyed (excepting always a proper gratification for his
own trouble), to and in favour of the said Henry Bertram, upon his
return to his native country. And during the time of his residing
in foreign parts, or in case of his never again returning to
Scotland, Mr. Peter Protocol, the trustee, was directed to
distribute the rents of the land, and interest of the other funds
(deducting always a proper gratification for his trouble in the
premises), in equal portions, among four charitable establishments
pointed out in the will. The power of management, of letting
leases, of raising and lending out money, in short, the full
authority of a proprietor, was vested in this confidential
trustee, and, in the event of his death, went to certain official
persons named in the deed. There were only two legacies; one of a
hundred pounds to a favourite waiting-maid, another of the like
sum to Janet Gibson (whom the deed stated to have been supported
by the charity of the testatrix), for the purpose of binding her
an apprentice to some honest trade.

A settlement in mortmain is in Scotland termed a mortification,
and in one great borough (Aberdeen, if I remember rightly) there
is a municipal officer who takes care of these public endowments,
and is thence called the Master of Mortifications. One would
almost presume that the term had its origin in the effect which
such settlements usually produce upon the kinsmen of those by whom
they are executed. Heavy at least was the mortification which
befell the audience who, in the late Mrs. Margaret Bertram's
parlour, had listened to this unexpected destination of the lands
of Singleside. There was a profound silence after the deed had
been read over.

Mr. Pleydell was the first to speak. He begged to look at the
deed, and, having satisfied himself that it was correctly drawn
and executed, he returned it without any observation, only saying
aside to Mannering, 'Protocol is not worse than other people, I
believe; but this old lady has determined that, if he do not turn
rogue, it shall not be for want of temptation.'

'I really think,' said Mr. Mac-Casquil of Drumquag, who, having
gulped down one half of his vexation, determined to give vent to
the rest--'I really think this is an extraordinary case! I should
like now to know from Mr. Protocol, who, being sole and unlimited
trustee, must have been consulted upon this occasion--I should
like, I say, to know how Mrs. Bertram could possibly believe in
the existence of a boy that a' the world kens was murdered many a
year since?'

'Really, sir,' said Mr. Protocol, 'I do not conceive it is
possible for me to explain her motives more than she has done
herself. Our excellent deceased friend was a good woman, sir--a
pious woman--and might have grounds for confidence in the boy's
safety which are not accessible to us, sir.'

'Hout,' said the tobacconist, 'I ken very weel what were her
grounds for confidence. There's Mrs. Rebecca (the maid) sitting
there has tell'd me a hundred times in my ain shop, there was nae
kenning how her leddy wad settle her affairs, for an auld gipsy
witch wife at Gilsland had possessed her with a notion that the
callant--Harry Bertram ca's she him?--would come alive again some
day after a'. Ye'll no deny that, Mrs. Rebecca? though I dare to
say ye forgot to put your mistress in mind of what ye promised to
say when I gied ye mony a half-crown. But ye'll no deny what I am
saying now, lass?'

'I ken naething at a' about it,' answered Rebecca, doggedly, and
looking straight forward with the firm countenance of one not
disposed to be compelled to remember more than was agreeable to
her.

'Weel said, Rebecca! ye're satisfied wi' your ain share ony way,'
rejoined the tobacconist.

The buck of the second-head, for a buck of the first-head he was
not, had hitherto been slapping his boots with his switch-whip,
and looking like a spoiled child that has lost its supper. His
murmurs, however, were all vented inwardly, or at most in a
soliloquy such as this--'I am sorry, by G-d, I ever plagued myself
about her. I came here, by G-d, one night to drink tea, and I left
King and the Duke's rider Will Hack. They were toasting a round of
running horses; by G-d, I might have got leave to wear the jacket
as well as other folk if I had carried it on with them; and she
has not so much as left me that hundred!'

'We'll make the payment of the note quite agreeable,' said Mr.
Protocol, who had no wish to increase at that moment the odium
attached to his office. 'And now, gentlemen, I fancy we have no
more to wait for here, and I shall put the settlement of my
excellent and worthy friend on record to-morrow, that every
gentleman may examine the contents, and have free access to take
an extract; and'--he proceeded to lock up the repositories of the
deceased with more speed than he had opened them--'Mrs. Rebecca,
ye'll be so kind as to keep all right here until we can let the
house; I had an offer from a tenant this morning, if such a thing
should be, and if I was to have any management.'

Our friend Dinmont, having had his hopes as well as another, had
hitherto sate sulky enough in the armchair formerly appropriated
to the deceased, and in which she would have been not a little
scandalised to have seen this colossal specimen of the masculine
gender lolling at length. His employment had been rolling up into
the form of a coiled snake the long lash of his horse-whip, and
then by a jerk causing it to unroll itself into the middle of the
floor. The first words he said when he had digested the shock
contained a magnanimous declaration, which he probably was not
conscious of having uttered aloud--'Weel, blude's thicker than
water; she's welcome to the cheeses and the hams just the same.'
But when the trustee had made the above-mentioned motion for the
mourners to depart, and talked of the house being immediately let,
honest Dinmont got upon his feet and stunned the company with this
blunt question, 'And what's to come o' this poor lassie then,
Jenny Gibson? Sae mony o' us as thought oursells sib to the family
when the gear was parting, we may do something for her amang us
surely.'

This proposal seemed to dispose most of the assembly instantly to
evacuate the premises, although upon Mr. Protocol's motion they
had lingered as if around the grave of their disappointed hopes.
Drumquag said, or rather muttered, something of having a family of
his own, and took precedence, in virtue of his gentle blood, to
depart as fast as possible. The tobacconist sturdily stood forward
and scouted the motion--'A little huzzie like that was weel eneugh
provided for already; and Mr. Protocol at ony rate was the proper
person to take direction of her, as he had charge of her legacy';
and after uttering such his opinion in a steady and decisive tone
of voice, he also left the place. The buck made a stupid and
brutal attempt at a jest upon Mrs. Bertram's recommendation that
the poor girl should be taught some honest trade; but encountered
a scowl from Colonel Mannering's darkening eye (to whom, in his
ignorance of the tone of good society, he had looked for applause)
that made him ache to the very backbone. He shuffled downstairs,
therefore, as fast as possible.

Protocol, who was really a good sort of man, next expressed his
intention to take a temporary charge of the young lady, under
protest always that his so doing should be considered as merely
eleemosynary; when Dinmont at length got up, and, having shaken
his huge dreadnought great-coat, as a Newfoundland dog does his
shaggy hide when he comes out of the water, ejaculated, 'Weel,
deil hae me then, if ye hae ony fash wi' her, Mr. Protocol, if she
likes to gang hame wi' me, that is. Ye see, Ailie and me we're
weel to pass, and we would like the lassies to hae a wee bit mair
lair than oursells, and to be neighbour-like, that wad we. And ye
see Jenny canna miss but to ken manners, and the like o' reading
books, and sewing seams, having lived sae lang wi' a grand lady
like Lady Singleside; or, if she disna ken ony thing about it, I'm
jealous that our bairns will like her a' the better. And I'll take
care o' the bits o' claes, and what spending siller she maun hae,
so the hundred pound may rin on in your hands, Mr. Protocol, and
I'll be adding something till't, till she'll maybe get a
Liddesdale joe that wants something to help to buy the hirsel.
What d'ye say to that, hinny? I'll take out a ticket for ye in the
fly to Jethart; od, but ye maun take a powny after that o'er the
Limestane Rig, deil a wheeled carriage ever gaed into Liddesdale.
[Footnote: See Note I.] And I'll be very glad if Mrs. Rebecca
comes wi' you, hinny, and stays a month or twa while ye're
stranger like.'

While Mrs. Rebecca was curtsying, and endeavouring to make the
poor orphan girl curtsy instead of crying, and while Dandie, in
his rough way, was encouraging them both, old Pleydell had
recourse to his snuff-box. 'It's meat and drink to me now,
Colonel,' he said, as he recovered himself, 'to see a clown like
this. I must gratify him in his own way, must assist him to ruin
himself; there's no help for it. Here, you Liddesdale--Dandie--
Charlie's Hope--what do they call you?'

The farmer turned, infinitely gratified even by this sort of
notice; for in his heart, next to his own landlord, he honoured a
lawyer in high practice.

'So you will not be advised against trying that question about
your marches?'

'No, no, sir; naebody likes to lose their right, and to be laughed
at down the haill water. But since your honour's no agreeable, and
is maybe a friend to the other side like, we maun try some other
advocate.'

'There, I told you so, Colonel Mannering! Well, sir, if you must
needs be a fool, the business is to give you the luxury of a
lawsuit at the least possible expense, and to bring you off
conqueror if possible. Let Mr. Protocol send me your papers, and I
will advise him how to conduct your cause. I don't see, after all,
why you should not have your lawsuits too, and your feuds in the
Court of Session, as well as your forefathers had their
manslaughters and fire-raisings.'

'Very natural, to be sure, sir. We wad just take the auld gate as
readily, if it werena for the law. And as the law binds us, the
law should loose us. Besides, a man's aye the better thought o' in
our country for having been afore the Feifteen.'

'Excellently argued, my friend! Away with you, and send your
papers to me. Come, Colonel, we have no more to do here.'

'God, we'll ding Jock o' Dawston Cleugh now after a'!' said
Dinmont, slapping his thigh in great exultation.




CHAPTER XXXIX

          I am going to the parliament;
     You understand this bag. If you have any business
     Depending there be short, and let me hear it,
     And pay your fees.

          Little French Lawyer


'Shall you be able to carry this honest fellow's cause for him?'
said Mannering.

'Why, I don't know; the battle is not to the strong, but he shall
come off triumphant over Jock of Dawston if we can make it out. I
owe him something. It is the pest of our profession that we seldom
see the best side of human nature. People come to us with every
selfish feeling newly pointed and grinded; they turn down the very
caulkers of their animosities and prejudices, as smiths do with
horses' shoes in a white frost. Many a man has come to my garret
yonder that I have at first longed to pitch out at the window, and
yet at length have discovered that he was only doing as I might
have done in his case, being very angry, and of course very
unreasonable. I have now satisfied myself that, if our profession
sees more of human folly and human roguery than others, it is
because we witness them acting in that channel in which they can
most freely vent themselves. In civilised society law is the
chimney through which all that smoke discharges itself that used
to circulate through the whole house, and put every one's eyes
out; no wonder, therefore, that the vent itself should sometimes
get a little sooty. But we will take care our Liddesdale man's
cause is well conducted and well argued, so all unnecessary
expense will be saved: he shall have his pine-apple at wholesale
price.'

'Will you do me the pleasure,' said Mannering, as they parted, 'to
dine with me at my lodgings? My landlord says he has a bit of red-
deer venison and some excellent wine.'

'Venison, eh?' answered the Counsellor alertly, but presently
added--'But no! it's impossible; and I can't ask you home neither.
Monday's a sacred day; so's Tuesday; and Wednesday we are to be
heard in the great teind case in presence, but stay--it's frosty
weather, and if you don't leave town, and that venison would keep
till Thursday--'

'You will dine with me that day?'

'Under certification.'

'Well, then, I will indulge a thought I had of spending a week
here; and if the venison will not keep, why we will see what else
our landlord can do for us.'

'O, the venison will keep,' said Pleydell; 'and now good-bye. Look
at these two or three notes, and deliver them if you like the
addresses. I wrote them for you this morning. Farewell, my clerk
has been waiting this hour to begin a d-d information.' And away
walked Mr. Pleydell with great activity, diving through closes and
ascending covered stairs in order to attain the High Street by an
access which, compared to the common route, was what the Straits
of Magellan are to the more open but circuitous passage round Cape
Horn.

On looking at the notes of introduction which Pleydell had thrust
into his hand, Mannering was gratified with seeing that they were
addressed to some of the first literary characters of Scotland.
'To David Hume, Esq.'

To John Home, Esq.' 'To Dr. Ferguson.' 'To Dr. Black.' 'To Lord
Kaimes.' 'To Mr. Button.' 'To John Clerk, Esq., of Eldin.' 'To
Adam Smith, Esq.' 'To Dr. Robertson.'

'Upon my word, my legal friend has a good selection of
acquaintances; these are names pretty widely blown indeed. An
East-Indian must rub up his faculties a little, and put his mind in
order, before he enters this sort of society.'

Mannering gladly availed himself of these introductions; and we
regret deeply it is not in our power to give the reader an account
of the pleasure and information which he received in admission to
a circle never closed against strangers of sense and information,
and which has perhaps at no period been equalled, considering the
depth and variety of talent which it embraced and concentrated.

Upon the Thursday appointed Mr. Pleydell made his appearance at
the inn where Colonel Mannering lodged. The venison proved in high
order, the claret excellent, and the learned counsel, a professed
amateur in the affairs of the table, did distinguished honour to
both. I am uncertain, however, if even the good cheer gave him
more satisfaction than the presence of Dominie Sampson, from whom,
in his own juridical style of wit, he contrived to extract great
amusement both for himself and one or two friends whom the Colonel
regaled on the same occasion. The grave and laconic simplicity of
Sampson's answers to the insidious questions of the barrister
placed the bonhomie of his character in a more luminous point of
view than Mannering had yet seen it. Upon the same occasion he
drew forth a strange quantity of miscellaneous and abstruse,
though, generally speaking, useless learning. The lawyer
afterwards compared his mind to the magazine of a pawnbroker,
stowed with goods of every description, but so cumbrously piled
together, and in such total disorganisation, that the owner can
never lay his hands upon any one article at the moment he has
occasion for it.

As for the advocate himself, he afforded at least as much exercise
to Sampson as he extracted amusement from him. When the man of law
began to get into his altitudes, and his wit, naturally shrewd and
dry, became more lively and poignant, the Dominie looked upon him
with that sort of surprise with which we can conceive a tame bear
might regard his future associate, the monkey, on their being
first introduced to each other. It was Mr. Pleydell's delight to
state in grave and serious argument some position which he knew
the Dominie would be inclined to dispute. He then beheld with
exquisite pleasure the internal labour with which the honest man
arranged his ideas for reply, and tasked his inert and sluggish
powers to bring up all the heavy artillery of his learning for
demolishing the schismatic or heretical opinion which had been
stated, when behold, before the ordnance could be discharged, the
foe had quitted the post and appeared in a new position of
annoyance on the Dominie's flank or rear. Often did he exclaim
'Prodigious!' when, marching up to the enemy in full confidence of
victory, he found the field evacuated, and it may be supposed that
it cost him no little labour to attempt a new formation. 'He was
like a native Indian army,' the Colonel said, 'formidable by
numerical strength and size of ordnance, but liable to be thrown
into irreparable confusion by a movement to take them in flank.'
On the whole, however, the Dominie, though somewhat fatigued with
these mental exertions, made at unusual speed and upon the
pressure of the moment, reckoned this one of the white days of his
life, and always mentioned Mr. Pleydell as a very erudite and fa-
ce-ti-ous person.