Jonathan Swift

Gulliver's Travels
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The farmer having (as I suppose by their talk) received such an
account of me as his servant could give him, took a piece of a
small straw, about the size of a walking-staff, and therewith
lifted up the lappets of my coat; which it seems he thought to be
some kind of covering that nature had given me.  He blew my hairs
aside to take a better view of my face.  He called his hinds about
him, and asked them, as I afterwards learned, whether they had ever
seen in the fields any little creature that resembled me.  He then
placed me softly on the ground upon all fours, but I got
immediately up, and walked slowly backward and forward, to let
those people see I had no intent to run away.  They all sat down in
a circle about me, the better to observe my motions.  I pulled off
my hat, and made a low bow towards the farmer.  I fell on my knees,
and lifted up my hands and eyes, and spoke several words as loud as
I could:  I took a purse of gold out of my pocket, and humbly
presented it to him.  He received it on the palm of his hand, then
applied it close to his eye to see what it was, and afterwards
turned it several times with the point of a pin (which he took out
of his sleeve,) but could make nothing of it.  Whereupon I made a
sign that he should place his hand on the ground.  I then took the
purse, and, opening it, poured all the gold into his palm.  There
were six Spanish pieces of four pistoles each, beside twenty or
thirty smaller coins.  I saw him wet the tip of his little finger
upon his tongue, and take up one of my largest pieces, and then
another; but he seemed to be wholly ignorant what they were.  He
made me a sign to put them again into my purse, and the purse again
into my pocket, which, after offering it to him several times, I
thought it best to do.

The farmer, by this time, was convinced I must be a rational
creature.  He spoke often to me; but the sound of his voice pierced
my ears like that of a water-mill, yet his words were articulate
enough.  I answered as loud as I could in several languages, and he
often laid his ear within two yards of me:  but all in vain, for we
were wholly unintelligible to each other.  He then sent his
servants to their work, and taking his handkerchief out of his
pocket, he doubled and spread it on his left hand, which he placed
flat on the ground with the palm upward, making me a sign to step
into it, as I could easily do, for it was not above a foot in
thickness.  I thought it my part to obey, and, for fear of falling,
laid myself at full length upon the handkerchief, with the
remainder of which he lapped me up to the head for further
security, and in this manner carried me home to his house.  There
he called his wife, and showed me to her; but she screamed and ran
back, as women in England do at the sight of a toad or a spider.
However, when she had a while seen my behaviour, and how well I
observed the signs her husband made, she was soon reconciled, and
by degrees grew extremely tender of me.

It was about twelve at noon, and a servant brought in dinner.  It
was only one substantial dish of meat (fit for the plain condition
of a husbandman,) in a dish of about four-and-twenty feet diameter.
The company were, the farmer and his wife, three children, and an
old grandmother.  When they were sat down, the farmer placed me at
some distance from him on the table, which was thirty feet high
from the floor.  I was in a terrible fright, and kept as far as I
could from the edge, for fear of falling.  The wife minced a bit of
meat, then crumbled some bread on a trencher, and placed it before
me.  I made her a low bow, took out my knife and fork, and fell to
eat, which gave them exceeding delight.  The mistress sent her maid
for a small dram cup, which held about two gallons, and filled it
with drink; I took up the vessel with much difficulty in both
hands, and in a most respectful manner drank to her ladyship's
health, expressing the words as loud as I could in English, which
made the company laugh so heartily, that I was almost deafened with
the noise.  This liquor tasted like a small cider, and was not
unpleasant.  Then the master made me a sign to come to his trencher
side; but as I walked on the table, being in great surprise all the
time, as the indulgent reader will easily conceive and excuse, I
happened to stumble against a crust, and fell flat on my face, but
received no hurt.  I got up immediately, and observing the good
people to be in much concern, I took my hat (which I held under my
arm out of good manners,) and waving it over my head, made three
huzzas, to show I had got no mischief by my fall.  But advancing
forward towards my master (as I shall henceforth call him,) his
youngest son, who sat next to him, an arch boy of about ten years
old, took me up by the legs, and held me so high in the air, that I
trembled every limb:  but his father snatched me from him, and at
the same time gave him such a box on the left ear, as would have
felled an European troop of horse to the earth, ordering him to be
taken from the table.  But being afraid the boy might owe me a
spite, and well remembering how mischievous all children among us
naturally are to sparrows, rabbits, young kittens, and puppy dogs,
I fell on my knees, and pointing to the boy, made my master to
understand, as well as I could, that I desired his son might be
pardoned.  The father complied, and the lad took his seat again,
whereupon I went to him, and kissed his hand, which my master took,
and made him stroke me gently with it.

In the midst of dinner, my mistress's favourite cat leaped into her
lap.  I heard a noise behind me like that of a dozen stocking-
weavers at work; and turning my head, I found it proceeded from the
purring of that animal, who seemed to be three times larger than an
ox, as I computed by the view of her head, and one of her paws,
while her mistress was feeding and stroking her.  The fierceness of
this creature's countenance altogether discomposed me; though I
stood at the farther end of the table, above fifty feet off; and
although my mistress held her fast, for fear she might give a
spring, and seize me in her talons.  But it happened there was no
danger, for the cat took not the least notice of me when my master
placed me within three yards of her.  And as I have been always
told, and found true by experience in my travels, that flying or
discovering fear before a fierce animal, is a certain way to make
it pursue or attack you, so I resolved, in this dangerous juncture,
to show no manner of concern.  I walked with intrepidity five or
six times before the very head of the cat, and came within half a
yard of her; whereupon she drew herself back, as if she were more
afraid of me:  I had less apprehension concerning the dogs, whereof
three or four came into the room, as it is usual in farmers'
houses; one of which was a mastiff, equal in bulk to four
elephants, and another a greyhound, somewhat taller than the
mastiff, but not so large.

When dinner was almost done, the nurse came in with a child of a
year old in her arms, who immediately spied me, and began a squall
that you might have heard from London-Bridge to Chelsea, after the
usual oratory of infants, to get me for a plaything.  The mother,
out of pure indulgence, took me up, and put me towards the child,
who presently seized me by the middle, and got my head into his
mouth, where I roared so loud that the urchin was frighted, and let
me drop, and I should infallibly have broke my neck, if the mother
had not held her apron under me.  The nurse, to quiet her babe,
made use of a rattle which was a kind of hollow vessel filled with
great stones, and fastened by a cable to the child's waist:  but
all in vain; so that she was forced to apply the last remedy by
giving it suck.  I must confess no object ever disgusted me so much
as the sight of her monstrous breast, which I cannot tell what to
compare with, so as to give the curious reader an idea of its bulk,
shape, and colour.  It stood prominent six feet, and could not be
less than sixteen in circumference.  The nipple was about half the
bigness of my head, and the hue both of that and the dug, so varied
with spots, pimples, and freckles, that nothing could appear more
nauseous:  for I had a near sight of her, she sitting down, the
more conveniently to give suck, and I standing on the table.  This
made me reflect upon the fair skins of our English ladies, who
appear so beautiful to us, only because they are of our own size,
and their defects not to be seen but through a magnifying glass;
where we find by experiment that the smoothest and whitest skins
look rough, and coarse, and ill-coloured.

I remember when I was at Lilliput, the complexion of those
diminutive people appeared to me the fairest in the world; and
talking upon this subject with a person of learning there, who was
an intimate friend of mine, he said that my face appeared much
fairer and smoother when he looked on me from the ground, than it
did upon a nearer view, when I took him up in my hand, and brought
him close, which he confessed was at first a very shocking sight.
He said, "he could discover great holes in my skin; that the stumps
of my beard were ten times stronger than the bristles of a boar,
and my complexion made up of several colours altogether
disagreeable:" although I must beg leave to say for myself, that I
am as fair as most of my sex and country, and very little sunburnt
by all my travels.  On the other side, discoursing of the ladies in
that emperor's court, he used to tell me, "one had freckles;
another too wide a mouth; a third too large a nose;" nothing of
which I was able to distinguish.  I confess this reflection was
obvious enough; which, however, I could not forbear, lest the
reader might think those vast creatures were actually deformed:
for I must do them the justice to say, they are a comely race of
people, and particularly the features of my master's countenance,
although he was but a farmer, when I beheld him from the height of
sixty feet, appeared very well proportioned.

When dinner was done, my master went out to his labourers, and, as
I could discover by his voice and gesture, gave his wife strict
charge to take care of me.  I was very much tired, and disposed to
sleep, which my mistress perceiving, she put me on her own bed, and
covered me with a clean white handkerchief, but larger and coarser
than the mainsail of a man-of-war.

I slept about two hours, and dreamt I was at home with my wife and
children, which aggravated my sorrows when I awaked, and found
myself alone in a vast room, between two and three hundred feet
wide, and above two hundred high, lying in a bed twenty yards wide.
My mistress was gone about her household affairs, and had locked me
in.  The bed was eight yards from the floor.  Some natural
necessities required me to get down; I durst not presume to call;
and if I had, it would have been in vain, with such a voice as
mine, at so great a distance from the room where I lay to the
kitchen where the family kept.  While I was under these
circumstances, two rats crept up the curtains, and ran smelling
backwards and forwards on the bed.  One of them came up almost to
my face, whereupon I rose in a fright, and drew out my hanger to
defend myself.  These horrible animals had the boldness to attack
me on both sides, and one of them held his fore-feet at my collar;
but I had the good fortune to rip up his belly before he could do
me any mischief.  He fell down at my feet; and the other, seeing
the fate of his comrade, made his escape, but not without one good
wound on the back, which I gave him as he fled, and made the blood
run trickling from him.  After this exploit, I walked gently to and
fro on the bed, to recover my breath and loss of spirits.  These
creatures were of the size of a large mastiff, but infinitely more
nimble and fierce; so that if I had taken off my belt before I went
to sleep, I must have infallibly been torn to pieces and devoured.
I measured the tail of the dead rat, and found it to be two yards
long, wanting an inch; but it went against my stomach to drag the
carcass off the bed, where it lay still bleeding; I observed it had
yet some life, but with a strong slash across the neck, I
thoroughly despatched it.

Soon after my mistress came into the room, who seeing me all
bloody, ran and took me up in her hand.  I pointed to the dead rat,
smiling, and making other signs to show I was not hurt; whereat she
was extremely rejoiced, calling the maid to take up the dead rat
with a pair of tongs, and throw it out of the window.  Then she set
me on a table, where I showed her my hanger all bloody, and wiping
it on the lappet of my coat, returned it to the scabbard.  I was
pressed to do more than one thing which another could not do for
me, and therefore endeavoured to make my mistress understand, that
I desired to be set down on the floor; which after she had done, my
bashfulness would not suffer me to express myself farther, than by
pointing to the door, and bowing several times.  The good woman,
with much difficulty, at last perceived what I would be at, and
taking me up again in her hand, walked into the garden, where she
set me down.  I went on one side about two hundred yards, and
beckoning to her not to look or to follow me, I hid myself between
two leaves of sorrel, and there discharged the necessities of
nature.

I hope the gentle reader will excuse me for dwelling on these and
the like particulars, which, however insignificant they may appear
to groveling vulgar minds, yet will certainly help a philosopher to
enlarge his thoughts and imagination, and apply them to the benefit
of public as well as private life, which was my sole design in
presenting this and other accounts of my travels to the world;
wherein I have been chiefly studious of truth, without affecting
any ornaments of learning or of style.  But the whole scene of this
voyage made so strong an impression on my mind, and is so deeply
fixed in my memory, that, in committing it to paper I did not omit
one material circumstance:  however, upon a strict review, I
blotted out several passages.  Of less moment which were in my
first copy, for fear of being censured as tedious and trifling,
whereof travellers are often, perhaps not without justice, accused.



CHAPTER II.



[A description of the farmer's daughter.  The author carried to a
market-town, and then to the metropolis.  The particulars of his
journey.]

My mistress had a daughter of nine years old, a child of towardly
parts for her age, very dexterous at her needle, and skilful in
dressing her baby.  Her mother and she contrived to fit up the
baby's cradle for me against night:  the cradle was put into a
small drawer of a cabinet, and the drawer placed upon a hanging
shelf for fear of the rats.  This was my bed all the time I staid
with those people, though made more convenient by degrees, as I
began to learn their language and make my wants known.  This young
girl was so handy, that after I had once or twice pulled off my
clothes before her, she was able to dress and undress me, though I
never gave her that trouble when she would let me do either myself.
She made me seven shirts, and some other linen, of as fine cloth as
could be got, which indeed was coarser than sackcloth; and these
she constantly washed for me with her own hands.  She was likewise
my school-mistress, to teach me the language:  when I pointed to
any thing, she told me the name of it in her own tongue, so that in
a few days I was able to call for whatever I had a mind to.  She
was very good-natured, and not above forty feet high, being little
for her age.  She gave me the name of Grildrig, which the family
took up, and afterwards the whole kingdom.  The word imports what
the Latins call nanunculus, the Italians homunceletino, and the
English mannikin.  To her I chiefly owe my preservation in that
country:  we never parted while I was there; I called her my
Glumdalclitch, or little nurse; and should be guilty of great
ingratitude, if I omitted this honourable mention of her care and
affection towards me, which I heartily wish it lay in my power to
requite as she deserves, instead of being the innocent, but unhappy
instrument of her disgrace, as I have too much reason to fear.

It now began to be known and talked of in the neighbourhood, that
my master had found a strange animal in the field, about the
bigness of a splacnuck, but exactly shaped in every part like a
human creature; which it likewise imitated in all its actions;
seemed to speak in a little language of its own, had already
learned several words of theirs, went erect upon two legs, was tame
and gentle, would come when it was called, do whatever it was bid,
had the finest limbs in the world, and a complexion fairer than a
nobleman's daughter of three years old.  Another farmer, who lived
hard by, and was a particular friend of my master, came on a visit
on purpose to inquire into the truth of this story.  I was
immediately produced, and placed upon a table, where I walked as I
was commanded, drew my hanger, put it up again, made my reverence
to my master's guest, asked him in his own language how he did, and
told him HE WAS WELCOME, just as my little nurse had instructed me.
This man, who was old and dim-sighted, put on his spectacles to
behold me better; at which I could not forbear laughing very
heartily, for his eyes appeared like the full moon shining into a
chamber at two windows.  Our people, who discovered the cause of my
mirth, bore me company in laughing, at which the old fellow was
fool enough to be angry and out of countenance.  He had the
character of a great miser; and, to my misfortune, he well deserved
it, by the cursed advice he gave my master, to show me as a sight
upon a market-day in the next town, which was half an hour's
riding, about two-and-twenty miles from our house.  I guessed there
was some mischief when I observed my master and his friend
whispering together, sometimes pointing at me; and my fears made me
fancy that I overheard and understood some of their words.  But the
next morning Glumdalclitch, my little nurse, told me the whole
matter, which she had cunningly picked out from her mother.  The
poor girl laid me on her bosom, and fell a weeping with shame and
grief.  She apprehended some mischief would happen to me from rude
vulgar folks, who might squeeze me to death, or break one of my
limbs by taking me in their hands.  She had also observed how
modest I was in my nature, how nicely I regarded my honour, and
what an indignity I should conceive it, to be exposed for money as
a public spectacle, to the meanest of the people.  She said, her
papa and mamma had promised that Grildrig should be hers; but now
she found they meant to serve her as they did last year, when they
pretended to give her a lamb, and yet, as soon as it was fat, sold
it to a butcher.  For my own part, I may truly affirm, that I was
less concerned than my nurse.  I had a strong hope, which never
left me, that I should one day recover my liberty:  and as to the
ignominy of being carried about for a monster, I considered myself
to be a perfect stranger in the country, and that such a misfortune
could never be charged upon me as a reproach, if ever I should
return to England, since the king of Great Britain himself, in my
condition, must have undergone the same distress.

My master, pursuant to the advice of his friend, carried me in a
box the next market-day to the neighbouring town, and took along
with him his little daughter, my nurse, upon a pillion behind him.
The box was close on every side, with a little door for me to go in
and out, and a few gimlet holes to let in air.  The girl had been
so careful as to put the quilt of her baby's bed into it, for me to
lie down on.  However, I was terribly shaken and discomposed in
this journey, though it was but of half an hour:  for the horse
went about forty feet at every step and trotted so high, that the
agitation was equal to the rising and falling of a ship in a great
storm, but much more frequent.  Our journey was somewhat farther
than from London to St. Alban's.  My master alighted at an inn
which he used to frequent; and after consulting awhile with the
inn-keeper, and making some necessary preparations, he hired the
grultrud, or crier, to give notice through the town of a strange
creature to be seen at the sign of the Green Eagle, not so big as a
splacnuck (an animal in that country very finely shaped, about six
feet long,) and in every part of the body resembling a human
creature, could speak several words, and perform a hundred
diverting tricks.

I was placed upon a table in the largest room of the inn, which
might be near three hundred feet square.  My little nurse stood on
a low stool close to the table, to take care of me, and direct what
I should do.  My master, to avoid a crowd, would suffer only thirty
people at a time to see me.  I walked about on the table as the
girl commanded; she asked me questions, as far as she knew my
understanding of the language reached, and I answered them as loud
as I could.  I turned about several times to the company, paid my
humble respects, said THEY WERE WELCOME, and used some other
speeches I had been taught.  I took up a thimble filled with
liquor, which Glumdalclitch had given me for a cup, and drank their
health, I drew out my hanger, and flourished with it after the
manner of fencers in England.  My nurse gave me a part of a straw,
which I exercised as a pike, having learnt the art in my youth.  I
was that day shown to twelve sets of company, and as often forced
to act over again the same fopperies, till I was half dead with
weariness and vexation; for those who had seen me made such
wonderful reports, that the people were ready to break down the
doors to come in.  My master, for his own interest, would not
suffer any one to touch me except my nurse; and to prevent danger,
benches were set round the table at such a distance as to put me
out of every body's reach.  However, an unlucky school-boy aimed a
hazel nut directly at my head, which very narrowly missed me;
otherwise it came with so much violence, that it would have
infallibly knocked out my brains, for it was almost as large as a
small pumpkin, but I had the satisfaction to see the young rogue
well beaten, and turned out of the room.

My master gave public notice that he would show me again the next
market-day; and in the meantime he prepared a convenient vehicle
for me, which he had reason enough to do; for I was so tired with
my first journey, and with entertaining company for eight hours
together, that I could hardly stand upon my legs, or speak a word.
It was at least three days before I recovered my strength; and that
I might have no rest at home, all the neighbouring gentlemen from a
hundred miles round, hearing of my fame, came to see me at my
master's own house.  There could not be fewer than thirty persons
with their wives and children (for the country is very populous;)
and my master demanded the rate of a full room whenever he showed
me at home, although it were only to a single family; so that for
some time I had but little ease every day of the week (except
Wednesday, which is their Sabbath,) although I were not carried to
the town.

My master, finding how profitable I was likely to be, resolved to
carry me to the most considerable cities of the kingdom.  Having
therefore provided himself with all things necessary for a long
journey, and settled his affairs at home, he took leave of his
wife, and upon the 17th of August, 1703, about two months after my
arrival, we set out for the metropolis, situate near the middle of
that empire, and about three thousand miles distance from our
house.  My master made his daughter Glumdalclitch ride behind him.
She carried me on her lap, in a box tied about her waist.  The girl
had lined it on all sides with the softest cloth she could get,
well quilted underneath, furnished it with her baby's bed, provided
me with linen and other necessaries, and made everything as
convenient as she could.  We had no other company but a boy of the
house, who rode after us with the luggage.

My master's design was to show me in all the towns by the way, and
to step out of the road for fifty or a hundred miles, to any
village, or person of quality's house, where he might expect
custom.  We made easy journeys, of not above seven or eight score
miles a-day; for Glumdalclitch, on purpose to spare me, complained
she was tired with the trotting of the horse.  She often took me
out of my box, at my own desire, to give me air, and show me the
country, but always held me fast by a leading-string.  We passed
over five or six rivers, many degrees broader and deeper than the
Nile or the Ganges:  and there was hardly a rivulet so small as the
Thames at London-bridge.  We were ten weeks in our journey, and I
was shown in eighteen large towns, besides many villages, and
private families.

On the 26th day of October we arrived at the metropolis, called in
their language Lorbrulgrud, or Pride of the Universe.  My master
took a lodging in the principal street of the city, not far from
the royal palace, and put out bills in the usual form, containing
an exact description of my person and parts.  He hired a large room
between three and four hundred feet wide.  He provided a table
sixty feet in diameter, upon which I was to act my part, and
pallisadoed it round three feet from the edge, and as many high, to
prevent my falling over.  I was shown ten times a-day, to the
wonder and satisfaction of all people.  I could now speak the
language tolerably well, and perfectly understood every word, that
was spoken to me.  Besides, I had learnt their alphabet, and could
make a shift to explain a sentence here and there; for
Glumdalclitch had been my instructor while we were at home, and at
leisure hours during our journey.  She carried a little book in her
pocket, not much larger than a Sanson's Atlas; it was a common
treatise for the use of young girls, giving a short account of
their religion:  out of this she taught me my letters, and
interpreted the words.



CHAPTER III.



[The author sent for to court.  The queen buys him of his master
the farmer, and presents him to the king.  He disputes with his
majesty's great scholars.  An apartment at court provided for the
author.  He is in high favour with the queen.  He stands up for the
honour of his own country.  His quarrels with the queen's dwarf.]

The frequent labours I underwent every day, made, in a few weeks, a
very considerable change in my health:  the more my master got by
me, the more insatiable he grew.  I had quite lost my stomach, and
was almost reduced to a skeleton.  The farmer observed it, and
concluding I must soon die, resolved to make as good a hand of me
as he could.  While he was thus reasoning and resolving with
himself, a sardral, or gentleman-usher, came from court, commanding
my master to carry me immediately thither for the diversion of the
queen and her ladies.  Some of the latter had already been to see
me, and reported strange things of my beauty, behaviour, and good
sense.  Her majesty, and those who attended her, were beyond
measure delighted with my demeanour.  I fell on my knees, and
begged the honour of kissing her imperial foot; but this gracious
princess held out her little finger towards me, after I was set on
the table, which I embraced in both my arms, and put the tip of it
with the utmost respect to my lip.  She made me some general
questions about my country and my travels, which I answered as
distinctly, and in as few words as I could.  She asked, "whether I
could be content to live at court?"  I bowed down to the board of
the table, and humbly answered "that I was my master's slave:  but,
if I were at my own disposal, I should be proud to devote my life
to her majesty's service."  She then asked my master, "whether he
was willing to sell me at a good price?"  He, who apprehended I
could not live a month, was ready enough to part with me, and
demanded a thousand pieces of gold, which were ordered him on the
spot, each piece being about the bigness of eight hundred moidores;
but allowing for the proportion of all things between that country
and Europe, and the high price of gold among them, was hardly so
great a sum as a thousand guineas would be in England.  I then said
to the queen, "since I was now her majesty's most humble creature
and vassal, I must beg the favour, that Glumdalclitch, who had
always tended me with so much care and kindness, and understood to
do it so well, might be admitted into her service, and continue to
be my nurse and instructor."

Her majesty agreed to my petition, and easily got the farmer's
consent, who was glad enough to have his daughter preferred at
court, and the poor girl herself was not able to hide her joy.  My
late master withdrew, bidding me farewell, and saying he had left
me in a good service; to which I replied not a word, only making
him a slight bow.

The queen observed my coldness; and, when the farmer was gone out
of the apartment, asked me the reason.  I made bold to tell her
majesty, "that I owed no other obligation to my late master, than
his not dashing out the brains of a poor harmless creature, found
by chance in his fields:  which obligation was amply recompensed,
by the gain he had made in showing me through half the kingdom, and
the price he had now sold me for.  That the life I had since led
was laborious enough to kill an animal of ten times my strength.
That my health was much impaired, by the continual drudgery of
entertaining the rabble every hour of the day; and that, if my
master had not thought my life in danger, her majesty would not
have got so cheap a bargain.  But as I was out of all fear of being
ill-treated under the protection of so great and good an empress,
the ornament of nature, the darling of the world, the delight of
her subjects, the phoenix of the creation, so I hoped my late
master's apprehensions would appear to be groundless; for I already
found my spirits revive, by the influence of her most august
presence."

This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties
and hesitation.  The latter part was altogether framed in the style
peculiar to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from
Glumdalclitch, while she was carrying me to court.

The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in speaking,
was, however, surprised at so much wit and good sense in so
diminutive an animal.  She took me in her own hand, and carried me
to the king, who was then retired to his cabinet.  His majesty, a
prince of much gravity and austere countenance, not well observing
my shape at first view, asked the queen after a cold manner "how
long it was since she grew fond of a splacnuck?" for such it seems
he took me to be, as I lay upon my breast in her majesty's right
hand.  But this princess, who has an infinite deal of wit and
humour, set me gently on my feet upon the scrutoire, and commanded
me to give his majesty an account of myself, which I did in a very
few words:  and Glumdalclitch who attended at the cabinet door, and
could not endure I should be out of her sight, being admitted,
confirmed all that had passed from my arrival at her father's
house.

The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his
dominions, had been educated in the study of philosophy, and
particularly mathematics; yet when he observed my shape exactly,
and saw me walk erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might
be a piece of clock-work (which is in that country arrived to a
very great perfection) contrived by some ingenious artist.  But
when he heard my voice, and found what I delivered to be regular
and rational, he could not conceal his astonishment.  He was by no
means satisfied with the relation I gave him of the manner I came
into his kingdom, but thought it a story concerted between
Glumdalclitch and her father, who had taught me a set of words to
make me sell at a better price.  Upon this imagination, he put
several other questions to me, and still received rational answers:
no otherwise defective than by a foreign accent, and an imperfect
knowledge in the language, with some rustic phrases which I had
learned at the farmer's house, and did not suit the polite style of
a court.

His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their
weekly waiting, according to the custom in that country.  These
gentlemen, after they had a while examined my shape with much
nicety, were of different opinions concerning me.  They all agreed
that I could not be produced according to the regular laws of
nature, because I was not framed with a capacity of preserving my
life, either by swiftness, or climbing of trees, or digging holes
in the earth.  They observed by my teeth, which they viewed with
great exactness, that I was a carnivorous animal; yet most
quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and field mice, with some
others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I should be able to
support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other insects, which
they offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that I could not
possibly do.  One of these virtuosi seemed to think that I might be
an embryo, or abortive birth.  But this opinion was rejected by the
other two, who observed my limbs to be perfect and finished; and
that I had lived several years, as it was manifest from my beard,
the stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a magnifying
glass.  They would not allow me to be a dwarf, because my
littleness was beyond all degrees of comparison; for the queen's
favourite dwarf, the smallest ever known in that kingdom, was near
thirty feet high.  After much debate, they concluded unanimously,
that I was only relplum scalcath, which is interpreted literally
lusus naturae; a determination exactly agreeable to the modern
philosophy of Europe, whose professors, disdaining the old evasion
of occult causes, whereby the followers of Aristotle endeavoured in
vain to disguise their ignorance, have invented this wonderful
solution of all difficulties, to the unspeakable advancement of
human knowledge.

After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or
two.  I applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty, "that
I came from a country which abounded with several millions of both
sexes, and of my own stature; where the animals, trees, and houses,
were all in proportion, and where, by consequence, I might be as
able to defend myself, and to find sustenance, as any of his
majesty's subjects could do here; which I took for a full answer to
those gentlemen's arguments."  To this they only replied with a
smile of contempt, saying, "that the farmer had instructed me very
well in my lesson."  The king, who had a much better understanding,
dismissing his learned men, sent for the farmer, who by good
fortune was not yet gone out of town.  Having therefore first
examined him privately, and then confronted him with me and the
young girl, his majesty began to think that what we told him might
possibly be true. He desired the queen to order that a particular
care should be taken of me; and was of opinion that Glumdalclitch
should still continue in her office of tending me, because he
observed we had a great affection for each other.  A convenient
apartment was provided for her at court:  she had a sort of
governess appointed to take care of her education, a maid to dress
her, and two other servants for menial offices; but the care of me
was wholly appropriated to herself.  The queen commanded her own
cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might serve me for a
bedchamber, after the model that Glumdalclitch and I should agree
upon.  This man was a most ingenious artist, and according to my
direction, in three weeks finished for me a wooden chamber of
sixteen feet square, and twelve high, with sash-windows, a door,
and two closets, like a London bed-chamber.  The board, that made
the ceiling, was to be lifted up and down by two hinges, to put in
a bed ready furnished by her majesty's upholsterer, which
Glumdalclitch took out every day to air, made it with her own
hands, and letting it down at night, locked up the roof over me.  A
nice workman, who was famous for little curiosities, undertook to
make me two chairs, with backs and frames, of a substance not
unlike ivory, and two tables, with a cabinet to put my things in.
The room was quilted on all sides, as well as the floor and the
ceiling, to prevent any accident from the carelessness of those who
carried me, and to break the force of a jolt, when I went in a
coach.  I desired a lock for my door, to prevent rats and mice from
coming in.  The smith, after several attempts, made the smallest
that ever was seen among them, for I have known a larger at the
gate of a gentleman's house in England.  I made a shift to keep the
key in a pocket of my own, fearing Glumdalclitch might lose it.
The queen likewise ordered the thinnest silks that could be gotten,
to make me clothes, not much thicker than an English blanket, very
cumbersome till I was accustomed to them.  They were after the
fashion of the kingdom, partly resembling the Persian, and partly
the Chinese, and are a very grave and decent habit.

The queen became so fond of my company, that she could not dine
without me.  I had a table placed upon the same at which her
majesty ate, just at her left elbow, and a chair to sit on.
Glumdalclitch stood on a stool on the floor near my table, to
assist and take care of me.  I had an entire set of silver dishes
and plates, and other necessaries, which, in proportion to those of
the queen, were not much bigger than what I have seen in a London
toy-shop for the furniture of a baby-house:  these my little nurse
kept in her pocket in a silver box, and gave me at meals as I
wanted them, always cleaning them herself.  No person dined with
the queen but the two princesses royal, the eldest sixteen years
old, and the younger at that time thirteen and a month.  Her
majesty used to put a bit of meat upon one of my dishes, out of
which I carved for myself, and her diversion was to see me eat in
miniature:  for the queen (who had indeed but a weak stomach) took
up, at one mouthful, as much as a dozen English farmers could eat
at a meal, which to me was for some time a very nauseous sight.
She would craunch the wing of a lark, bones and all, between her
teeth, although it were nine times as large as that of a full-grown
turkey; and put a bit of bread into her mouth as big as two twelve-
penny loaves.  She drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at a
draught.  Her knives were twice as long as a scythe, set straight
upon the handle.  The spoons, forks, and other instruments, were
all in the same proportion.  I remember when Glumdalclitch carried
me, out of curiosity, to see some of the tables at court, where ten
or a dozen of those enormous knives and forks were lifted up
together, I thought I had never till then beheld so terrible a
sight.

It is the custom, that every Wednesday (which, as I have observed,
is their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both
sexes, dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I was
now become a great favourite; and at these times, my little chair
and table were placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-
cellars.  This prince took a pleasure in conversing with me,
inquiring into the manners, religion, laws, government, and
learning of Europe; wherein I gave him the best account I was able.
His apprehension was so clear, and his judgment so exact, that he
made very wise reflections and observations upon all I said.  But I
confess, that, after I had been a little too copious in talking of
my own beloved country, of our trade and wars by sea and land, of
our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the prejudices
of his education prevailed so far, that he could not forbear taking
me up in his right hand, and stroking me gently with the other,
after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, "whether I was a whig or
tory?"  Then turning to his first minister, who waited behind him
with a white staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the Royal
Sovereign, he observed "how contemptible a thing was human
grandeur, which could be mimicked by such diminutive insects as I:
and yet," says he, "I dare engage these creatures have their titles
and distinctions of honour; they contrive little nests and burrows,
that they call houses and cities; they make a figure in dress and
equipage; they love, they fight, they dispute, they cheat, they
betray!"  And thus he continued on, while my colour came and went
several times, with indignation, to hear our noble country, the
mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of France, the arbitress of
Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honour, and truth, the pride and
envy of the world, so contemptuously treated.

But as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature
thoughts I began to doubt whether I was injured or no.  For, after
having been accustomed several months to the sight and converse of
this people, and observed every object upon which I cast mine eyes
to be of proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first
conceived from their bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that if I
had then beheld a company of English lords and ladies in their
finery and birth-day clothes, acting their several parts in the
most courtly manner of strutting, and bowing, and prating, to say
the truth, I should have been strongly tempted to laugh as much at
them as the king and his grandees did at me.  Neither, indeed,
could I forbear smiling at myself, when the queen used to place me
upon her hand towards a looking-glass, by which both our persons
appeared before me in full view together; and there could be
nothing more ridiculous than the comparison; so that I really began
to imagine myself dwindled many degrees below my usual size.

Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the queen's dwarf; who
being of the lowest stature that was ever in that country (for I
verily think he was not full thirty feet high), became so insolent
at seeing a creature so much beneath him, that he would always
affect to swagger and look big as he passed by me in the queen's
antechamber, while I was standing on some table talking with the
lords or ladies of the court, and he seldom failed of a smart word
or two upon my littleness; against which I could only revenge
myself by calling him brother, challenging him to wrestle, and such
repartees as are usually in the mouths of court pages.  One day, at
dinner, this malicious little cub was so nettled with something I
had said to him, that, raising himself upon the frame of her
majesty's chair, he took me up by the middle, as I was sitting
down, not thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large silver
bowl of cream, and then ran away as fast as he could.  I fell over
head and ears, and, if I had not been a good swimmer, it might have
gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that instant happened
to be at the other end of the room, and the queen was in such a
fright, that she wanted presence of mind to assist me.  But my
little nurse ran to my relief, and took me out, after I had
swallowed above a quart of cream.  I was put to bed:  however, I
received no other damage than the loss of a suit of clothes, which
was utterly spoiled.  The dwarf was soundly whipt, and as a farther
punishment, forced to drink up the bowl of cream into which he had
thrown me:  neither was he ever restored to favour; for soon after
the queen bestowed him on a lady of high quality, so that I saw him
no more, to my very great satisfaction; for I could not tell to
what extremities such a malicious urchin might have carried his
resentment.

He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-
laughing, although at the same time she was heartily vexed, and
would have immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so generous
as to intercede.  Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone upon her
plate, and, after knocking out the marrow, placed the bone again in
the dish erect, as it stood before; the dwarf, watching his
opportunity, while Glumdalclitch was gone to the side-board,
mounted the stool that she stood on to take care of me at meals,
took me up in both hands, and squeezing my legs together, wedged
them into the marrow bone above my waist, where I stuck for some
time, and made a very ridiculous figure.  I believe it was near a
minute before any one knew what was become of me; for I thought it
below me to cry out.  But, as princes seldom get their meat hot, my
legs were not scalded, only my stockings and breeches in a sad
condition.  The dwarf, at my entreaty, had no other punishment than
a sound whipping.

I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my
fearfulness; and she used to ask me whether the people of my
country were as great cowards as myself?  The occasion was this:
the kingdom is much pestered with flies in summer; and these odious
insects, each of them as big as a Dunstable lark, hardly gave me
any rest while I sat at dinner, with their continual humming and
buzzing about mine ears.  They would sometimes alight upon my
victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement, or spawn behind,
which to me was very visible, though not to the natives of that
country, whose large optics were not so acute as mine, in viewing
smaller objects.  Sometimes they would fix upon my nose, or
forehead, where they stung me to the quick, smelling very
offensively; and I could easily trace that viscous matter, which,
our naturalists tell us, enables those creatures to walk with their
feet upwards upon a ceiling.  I had much ado to defend myself
against these detestable animals, and could not forbear starting
when they came on my face.  It was the common practice of the
dwarf, to catch a number of these insects in his hand, as
schoolboys do among us, and let them out suddenly under my nose, on
purpose to frighten me, and divert the queen.  My remedy was to cut
them in pieces with my knife, as they flew in the air, wherein my
dexterity was much admired.

I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in a box
upon a window, as she usually did in fair days to give me air (for
I durst not venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the
window, as we do with cages in England), after I had lifted up one
of my sashes, and sat down at my table to eat a piece of sweet cake
for my breakfast, above twenty wasps, allured by the smell, came
flying into the room, humming louder than the drones of as many
bagpipes.  Some of them seized my cake, and carried it piecemeal
away; others flew about my head and face, confounding me with the
noise, and putting me in the utmost terror of their stings.
However, I had the courage to rise and draw my hanger, and attack
them in the air.  I dispatched four of them, but the rest got away,
and I presently shut my window.  These insects were as large as
partridges:  I took out their stings, found them an inch and a half
long, and as sharp as needles.  I carefully preserved them all; and
having since shown them, with some other curiosities, in several
parts of Europe, upon my return to England I gave three of them to
Gresham College, and kept the fourth for myself.



CHAPTER IV.



[The country described.  A proposal for correcting modern maps.
The king's palace; and some account of the metropolis.  The
author's way of travelling.  The chief temple described.]

I now intend to give the reader a short description of this
country, as far as I travelled in it, which was not above two
thousand miles round Lorbrulgrud, the metropolis.  For the queen,
whom I always attended, never went farther when she accompanied the
king in his progresses, and there staid till his majesty returned
from viewing his frontiers.  The whole extent of this prince's
dominions reaches about six thousand miles in length, and from
three to five in breadth:  whence I cannot but conclude, that our
geographers of Europe are in a great error, by supposing nothing
but sea between Japan and California; for it was ever my opinion,
that there must be a balance of earth to counterpoise the great
continent of Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their
maps and charts, by joining this vast tract of land to the north-
west parts of America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my
assistance.

The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated to the north-east by a ridge
of mountains thirty miles high, which are altogether impassable, by
reason of the volcanoes upon the tops:  neither do the most learned
know what sort of mortals inhabit beyond those mountains, or
whether they be inhabited at all.  On the three other sides, it is
bounded by the ocean.  There is not one seaport in the whole
kingdom:  and those parts of the coasts into which the rivers
issue, are so full of pointed rocks, and the sea generally so
rough, that there is no venturing with the smallest of their boats;
so that these people are wholly excluded from any commerce with the
rest of the world.  But the large rivers are full of vessels, and
abound with excellent fish; for they seldom get any from the sea,
because the sea fish are of the same size with those in Europe, and
consequently not worth catching; whereby it is manifest, that
nature, in the production of plants and animals of so extraordinary
a bulk, is wholly confined to this continent, of which I leave the
reasons to be determined by philosophers.  However, now and then
they take a whale that happens to be dashed against the rocks,
which the common people feed on heartily.  These whales I have
known so large, that a man could hardly carry one upon his
shoulders; and sometimes, for curiosity, they are brought in
hampers to Lorbrulgrud; I saw one of them in a dish at the king's
table, which passed for a rarity, but I did not observe he was fond
of it; for I think, indeed, the bigness disgusted him, although I
have seen one somewhat larger in Greenland.
                
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