But, however, I shall so far do justice to this part of the
Academy, as to acknowledge that all of them were not so visionary.
There was a most ingenious doctor, who seemed to be perfectly
versed in the whole nature and system of government.  This
illustrious person had very usefully employed his studies, in
finding out effectual remedies for all diseases and corruptions to
which the several kinds of public administration are subject, by
the vices or infirmities of those who govern, as well as by the
licentiousness of those who are to obey.  For instance:  whereas
all writers and reasoners have agreed, that there is a strict
universal resemblance between the natural and the political body;
can there be any thing more evident, than that the health of both
must be preserved, and the diseases cured, by the same
prescriptions?  It is allowed, that senates and great councils are
often troubled with redundant, ebullient, and other peccant
humours; with many diseases of the head, and more of the heart;
with strong convulsions, with grievous contractions of the nerves
and sinews in both hands, but especially the right; with spleen,
flatus, vertigos, and deliriums; with scrofulous tumours, full of
fetid purulent matter; with sour frothy ructations:  with canine
appetites, and crudeness of digestion, besides many others,
needless to mention.  This doctor therefore proposed, "that upon
the meeting of the senate, certain physicians should attend it the
three first days of their sitting, and at the close of each day's
debate feel the pulses of every senator; after which, having
maturely considered and consulted upon the nature of the several
maladies, and the methods of cure, they should on the fourth day
return to the senate house, attended by their apothecaries stored
with proper medicines; and before the members sat, administer to
each of them lenitives, aperitives, abstersives, corrosives,
restringents, palliatives, laxatives, cephalalgics, icterics,
apophlegmatics, acoustics, as their several cases required; and,
according as these medicines should operate, repeat, alter, or omit
them, at the next meeting."

This project could not be of any great expense to the public; and
might in my poor opinion, be of much use for the despatch of
business, in those countries where senates have any share in the
legislative power; beget unanimity, shorten debates, open a few
mouths which are now closed, and close many more which are now
open; curb the petulancy of the young, and correct the positiveness
of the old; rouse the stupid, and damp the pert.

Again:  because it is a general complaint, that the favourites of
princes are troubled with short and weak memories; the same doctor
proposed, "that whoever attended a first minister, after having
told his business, with the utmost brevity and in the plainest
words, should, at his departure, give the said minister a tweak by
the nose, or a kick in the belly, or tread on his corns, or lug him
thrice by both ears, or run a pin into his breech; or pinch his arm
black and blue, to prevent forgetfulness; and at every levee day,
repeat the same operation, till the business were done, or
absolutely refused."

He likewise directed, "that every senator in the great council of a
nation, after he had delivered his opinion, and argued in the
defence of it, should be obliged to give his vote directly
contrary; because if that were done, the result would infallibly
terminate in the good of the public."

When parties in a state are violent, he offered a wonderful
contrivance to reconcile them.  The method is this:  You take a
hundred leaders of each party; you dispose them into couples of
such whose heads are nearest of a size; then let two nice operators
saw off the occiput of each couple at the same time, in such a
manner that the brain may be equally divided.  Let the occiputs,
thus cut off, be interchanged, applying each to the head of his
opposite party-man.  It seems indeed to be a work that requires
some exactness, but the professor assured us, "that if it were
dexterously performed, the cure would be infallible."  For he
argued thus:  "that the two half brains being left to debate the
matter between themselves within the space of one skull, would soon
come to a good understanding, and produce that moderation, as well
as regularity of thinking, so much to be wished for in the heads of
those, who imagine they come into the world only to watch and
govern its motion:  and as to the difference of brains, in quantity
or quality, among those who are directors in faction, the doctor
assured us, from his own knowledge, that "it was a perfect trifle."

I heard a very warm debate between two professors, about the most
commodious and effectual ways and means of raising money, without
grieving the subject.  The first affirmed, "the justest method
would be, to lay a certain tax upon vices and folly; and the sum
fixed upon every man to be rated, after the fairest manner, by a
jury of his neighbours."  The second was of an opinion directly
contrary; "to tax those qualities of body and mind, for which men
chiefly value themselves; the rate to be more or less, according to
the degrees of excelling; the decision whereof should be left
entirely to their own breast."  The highest tax was upon men who
are the greatest favourites of the other sex, and the assessments,
according to the number and nature of the favours they have
received; for which, they are allowed to be their own vouchers.
Wit, valour, and politeness, were likewise proposed to be largely
taxed, and collected in the same manner, by every person's giving
his own word for the quantum of what he possessed.  But as to
honour, justice, wisdom, and learning, they should not be taxed at
all; because they are qualifications of so singular a kind, that no
man will either allow them in his neighbour or value them in
himself.

The women were proposed to be taxed according to their beauty and
skill in dressing, wherein they had the same privilege with the
men, to be determined by their own judgment.  But constancy,
chastity, good sense, and good nature, were not rated, because they
would not bear the charge of collecting.

To keep senators in the interest of the crown, it was proposed that
the members should raffle for employment; every man first taking an
oath, and giving security, that he would vote for the court,
whether he won or not; after which, the losers had, in their turn,
the liberty of raffling upon the next vacancy.  Thus, hope and
expectation would be kept alive; none would complain of broken
promises, but impute their disappointments wholly to fortune, whose
shoulders are broader and stronger than those of a ministry.

Another professor showed me a large paper of instructions for
discovering plots and conspiracies against the government.  He
advised great statesmen to examine into the diet of all suspected
persons; their times of eating; upon which side they lay in bed;
with which hand they wipe their posteriors; take a strict view of
their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the
consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a
judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so
serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool, which
he found by frequent experiment; for, in such conjunctures, when he
used, merely as a trial, to consider which was the best way of
murdering the king, his ordure would have a tincture of green; but
quite different, when he thought only of raising an insurrection,
or burning the metropolis.

The whole discourse was written with great acuteness, containing
many observations, both curious and useful for politicians; but, as
I conceived, not altogether complete.  This I ventured to tell the
author, and offered, if he pleased, to supply him with some
additions.  He received my proposition with more compliance than is
usual among writers, especially those of the projecting species,
professing "he would be glad to receive further information."

I told him, "that in the kingdom of Tribnia, {3} by the natives
called Langdon, {4} where I had sojourned some time in my travels,
the bulk of the people consist in a manner wholly of discoverers,
witnesses, informers, accusers, prosecutors, evidences, swearers,
together with their several subservient and subaltern instruments,
all under the colours, the conduct, and the pay of ministers of
state, and their deputies.  The plots, in that kingdom, are usually
the workmanship of those persons who desire to raise their own
characters of profound politicians; to restore new vigour to a
crazy administration; to stifle or divert general discontents; to
fill their coffers with forfeitures; and raise, or sink the opinion
of public credit, as either shall best answer their private
advantage.  It is first agreed and settled among them, what
suspected persons shall be accused of a plot; then, effectual care
is taken to secure all their letters and papers, and put the owners
in chains.  These papers are delivered to a set of artists, very
dexterous in finding out the mysterious meanings of words,
syllables, and letters:  for instance, they can discover a close
stool, to signify a privy council; a flock of geese, a senate; a
lame dog, an invader; the plague, a standing army; a buzzard, a
prime minister; the gout, a high priest; a gibbet, a secretary of
state; a chamber pot, a committee of grandees; a sieve, a court
lady; a broom, a revolution; a mouse-trap, an employment; a
bottomless pit, a treasury; a sink, a court; a cap and bells, a
favourite; a broken reed, a court of justice; an empty tun, a
general; a running sore, the administration. {5}

"When this method fails, they have two others more effectual, which
the learned among them call acrostics and anagrams.  First, they
can decipher all initial letters into political meanings.  Thus N,
shall signify a plot; B, a regiment of horse; L, a fleet at sea;
or, secondly, by transposing the letters of the alphabet in any
suspected paper, they can lay open the deepest designs of a
discontented party.  So, for example, if I should say, in a letter
to a friend, 'Our brother Tom has just got the piles,' a skilful
decipherer would discover, that the same letters which compose that
sentence, may be analysed into the following words, 'Resist -, a
plot is brought home--The tour.'  And this is the anagrammatic
method."

The professor made me great acknowledgments for communicating these
observations, and promised to make honourable mention of me in his
treatise.

I saw nothing in this country that could invite me to a longer
continuance, and began to think of returning home to England.



CHAPTER VII.



[The author leaves Lagado:  arrives at Maldonada.  No ship ready.
He takes a short voyage to Glubbdubdrib.  His reception by the
governor.]

The continent, of which this kingdom is apart, extends itself, as I
have reason to believe, eastward, to that unknown tract of America
westward of California; and north, to the Pacific Ocean, which is
not above a hundred and fifty miles from Lagado; where there is a
good port, and much commerce with the great island of Luggnagg,
situated to the north-west about 29 degrees north latitude, and 140
longitude.  This island of Luggnagg stands south-eastward of Japan,
about a hundred leagues distant.  There is a strict alliance
between the Japanese emperor and the king of Luggnagg; which
affords frequent opportunities of sailing from one island to the
other.  I determined therefore to direct my course this way, in
order to my return to Europe.  I hired two mules, with a guide, to
show me the way, and carry my small baggage.  I took leave of my
noble protector, who had shown me so much favour, and made me a
generous present at my departure.

My journey was without any accident or adventure worth relating.
When I arrived at the port of Maldonada (for so it is called) there
was no ship in the harbour bound for Luggnagg, nor likely to be in
some time.  The town is about as large as Portsmouth.  I soon fell
into some acquaintance, and was very hospitably received.  A
gentleman of distinction said to me, "that since the ships bound
for Luggnagg could not be ready in less than a month, it might be
no disagreeable amusement for me to take a trip to the little
island of Glubbdubdrib, about five leagues off to the south-west."
He offered himself and a friend to accompany me, and that I should
be provided with a small convenient bark for the voyage.

Glubbdubdrib, as nearly as I can interpret the word, signifies the
island of sorcerers or magicians.  It is about one third as large
as the Isle of Wight, and extremely fruitful:  it is governed by
the head of a certain tribe, who are all magicians.  This tribe
marries only among each other, and the eldest in succession is
prince or governor.  He has a noble palace, and a park of about
three thousand acres, surrounded by a wall of hewn stone twenty
feet high.  In this park are several small enclosures for cattle,
corn, and gardening.

The governor and his family are served and attended by domestics of
a kind somewhat unusual.  By his skill in necromancy he has a power
of calling whom he pleases from the dead, and commanding their
service for twenty-four hours, but no longer; nor can he call the
same persons up again in less than three months, except upon very
extraordinary occasions.

When we arrived at the island, which was about eleven in the
morning, one of the gentlemen who accompanied me went to the
governor, and desired admittance for a stranger, who came on
purpose to have the honour of attending on his highness.  This was
immediately granted, and we all three entered the gate of the
palace between two rows of guards, armed and dressed after a very
antic manner, and with something in their countenances that made my
flesh creep with a horror I cannot express.  We passed through
several apartments, between servants of the same sort, ranked on
each side as before, till we came to the chamber of presence;
where, after three profound obeisances, and a few general
questions, we were permitted to sit on three stools, near the
lowest step of his highness's throne.  He understood the language
of Balnibarbi, although it was different from that of this island.
He desired me to give him some account of my travels; and, to let
me see that I should be treated without ceremony, he dismissed all
his attendants with a turn of his finger; at which, to my great
astonishment, they vanished in an instant, like visions in a dream
when we awake on a sudden.  I could not recover myself in some
time, till the governor assured me, "that I should receive no
hurt:" and observing my two companions to be under no concern, who
had been often entertained in the same manner, I began to take
courage, and related to his highness a short history of my several
adventures; yet not without some hesitation, and frequently looking
behind me to the place where I had seen those domestic spectres.  I
had the honour to dine with the governor, where a new set of ghosts
served up the meat, and waited at table.  I now observed myself to
be less terrified than I had been in the morning.  I stayed till
sunset, but humbly desired his highness to excuse me for not
accepting his invitation of lodging in the palace.  My two friends
and I lay at a private house in the town adjoining, which is the
capital of this little island; and the next morning we returned to
pay our duty to the governor, as he was pleased to command us.

After this manner we continued in the island for ten days, most
part of every day with the governor, and at night in our lodging.
I soon grew so familiarized to the sight of spirits, that after the
third or fourth time they gave me no emotion at all:  or, if I had
any apprehensions left, my curiosity prevailed over them.  For his
highness the governor ordered me "to call up whatever persons I
would choose to name, and in whatever numbers, among all the dead
from the beginning of the world to the present time, and command
them to answer any questions I should think fit to ask; with this
condition, that my questions must be confined within the compass of
the times they lived in.  And one thing I might depend upon, that
they would certainly tell me the truth, for lying was a talent of
no use in the lower world."

I made my humble acknowledgments to his highness for so great a
favour.  We were in a chamber, from whence there was a fair
prospect into the park.  And because my first inclination was to be
entertained with scenes of pomp and magnificence, I desired to see
Alexander the Great at the head of his army, just after the battle
of Arbela:  which, upon a motion of the governor's finger,
immediately appeared in a large field, under the window where we
stood.  Alexander was called up into the room:  it was with great
difficulty that I understood his Greek, and had but little of my
own.  He assured me upon his honour "that he was not poisoned, but
died of a bad fever by excessive drinking."

Next, I saw Hannibal passing the Alps, who told me "he had not a
drop of vinegar in his camp."

I saw Caesar and Pompey at the head of their troops, just ready to
engage.  I saw the former, in his last great triumph.  I desired
that the senate of Rome might appear before me, in one large
chamber, and an assembly of somewhat a later age in counterview, in
another.  The first seemed to be an assembly of heroes and
demigods; the other, a knot of pedlars, pick-pockets, highwayman,
and bullies.

The governor, at my request, gave the sign for Caesar and Brutus to
advance towards us.  I was struck with a profound veneration at the
sight of Brutus, and could easily discover the most consummate
virtue, the greatest intrepidity and firmness of mind, the truest
love of his country, and general benevolence for mankind, in every
lineament of his countenance.  I observed, with much pleasure, that
these two persons were in good intelligence with each other; and
Caesar freely confessed to me, "that the greatest actions of his
own life were not equal, by many degrees, to the glory of taking it
away."  I had the honour to have much conversation with Brutus; and
was told, "that his ancestor Junius, Socrates, Epaminondas, Cato
the younger, Sir Thomas More, and himself were perpetually
together:" a sextumvirate, to which all the ages of the world
cannot add a seventh.

It would be tedious to trouble the reader with relating what vast
numbers of illustrious persons were called up to gratify that
insatiable desire I had to see the world in every period of
antiquity placed before me.  I chiefly fed mine eyes with beholding
the destroyers of tyrants and usurpers, and the restorers of
liberty to oppressed and injured nations.  But it is impossible to
express the satisfaction I received in my own mind, after such a
manner as to make it a suitable entertainment to the reader.



CHAPTER VIII.



[A further account of Glubbdubdrib.  Ancient and modern history
corrected.]

Having a desire to see those ancients who were most renowned for
wit and learning, I set apart one day on purpose.  I proposed that
Homer and Aristotle might appear at the head of all their
commentators; but these were so numerous, that some hundreds were
forced to attend in the court, and outward rooms of the palace.  I
knew, and could distinguish those two heroes, at first sight, not
only from the crowd, but from each other.  Homer was the taller and
comelier person of the two, walked very erect for one of his age,
and his eyes were the most quick and piercing I ever beheld.
Aristotle stooped much, and made use of a staff.  His visage was
meagre, his hair lank and thin, and his voice hollow.  I soon
discovered that both of them were perfect strangers to the rest of
the company, and had never seen or heard of them before; and I had
a whisper from a ghost who shall be nameless, "that these
commentators always kept in the most distant quarters from their
principals, in the lower world, through a consciousness of shame
and guilt, because they had so horribly misrepresented the meaning
of those authors to posterity."  I introduced Didymus and
Eustathius to Homer, and prevailed on him to treat them better than
perhaps they deserved, for he soon found they wanted a genius to
enter into the spirit of a poet.  But Aristotle was out of all
patience with the account I gave him of Scotus and Ramus, as I
presented them to him; and he asked them, "whether the rest of the
tribe were as great dunces as themselves?"

I then desired the governor to call up Descartes and Gassendi, with
whom I prevailed to explain their systems to Aristotle.  This great
philosopher freely acknowledged his own mistakes in natural
philosophy, because he proceeded in many things upon conjecture, as
all men must do; and he found that Gassendi, who had made the
doctrine of Epicurus as palatable as he could, and the vortices of
Descartes, were equally to be exploded.  He predicted the same fate
to ATTRACTION, whereof the present learned are such zealous
asserters.  He said, "that new systems of nature were but new
fashions, which would vary in every age; and even those, who
pretend to demonstrate them from mathematical principles, would
flourish but a short period of time, and be out of vogue when that
was determined."

I spent five days in conversing with many others of the ancient
learned.  I saw most of the first Roman emperors.  I prevailed on
the governor to call up Heliogabalus's cooks to dress us a dinner,
but they could not show us much of their skill, for want of
materials.  A helot of Agesilaus made us a dish of Spartan broth,
but I was not able to get down a second spoonful.

The two gentlemen, who conducted me to the island, were pressed by
their private affairs to return in three days, which I employed in
seeing some of the modern dead, who had made the greatest figure,
for two or three hundred years past, in our own and other countries
of Europe; and having been always a great admirer of old
illustrious families, I desired the governor would call up a dozen
or two of kings, with their ancestors in order for eight or nine
generations.  But my disappointment was grievous and unexpected.
For, instead of a long train with royal diadems, I saw in one
family two fiddlers, three spruce courtiers, and an Italian
prelate.  In another, a barber, an abbot, and two cardinals.  I
have too great a veneration for crowned heads, to dwell any longer
on so nice a subject.  But as to counts, marquises, dukes, earls,
and the like, I was not so scrupulous.  And I confess, it was not
without some pleasure, that I found myself able to trace the
particular features, by which certain families are distinguished,
up to their originals.  I could plainly discover whence one family
derives a long chin; why a second has abounded with knaves for two
generations, and fools for two more; why a third happened to be
crack-brained, and a fourth to be sharpers; whence it came, what
Polydore Virgil says of a certain great house, Nec vir fortis, nec
foemina casta; how cruelty, falsehood, and cowardice, grew to be
characteristics by which certain families are distinguished as much
as by their coats of arms; who first brought the pox into a noble
house, which has lineally descended scrofulous tumours to their
posterity.  Neither could I wonder at all this, when I saw such an
interruption of lineages, by pages, lackeys, valets, coachmen,
gamesters, fiddlers, players, captains, and pickpockets.

I was chiefly disgusted with modern history.  For having strictly
examined all the persons of greatest name in the courts of princes,
for a hundred years past, I found how the world had been misled by
prostitute writers, to ascribe the greatest exploits in war, to
cowards; the wisest counsel, to fools; sincerity, to flatterers;
Roman virtue, to betrayers of their country; piety, to atheists;
chastity, to sodomites; truth, to informers:  how many innocent and
excellent persons had been condemned to death or banishment by the
practising of great ministers upon the corruption of judges, and
the malice of factions:  how many villains had been exalted to the
highest places of trust, power, dignity, and profit:  how great a
share in the motions and events of courts, councils, and senates
might be challenged by bawds, whores, pimps, parasites, and
buffoons.  How low an opinion I had of human wisdom and integrity,
when I was truly informed of the springs and motives of great
enterprises and revolutions in the world, and of the contemptible
accidents to which they owed their success.

Here I discovered the roguery and ignorance of those who pretend to
write anecdotes, or secret history; who send so many kings to their
graves with a cup of poison; will repeat the discourse between a
prince and chief minister, where no witness was by; unlock the
thoughts and cabinets of ambassadors and secretaries of state; and
have the perpetual misfortune to be mistaken.  Here I discovered
the true causes of many great events that have surprised the world;
how a whore can govern the back-stairs, the back-stairs a council,
and the council a senate.  A general confessed, in my presence,
"that he got a victory purely by the force of cowardice and ill
conduct;" and an admiral, "that, for want of proper intelligence,
he beat the enemy, to whom he intended to betray the fleet."  Three
kings protested to me, "that in their whole reigns they never did
once prefer any person of merit, unless by mistake, or treachery of
some minister in whom they confided; neither would they do it if
they were to live again:" and they showed, with great strength of
reason, "that the royal throne could not be supported without
corruption, because that positive, confident, restiff temper, which
virtue infused into a man, was a perpetual clog to public
business."

I had the curiosity to inquire in a particular manner, by what
methods great numbers had procured to themselves high titles of
honour, and prodigious estates; and I confined my inquiry to a very
modern period:  however, without grating upon present times,
because I would be sure to give no offence even to foreigners (for
I hope the reader need not be told, that I do not in the least
intend my own country, in what I say upon this occasion,) a great
number of persons concerned were called up; and, upon a very slight
examination, discovered such a scene of infamy, that I cannot
reflect upon it without some seriousness.  Perjury, oppression,
subornation, fraud, pandarism, and the like infirmities, were among
the most excusable arts they had to mention; and for these I gave,
as it was reasonable, great allowance.  But when some confessed
they owed their greatness and wealth to sodomy, or incest; others,
to the prostituting of their own wives and daughters; others, to
the betraying of their country or their prince; some, to poisoning;
more to the perverting of justice, in order to destroy the
innocent, I hope I may be pardoned, if these discoveries inclined
me a little to abate of that profound veneration, which I am
naturally apt to pay to persons of high rank, who ought to be
treated with the utmost respect due to their sublime dignity, by us
their inferiors.

I had often read of some great services done to princes and states,
and desired to see the persons by whom those services were
performed.  Upon inquiry I was told, "that their names were to be
found on no record, except a few of them, whom history has
represented as the vilest of rogues and traitors."  As to the rest,
I had never once heard of them.  They all appeared with dejected
looks, and in the meanest habit; most of them telling me, "they
died in poverty and disgrace, and the rest on a scaffold or a
gibbet."

Among others, there was one person, whose case appeared a little
singular.  He had a youth about eighteen years old standing by his
side.  He told me, "he had for many years been commander of a ship;
and in the sea fight at Actium had the good fortune to break
through the enemy's great line of battle, sink three of their
capital ships, and take a fourth, which was the sole cause of
Antony's flight, and of the victory that ensued; that the youth
standing by him, his only son, was killed in the action."  He
added, "that upon the confidence of some merit, the war being at an
end, he went to Rome, and solicited at the court of Augustus to be
preferred to a greater ship, whose commander had been killed; but,
without any regard to his pretensions, it was given to a boy who
had never seen the sea, the son of Libertina, who waited on one of
the emperor's mistresses.  Returning back to his own vessel, he was
charged with neglect of duty, and the ship given to a favourite
page of Publicola, the vice-admiral; whereupon he retired to a poor
farm at a great distance from Rome, and there ended his life."  I
was so curious to know the truth of this story, that I desired
Agrippa might be called, who was admiral in that fight.  He
appeared, and confirmed the whole account:  but with much more
advantage to the captain, whose modesty had extenuated or concealed
a great part of his merit.

I was surprised to find corruption grown so high and so quick in
that empire, by the force of luxury so lately introduced; which
made me less wonder at many parallel cases in other countries,
where vices of all kinds have reigned so much longer, and where the
whole praise, as well as pillage, has been engrossed by the chief
commander, who perhaps had the least title to either.

As every person called up made exactly the same appearance he had
done in the world, it gave me melancholy reflections to observe how
much the race of human kind was degenerated among us within these
hundred years past; how the pox, under all its consequences and
denominations had altered every lineament of an English
countenance; shortened the size of bodies, unbraced the nerves,
relaxed the sinews and muscles, introduced a sallow complexion, and
rendered the flesh loose and rancid.

I descended so low, as to desire some English yeoman of the old
stamp might be summoned to appear; once so famous for the
simplicity of their manners, diet, and dress; for justice in their
dealings; for their true spirit of liberty; for their valour, and
love of their country.  Neither could I be wholly unmoved, after
comparing the living with the dead, when I considered how all these
pure native virtues were prostituted for a piece of money by their
grand-children; who, in selling their votes and managing at
elections, have acquired every vice and corruption that can
possibly be learned in a court.



CHAPTER IX.



[The author returns to Maldonada.  Sails to the kingdom of
Luggnagg.  The author confined.  He is sent for to court.  The
manner of his admittance.  The king's great lenity to his
subjects.]

The day of our departure being come, I took leave of his highness,
the Governor of Glubbdubdrib, and returned with my two companions
to Maldonada, where, after a fortnight's waiting, a ship was ready
to sail for Luggnagg.  The two gentlemen, and some others, were so
generous and kind as to furnish me with provisions, and see me on
board.  I was a month in this voyage.  We had one violent storm,
and were under a necessity of steering westward to get into the
trade wind, which holds for above sixty leagues.  On the 21st of
April, 1708, we sailed into the river of Clumegnig, which is a
seaport town, at the south-east point of Luggnagg.  We cast anchor
within a league of the town, and made a signal for a pilot.  Two of
them came on board in less than half an hour, by whom we were
guided between certain shoals and rocks, which are very dangerous
in the passage, to a large basin, where a fleet may ride in safety
within a cable's length of the town-wall.

Some of our sailors, whether out of treachery or inadvertence, had
informed the pilots "that I was a stranger, and great traveller;"
whereof these gave notice to a custom-house officer, by whom I was
examined very strictly upon my landing.  This officer spoke to me
in the language of Balnibarbi, which, by the force of much
commerce, is generally understood in that town, especially by
seamen and those employed in the customs.  I gave him a short
account of some particulars, and made my story as plausible and
consistent as I could; but I thought it necessary to disguise my
country, and call myself a Hollander; because my intentions were
for Japan, and I knew the Dutch were the only Europeans permitted
to enter into that kingdom.  I therefore told the officer, "that
having been shipwrecked on the coast of Balnibarbi, and cast on a
rock, I was received up into Laputa, or the flying island (of which
he had often heard), and was now endeavouring to get to Japan,
whence I might find a convenience of returning to my own country."
The officer said, "I must be confined till he could receive orders
from court, for which he would write immediately, and hoped to
receive an answer in a fortnight."  I was carried to a convenient
lodging with a sentry placed at the door; however, I had the
liberty of a large garden, and was treated with humanity enough,
being maintained all the time at the king's charge.  I was invited
by several persons, chiefly out of curiosity, because it was
reported that I came from countries very remote, of which they had
never heard.

I hired a young man, who came in the same ship, to be an
interpreter; he was a native of Luggnagg, but had lived some years
at Maldonada, and was a perfect master of both languages.  By his
assistance, I was able to hold a conversation with those who came
to visit me; but this consisted only of their questions, and my
answers.

The despatch came from court about the time we expected.  It
contained a warrant for conducting me and my retinue to
Traldragdubh, or Trildrogdrib (for it is pronounced both ways as
near as I can remember), by a party of ten horse.  All my retinue
was that poor lad for an interpreter, whom I persuaded into my
service, and, at my humble request, we had each of us a mule to
ride on.  A messenger was despatched half a day's journey before
us, to give the king notice of my approach, and to desire, "that
his majesty would please to appoint a day and hour, when it would
by his gracious pleasure that I might have the honour to lick the
dust before his footstool."  This is the court style, and I found
it to be more than matter of form:  for, upon my admittance two
days after my arrival, I was commanded to crawl upon my belly, and
lick the floor as I advanced; but, on account of my being a
stranger, care was taken to have it made so clean, that the dust
was not offensive.  However, this was a peculiar grace, not allowed
to any but persons of the highest rank, when they desire an
admittance.  Nay, sometimes the floor is strewed with dust on
purpose, when the person to be admitted happens to have powerful
enemies at court; and I have seen a great lord with his mouth so
crammed, that when he had crept to the proper distance from the
throne; he was not able to speak a word.  Neither is there any
remedy; because it is capital for those, who receive an audience to
spit or wipe their mouths in his majesty's presence.  There is
indeed another custom, which I cannot altogether approve of:  when
the king has a mind to put any of his nobles to death in a gentle
indulgent manner, he commands the floor to be strewed with a
certain brown powder of a deadly composition, which being licked
up, infallibly kills him in twenty-four hours.  But in justice to
this prince's great clemency, and the care he has of his subjects'
lives (wherein it were much to be wished that the Monarchs of
Europe would imitate him), it must be mentioned for his honour,
that strict orders are given to have the infected parts of the
floor well washed after every such execution, which, if his
domestics neglect, they are in danger of incurring his royal
displeasure.  I myself heard him give directions, that one of his
pages should be whipped, whose turn it was to give notice about
washing the floor after an execution, but maliciously had omitted
it; by which neglect a young lord of great hopes, coming to an
audience, was unfortunately poisoned, although the king at that
time had no design against his life.  But this good prince was so
gracious as to forgive the poor page his whipping, upon promise
that he would do so no more, without special orders.

To return from this digression.  When I had crept within four yards
of the throne, I raised myself gently upon my knees, and then
striking my forehead seven times against the ground, I pronounced
the following words, as they had been taught me the night before,
Inckpling gloffthrobb squut serummblhiop mlashnalt zwin
tnodbalkuffh slhiophad gurdlubh asht.  This is the compliment,
established by the laws of the land, for all persons admitted to
the king's presence.  It may be rendered into English thus:  "May
your celestial majesty outlive the sun, eleven moons and a half!"
To this the king returned some answer, which, although I could not
understand, yet I replied as I had been directed:  Fluft drin
yalerick dwuldom prastrad mirpush, which properly signifies, "My
tongue is in the mouth of my friend;" and by this expression was
meant, that I desired leave to bring my interpreter; whereupon the
young man already mentioned was accordingly introduced, by whose
intervention I answered as many questions as his majesty could put
in above an hour.  I spoke in the Balnibarbian tongue, and my
interpreter delivered my meaning in that of Luggnagg.

The king was much delighted with my company, and ordered his
bliffmarklub, or high-chamberlain, to appoint a lodging in the
court for me and my interpreter; with a daily allowance for my
table, and a large purse of gold for my common expenses.

I staid three months in this country, out of perfect obedience to
his majesty; who was pleased highly to favour me, and made me very
honourable offers.  But I thought it more consistent with prudence
and justice to pass the remainder of my days with my wife and
family.



CHAPTER X.



[The Luggnaggians commended.  A particular description of the
Struldbrugs, with many conversations between the author and some
eminent persons upon that subject.]

The Luggnaggians are a polite and generous people; and although
they are not without some share of that pride which is peculiar to
all Eastern countries, yet they show themselves courteous to
strangers, especially such who are countenanced by the court.  I
had many acquaintance, and among persons of the best fashion; and
being always attended by my interpreter, the conversation we had
was not disagreeable.

One day, in much good company, I was asked by a person of quality,
"whether I had seen any of their struldbrugs, or immortals?"  I
said, "I had not;" and desired he would explain to me "what he
meant by such an appellation, applied to a mortal creature."  He
told me "that sometimes, though very rarely, a child happened to be
born in a family, with a red circular spot in the forehead,
directly over the left eyebrow, which was an infallible mark that
it should never die."  The spot, as he described it, "was about the
compass of a silver threepence, but in the course of time grew
larger, and changed its colour; for at twelve years old it became
green, so continued till five and twenty, then turned to a deep
blue:  at five and forty it grew coal black, and as large as an
English shilling; but never admitted any further alteration."  He
said, "these births were so rare, that he did not believe there
could be above eleven hundred struldbrugs, of both sexes, in the
whole kingdom; of which he computed about fifty in the metropolis,
and, among the rest, a young girl born; about three years ago:
that these productions were not peculiar to any family, but a mere
effect of chance; and the children of the struldbrugs themselves
were equally mortal with the rest of the people."

I freely own myself to have been struck with inexpressible delight,
upon hearing this account:  and the person who gave it me happening
to understand the Balnibarbian language, which I spoke very well, I
could not forbear breaking out into expressions, perhaps a little
too extravagant.  I cried out, as in a rapture, "Happy nation,
where every child hath at least a chance for being immortal!  Happy
people, who enjoy so many living examples of ancient virtue, and
have masters ready to instruct them in the wisdom of all former
ages! but happiest, beyond all comparison, are those excellent
struldbrugs, who, being born exempt from that universal calamity of
human nature, have their minds free and disengaged, without the
weight and depression of spirits caused by the continual
apprehensions of death!"  I discovered my admiration that I had not
observed any of these illustrious persons at court; the black spot
on the forehead being so remarkable a distinction, that I could not
have easily overlooked it:  and it was impossible that his majesty,
a most judicious prince, should not provide himself with a good
number of such wise and able counsellors.  Yet perhaps the virtue
of those reverend sages was too strict for the corrupt and
libertine manners of a court:  and we often find by experience,
that young men are too opinionated and volatile to be guided by the
sober dictates of their seniors.  However, since the king was
pleased to allow me access to his royal person, I was resolved,
upon the very first occasion, to deliver my opinion to him on this
matter freely and at large, by the help of my interpreter; and
whether he would please to take my advice or not, yet in one thing
I was determined, that his majesty having frequently offered me an
establishment in this country, I would, with great thankfulness,
accept the favour, and pass my life here in the conversation of
those superior beings the struldbrugs, if they would please to
admit me."

The gentleman to whom I addressed my discourse, because (as I have
already observed) he spoke the language of Balnibarbi, said to me,
with a sort of a smile which usually arises from pity to the
ignorant, "that he was glad of any occasion to keep me among them,
and desired my permission to explain to the company what I had
spoke."  He did so, and they talked together for some time in their
own language, whereof I understood not a syllable, neither could I
observe by their countenances, what impression my discourse had
made on them.  After a short silence, the same person told me,
"that his friends and mine (so he thought fit to express himself)
were very much pleased with the judicious remarks I had made on the
great happiness and advantages of immortal life, and they were
desirous to know, in a particular manner, what scheme of living I
should have formed to myself, if it had fallen to my lot to have
been born a struldbrug."

I answered, "it was easy to be eloquent on so copious and
delightful a subject, especially to me, who had been often apt to
amuse myself with visions of what I should do, if I were a king, a
general, or a great lord:  and upon this very case, I had
frequently run over the whole system how I should employ myself,
and pass the time, if I were sure to live for ever.

"That, if it had been my good fortune to come into the world a
struldbrug, as soon as I could discover my own happiness, by
understanding the difference between life and death, I would first
resolve, by all arts and methods, whatsoever, to procure myself
riches.  In the pursuit of which, by thrift and management, I might
reasonably expect, in about two hundred years, to be the wealthiest
man in the kingdom.  In the second place, I would, from my earliest
youth, apply myself to the study of arts and sciences, by which I
should arrive in time to excel all others in learning.  Lastly, I
would carefully record every action and event of consequence, that
happened in the public, impartially draw the characters of the
several successions of princes and great ministers of state, with
my own observations on every point.  I would exactly set down the
several changes in customs, language, fashions of dress, diet, and
diversions.  By all which acquirements, I should be a living
treasure of knowledge and wisdom, and certainly become the oracle
of the nation.

"I would never marry after threescore, but live in a hospitable
manner, yet still on the saving side.  I would entertain myself in
forming and directing the minds of hopeful young men, by convincing
them, from my own remembrance, experience, and observation,
fortified by numerous examples, of the usefulness of virtue in
public and private life.  But my choice and constant companions
should be a set of my own immortal brotherhood; among whom, I would
elect a dozen from the most ancient, down to my own contemporaries.
Where any of these wanted fortunes, I would provide them with
convenient lodges round my own estate, and have some of them always
at my table; only mingling a few of the most valuable among you
mortals, whom length of time would harden me to lose with little or
no reluctance, and treat your posterity after the same manner; just
as a man diverts himself with the annual succession of pinks and
tulips in his garden, without regretting the loss of those which
withered the preceding year.

"These struldbrugs and I would mutually communicate our
observations and memorials, through the course of time; remark the
several gradations by which corruption steals into the world, and
oppose it in every step, by giving perpetual warning and
instruction to mankind; which, added to the strong influence of our
own example, would probably prevent that continual degeneracy of
human nature so justly complained of in all ages.

"Add to this, the pleasure of seeing the various revolutions of
states and empires; the changes in the lower and upper world;
ancient cities in ruins, and obscure villages become the seats of
kings; famous rivers lessening into shallow brooks; the ocean
leaving one coast dry, and overwhelming another; the discovery of
many countries yet unknown; barbarity overrunning the politest
nations, and the most barbarous become civilized.  I should then
see the discovery of the longitude, the perpetual motion, the
universal medicine, and many other great inventions, brought to the
utmost perfection.

"What wonderful discoveries should we make in astronomy, by
outliving and confirming our own predictions; by observing the
progress and return of comets, with the changes of motion in the
sun, moon, and stars!"

I enlarged upon many other topics, which the natural desire of
endless life, and sublunary happiness, could easily furnish me
with.  When I had ended, and the sum of my discourse had been
interpreted, as before, to the rest of the company, there was a
good deal of talk among them in the language of the country, not
without some laughter at my expense.  At last, the same gentleman
who had been my interpreter, said, "he was desired by the rest to
set me right in a few mistakes, which I had fallen into through the
common imbecility of human nature, and upon that allowance was less
answerable for them.  That this breed of struldbrugs was peculiar
to their country, for there were no such people either in
Balnibarbi or Japan, where he had the honour to be ambassador from
his majesty, and found the natives in both those kingdoms very hard
to believe that the fact was possible:  and it appeared from my
astonishment when he first mentioned the matter to me, that I
received it as a thing wholly new, and scarcely to be credited.
That in the two kingdoms above mentioned, where, during his
residence, he had conversed very much, he observed long life to be
the universal desire and wish of mankind.  That whoever had one
foot in the grave was sure to hold back the other as strongly as he
could.  That the oldest had still hopes of living one day longer,
and looked on death as the greatest evil, from which nature always
prompted him to retreat.  Only in this island of Luggnagg the
appetite for living was not so eager, from the continual example of
the struldbrugs before their eyes.

"That the system of living contrived by me, was unreasonable and
unjust; because it supposed a perpetuity of youth, health, and
vigour, which no man could be so foolish to hope, however
extravagant he may be in his wishes.  That the question therefore
was not, whether a man would choose to be always in the prime of
youth, attended with prosperity and health; but how he would pass a
perpetual life under all the usual disadvantages which old age
brings along with it.  For although few men will avow their desires
of being immortal, upon such hard conditions, yet in the two
kingdoms before mentioned, of Balnibarbi and Japan, he observed
that every man desired to put off death some time longer, let it
approach ever so late:  and he rarely heard of any man who died
willingly, except he were incited by the extremity of grief or
torture.  And he appealed to me, whether in those countries I had
travelled, as well as my own, I had not observed the same general
disposition."

After this preface, he gave me a particular account of the
struldbrugs among them.  He said, "they commonly acted like mortals
till about thirty years old; after which, by degrees, they grew
melancholy and dejected, increasing in both till they came to
fourscore.  This he learned from their own confession:  for
otherwise, there not being above two or three of that species born
in an age, they were too few to form a general observation by.
When they came to fourscore years, which is reckoned the extremity
of living in this country, they had not only all the follies and
infirmities of other old men, but many more which arose from the
dreadful prospect of never dying.  They were not only opinionative,
peevish, covetous, morose, vain, talkative, but incapable of
friendship, and dead to all natural affection, which never
descended below their grandchildren.  Envy and impotent desires are
their prevailing passions.  But those objects against which their
envy seems principally directed, are the vices of the younger sort
and the deaths of the old.  By reflecting on the former, they find
themselves cut off from all possibility of pleasure; and whenever
they see a funeral, they lament and repine that others have gone to
a harbour of rest to which they themselves never can hope to
arrive.  They have no remembrance of anything but what they learned
and observed in their youth and middle-age, and even that is very
imperfect; and for the truth or particulars of any fact, it is
safer to depend on common tradition, than upon their best
recollections.  The least miserable among them appear to be those
who turn to dotage, and entirely lose their memories; these meet
with more pity and assistance, because they want many bad qualities
which abound in others.